A Crown of Stars
by Panther2G
Summary: After Third Impact, Shinji and Asuka are broken, without hope, and desperate. After the events of 'A Throne of Bayonets', things are worse. Burned out, shattered, and barely even willing to go on living, Asuka and Shinji are about to be sent into yet another war in South America. But then a stranger shows up and offers them a second chance at their lives.
1. Ch 1 - 'Long is the way, and hard'

As some of the readers of my other thread have requested to see my other, much longer fic in progress, I now present "A Crown Of Stars", the authorized continuation of LVDB's excellent "A Throne of Bayonets", available here on FFnet. I highly, _highly_ recommend this excellent, post-Third Impact continuation fic. It perfectly captures the bleak, despairing-with-only-the-faintest-glimmers-of-hope-at-the-very-end feel of Neon Genesis Evangelion, so much so that when I read it I felt Shinji and Asuka deserved a happier ending. I asked LVDB if they minded me trying my hand at a sequel, and was granted permission to try. That was 2 years and 232,000 words ago.

Giving them a happy ending was harder than I thought.

This was also a never-meant-to-be-published way to kill time while I was deployed to Afghanistan, so it features a good deal of me taking out an original universe I'd built to play with. But I kept the focus on our Evangelion Pilots: this is their story, not the OU's.

I'm going to start putting the still-incomplete (95% done) work up here. "A Throne of Bayonets" is just 27k words, but if you really can't pop over to read it, here's my attempt at a summarized condensation of both Neon Genesis Evangelion and "A Throne of Bayonets" in 1600 words or so:

* * *

Once there was a boy named Shinji. He had a hard life.  
His mother died and his father abandoned him at age 4. At 14, his father summoned him back to fight aliens bent on ending the world. His father neglected to mention that he planned to end the world anyway too.

Once there was a girl named Asuka. She had a hard life. Her mother died and her father abandoned her at age 4. At 13, she was sent to fight aliens bent on ending the world. Her commander neglected to mention that he planned to end the world anyway too.

They fought aliens because they had to. They fought each other because they were each convinced they were terrible, unlovable people, and afraid of opening up lest the vulnerability thereby exposed lead to more pain. They could not communicate, and never learned just how alike they were. So they fought together, but alone in spirit, because fear of pain and miscommunication kept them from connecting. Even a shared kiss only led to more tears and distance.

Then things got worse. Their pain and the war beat them down until they both broke, with catatonia and suicidal depression the only ends in sight.

Then the world ended. Shinji's pain led to him betraying Asuka when she needed him most. Asuka's pain led to her betraying Shinji when he needed her most. And because the power of a god had been given into Shinji's hands right as he was betrayed, he told the world it could just go die, if pain was all it offered him.

But his mother's spirit spoke to him, and convinced him that despite all the pain he'd suffered, happiness was still possible, but only in a world where pain could also find him. Shinji decided that the chance of happiness was worth the trial, and restored the world.

But the restored world was still a wreck, a depopulated, chaos-ridden mess of warlords, bandits, and the terrified, starving masses. Six months of keeping a nearly-catatonic and bitterly angry Asuka alive in this world drained Shinji. Then one warlord, General Winthrop, more ruthless and clever than the rest, seized the remnants of NERV-Berlin, its MAGI, and control of the UN's remaining N2 warhead stockpile. He 'acquired' the former Evangelion Pilots from their latest warlord 'hosts', and began work on completing three remaining Mass Production Evangelions.

A desperate Asuka, not yet 16 and convinced Shinji could not protect her or would inevitably let her down again, 'voluntarily' went to Winthrop for protection. She spent over a year as his toy before he tired of her and gave her to his chief of staff, Colonel Jinnai. She spent two years with him before Shinji was allowed to return to Berlin. He had been left in exile in Boston, a precaution by Winthrop to ensure the former Third Child did not do anything like try to 'rescue' Asuka.

His return was because the Mass Production Evas were nearly complete, and as the last two Evangelion Pilots in the world, Winthrop expected them to Pilot for him, so that he could subdue the last parts of the ravaged world that were not yet under his control. But Colonel Jinnai had other plans, and blackmailed Shinji and Asuka into taking part in a coup against Winthrop. Blackmail by means of news about the fate of Shinji's father... and Asuka's reincarnated mother. Learning that she had been brought back to life in the restoration of the world, but then executed by Winthrop's orders drove Asuka to attempt suicide. She was bitterly angry when Shinji stopped her, so much so that she lashed out hard at him, accusing him of never wanting anything from her but selfish comfort and blaming his inaction during the Battle of the Geofront for leading to her death. In the end, she dares him to kill her for real, just like he started to during Instrumentality and on the beach where they awoke.

Leaving the apartment before Asuka blurts out anything about the impending coup to listening ears, Shinji falls asleep in a park nearby. He has a dream-conversation with Rei Ayanami that he isn't sure is real, wherein Rei reveals that she is saddened to hear he is still with Asuka, even though she does not care for him... while Rei does. Shinji is surprised by the revelation, but tries to decline Rei's offer to harvest his soul when he dies. Rei says she will wait for him.

Waking and returning to the apartment, Shinji decides it's time to take responsibility for his sins, and writes a fake note to Asuka, claiming he was in on the coup and that she knew nothing, in the hope that if the coup fails it will insulate her from reprisal. But when he hides the note in her room, she sees him, reads the note, and assumes he's about to leave. She tries to preempt him, leaving when he falls asleep, and going to Jinnai to make the same offer; start the coup now and I'm in, but leave him out of it.

She is seen by one of Withrop's watchers, and the coup starts a week before Jinnai was ready. Asuka is shot in the stomach in the opening moments, and Jinnai orders Shinji be picked up to pilot the Mass Production Eva in case Asuka is useless. She does not take the implication well, but survives the hazardous trip to NERV-Berlin, where she is reunited with Shinji. He is shocked to see her trying to move with a seeping gunshot wound in her belly, and carries her through the hallways of NERV Central while they are shot at. Asuka tries to get him to leave her, but Shinji adamantly refuses. They crawl through the ducts to reach the Eva cages, only to find two of the three MP Evas have been taken by Winthrop's forces.

When Asuka tries to synchronize with the last MP Eva, she can barely manage 14%, not enough to activate it. Shinji joins her in the Entry Plug, knowing the two of them together can reach the threshold. They launch, and for a while their presence turns the tide.

Then the other two Evas appear.

Shinji balks when Asuka tries to move them into urban Berlin to fight, preferring to avoid civilian casualties even if they lose. Asuka almost attacks him, and gets him to fight only by pointing out that if he really wanted her to die, he shouldn't have stopped her suicide attempt. He reluctantly urges the Eva into battle.

Asuka's hand-to-hand combat skills and a last minute idea with the Positron Rifle and their S2 engine gives them a narrow victory. In the aftermath, Shinji tries to ask Asuka if she loves him at all... and she says 'no' before he even finishes the question. She avoids thinking even to herself that it's because she feels she does not deserve to. But nevertheless, she tells Shinji, 'You win by default. There's no one else alive I can relate to. You're all I've got left,' and surrenders to a psuedo-relationship with him. She even offers sex, but no love, no intimacy at all. Asuka does not expect him to accept it.

Desperate, lonely, and needing her just as much, Shinji tiredly says 'It's better than nothing.' Asuka even tiredly jokes about a kiss. Shinji wonders if they can even trust their memories of their lives before Instrumentality. The thought unsettles Asuka.

On their return to the hangar, Asuka tells Shinji she has an urgent task to attend to, and leaves. The task is the other part of her bargain with Jinnai: That she gets to _personally_ finish off Winthrop. In a dark sub-basement, she confronts the captured dictator with a pistol. He taunts her as a slut, and questions why she is doing this. When she tells him it's for her mother, Winthrop doesn't believe her, sure it's for someone else... someone she's closer to. Asuka empties the pistol into his face, then leaves, reminding Jinnai that Shinji can _never_ hear about any of this.

A month later, Shinji and Asuka are visited by Aoba, the only other surviving NERV Member they know of. He's being promoted and sent to a well-paid sinecure job, lest he get ideas about being part of another coup. Shinji and Asuka are about to set sail from Marseilles for South America with the UN fleet Jinnai as assembled to bring the warlords of that region under his control. Shinji was going to be sent alone, but Asuka threatened to go on strike if Jinnai tried to separate them. They argue about Shinji's giving money to people the secret police haul away as possible subversives, and Asuka leaves, telling Shinji 'if you need to use me for sex, I'll be in the tent. '

He falls into a doze, and has another dream-vision of Ayanami. She asks if this is the life he wanted, and tells him again she will wait for him.

In the tent, he and Asuka argue again when he mentions he bought her a copy of the _Time Machine_. She knows he is trying to start a discussion about how their lives might have been different, happier, and doesn't want to think about it. She smiles just the slightest bit when he reveals the entire bag of rare working videogames he bought for her. Asuka hints that Shinji's father might not have been executed like her mother. As the sun sets, she asks him to play his cello for her as she falls asleep: Bach's Cello Concerto No.1, the song he was playing the day they kissed, in days long since, before these last so bad.

* * *

And with that, my story begins, just after the last notes of Bach fade away.

.

XXX

.

Part 1  
 **"Long is the way and hard,..."**

.

A wide tent sat on a seashore near what was left of Marseilles, the wan light from a camp lantern faintly glowing inside. On one wall the light threw a silhouette of a thin young man with a cello, slowly sawing his way through Bach's Cello Suite No. 1. Within, a red-haired young woman lay on her side in a sleeping bag, facing away from the young man so he would not see the tense, worried expression on her face. But the deep notes of the cello gently worked their magic on her, and her face slowly began to relax into a calm, restful state. She began to truly relax, and allowed herself let go of the day and her legion of worries, not a few of which orbited around the cellist. Asuka Langley Sohryu was nearly asleep by the time Shinji Ikari reached the end of the piece, and silently rose to place his cello back into its case.

Asuka's rest did not last long undisturbed. Shinji was just rising from replacing his cello in its padded trunk when the sun rose in their tent.

Shinji whirled around. "What?" He blinked his eyes repeatedly against the sudden blaze of gold. A perfect seven-foot circle of seeming daylight stood on the far side of the tent, filling the tent with noontime brightness. Shading his eyes with his hand allowed Shinji a slightly better look at it. Almost too bright to look at directly, it seemed for all the world like a floodlit pool stood on its side. Shinji had only a moment to stare in confusion when the light dimmed as a man stepped out of it. This did not diminish his puzzlement.

"Pilot Ikari Shinji-san?" The man inquired in Japanese.

"Third, what's th-" Asuka blinked awake in her suddenly brightly lit sleeping bag, then bolted upright. "Who the hell are you?! What _is_ that?"

"Fräulein Pilot Asuka Langley Sohryu? I'm sorry to interrupt your rest, but this is the earliest I could arrive." Shinji still could hardly see the backlit figure, just a caped silhouette. The figure noted his squint. "Ah, my apologies for the brightness of the portal. Rather a large energy differential between here and home. Let me get that." He snapped his fingers and the glowing mini-sun shrank to a point and vanished. The near-daylight illumination dropped to just the solitary camp lantern hanging at the tent's entryway.

Shinji and Asuka now had a much better view of their strange guest. The gold-trimmed royal blue armor-and-cape outfit the stranger wore was in keeping with the bizarre nature of his entrance. His face was rather more normal in appearance, blue eyes calmly regarding them over a short red beard. The dim light of the tent hid further details. He met their stares for a moment, then began again.

"Good evening, Pilots. Please allow me to introduce myself. I am a man of wealth and ta… great power." He smiled for second. "My name is Daniel. I come from …mm…far outside your world. I have heard your story and consider you two to have been very poorly treated by your gods and your fate. I have a passionate interest in justice, so I have come in the hope that you will allow me to help you. I would like to be your friend. I would like to offer you…well, as much as I can, I'd like to give back everything that has been taken from you."

"What are you talking about? Who are you? What do you want?" Asuka snapped at him. _'Damn it, why didn't I make sure I had a weapon?'_ she thought urgently. There was nothing in the tent more dangerous than a pocketknife, forget an actual pistol or anything. She shot a look at Shinji. He was close to the tent door, still standing next to the trunk holding his cello. _'Baka could make it out to get someone, but probably won't want to 'leave me defenseless''_.

"'Who are you?' and 'What do you want?' are the questions I want to ask you, actually. I wish to restore everything; your faith, your hope, your innocence, your friends, your…families. I have powers that can do almost anything, and I want to help you both. I realize that my odd manner of arrival and the intrusion may make it difficult to believe, but I assure you I mean you no harm," Daniel replied. "I know that given your pasts, you are hardly likely to trust someone just popping up and offering to help you, so I'll promise you two things right up front; I'll never lie to you, and I won't look into your minds without permission. As for believing me, I brought with me a couple of people that I hope you will trust enough to extend at least a little to me as well." He snapped his fingers again. A spark of light in the air behind him swiftly expanded into the golden portal again. He stuck his hand back through it and gestured.

The light dimmed again as two more people stepped through. Asuka could just make out a man and a woman, holding hands. Daniel snapped again. The portal once more shrank out of existence, and Asuka and Shinji's eyes widened. The new pair were smiling nervously, and very familiar. Impossibly familiar. Shinji's first thought after a long, stunned pause was _'Am I really that tall?'_

Shinji and Asuka stared back at Shinji and Asuka. "Um….hi," the new Shinji ventured. He glanced aside at Daniel. "You were right, this is really strange from the other side," he said quietly.

"You get used to it, Shinji. And technically, I _will_ be right. I haven't said that yet. This is six months in my past, too." He smiled again and waved towards the stunned pair on the other side of the tent. "You kids talk for a bit. I'll go make some other pick-ups and be back shortly." He snapped his fingers again and vanished.

Asuka's mouth was still hanging open. Her mind was nearly as paralyzed as her body, stuck in a repeating loop of _'What….how…we…they…holding hands? …is she…am_ _ **I**_ _pregnant?! What…how…'_ The newly arrived pair looked at each other, smiled, and broke their handclasp to each walk towards their counterpart. Asuka watched her…self?...approach with the frozen focus of a mouse watching a hawk swoop closer. Her eyes kept snapping between the other Asuka's face and the distinct bulge to her abdomen. The loose red dress she wore had an intricate, swirling pattern, but that did not conceal the unmistakable bulge of a little guest. The doppelgänger stopped next to her sleeping bag and sat down. "Good evening, 'me'." She laughed weakly.

"I…I…" Asuka couldn't even begin. It was her own voice, speaking plain German. Asuka felt dizzy. Her double looked at her for a moment, then sighed.

"Ok, you're in shock, I know. I remember. So I'm going to say the same thing I heard when I was sitting where you are: He can give us Mama back."

Asuka's mind slammed to a stop. "W..what?"

"He…didn't bring it up at first because he knew we'd think it was crazy. Or that he was. But he told…is telling the truth. He can give us everything back! Including Mama!" The smile on the double's face was fragile but intense. "He…he…does it. He brings her back. Shinji's mother too. And more…I'm not supposed to say too much. Too many good surprises I would give away. But you can trust him. He hasn't lied to us yet. And wait until you see Avalon! You won't believe…I mean, you will…the world he takes us to…" She trailed off, noting her counterpart's confusion. "Right, now you've gotten as far as wondering 'How do I know you're me?' I remember. So here, something that only I know because only I was there: When I ran into the bathroom to 'wash my mouth out' after I kissed the Third Child that first time, I did it to hide the fact I was about to break down in tears because he hadn't held me. I was turned on and wanted the embrace, and he froze. And I thought he was rejecting me. Do you remember that?"

"My God…you are me." Asuka finally got out. Her eyes widened again. "Shit! Did he hear that?" She turned to look at… the Shinjis. They were likewise quietly talking across the tent. The new Shinji was talking, rather, and hers was staring at him as wide eyed as her.

"No, he didn't hear. You tell him later, after you kiss him."

Asuka's gaze snapped back to her double. " _ **What?!**_ "

The other pair turned to look at her shriek. The new Shinji smiled, then turned back and resumed talking. Hers shook himself and refocused on his double.

"What the Hell were you thinking?!" Asuka hissed "How could you-"

Her double snorted. "A lot of things are different between Baka-Shinji and I now. Or are you going to pretend you didn't notice?" She gestured at her belly. Her face softened as the wave became a caress. Her stare was aimed far away from Asuka now, inward. "I told him... I told him because I wanted to. Because he'd just told me something I wanted to hear from him. Because he deserved to know. Because I wanted him to know. Because I…" She stopped, and looked back in Asuka's eyes. "Look, 'me', you can tell yourself whatever you want, but we both know what we were thinking. We liked it. We liked _him_. Don't…that's something else they told us. You don't have to be afraid anymore. Of anything. And 'you're allowed to be happy now.' Don't miss this chance."

"A month ago I took on an entire army and two Evas with nothing but a half-functioning Mass Production Unit that couldn't produce an AT-Field and the Third Child. Afraid? I'm not afraid of anything already," Asuka said disdainfully.

"Right." Her double's tone became slightly mocking. "Sleeping all right? No bad dreams? No little bad moods grabbing your attention?"

Asuka gave her double a nasty glare. "Shut up."

"There's no point in telling me you're not afraid. You're me. I know what I feared. Every time I closed my eyes I'd have to relive what Arael did to me, or Zeruel tearing me apart, or Winthrop getting ready to shove into me, or see Mama…"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Asuka glared at herself. "I do not need to hear this!"

Her double looked back sadly. "Yeah, you do. That's what I'm talking about. I had a lot of wounds locked up inside. He helped. So did Doctor Leibshott. So did Shinji. It's not half as bad as you think, to face it, once you know you are _not_ alone."

"I can be alone! I've always _been_ alone! I don't need anyone!" Asuka almost shouted back at her. "And I've _got_ the Third right here anyway!" She waved angrily towards the two young men at the door.

"He may be sleeping next to you, but you know damned well you're not exactly 'together'," the pregnant Asuka retorted. "He's almost had sex with you, Hell, he's practically almost had sex _at_ you for all you were part of it, but you've never made love together. That was part of the deal, right? He gives you everything, and you don't have to give anything back. Because I was too burned-out and soul-weary to even try anymore. And I didn't even feel worth it, deep down. But I still wanted someone to be there with me. So I wouldn't have to be alone."

She leaned back. "You just had that argument with him about _The Time Machine_ , right? About going back in time to change things?

"Yes," Asuka replied, still angry. "It was a stupid attempt by the Third to make us go over 'what-might-have-beens' that were bad enough the first time. I don't want to have to waste time going over them again."

"Well, now you might want to. Daniel can't…stop some things from happening that we remember happening because that would mean changing our past and we'd be someone else. But he can…change things, at least mitigate the harm. In a world with Evangelions, mitigation is wonderful. And now you'll have an army at your back, and gods on your side."

"There is no God, and he's for sure not on my side. Look at this place, does it look like ' _God's In His Heaven, All's Right With The World_?'" Asuka wearily quoted NERV's old motto with more than a little bitterness. "The half-starved wretches ruled by rapists and thugs are the _lucky survivors_."

"I didn't say 'God's'. I said 'gods'." Asuka looked up in confusion to see her double beginning to grin hugely. "A whole Family of them, in fact. They're really nice."

"What are you talking about?" Asuka finally said, her brow furrowed in bewilderment.

"That's the biggest thing Daniel didn't mention, because it would sound _way_ too crazy. He's not some 'man of wealth and power'. He's a _god_."

* * *

"Hi, 'me'." Shinji had barely blinked since 'he' stepped out of the portal. The greeting snapped him out of the freeze.

"H…how…you…"

Well, sort of.

"You're not any crazier than you were yesterday, you're not dreaming, and this isn't Instrumentality again. This is real. And yes, I'm you. Or you're me. Whatever you like. And yup, this is just as weird the second time around from this end. This is six months ago to me. Six months from now, you'll be standing on this side, watching yourself try to figure this out and saying what you're hearing." The new arrival scratched the back of his head in a mannerism Shinji found disorientingly familiar to watch from outside. "Man, he was right. This is a lot harder to make sense of in Japanese."

"What….why are you here?

"To convince...uh, 'us' that this is a good idea. I remember how weird this felt before, and how neither of us is really the kind to accept that this kind of out-of-nowhere offer is real. But it is. Daniel's real, he means what he said. He…gets mother's spirit out of Eva Unit-01. He gets Asuka's mother back too. Heals a lot of her wounds. Asuka, I mean. I know I tried to reach out to her, a little, after that fight with Winthrop's forces, but…you know how that went. She said she didn't love me, but I'd 'won by default'. She was with me, but she wasn't 'there'. She was still too broken up inside and hurt to let anyone in. And I was too afraid to push. He helps with that a lot. There are things Asuka and I talk about now that I'd never dreamed we would—"

" _ **Was?!**_ "

They both turned to look at Asuka's shriek. Shinji knew only a little German, despite years spent living with Asuka, but he knew enough for that, and it was hard to mistake the shock in her tone. The other Shinji just smiled a bit and turned back to face his present day self. "Things like that, for example. I've got a pretty good idea what my Asuka just told yours, and it's the kind of thing I wish I'd known back before the Third Impact. I might have been able to help her back then if I'd known."

"What was it?" Shinji asked, his eyes still wide as saucers.

"Oh, Asuka will tell you when she's ready. She was even more hurt inside than I was, she's just a lot better at holding it in. …than you are, whatever. And I know how bad I felt. I blamed myself for failing to protect everyone. Asuka, Rei, Misato, Kaji...everyone in the world. But…it's not all my…your fault. You were a kid in an impossible situation, and you did well to do as much as you did."

"I didn't...I could have done more." Shinji looked down and to his side. "I should have done more. If I hadn't run away before the JSSDF attacked, Misato wouldn't—"

"If you hadn't run away, you'd still have been stuck with Eva Unit-01 trapped in the Bakelite, and Misato would have died with everyone else in the NERV command bridge when the Third Impact hit. You'd just have been stuck in the Entry Plug instead of on the catwalk. Father was not going to let anything stop his precious Scenario, and that includes Eva Unit-01 being loose before the end. Even if they somehow managed to launch Eva Unit-01, even if you'd made it to the fight and helped Asuka, father would still have been able to trigger the Third Impact down in Terminal Dogma," The other Shinji interrupted. "Just because we were piloting the most powerful weapon on the planet, that didn't make us God. And when Rei dumped something like that power on our head in the middle of the Impact, we weren't exactly in the best state of mind to handle it. It's easy to look back now and think what we might have done differently."

Then he grinned. "And now it's not only easy, it means something. You can trust Daniel. Go with him. He really _can_ let you go back and make things better. Time travel is the least of what he can do." He laughed. "And doing that's almost as hard as getting Asuka to admit she really thinks I'm kind of hot sometimes."

"She what?"

* * *

Elsewhere, five years prior...

"Yo, aren't you late?"

A pistol barked. A man fell bleeding, dying. The pair of black suited SEELE agents lowered their semi-automatics, and one who hadn't fired knelt to feel for a pulse on the neck of the man they'd just shot. He rose, nodded to his partner, and they left without a look back. The blue-armored man standing in the deep shadows off to the side in the dilapidated warehouse waited until they'd slammed the far off exit door before stepping over to look down at the ponytailed man in the pool of his own blood.

"Idiot. Death-seeking idiot. Do you have any idea how many people you just disappointed by standing there like that?" He sighed. "I guess _you_ are 'late' now, eh? All right, on your feet, look alive!"

Nothing.

"And here I am, punning at a dead guy. Oh well, work work work..." He crouched down and placed his hand on the dead man's chest. He closed his eyes, and the air went still. The pool of blood stopped spreading, then began to retreat. The scent of blood and gun smoke faded, and the air began to smell of ozone.

The dead man gasped and blinked his eyes open again. "Hunh,...ah...ahh. Ungh...wha...what?" He slowly rolled over and sat up, hands patting at his chest, and stopping to poke a finger through the distinct bullet hole in his still bloody shirt. And feeling around on his skin underneath the hole to very definitely not find a matching hole in his skin. His eyes finally noted the pair of armored feet next to him, and travelled up to meet the blue eyes staring back down at him.

"Hi! Can I interest you in a really fine set of encyclopedias? It's a little late to sell you life insurance," the stranger greeted him cheerfully.

"What? Who are you? What just happened to me? They shot me, and...and? What?" The no longer dead man trailed off in total confusion. He looked back down at his bloody shirt, then back up, still at a loss.

"They shot you, you died. This is what comes after. You've been judged, and found deserving," the armored man intoned solemnly. He stuck his hand down to the man. "On your feet, Kaji-san."

Kaji Ryoji took his hand and hauled himself up. He looked around in confusion. "So, I'm dead? This is the afterlife?"

"While I could probably get _hours_ of entertainment out of messing with your head on that note; no. Most people hope to see their God or somesuch after they die. You got luckier and got me instead. My name's Daniel. And I take that 'luckier' part back. You're going to have to face something worse than all the tortures of Hell on our next stop."

"...the Third Impact? The end of the world? ...Commander Ikari coming on to me?"

"Your pissed off ex-ex-girlfriend." He snapped his fingers, and the warehouse was empty of movement save the whirling vent fan.

* * *

In a tent on the shore, a pair of identical exchanges was underway.

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"...Bullshit."

"No, seriously, it's true."

"Right, sure. In those exact words, that's what you've heard?"

"Ask Daniel. He'll confirm it."

Eventually, divergence.

"So he's going to heal the sick, raise the dead, and feed us all with a few loaves and fishes?" Asuka asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"As a matter of fact, yes." Her double's grin sharpened. "Though that 'loaves and fishes' part may have been just for you saying that." She held out her right arm. "Notice anything missing?"

Asuka stared, at first seeing nothing. "I don't...wait. No scar?" She looked up.

"Yes! They healed up all those little leftover scars from fighting the Mass Production Evas, took care of the bullet scar from the coup, and gave me a full once-over on nerves and bones. I'm as healthy as I can possibly be, and undamaged, intact everywhere." She giggled for some reason. "Well, not intact _everywhere_. And raising the dead? Heh. Mama's just the _beginning_. But if you don't come along, you'll never know." Her double stared the dare at her and waited.

"...you are low, nasty bitch. Alright, I'll go." Asuka looked over at the other pair. "And I bet the Third is just jumping to go, the idiot."

* * *

"She told you she thinks I'm hot? Are we talking about the same Asuka?"

"Come with us, or you may never know." The other Shinji smiled. "I know she's going to go. For the chance to get her mother back, Asuka would definitely go for it." His smile faded. "And this will also give you a chance to make a lot of things right."

"Like what?" Shinji asked quietly

"Like everything I held myself responsible for. Misato, Kaji, not being there for Asuka when she needed me. More, but I'm not supposed to ruin a lot of happy surprises. But I'm betting you can guess at least one." He looked over at the Asuka in the flowing red dress and smiled tenderly.

Shinji looked at her more closely himself. Her leaning back made it even more apparent.

"Is she..."

"Yes."

"...how?"

"You see, when a man and a woman love each othe—"

Shinji flushed bright red. "That's not what I mean!"

"I know, I just couldn't resist." The other Shinji chuckled. "How? All I'm supposed to say is 'Be honest, be there for her, and don't be afraid.' Remember the Fifth Angel? 'Aim for the center, and pull the trigger'? Just like that, focus on what you really want, and follow through. Remember all those times back in Misato's apartment when you wanted to do something to help her, and do it, even if she pushes you away. Because in the end, she was afraid that I'd abandon her like everyone else in her life had. She needed to know I'll never leave her." He looked back at Shinji. "'I mustn't run away,' right? I was...you were ready to take all the risk in that coup to protect her. Now you just have to be ready to face her and your own fears. Willing to try?"

Shinji took a couple of deep breaths. "I mustn't run away. Right. If she's going, I'm going too." His right hand flexed and released, flexed and released.

The pair of newcomers looked at each other. New-Shinji nodded, and they stepped back towards each other. Their hands met, and they folded smoothly into a close embrace, their heads on each other's shoulders, eyes closed. Shinji flushed again at the sight of an image from too many wistful dreams come to life in front of him. He dared a glance over at the redhead still sitting up in her sleeping bag. She was staring as well, the look on her face half aching, half angry. She glared at Shinji for a moment when she noticed him looking at her, then stood up muttering, and began to pull on a dress and shoes.

Daniel's sudden reappearance in the tent broke the slightly awkward silence. All four jumped as he abruptly was standing right where he'd been before. "And we're back, ladies and gentlemen. Who's ready to see the other side of the multiverse?"

The hugging pair looked at each other, then softly kissed before turning to face him. "All set here." The pregnant Asuka looked over at her double, who was stuffing clothes into a backpack. "Oh, don't worry about that, 'me'. This trip's 'all-inclusive'. You don't have this dress yet, yes?" She flared the skirt out with her left hand. Her right never left her Shinji's touch.

Asuka opened her mouth to make a sharp retort. The she stiffened, her mouth hanging half open in shock again. For the first time there was enough light on her doppelgänger's hand for her to see it. There was a tiny sparkle of light on the third finger of her left hand. "Impossible..." was all she managed, a bare whisper.

Her double noticed her paralysis. She flicked her eyes at her Shinji and winked. Asuka felt dizzy, then shook herself. _'I am_ _ **not**_ _going to pass out, damn it!'_ Anger was always close to hand to help block out thinking of such... madness. She stood up and walked over. "Fine!" she bit out. "Let's go, then!" She glared at Daniel, then looked over at the boy still standing by the tent door. "Come on, Third!"

Daniel snapped his fingers once more, and the golden portal flared open. He nodded at the two that had come through with him. "You two first."

They stepped through, and vanished into the light. Daniel looked at Asuka and Shinji. "Alright, kids, follow me." He stepped into the light himself.

Shinji nervously glanced at Asuka. She was staring fixedly at the glowing portal.

"Let's go, Third."

Shinji made a tentative motion to take her hand, but she was already stepping forward.

Shinji followed after her.


	2. Ch2 - Welcome to Avalon - Regrets

Update time!

 **A Crown of Stars**

* * *

Part 2  
 **Welcome To Avalon**

Shinji walked blind into the light, and passed through. There was a faint tingle on his skin as he stepped through, and then was almost as quickly blinded by darkness. He bumped into a strawberry-balsam scented mass of hair, which he immediately identified by its familiar fragrance as Asuka's luxuriant mane. Blinking hard, he stepped to her right, mouth opened to apologize yet again, when his eyes adapted enough to see that Asuka hadn't even noticed him walking into her at all. She was staring up at the sky, jaw hanging open in awe. Shinji looked up.

The star-spangled night sky _blazed_. Three huge arcs a few degrees apart crossed from horizon to horizon, rectangles of day lit green and blue like slices of Earth seen from above alternating with matching shadowed silhouettes twinkling with city lights like Earth's night side. The three arches seemed to cross all together near the peak of the heavens, dividing the sky into sections that had at least a dozen moons floating within them. All of them were Earthlike cloud-swirled blue and white globes. Scores of lights that must have been ships sailed between them. All of this was backdropped by a huge blue and green nebula speckled with more stars than the thickest part of the Milky Way they could see in Earth's night sky.

Shinji could see why Asuka hadn't even registered his walking into her. He had no idea how long he stood there next to Asuka, staring at the sky. A glad shout finally snatched his attention away from the dizzying sight.

"Welcome, my friends, to the ever victorious land of heroes, the Shining Realm, my home!" Daniel said cheerily. He swept his arms across the sky, grinning. "Welcome to _Avalon_!"

"I think I need to sit down." Asuka said weakly. Shinji nodded dumbly. Sitting down, that sounded like a great idea. Oh, she meant her. He finally looked around at his immediate surroundings.

They were on a beach, small waves lapping at the flat beach just a few meters behind him. Palm trees scattered in front of him partially concealed a modest beach house surrounded by more tropical growth. The island spread further off behind the house, and he could see the lights of other buildings a fair distance off. Fortunately for his current needs, there was a set of beach chairs and a table with an umbrella just up off the sand to his left. He took Asuka's hand and led her unresistingly to sit at one of the chairs before dropping into another himself.

The other pair stood down the beach beside Daniel. The other Asuka seemed to find her counterpart's stunned state amusing. "Oy! We're going back up to when we're supposed to be. There's a party waiting on us! You have fun. And try this one out, 'me'; did he ask you? Or did _you_ ask _him_?" she shouted. The other Shinji waved. "Remember, you can change things. Take the chance! 'Be' you later!" A pale grey disk flared in the air behind them. They talked to Daniel for a minute. Shinji couldn't hear anything over the waves and the distance. They stepped through the new portal, still hand in hand, and were gone.

Shinji chewed on that for a moment. Drawing a blank, he looked over at Asuka. "What was she talking about?"

Asuka was still glaring at the beach where the portal had been. "I do _not_ want to talk about it, Third."

Someone gently coughed behind them. Shinji and Asuka turned to look behind them. A slim young Asian woman in a space-black uniform stood just behind their table. She bowed smoothly, and smiled at them.

"Good evening, Ikari-san, Fräulein Sohryu. I'm Junior Flight Lieutenant of the Blue Ching-Hao Leibshott. His Majesty has asked me to serve as your companion and guide while you stay with us." She tilted her head slightly, taking in their slightly frazzled air. "Can I get you something to drink? You look like you might need it." Her Japanese was flawless Tokyo Standard.

"Um, yes, tea please." Shinji managed.

"Schnapps." Asuka snapped, then massaged the bridge of her nose, muttering under her breath in German.

"Tullamore Dew 12 Year and ice, if you please, Lieutenant," Daniel said, pulling out one of the other chairs to sit down. Get something for yourself and please join us."

"Yes, Your Majesty." She bowed again and walked into the beach house.

"'Your Majesty'?" Shinji asked.

Daniel grinned again. "I said 'wealth and power', Ikari-san. I didn't go into detail, I admit. This is my home...world. Welcome to the capital of my Realm. The Empire of Avalon."

"I'm seeing doppelgängers, people appearing out of thin air, and now the emperor of a magic land wants to grant me wishes." Asuka said in a strained voice, burying her head in her hands and resting her elbows on the table. "I fell asleep thanks to your cello playing, and now I'm having the strangest dream in my life. That's the only logical explanation for this."

"'There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy'," Daniel quoted at her. "If you are dreaming, why not just relax and enjoy yourself? If this is real, accept that strange and marvelous things have entered your life. Much like suddenly being called to pilot giant cyborgs against 'Angels' from another world, yes? Ah, thank you, Lieutenant."

Lieutenant Leibshott placed a round ceramic tea mug and a trio of half-full tumblers on the table and took the last seat. "Of course, Your Majesty. It's an honor to serve."

"And puns like that will get you promoted and possibly exiled to Antarctica. Sláinte! " Daniel lifted his tumbler and took a sip. "Ah, very nice. So!" He looked Asuka right in the eye. "I recognized that rapid look around you did when I arrived, Fräulein Sohryu. Let me make a gesture I hope makes you more comfortable. Here." He pulled at his right thigh, and produced a pistol, holster, and belt. He spun it around in his grasp and placed it gently on the table, the grip towards Asuka. "This is a very old weapon of mine. If having a gun handy makes you feel less vulnerable, take it for as long as you need. It's a basic M1911, an old American Government .45, slightly upgraded. You'll never need to reload it, for example. The magazine is a lot bigger on the inside than on the outside. There's about two million rounds in there. Please don't point it at anything you don't seriously intend to harm. It is loaded and chambered."

Shinji froze with his tea mug at his lips. Asuka regarded the gun warily. Her eyes shifted to Daniel, who sat peacefully, waiting for her reaction. She slowly reached up to take it, pulling it to her edge of the table. She looked back up at Daniel, her face an unreadable mask.

Daniel returned a matching unreadable look, then waved at the woman in the form-fitting black uniform. "Lieutenant Leibshott is on medical leave from the Imperial Navy. The good Lieutenant is a guest here due to injuries sustained during a hostile naval landing in another universe. Our healers put her back in good shape, but she's still earned some downtime and a chance to get used to her rebuilt body. Which puts her fortuitously here to help you two, and I've asked her to assist in various capacities while she's here, such as her Doctorate in Psychiatry. Call her Doc, Lieutenant, or whatever she likes, but she's not here to be your doctor. She's here to be a friend and guide whenever I'm not here, which I'm afraid will happen intermittently. But you needn't have any worries here."

He swept his arm towards the rest of the island behind them. "You are currently sitting on one of the Constellation Islands, a combination hospice and resort for rest and recovery of those who need time away from whatever brought them harm. And you two have _certainly_ earned that. We're several thousand miles from anything that might disturb you here. All the other islands and cabins you can see from here are either other people likewise recovering, or empty."

"There is a constant Imperial Navy presence in the orbitals and throughout the system, and anyone trying to get closer on the planet would have to contend with Imperial Guards who will be very upset someone is trying to bother one of our guests. Put simply, no one is going to disturb you here without your permission and you are as well protected as you have ever been."

Shinji had so many questions he didn't know where to start. He looked over at Asuka, but she was in the middle of taking a good-sized swallow of her schnapps. Whatever her double had said, it had certainly put her in a foul mood. That last remark? Asked what? Shinji shook his head slightly. Worry about that later. "Why are we here, um...Your Majesty?"

"You are here as my personal guests, Ikari-san, not as Subjects or foreign supplicants to the Crown. Please, call me Daniel. As for why, in the most immediate term you two could really use a full medical check, a bit of quiet and rest, and some time to yourselves. That will give us a chance to talk in more detail about what you want, although I'd like to ask some of the basics tonight before you both retire. As these will naturally be desires close to your hearts, I'd like to do this individually, if you don't mind."

Shinji hesitated; that hadn't quite been what he meant by his question, but nodded. After a slightly longer hesitation, so did Asuka.

Daniel drained the last of his drink, and stood. "Alright, then. Lieutenant, please show Fräulein Sohryu around the amenities of their cabin. Ikari-san, would you please walk with me for a few minutes?" He backed a few steps toward the surf.

Shinji stood, and followed him down the beach.

* * *

Part 3  
 **Regrets of the Third Child**

They walked in silence for a few minutes. Shinji's mind was still whirling with too many questions, and his eyes kept drifting up to the distractingly spectacular sky. Eventually, he settled for his usual posture of staring at his feet as he walked, to keep himself from just staring at the sky.

"Let me guess, Ikari-san. You are still trying to decide if you really believe this is all happening, and don't even know what to start asking about?"

"Um, please call me Shinji, Your...um, Daniel. It's the least I can do if...um..."

Daniel smiled. "I would be honored to, Shinji. You do make me proud to know you."

Shinji lifted his head to stare at him strangely. "Me?"

Daniel nodded. "I have fairly good knowledge of the days just before the coup, and the conversations of day I picked you up. Seeing Asuka yell at you for repeatedly risking arrest, interrogation, and worse to give money, aid, and what protection you can to "subversives" and "terrorists" that you know are most likely just poor innocents caught in the gears of a state run on terror...I am always proud to know people like that, Shinji. Those who will do what's right, damn the danger. Heroes."

Shinji stared back down at his feet again. He always felt awkward when praised, even as he inwardly welcomed it, as it so rarely happened to him. His discomfort was only magnified when it was something like this, being praised for what he felt like was something that was just the decent thing to do. "I...I can't...just turn away from that. I don't like to see people hurt, especially when there's anything I can do about it. Asuka is probably right, I'm just going to bring trouble on us, but...I can't..."

Daniel turned his head to look directly at him. "I know _exactly_ what you mean. All of us," he gestured at the sky, "the whole Empire, that's what we are dedicated to. No more turning away. Do what's right, always. That's why I'm proud to know you, Shinji. I do this with a whole Empire at my back. You did it in the aftermath of a global disaster on a Biblical scale, in the face of oppression and death, with nothing more than your own sense of what was right and some pocket money."

Shinji shrugged and kept looking down. "I had to."

"Me too." Daniel paused for a moment. "I know a good bit about what happened in the fights with the Angels, and some of the events before that, from the Second Impact up to the Third. I know you've got regrets, for things you did, or didn't do, back then, or about people you feel you failed. So, Shinji, where do you want to start to make things better?"

Shinji tried to organize his thoughts. "I...the...the Shinji I talked to, that is 'me' from the future?"

Daniel nodded again. "Yes, from about six months along your personal timelines. I knew I'd have a hard time convincing you to follow a stranger who just popped up of nowhere, so I made sure to bring 'yourselves' along."

"He...mentioned...my mother's spirit, in Eva Unit-01? And...and Misato, and Kaji..." He trailed off to a bare whisper "...Rei? Kaworu?"

"A particular bit of horror that Evangelions could only be activated by the absorption of a human soul, yes. I'm sure I can get your mother's out from Eva Unit-01. It was left drifting away from Earth with the Lance of Longinus after the Third Impact. That gives us a fairly close spatial area for us to find it in, and I can easily extract her soul once we've got it. I'll do a molehole backtrace on it from the Third Impact forward when we go back to your world. Katsuragi-san and Kaji-san? Not too hard. I can pick him up from when he would have died and bring him forward. Major Katsuragi I'll have to extract from the Ring of Souls, as she got pulled into Instrumentality before she expired. Ayanami-san...hmm." He closed his eyes for a few moments. "I'll need to do more checking when we're there. I'm not sure, as she's not just swept up in the Third Impact, she's an integral part of it. Her part-Angel nature may make it tricky. Plus, I can't tell as yet if your dreams are really her talking to you, or just wishful hallucinations."

Shinji started to speak, then his eyes widened. "Wait, how do you know what I was _dreaming_?"

"Just those that involved Ayanami-san talking to you. The 'how' is a complicated answer that I'd rather not get into tonight. But your studies in Philosophy may come in handy when I do explain it. 'Chicken-and-Egg Causality dilemma' doesn't even begin to cover it. But I'm not in your head. I promised."

"But then how...?"

"I don't think this will ease your mind..." He hesitated. Shinji motioned for him to go on. "But the short version is...Hell, there is no short version. Imagine there's an infinite library, with every story in every world written down. Imagine I'd picked up a story you'd written about the days around the coup. I'd know what you did, what you thought, and what you saw in your dreams. But only what you wrote down, so I wouldn't know things you didn't see, or didn't allow yourself to think about, and so on. I read your story, and decided that you and Asuka didn't deserve to end up like that. So I traced where the story came from, and opened a portal to your tent. That's what I meant when I said that was the earliest I could arrive. It was literally true. That's where your 'story' ended."

He eyed Shinji's obvious confusion. "I did tell you this wouldn't ease your mind."

"Yeah." Shinji shook his head again. He thought he'd had a lot of questions _before_.

"But all I said before still stands. I'll see what I can do for Ayanami-san when we are there, and we can determine if what you dreamed was real, or just a wish. In either case, I'll still do all that I can to get her back, if she wants it." He took a deep breath, and sighed.

"Nagisa-san...is even trickier. He was more than half-Angel as well, and honestly your enemy in that sense, but also your friend. He did try to end your world, and would have, if Ayanami-san hadn't stopped him before you got there. You were a soldier, Shinji. You were drafted into a war that could only end in extinction for humanity or the Angels. Sometimes in a war there are people you like on the other side. It was a terrible thing to require of you, but needful for humanity to survive... I'm sorry that you had to face a choice like that so young, when you were already so hurt by...what the other Angels had already cost you and Asuka..."

Daniel's voice roughened with anger. "Your father was mad. To make you, _children,_ have to bear up under such pain in utter _isolation_...That is a sure path to madness. I've seen it on world after world. Without a support network, without connection to others, even the strongest warriors can crumble into insanity and despair. We would never, _never_ make someone have to face all that alone here. The motto of the Imperial Army is ' _Numquam Soli. Semper, Sumus Legio_ ', 'Never Alone. Always, We Are Legion'.Even when we are alone, we are never lonely, because we know others are there with us, connected to us."

His shook himself and let the anger fade. "Too much. Too much was asked of you, Shinji. But now I can try to make sure you're given as much back. I'll see if there's any way to at least give you a chance to talk to Nagisa-san, when we search the ring of souls for Ayanami-san."

"I...guess that's all I can ask." Shinji's voice was soft, his eyes far away, lost in bad memories.

"On that specific topic, certainly. You've got vast power and choice available to you right now, though. You can dream bigger, Shinji." Daniel said gently.

"Bigger?"

"A lot of people are still trapped up in the Ring of Souls from the Third Impact. Would you like me to try getting them all out? I may learn how feasible that is when we try to talk to Ayanami-san. If there's nothing holding them there but a lack of awareness or will, I should be able to incarnate them. With regards to the expeditionary force you and she were about to depart with, I know you don't want to kill people, but were going along with Asuka's valid point that conventional warfare will cause more to die than using the Eva. I can make sure an Imperial Army division goes along with us on the return trip. My soldiers are an even bigger technological leap above Evas than Evas were above conventional troops. They can help you end all the fighting on your Earth very quickly. Help with rebuilding, too. We can help you restore your whole world."

Shinji felt oddly numb, his head buzzing. Too much, too fast. Was it really possible that so many of his regrets could be redeemed? And so easily? He jumped when he felt Daniel put an arm around his shoulders. He looked back up at Daniel, who regarded him with concern.

"You looked like you could really use a hug, Shinji. Part of what made me decide to come help you and Asuka is how much you two have been through. How much pain could at least have been made easier to bear if only you all hadn't been so desperately alone? You and she, you fought so hard, bore so much to protect your world, despite a flatly dysfunctional unit and command...you both deserve better. You deserve to be happy."

"That's what brought me out of Instrumentality, at the end. I realized that I _could_ be. The world after the Third Impact didn't give much opportunity. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice," Shinji said distantly.

"I think you did. Humanity really isn't made to exist as a mass-mind without any ego borders. For all the cruelty of the world after, it was at least a human one. And if you hadn't, there wouldn't be any more choices to make. Everyone would just be part of a single mass-mind, unable to ever organize itself to do anything to the outside world. No happiness even possible there. Just existence."

A smile drew across his face as he looked back towards Shinji. "You might feel more certain about it if there'd been more tangible good for you. How about your own happiness, Shinji? Anything I can help with there? I understand you wish Asuka would open up to you more. Your current 'arrangement' is almost worse than solitude. She's right there next to you, but a million miles away emotionally. It must be almost as bad as not having her at all."

Shinji felt a stab in his heart, and a familiar melancholy. Asuka. He'd thought about her every day since Winthrop's orders had separated them. Despite what he'd told her in her apartment in Berlin, he'd never fully given up the hope he'd one day be able to look at the exotically beautiful redhead and see her smile back at him. The only person who had ever made him want to reach out of his usual withdrawn, isolated shell. The one who had fought by his side, been in his dreams since the day they met on the _Over The Rainbow_ , in his dreams even in the depths of Instrumentality, where he'd begged her to reach out to him and help him bear his pain. But she'd still refused him there, and the pain was too much to stand when he'd awoken on the beach next to her. He'd begun to strangle her, half out of his mind.

But then she'd touched his cheek, so gently. Just a caress with her fingertips. Her concern, in a feather-light touch. He had broken down then, collapsing on top of her, sobbing his heart out. They could have spoken then, opened up to each other. But their minds and hearts had been stripped too raw by the unblinking sight of every other mind of humanity during Instrumentality. Too harsh a look at all the illusions of their own hearts had made them even more afraid than before to discuss it. He'd wanted to talk to her, but every time he tried to work up the nerve to start, the fear of being hurt again would consume him. In the first few weeks of the six months of chaos as people slowly tickled back from the sea of souls, he'd almost tried several times to talk to Asuka about everything they'd seen. He'd hoped sometimes that she would start, and free him of having to find the courage to start from his end. But Asuka was a wreck. She'd refused to talk at all. Their ironclad rule grew: _Never_ talk about the Third Impact. She'd barely look at him for days at a time.

Then the first of a succession of the new warlords had found them. Shinji had done all he could to keep them alive. Asuka seemed not to care if they lived or died half the time, so it had been all his responsibility. Months of sleeping in freezing cells, barely eating, never knowing if they'd see another day. Only their potential value as the only Evangelion Pilots in the world kept them from simply being shot out of hand. Winthrop had restored a measure of stability, but took things from unbearable to a nightmare for Shinji.

Winthrop eventually told him Asuka would not be simply thrown to his men as another concubine, but that she had 'volunteered' for his personal attentions. When he'd announced this, in desperation Shinji had tried to offer himself as a substitute. Winthrop had laughed at him, and had his guards beat Shinji unconscious. The next day they'd left Shinji in Boston, to keep him far from Berlin, Asuka, and him. That had been the last Shinji had seen of any of them for over three years, until they summoned him back to pilot the remaining restored Mass Production Evas.

He'd tried not to let constant brooding on his final failure to protect anyone he'd cared about consume him during his exile. He'd given the starving older man in the street some of his food out of compassion, but took him on as a tutor once he learned he was a former Philosophy professor. The esoteric theories of Mind and the nature of identity had helped him make some sense of what he'd experienced in Instrumentality...and keep him from thinking about her every waking moment.

Seeing her waiting on the tarmac when he'd finally flown back to Berlin, it was as if he'd never been gone. She taller, curvier, and even more beautiful, her voice as full of bite and her eyes full of annoyance as ever... when they weren't full of cold, bitter pain. The way she treated him was too exactly a match for how it had been when they living in Misato's apartment. Given what they'd been through, that had to have changed. It had sharper edges now, her throwing things she'd learned during Instrumentality at him, like what he'd done over her in the hospital bed, but it hadn't changed enough. So Shinji knew more than ever that it had to be a mask.

They both still had the same scars, too. The way they'd both frozen when he had momentarily pinned her in their judo bout, and she'd choked him unconscious in reaction...too raw memories of waking on that beach where the water was like blood. Her attempt at drowning in the bath before the coup. Her bitterness at his intervention to save her life. Always the same. Every time he tried to reach out to her, she pushed him away, or hurt him. _"The world's still full of girls in hospital beds."_ Damn it. She hurts him, with things that he did that hurt her, and forever and ever on they go, amen.

He'd finally dared to ask her what she felt about him after the fight with the Dummy Plug controlled MP Evas in the coup. She'd said she did not love him. But she'd sounded so tired, and surrendered to him anyhow. 'Surrendered' was the word for it. It definitely wasn't the joyous victory he'd dreamed of for over five years. Far from it, it felt as hollow as a clay figurine, just a shell full of cracks waiting for the last push to make it shatter.

The arm around Shinji's shoulders squeezed again. "Hey, Shinji, we don't 'do' despair here on Avalon. I know that look. We can help. I know you asked her, after that fight, if she loved you, yes?" He paused. Shinji managed to nod, weakly. "But you didn't do the reverse? Have you ever just plain _told_ her how you feel about her?"

Shinji closed his eyes. "No. We were separated for most of the last four years." _'I'm afraid.'_ "And before that, after the Third Impact, things were...difficult."

Daniel chuckled quietly. "I'd call you a chicken, but again, I know how you feel. Let me tell you a little story about how I met my wife." His arm finally left Shinji's shoulders, and he held his left hand up to show Shinji a much battered silvery ring with a gold center band. "A long, long time ago, before I was Emperor, traveller, or anything else, I was a soldier. I enlisted in wartime, I knew what I was getting into, but I wasn't afraid. I went to war. I got shot at, more than a few hundred times. I got mostly out of the way of a rocket once, and went home eventually with my country's medal for a combat wound. I re-enlisted twice in a combat zone, did five tours. I learned from years under fire that I wasn't afraid of just about anything..."

His hands mock-nervously fidgeted together. "...eeeeexcept for walking across a crowded dance floor to ask this incredibly beautiful redhead if she'd like to dance." He snorted. "Some 'hero' I was. Not afraid of bullets or bombs, just of finding the will to walk over to a pretty girl and talk to her. Good thing a fellow soldier was there to give me well-timed motivating shove, or I'd never have met the woman I'd marry. So I'm not going to say you're wrong for not telling her. I'm just going to ask, after all that's happened, are you still willing to reach out to her?" He looked over at Shinji again.

"I...we...we've got a whole world to rebuild. You don't think we should wait until the more important things are done first?" Shinji dodged. "Asuka is...I don't want to lose what I've got now."

"And you both know that it's precariously stable, and are wondering how long it can last like that. And you are both hurting still. 'It seems a law inflexible unto itself that he who will not risk cannot win,' John Paul Jones said, and he knew a bit about risking it all. The big wins can require big risks, Shinji. I'm perfectly capable of multitasking a war, a rebuilding, and looking out for two people I care about. And how are you two not important? Rebuilding a shattered world is noble work, to be sure, but only the soul matters, in the end. And you both have suffered enough to deserve some good karma from the gods." The right side of his mouth curled up in a half-smile. "As my lady wife would say, 'So mote it be!'"

Shinji blinked. "Huh?"

Daniel waved his questioning look away. "Never mind. I think there's more reason for hope with her than you might think. Did you notice, when Jinnai was showing you that video of your father's 'trial', that she told Jinnai to shut it off, to leave you alone? Whatever she may say to your face, she still cares enough to try and keep you from getting hurt."

"She hurts me enough by herself. And she flat out said 'no' when I asked her if she loved me," Shinji tiredly answered.

"You noticed she wasn't there when Aoba-san came to collect you when the coup started. But did you know why that was?"

Shinji shook his head.

"You've figured out that she was awake when you tried to sneak that letter into her dresser, to try and leave her an out if the coup went wrong. She read it, thought she figured out what you were up to, and left as soon as you fell asleep. She didn't know you meant it to be insurance in case the coup failed. She believed the note meant you were going to turn yourself in to Winthrop and beg for mercy. She was going to pre-empt you by going to Jinnai herself with her own version of what you were doing; leaving you out of it so you wouldn't get hurt. With her actively demanding a part in the coup, Jinnai jumped at the chance. But one of Winthrop's BABYKA men figured out what she was up to when they got to Jinnai's place. That kicked the coup off a week early. She was trying to do just what you were; protect the only person left she cared about at all."

Shinji looked back at him in frustration, pain, and confusion. "So why did she say 'no'? She could have told me! Why not then?"

"She...you don't know how much pain she's holding in. She said no because deep down she doesn't feel like she's worthy of being loved _at all_. So she doesn't let anyone close. But she still wants you there with her. Don't give up. Pushing you away, pushing _everyone_ away is all she knows. All she's done for the last sixteen years, to protect her heart. Hers is even more fragile than yours, Shinji. She'd just better at hiding it." Daniel looked up at the sky full of lights. "You've always tried to protect her from pain. This is the greatest pain she knows. She is convinced she's absolutely not worth loving. She's convinced that if anyone knew the 'real her', they'd immediately reject her forever."

They were coming around the curve of the shore, and beach house they'd left was coming back into sight. Daniel looked back down to Shinji again. "It doesn't come out a lot, but I know there's a source of courage inside you strong enough for this. You were ready to spit in your father's face and walk away from piloting Eva Unit-01 that first time, but did it anyway to protect Ayanami-san. You can display the most amazing bravery when it comes to protecting others, but not for yourself. I've seen you jump into a live volcano without hesitating an instant to save her before. Are you ready to face worse to save her from a wounded soul?"

Shinji was silent for a long moment. "I...'I mustn't run away', huh? That's what...'I' told myself." He gave Daniel a raised eyebrow. "'A wounded soul'?"

Daniel nodded slightly. "You see things through my eyes, you'd know that's no metaphor. She's hurt, Shinji. Worse than you. Your wounds have at least mostly scarred over. Hers are much more raw, and some quite fresh." His lips quirked into a smile again. "Just try not to say 'I'm sorry' so much, and she won't kill you." They reached the path to the door of the beach house. "We'll talk more tomorrow, about your father's 'grand plan' that caused so much of what you went through, and the others he was playing chess against. There was a lot more going on than I think you ever learned. A lot of what chewed you up was the fact that your father and his opponents really didn't care about who got hurt in the pursuit of Instrumentality."

"I know," Shinji replied sadly, "I wish it could have been different."

"Tomorrow we'll see what we can do to make that so." Daniel pulled open the door to the beach house, and followed Shinji inside.

* * *

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A/N: I tried to come up with a good reason for them to follow a stranger through the portal, and figured, 'who would they trust? Oh, themselves maybe?' Plus, Asuka especially needed to be shocked out of the psychological corner she'd cemented herself into. So I used it to implicitly show her that, yes, she could be happy.

Oh, by the way, I commissioned art from SV's own Shyft, so there's some character illustrations. I ran out of budget before I got done with all that I wanted, alas, so it's only the OCs. Maybe more later. For now, here's Daniel.

: / / i-1-2-3-.-p-h-o-t-o-b-u-c-k-e-t-.-c-o-m/ albums/o308/strypgia/EmperorColors3_ zps48135fee. j p g

And Ching:

: / / i . i-m-g-u-r.-c-o-m/ hE5v3AQ . j p g


	3. Ch3 - Punching God In The Face

A Crown of Stars

Part 4  
 **Doubts of the Second Child**

* * *

+++++++++++  
Lieutenant Leibshott led Asuka in to the beach house through the simple iron-strapped wood door and into the open sunken living room. Asuka liked the plush cream-colored carpet, indirect lighting, and central fireplace, but she puzzled over the lack of anything unfamiliar as she looked into the relatively large kitchen. Clouds of spacecraft overhead and multiple Niven rings in the sky, but the kitchen contained nothing that would have looked at all out of place in any kitchen on her Earth. In fact, the only thing she could see that couldn't have been found in her own Berlin apartment was the large black panel in the living room the couches faced which she assumed was some sort of large television.

"Would you like another round, Fräulein Sohryu?" Leibshott asked as she opened the liquor cabinet to extract a bottle.

"Yes, I...wait, you speak German too?" Asuka blinked as she realized she'd been addressed in her native tongue.

"20th Century Japanese, German, and English were three of the languages I picked for my diploma requirements. I've picked up a few more since then, but those are my best, and come in handy here. Part of why I believe the Emperor asked me to volunteer for this," she replied. She poured three fingers of amber liquid into her own tumbler, then retrieved the bottle of schnapps for Asuka's. "Which I was only too glad to do, especially after I read the brief on your world's recent history and the Angel War. You and Ikari-san have had a Hell of a time." She poured the schnapps into Asuka's tumbler.

Asuka regarded her coolly. "Do I get any choice on whether I want a therapist? That's not why I agreed to come along, Frau Doctor." She placed the holstered pistol and belt on the counter next to her drink.

"Just 'Fräulein', I'm still a single lady. But please, call me Ching. His Majesty mentioned my doctorate, but as he said, I'm not here to be your therapist. I'm here to be your guide when you need it and friend if you'll allow it. Not to get into your head, professionally or otherwise, unless you ask. My doctorate is a bonus, not the focus. I'm here because I'm available, speak the relevant languages, and might be someone you can relate to a bit." She indicated her uniform. "We're both female mecha pilots and combat veterans who've had some harsh wounds in battle, for example."

Asuka grinned grimly. Familiar ground at last. "Hmph, maybe," she said proudly, "But I bet you didn't start as young as I did."

Ching acknowledged the point with a tip of her drink. "Hardly. You were what, not yet _four_ when you started training, and fourteen in your first battle? I didn't join the Navy until I was a lot older than that, done with my degree, and had done a little travelling. But I know I've been at it longer. The landing I got mangled up in was my fifteenth assault landing. Got as badly roughed up as you did in that fight with the Mass Production Evas I saw."

"You _saw?_ How?" Asuka was mildly shocked. _'"Saw?" 'How could she have seen that fight? Did some of NERV's cameras make it through the Third Impact?'_

Ching paused. "The file His Majesty had me review contained among other things combat footage of all the major engagements of the Angel War. That included your fight against the Mass Production models just before the Third Impact. That was a thing of power and beauty, Fräulein Sohryu. Nine on one, and you tore through them like a tornado!" She smiled briefly, but it faded just as quickly. "It was an unfair shame that your power ran out just then. I think you could have completely destroyed them if you hadn't been halted by that."

Asuka took a sip of her schnapps and looked out the wide windows at the waves. Her once favorite topic; her prowess in an Eva unit. And the battle that was both her greatest victory and most terrible defeat. The pain of being beaten and torn apart by the MP Evas mixed with her bitterness at the Third Child's failure to come to her aid and smothered any lingering pride she might have felt at remembering that fight. The joy of finally having her mother truly there with her in the fight was the only good memory to come from it. Still, she would not admit such to someone else. "Yeah, I was the best in the world," she finally bragged.

"And that was in an Evangelion. If you can turn out that level of a fight in an Evangelion Unit, I'd love to see what you could do in one of our mecha." Asuka gave her an angry look, and she held up a pacifying hand. "I'm not saying anything bad about your Unit-02! I'm just making the observation that it was a product of early 21st Century technology, and had the additional bonus of a unique link between you and your mother's soul. We put you in the pilot's harness of a front line Imperial Battle Mecha like my NAM-91 _StarStrider_ , and you'll be in a far faster, better armed, and much more powerful unit that has the benefit of tens of thousands of years of development behind it. Nine to one? Ha! You're as good as you looked in that fight, you'll be able to go through ninety to one without breaking a sweat!"

Asuka considered the idea. The MP Eva waiting for her back on their Earth was a far cry from her old, vanished Unit-02 Production Model. It was still more than a match for anything in the world, as its mere presence had let the coup against Winthrop succeed. It might not be a bad thing to have an even more potent weapon at her disposal. "Hmm, I'd like that. When could we get me into one of your ah...mecha?"

"I'll ask His Majesty when they get back, but I don't think in just right away. He definitely wanted to give you two some peace and quiet first. I'll be happy to show you my ride when you can get away from here, though." Ching hesitated, then said in a softer tone, "As an Imperial Subject and sworn Naval officer, I'd hardly be doing the right thing to go around the spirit of something the Emperor promised. So I'm going to be careful not to lie to you, even by omission, Fräulein Sohryu; there's more in that file than just combat footage."

Asuka stared at her. The slightly lighter mood she'd gained speaking to the closest thing to a new peer she'd met in years faded at the slightly ominous words. The protective mask she'd worn so often over the years after the Third Impact slid into place. "Like what?" she asked calmly.

"Everything we know about you and Ikari-san. Everything we saw between the Second Impact and when the Emperor came to see you. Even some of what went on during Instrumentality, to the extent that it could be recorded. I am not free to say how we acquired all of it yet, but we know a lot about you and him. Probably some things you'd rather were not public. But I promise you, we will not reveal anything to Ikari-san that you don't want us to, or use anything we know to hurt you. But that's how we knew you could use our help. "

Asuka's heartbeat pounded in her ears. ' _What did they know?'_ She had no idea how to respond.

Lieutenant Leibshott held up one hand. "Fräulein Sohryu, don't be afraid. _We will not hurt you._ The Emperor promised you 'no lies', and I will not break that. There are more ways to lie than with overt falsehoods. Not telling you we know things you don't want known would be just another way to lie, and therefore be unconscionable to us. We keep our oaths, and we protect our friends. That includes you. I know it is difficult in the extreme for you to trust people you've just met, but please, trust us at least that we will not hurt you by our will. The Emperor has placed you under his aegis. Every person for a thousand kilometers in any direction would die to protect you. And I may not be your doctor, but I'll keep your secrets as tight as any confessor or friend you could ever have would."

Asuka took several deep breaths. "Alright." _'I lived through warlords and the end of the world. I can live through this.'_ "Alright. What kind of things?"

Leibshott looked out at the sea now herself. "We don't know everything. There are large gaps, from the Third Impact to when Ikari-san returned to Berlin. But we know about things like Ikari-san interrupting you in the bath before the coup. We know you personally finished off Winthrop. We know what happened to you when that Angel attacked your mind. We know...there are a lot of things in your past that hurt you, especially when you were very young, with your...family. That's the Emperor's top priority for you; to rescue your mother. He doesn't like to see good people hurt, and you've been hurt a lot. That's why he decided to come to you and Ikari-san. Neither of you deserved the fate you got, so little given back to you after so much was taken. We believe very strongly in justice in the Empire, Fräulein Sohryu. Your world did not give you much. We will."

Asuka put her tumbler down gently. Her pulse had slowed a little from the pounding beat it had surged to when panicked visions of all the darkness of her past being exposed flooded her mind, but her throat was still uncomfortably tight, and only her familiar old mask kept her face calm and her breathing mostly steady. _'He promised no lies. Mama back with us, 'she' said.'_ She fought herself under control. "Nothing I don't want him to know to Shin-...the Third Child, yes?"

"I can't speak for what His Majesty might tell him, but I promise I won't tell him anything you haven't told me I can. That was explicit in my instructions, Fräulein Sohryu. I'm here to be a friend for you. Even to taking your side in silence."

"What happened to not lying even by omission?" Asuka cynically retorted.

"When I've been specifically and directly ordered by my Lord and sovereign to do just that? His Majesty said you needed a confidant and friend even more than Ikari-san. And I agreed." She knocked back the last of her drink. "I'm impressed at how much you've survived and still come out as whole as you are. I don't know if I could have done the same."

Asuka's control still couldn't completely suppress the cold feeling that rippled across her skin. "Whole?" She picked up her drink and let the sharp bite of the schnapps try to warm the cold pit of her stomach. "I'm very tired. I've had to...accept a lot of pieces of myself getting whittled away to stay this 'whole'. Or did you miss what was going on in the episode in the bathtub you say you know about?"

Ching looked at her a little sadly. "No. I confess that for all I know intellectually what was going on there, it's still hard for me to understand what you were going though on a gut level. We're...not very familiar with despair here in the Empire. Rather the opposite, we always, _always_ know the Lord is watching over us, and that none of us will _ever_ be lost, or forgotten. That's why it's not precisely required, but a very strong tradition here to travel outside the Empire or even the Associated Realms to see what life's like for non-Imperials. The experience for many, as it was for me, is eye-opening. We aren't ignorant of pain in the Empire, but we always know at the bottom that the world the Lord gives us is fair. Virtue is rewarded, evil is punished, justice is done. To see worlds upon worlds where this is not so...awakens in us the same _fieron_ that fills the Emperor too; to see justice done. To make things right."

Asuka regarded her with a mix of cynicism and wistfulness. Nobody talked like that on post-Third Impact Earth. Not without it being a blatantly dishonest cloak for the usual brutality and manipulation of the warlord-du-jour. It had been a long, long time since Asuka had even heard something as idealistic. Well, that hadn't come out of the Third Child's mouth, right after he'd done or said something suicidally stupid like give money to people who'd been beaten as subversives by the secret police. Ching sounded like that. She also sounded like she honestly meant it. Asuka stumbled a bit over that last part in her head. "' _Fieron_?'"

Ching blinked at her for a second, then tapped herself on the forehead. "Ah, sorry. Some words in Avaloni don't have good analogues in German. ' _Fieron_ ' translates as...mmm, 'the fires that drive' I suppose. The burn you feel deep inside that pushes you onward. What makes you go on when all reason says you can't. For a lot of Imperials, it's to go out and do good, to bring justice to places where it is not found. That's why I joined the Navy. Because after seeing the worlds out there where people suffer without hope, places like yours, to stay home and _not_ do something to help was a moral choice I couldn't make. My _fieron_ won't let me."

"Places like mine...yeah, not a lot of hope there," Asuka agreed. "I guess mine would have been to be an Eva Pilot. Most of my life was devoted to that. Gott, I was stupid." Asuka looked at the bottle of schnapps, and thought _'Why the fuck not? How long has it been since I've had a chance to drink anything decent just because I wanted to? And today's had more than enough reasons for me to want one!'_ She filled her tumbler again. _'Pregnant? "Did he ask you? Or did you ask him?"' Gott! That couldn't have been real. No. No way. He'd never-'_ She felt like she was down the rabbit hole, alright. She took a sip of schnapps.

Ching watched her brood for a moment. "There are worse things to be than a mecha pilot, Fräulein Sohryu, such as being one of the Poor Bloody Infantry, or a corpse. I thought being an Eva Pilot was what kept you alive after the warlords got a hold of you?" she said.

Asuka snorted. "Yeah, and it got me into an Entry Plug again, but it also put me through plenty of shit in the meantime. Things I'd rather not remember. You may not know despair, but it's far too familiar to me. And even being an Eva Pilot still didn't make me..." _'worth anything. I can't even make it move now without Shi—the Third Child there to help. Help. Me, needing that idiot to make an Eva move. And what happens when he gets tired and leaves like everyone else? What can I-'_ She stopped herself. She had run that line of thinking around in her head too many times in the last month anyhow. "Anyway, aren't you supposed to be showing me around here?"

Ching eyed her in a way that Asuka knew meant her none too subtle change of subject hadn't gone unnoticed. She nodded her head anyway. "Jawohl, Fräulein Sohryu." She looked up and appeared to talk to the ceiling. "Bee Aitch! Call to Lord Privy Secretary Verfico, please." There was a quiet chime, and the large screen in the living room area came to life. A white heraldic shield with two red upward-pointed chevrons and three red square crosses, wreathed by oak leaves and fronted by a hollow four-pointed star with an infinity symbol at the center occupied the screen, with 'CALLING' flashing underneath it.

"The house has a low-grade AI, voice controlled. Just preface anything you mean for it with 'bee aitch'. _B_ each _H_ ouse, see? It controls the com screen, lights, fireplace, whatever you need. It's smart enough to ask for help from better systems if it can't parse what you said." The screen cleared to reveal a hawk-faced older man, the dark hair graying at his temples a match for his weathered face.

"Good evening, Lieutenant Leibshott, Fräulein Sohryu. How may I assist you?" His German was perfect, but his gruff voice had a slight, strange American accent of all things.

"Good evening, m'lord. I just wanted to introduce you to Fräulein Sohryu and show her the house's com screen functions." She turned to Asuka. "Lord Verfico is the Emperor's Privy Secretary. He always knows where to find him. If you're ever looking for him, just call Lord Verfico and he can get you in touch. Or for anything you need, if I'm not around or something comes to mind you need fast. He can make anything you need happen."

He nodded greetings to Asuka. "I'm hardly a wizard, Lieutenant. But I'm sure I can adequately field any questions or requests Fräulein Sohryu may have. Might I inquire as to the whereabouts of Herr Ikari?"

"He's walking around for a bit with His Majesty, m'lord. They should be back in a few more minutes."

"Very good. Do please remind our liege there's a Privy Council meeting he called at twenty-seven hundred, and that Her Majesty is due in tomorrow morning."

"I shall, m'lord. I doubt he'll have forgotten the latter, though! Goodnight, m'lord."

"Goodnight, Lieutenant, Fräulein Sohryu." And the screen went black once more.

"The com screen will do video, computer work, Net access, calls, that sort of things. You can do audio calls from anywhere in the house or close around it. The kitchen's fully stocked with most things you might need, and BH can get anything you ask for delivered in a hurry. Come on, I'll show you the rest of the house." She headed down the hallway off the back of the living room area with Asuka in tow.

"What did he mean by 'twenty-seven hundred'?" Asuka asked.

"The time, of course. Oh, right, Earth has a shorter day. Avalon has a thirty hour day. Twenty-seven hundred is in about an hour from now. The Emperor will have to go to that Privy Council meeting, but he'll be back by dawn." She waved Asuka into the door on her left. Asuka's eyes widened a bit at the size of the room and bed. The bed on the left side of the room was easily larger than any she'd slept in or seen in her life.

The single bed.

Asuka locked her eyes on it for a long moment. She partly heard Ching talking about the bathroom's large whirlpool tub and features. She snapped her eyes away from it when she noticed that Ching had fallen silent and was staring at her with a faintly sad expression.

"What?" Asuka managed to keep her voice neutral.

Ching stepped closer and placed a hand lightly on her shoulder. "...We can get another bed or room for you, if you want," Ching said just as neutrally.

Asuka met her eyes for another long moment. "No. This is fine. The Third Child and I...have an arrangement," she said eventually, her voice devoid of emotion.

Ching raised her right eyebrow just a hair, but declined to argue the statement. "As you wish, Fräulein Sohryu."

"Just...call me Asuka."

A genuine smile crossed her face. "As you wish, Asuka." She walked past her out the door of the room. "This way. Let me show you the workout room. Its set up as a dojo right now, but BH can swap out weights or other workout gear..."

Asuka trailed behind her, half listening. The spartan workout room, couple more bedrooms, and a small library rounded out the rest of the house. Returning to the kitchen counter where they'd left their drinks, Asuka ventured a question.

"My double said... that he... that Daniel was a god. She seemed to mean that literally. Was she telling the truth?"

Ching gave her an amused look. "You think you are the kind of person who'd tell yourself that big a whopper if it wasn't?"

"She said plenty of other things that make me wonder if she was messing with me. If I was messing with me. I. Whatever."

Ching snorted into her drink, then took a sip. "20th Century German can't handle discussing time loops very well. Avaloni has tenses for that, if you get a chance to learn it. But yes, you were telling yourself the literal truth. His Majesty is not just my secular ruler. He's also the creator of my Avaloni ancestors, everything you see around you, this whole cosmos, all of it. He's cosmic and spiritual creator of, intercessor for, and final judge of my soul and everyone in the Empire. He is the Alpha and the Omega of this universe. He's da Boss." She grinned at Asuka's increasingly funny look. "Ok, I threw in that last one as a gag. But yes, he's just what 'you' told yourself. When you hear me refer to the Lord, that's him in his more divine aspect. He's the Emperor when we're talking in more secular terms. And he's decided that your world screwed you over, and wants to help you get some back."

"And you have sat down and had a drink with him. I...I'm having a hard time accepting that a _god_ randomly walks into my tent one night and offers to give me everything I could possibly want. That doesn't happen, or the story usually has a catch somewhere." Asuka shook her head.

"No catch here. He just hates seeing bad things happen to good people. And everything happens somewhere. This time your luck came up with a real jackpot." Ching played with her empty glass on the counter. "Your story isn't unknown, Asuka. Or rather, the Angel War isn't. The fuzziness of all the different worlds of what came after is the subject of a modest number of stories in the library of all things that could happen. Yours is one of the darker ones, but not the worst, from what the Emperor has told me. And he felt you and Ikari-san shouldn't have had to go through all the pain of the Angel War and then everything that came after it without someone balancing the scales at the end. So he decided he'd provide that weight on your side."

"Mine's 'one of the darker ones'? Darker what?" Asuka asked.

"Infinite universes, almost anything happens. ' _Doctor Faustus'_ happened somewhere, ' _The Illiad'_ happened somewhere, and ' _Evangelion'_ happened somewhere. Your world was a darker story of what might have come next."

"I'm...a story?" Asuka said skeptically.

Ching shrugged. "In infinite universes, everyone's story is written down somewhere. Ours may be somewhere too. You're not fictional, Asuka. No more than anyone else is. Don't worry about it too much."

"But I _know_ Thomas Mann wrote ' _Doctor Faustus'._ If that isn't fictional, how do I know I'm..." She trailed off in bafflement.

"Questions like that keep the Philosophy and Theology Research Departments over at Avalon Imperial University going all night. That's why I went into Psychiatry. For all the twists and caverns, the human mind is a damn sight _simpler_."

"You're making me glad I got my degree in Mathematics. All that Philosophy is the Third's idea of fun." She sighed, and rubbed her forehead. "And so now I've got a god on my side."

"There are benefits to having Avalon on your side, Asuka. When you are a friend of the Emperor, your enemies are his too. And the amount of furious, holy wrath the Emperor alone can unleash on your enemies is awesome to behold. Sinners in the hands of a _very_ angry god, indeed. Justice will be done, amen." Ching said with a smile.

Her smile got sharper. "And then his wife gets a turn," she said. "The Lord may show mercy sometimes. The Lady is less...forgiving. Particularly of those who hurt children."

The door opened behind Asuka, and she turned to see Daniel and the Third walk in.

* * *

Part 5  
 **Punching God In The Face**

A brief discussion with Lieutenant Leibshott asking her to show Shinji the place as well, and Daniel asked Asuka out into the night with him. She hadn't done more than exchange a look with the silent Third Child. He seemed downbeat, and deep in thought. Hardly different than his usual demeanor, but he'd stared at her with odd intensity. She dropped the thought, letting the warm sea breeze clear a bit of the light buzz the schnapps were beginning to set up in her head.

They walked slowly in silence until Asuka broke it with a flat statement in German. "So, you're a god."

He nodded. "For most values of the word. The details are more complicated."

"And you...can bring back Ma-...my mother?"

He nodded again. "I can." He was silent for another moment. "Fräulein Sohryu, her madness from the partial absorption of her soul into Unit-02 and her death hurt you deeply, and affected the rest of your life. It was the first of too many harsh injuries to your soul. I am a healer, when possible. I can ease your pain by bringing your mother back to you, so I will. I care about you two. I don't want to see you hurting." Asuka was unsurprised by now that his German was as clear as hers.

After a few hundred meters, he grimaced slightly. "It's hard to walk next to you, Fräulein Sohryu. You're _radiating_ pain like a city on fire."

At her suspicious look he protested. "I'm not reading your mind; I promised. But I can feel it pouring off you, see it in every line of your face, the way you hold yourself...It's like the heat coming off a flame. I hate seeing people I care for in pain."

"So what are you waiting for? If you can bring back my mother, do it!" Asuka bit out.

"We'll go back to your world and do that tomorrow morning. But there's more in your life that's causing you pain than just that loss. What else do you want?"

Asuka exploded. "I want you to explain what the Hell all that was! That, that... _her!_ Why was 'I' pregnant? Why was she _wearing a ring?_ Why...why..."

"Why was she happy?" Daniel said gently.

"Yes! What happened to her? To me! I..." Asuka burst out in frustration.

"I honestly don't know, Fräulein Sohryu. They are from six months in my future too. They said they came back by prior arrangement to when I was about to start this. But I can make some educated guesses. What did she tell you?"

"Nothing! She just fucking _winked_ at me when I saw the ring! And said she...she told _him_..."

"Shinji? Told him what?"

"Yes! She told him...Grraagghh!" Asuka broke into garbled sounds of anger. "I can't believe she...I...gah! That I'd...Was I screwing with _myself_? Why would I do that?"

"You/she seemed very happy. I think you were messing with yourself to some extent at least because you thought it would be amusing."

"It's not _funny_!" Asuka growled.

"I imagine it must be and will be to you when you go back to talk to the you of six months ago." Daniel said calmly. "Given the amount of frustration you're boiling over with now. Maybe she just wanted to shake you into thinking about things you'd rather not?"

"Do _you_ think that was funny?"

"No, Fräulein Sohryu," he said very quietly. "I'd never mock your pain. Not when I can feel it almost as acutely as you can."

The frustrated energy that had propelled Asuka suddenly ran out of her. "Then you can start by not calling me 'Fräulein Sohryu'. Just use my name. 'Fräulein' doesn't feel right, and I won't be Pilot Sohryu for much longer."

"The Dummy Plug system? Does it bother you that it will take away the leverage that comes from being the only Eva Pilots in the world and guarantees your safety, or is it the loss of the identity as a Pilot that has defined you for so long?"

"Both." Asuka said after a bit. "What else is there left of me... _for_ me after that?"

"Ok, so we wipe out the Dummy Plug system. Next?"

"What?"

"We stop that system from ever coming on line. No one will take your position as Eva Pilot from you. What's next that I can do for you?"

The wave of relief at the potential elimination of the threat to her lifelong position was far weaker than Asuka would have expected. "I don't know. I don't know anything anymore." She stopped and sank down on her knees in the sand. "I'm just tired."

Daniel likewise sat down next to her, facing her. "The nights on Avalon are long. You'll get plenty of rest."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know." He leaned back on his hands and looked up at the sky. "What do you think of my handiwork?"

Asuka's gaze slowly rose from the sand immediately in front of her knees to the blazing night sky. Some of the moons had set, but the enormous arcs of night and day rectangles still gave more light than the brightest full moon Asuka had ever seen.

"It...all seems unreal." She stared at the lights in the sky. "This morning I was watching a patched-together armada getting ready for another war that I'd be 'starring' in. And that war was the best thing I could look forward to in the rest of my life. In a matter of months the Dummy Plug system would make me obsolete and I'd have nothing. The Third Child would get tired of me and leave, just like everyone else I've ever known. Now I've got a man who 'I' told myself is a _god_ offering anything I want sitting next to me..."

"And you don't know what you want?" Daniel asked.

"And I don't know what to think of anything. That...if that was me from six months in the future...why would I just...why couldn't I just _say_ what was going on? And Lieutenant Leibshott tells me my 'story isn't unknown', that my whole world and all I've known is a story to you like ' _Doctor Faustus'_ is to me. That you and who knows who else already knows all the darkest secrets of my life. That you know I was desperate enough before the coup to try killing myself and the Third had to stop me..." She closed her eyes. "And yet somehow, in six months, I'm pregnant, wearing a ring... _his_ ring? And I'm...happy..."

"I think I'm beginning to understand why your older self hit you with all that. You're not happy now, and you find the idea that you could be impossible to grapple with. If she hadn't shown you all that, would you have believed it if I just told you?"

Asuka considered it. "Probably not. I'd have said you were crazy. Or trying to make me angry."

"Well, I'm not trying to make you angry, and I want to make you happy. I care about you two. Almost as much as he cares about you."

Asuka's look would have been a glare if there had been any heat to it. "Don't."

"Asuka, how long has it been since you've had a friend? Or even just someone to talk to?"

Asuka's eyes pinched shut. "I don't need friends. I don't need anybody. Everyone leaves." Faces flashed in her mind's eye. Father, practically abandoning her after Mother went away. Kaji, vanished and according to Shinji probably dead in his idiotic quest for 'the truth'. Hikari, evacuated while Asuka was catatonic from mind-rape, never heard from again. Hans, Winthrop's subordinate she'd tried to latch on to as a protector, who just left her cold when Winthrop promoted him to send him away. Shinji, staying in Boston for years after she'd approached Winthrop...

"Is that what you want, Asuka? I can take them all away. I can take him away. Do you want to be alone?"

She hadn't cried, not even the day they buried her Mama. She would not cry now. She would not. _'Don't take him away. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be alone.'_ "I don't... ...need anyone. My arrangement-"

"Is a hollow shell, that you both fear and _expect_ to collapse at some point. Then what? Water again? Or this time the barrel of a gun in your mouth?" Daniel said quietly, his words hitting Asuka harder than if he'd been shouting them. "Or a twist of hemp like your mother, feet in the air?"

" **NO!** Nononononono! I...I...STOP IT!"

"Is that what you want?"

"SHUT! **UP!** " Asuka's fist swung wildly at his face. He made no attempt to dodge. The soft meaty slap of her fist on his cheek was louder than the gentle lapping of the small waves. They sat like that for several seconds, Asuka's eyes burning into his over her trembling arm.

Daniel finally spoke. "It hurts, doesn't it? Everyone leaving. If you care about someone, let them get close, you'll just get hurt when they leave, like they always do. So you keep everyone away so you won't get hurt." Asuka's fist finally left his cheek, collapsing limply into her lap. "But you need that contact to live, and to _want_ to keep living, Asuka. Never letting anyone in to avoid getting hurt is like never eating to avoid being poisoned. That's what you've been doing, child, and you're starving yourself to death."

"I don't need it," she whispered.

"And a rock feels no pain/ and an island never cries/...I've been there before too, Asuka. More than once. I fought demons and monsters alone for decades, more, so no one else would get hurt. I didn't like who I became. I went to...some very bad places. I didn't turn the anguish inward like you, but outward, and that loosed a terrible evil. Friends pulled me out. People who cared enough about me to face that darkness and bring me out. I built this entire Empire so they and I would never fight alone again. I became a god so I could protect them, and reach out to protect others who suffered. I am not alone. _You_ _are not alone._ "

Asuka refused to lift her eyes from the sand. "You're an emperor. You're a god. I'm not like you."

"'For you have but mistook me all this while; I live with bread like you, feel want, taste grief, need friends: subjected thus, how can you say to me, 'I am a king?'' I may be all those things, Asuka, but I'm still human too. I could be alone. But after a while, I wouldn't even recognize myself. Without the people I love, I wouldn't even want to."

Daniel scooted closer and put his arm around the shaking young woman. "You are not alone. I am with you. He is with you."

Asuka gave a single bitter laugh. "He left too. He may have come back, but he'll leave again. He always did when I needed him. The first thing he did after we came back from Instrumentality was try to kill me."

"And the merest touch of your hand on his cheek broke him. His heart is as fragile as yours, Asuka. And the days after the Impact burned a lot out of him. Do you know _why_ he was left in Boston after Hans dropped you?"

Asuka shook her head once. "He was just gone one day. Not a word. It was right after I...went to Winthrop, for protection. He ran away because I wouldn't give him what he wanted."

"Winthrop came to Shinji and told him that he was going to be giving you his 'personal attentions'. Shinji thought he was just dressing up his intent to rape you. He tried anything, even offered himself as a substitute, if Winthrop would leave you alone. Winthrop just laughed, and sicced the guards on him. Winthrop's guards beat Shinji unconscious and you left with Winthrop on a transport for Berlin the next day. Shinji had a skull fracture, two broken ribs, and a fractured arm. He was unconscious for over a week. Winthrop left him in Boston to keep him thousands of miles from you and any other potential foolish efforts on his part."

Asuka flinched. She hadn't known that.

"You have no idea how much that boy has bled for you. You were still mostly out of it for months after the Third Impact. You don't know the things he had to do to keep you both alive. And he didn't leave that note in your room so he could go surrender. He left it as insurance, so if the coup failed, he could try to protest you had nothing to do with it. He did it to protect you. You told him he's all you've got left? You're all he has left too. He thinks he's failed everyone else in his life. Suzuhara-san, Ryoji, Ayanami-san, Major Katsuragi...the old fears have to some extent been burned out of him. You're all he has now, and the one he cares about the most. He's going to try to protect you from anything that might hurt you for the rest of his life. He's not going to let go. Remember Mount Asama. He'd jump headfirst into a live volcano for you. Again."

Asuka's voice had all the heat and life of the ashes of a week-old forest fire. "He'll...leave. Everyone does. All I do is hurt him."

"He won't. I won't. Tomorrow I'm going to turn back time and raise the dead for you. And maybe Shinji will surprise you. You are not alone. _Numquam Soli_ , 'Never Alone', the motto of the Imperial Army. And we're on your side now, Asuka. In six months, you'll be her. Think about what that means; you and your betrothed will be telling your mother and all your friends what you're going to be naming your child, while you show off your ring."

"I...can't." _'That can't be me. I don't know how. I'm not worth it. If anyone knew the real me, they'd leave. They'd_ _ **run.**_ _'_

"You will." His arm came away from her shoulders. "I know you can. I know you, somewhat. The Great Asuka Langley Sohryu, at least. You're not the first Asuka I've met. I've talked with and helped others. So I know something about how you might have the strength in you. Bell curves and infinities, you know these well. Most Asukas have that strength. You'd never have survived as long as you have without it."

Asuka's response was silence. Daniel sighed a little.

"You can be happy, Asuka. I've seen that too." He waved at the sky in general. "I've seen a lot of worlds with Evangelions. Lots of worlds with endings different than yours; Some worse, many much happier. Worlds where you two are together happen fairly often. You are usually..." He smiled gently. "Quite happy together. And your children are wonderful. Usually daughters, but always joys to see. You are always...a great mother."

Asuka finally looked up at him again. Her face under her eyes was slick with tears, though she had not made a sound. "A mother," she said very quietly.

"It's the usual end result of pregnancy." Daniel said with gentle irony. "I'm sorry I made you cry, Asuka. You're holding in a lot of pain, and pulling off the bandage is going to hurt a bit. On the other side of this you'll find everything you've been missing, I promise." He stood up and put his hand out to her. "We will make everything alright. That's what we do."

Asuka took his hand and stood up unsteadily. She scrubbed at her face with the back of her hand, erasing the signs of her weakness. _'Damn him.'_

"Tomorrow we start turning your world around. By tomorrow night, you'll feel like you're a whole new woman." He grinned briefly. "And my lady wife will be here. I haven't seen my wife in too long. I should introduce you to her. She'll go completely 'mom' at you. You'd get along well, I think. A fellow redhead. And huge bitch, by her own declaration. My Witch Queen." His eyes went far away, and his smile got even bigger. "My undounamata."

Daniel started slowly walking back towards the beach house. Asuka caught up to his side and fell into step. "That's an unusual name," Asuka said in a low voice. "Is she from some exotic planet of your wild space empire? A green skinned space babe? It'd be the perfect capper to today's weirdness."

Daniel laughed. "Not exactly exotic; she's from Earth too. That's not her name, that's what she is to me. It's a very old Avaloni word. Undounamata: The part without which you are not complete, that gives purpose to life, the complementation of your heart and spirit. She is my other half. The reason I can laugh at gods of chaos and death and madness. The reason I can go on when there is no light."

He chuckled again. "And it will be an interesting meeting. Her name is Raye."

"As long as she doesn't have blue hair," Asuka replied.

* * *

A/N: Surprises while writing: I didn't expect Asuka would take a swing at Daniel. It just kind of happened.


	4. Ch4 - Sleeping Together, Apart

Part 6  
 **Sleeping Together, Apart**

Daniel held the door open for Asuka as they returned. Asuka stepped inside to hear mournful cello notes filling the beach house. She collected the holster and gun from the counter and followed Daniel to the source of the music in the house's small library. They found Shinji playing with his eyes closed and a look of intense concentration on his face. They stood in the doorway of the library for several minutes, drinking in the intricate melody, before Shinji opened his eyes as the last notes faded.

"Bach's Cello Suite No. 4 in E-flat major. Very impressive, Shinji," Daniel said, clapping softly. He nodded at the deep brown cello. "I see Lieutenant Leibshott showed you how to request items from the house systems."

Shinji nodded. "Just before she left a few minutes ago for her own cabin. The playing helps me think. I asked if I could get mine from our tent, and she just had the house BH thing get me one right away. She said she'd see us in the morning."

"Excellent. I'll be off too in a moment. Got to make that Privy Council meeting. I'll be back around dawn, that'll be about 0700. The kitchen's fully stocked if you'd like to whip up some breakfast, or the house can have it delivered. Give Lucas a call if you need anything or to get a hold of me."

"Lucas?" Shinji asked.

"Lord Verfico." Daniel said. "Lieutenant Leibshott should have introduced him to Asuka. My Privy Secretary. He always knows where I can be found. You two get some rest, and tomorrow we'll give you that medical check and get started on rescuing your absent friends and family. Goodnight, my friends." He stepped back, sketched a half-bow at them, and vanished down the hall.

Asuka watched him leave, then turned back to Shinji. He looked at her with that peculiar focus again for a moment, then stood up and placed the cello against its stand. As he turned back to her, Asuka asked, "So, is this a dream?"

Shinji shook his head. "I don't think so. That's one of the reasons I wanted to try playing a little. Suite No. 4 is one of the most technically demanding pieces I know. I've had dreams where I was playing before, but never one where I had to actually think of what I was doing. This isn't a dream." He gave a weak laugh. "That's what 'I' told myself. It's not a dream, Instrumentality, or going crazy. It's for real."

He walked around her and headed to the bedroom. Asuka followed, but halted in the doorway, watching as he sat down on the edge of the bed and stared out the window spanning the entire outer wall. The lights of a few other island cabins could be seen in the distance. Shinji was staring into the distance, but Asuka could tell he wasn't seeing the lights out there.

"And if it's real...we can change so much. He said he could save Misato, and Kaji, and...my mother." He looked up at Asuka. "He said your mother too."

Asuka fought to keep her expression under control. "Yes. He told me that too," she said woodenly. She walked to the other side of the bed, put the gun and holster in the nightstand within easy reach, and began to remove her shoes and dress.

"He also said he...might be able to...He might be able to save Rei. O-or maybe even Kaworu. Maybe even everyone still caught in the ring of souls! I...if he can...so many things I did wrong. Can he really do that?" Shinji looked over at her as she finished undressing and slipped under the covers, desperately seeking confirmation of impossible hopes.

She had barely flinched at the mention of the name of her once despised rival pilot, before Shinji had been looking her way. Asuka refused to meet his eyes. The naked hope in them was too much to look at. After sixteen years of keeping that pain under lock and key the things she'd talked about with Daniel had left her feelings too raw to withstand seeing that. After sixteen years of keeping it suppressed, and four years of living in nightmarish barbarity past the end of the world, hope _hurt_.

She could feel him staring at her back as she curled facing away from him. He wasn't going to let her get away with not answering, was he? "He said he could. He opens portals between worlds with a snap of his fingers, brings our doubles through time. Why doubt he can do all the rest?" she finally responded.

"Asuka? He said he could...your...I know..." Shinji stammered.

"Spit it out, Third," she said. Her head hurt. Her stomach hurt. She hurt.

"Why aren't you excited? He said he could bring our _mothers_ back. I know what losing my mother was like..." He hesitated, knowing the taboo that had grown up between them about ever mentioning the next topic. He tried to get it out in a burst. "I remember from Instrumentality, about...yours. Aren't you happy about this?"

"...I don't know. I don't know what to think about any of this. He said a lot of things."

"What did he say to you?"

"He said..." '" _You're_ radiating _pain like a city on fire." "You_ _are not alone._ " " _Do you know why he was left in Boston after Hans dropped you?" "You have no idea how much that boy has bled for you." "You can be happy, Asuka."'_ "He said that he could help us, and that he knew all about our 'story'." _'And still thought we deserved help.'_ "Maybe he can."

"What did 'yourself' tell you? And what was she talking about, what question?"

 _'"We liked it. We liked_ _ **him**_. _" "I told him...I told him because I wanted to. Because he deserved to know. Because I wanted him to know. Because I…" "You don't have to be afraid anymore. Of anything. And 'you're allowed to be happy now.' Don't miss this chance."_ ' "A lot of things that are hard to believe." _'Don't ask me any more things I can't answer, Third. Get off these questions.'_ "What did 'you' tell yourself?" she asked quietly.

Shinji fell silent. Victory. But then he spoke up again. "He said Daniel can bring back so many people that were lost...everyone we knew... Then Daniel told me he is going to send an Imperial Army division with us to make the invasion of South America simple, and then keep going, help us rebuild our whole world...No more 'what ifs'..."

"He said he was going to give back everything that was taken from us...And that I should..." He broke off again. Then he said much more quietly, more to himself than her, "'Be honest, be there, and don't be afraid'..."

Silence again for a long moment, then Asuka felt him put his hand on her shoulder. His touch was warmer than she was, but all she felt was her own prickling skin. "Goodnight, Asuka." His touch disappeared. She heard him undress and get into bed. The lights turned off after they'd been still and quiet for a while, and they lay there in the darkness in the huge soft bed, not touching each other, inches between them, and miles apart.

Sleep was a long time coming for both of them. 

Part 7  
 **The Witch Queen**

+++++++++++++++++

Sleep did eventually overtake him, but Shinji knew he'd laid there for at least a couple of hours in the dark, staring at the sky out the windows, or at yet another unfamiliar ceiling. When he woke, the sky outside was just barely starting to lighten, though his body was telling him it was much later. He sat up, and looked over at Asuka. She had finally rolled over in her sleep at some point, and he could see her face. There was a damp spot on her pillow. She'd been crying in her sleep again.

Shinji sighed to himself. He was usually up before her, since they started sleeping together, so he saw that more often than he ever wanted to. He wanted to make that stop. But she still held him at more than arm's length emotionally. They slept together in only the most literal sense. He had once tried taking her up on the offer of sex that she'd included in their 'relationship'. It had been a pathetic failure. She'd lain there like a breathing mannequin, and when he tried to position himself above her, the thousand-mile-stare in her eyes that weren't even turned towards him robbed Shinji of any urge to press himself any further on her. He'd simply laid down next to her, and pulled the sheets over them. He'd tried to hold her, but she'd rolled away. He tried not to hear her sniffling and quiet sobs as he lay there hating himself too. They'd not spoken to each other at all the next morning, though she occasionally mentioned the offer still stood, like the evening before Daniel had appeared.

He'd had a point. This was almost worse. Almost; this aching parody of a relationship was still better than the years of anguished, regret-filled solitude that had preceded it. But it still hurt. Shinji watched her sleep for a few minutes, wishing he could reach her and let her smile again. Her face would sometimes relax, when they sparred in the dojo, or when they were playing one of Asuka's favorite diversions, video games. She always seemed pleasantly surprised when Shinji would appear with more of the ridiculously rare functioning games for her systems. She always asked him why he spent so much on her toys. He never managed to say to her face that it was all worth it to see that wisp of a smile and hear her calling him 'baka' again in that softer voice.

He swung his feet out off the bed, and looked down to where he'd dropped his clothes last night. He stared at them when he sighted them. They weren't as he'd left them. He'd dropped them in a compact heap near the side of the bed. Now they were neatly folded and pressed, looking almost new again.

Shinji bent down to pick them up. A sniff confirmed it; the faint scent of detergent. Without a sound or waking him, someone had managed to remove, launder, fold, and return his clothes while they slept. A look at the far side of the bed confirmed Asuka's clothes had been given the same treatment. Even their shoes had been cleaned. Shinji eventually shrugged, and went to the bathroom to shower. _'Weird, full-service ghosts,'_ he thought.

He went to the kitchen with the intent of making as close to one of their old school-day breakfasts as he could. A quick search through the cabinets and refrigerator easily turned up everything he even vaguely thought he might need. He shook his head again. Too weird. He even had fresh eggs, orange juice, and tomatoes, rare luxuries in the post-Third Impact world they knew.

He heard the shower start, and had the house full of the smell of cooking breakfast by the time Asuka came out of the bedroom.

"Good morning, Asuka." He was rewarded with a grunt and a vague wave. She sat down at the small table by the kitchen, and Shinji served their breakfast. They ate in silence.

Finally, Asuka showed some signs of life. "Anyone come yet?"

Shinji shook his head. "He said about dawn. It looks like that should be soon." The sky outside had brightened significantly since he woke. "I wonder...BH, what time is it?"

There was a soft chime, and a cool synthetic voice replied in Japanese, "At the tone, the local time will be 0647." A few seconds later, there was a beep.

"Looks like we've still got a few minutes." Shinji said. "And we're still here, so I guess that means it's not a dream."

Asuka sat staring at her emptied plate. "Not a dream," she echoed, her voice devoid of any inflection. She did look up when there was a knock at the door. Shinji opened it to reveal Lieutenant Leibshott, in the same space-black uniform as last night. The growing morning light made it easier to see the small array of campaign ribbons on her left breast and what must have been rank tabs at her throat.

"Good morning, Shinji, Asuka. I hope your first night in our fair Realm was peaceful."

Shinji stepped aside to admit her. "Good morning, Lieut- er, Ching. I guess I slept about as well as I could hope after an evening like that. Um, are we supposed to meet Daniel somewhere, or do we just wait until he appears?" He asked.

"His Majesty should be along shortly. We may be in for a rare treat, as well. I believe Her Majesty will also be coming by for at least a short while. They haven't gotten to see each other for some time, so their reunion will be an interesting experience."

"Is there supposed to be some kind of ceremony or something?" Shinji asked.

"No, nothing like that. But when the Lord and Lady have been apart for any substantial amount of time, they are usually _very_ happy to see each other again. And when they do come together again, everyone for miles can feel their joy. I've never gotten to meet Her Majesty, nor His Majesty before this assignment, so I can't wait to see it in the flesh." Her lips curled in a wistful smile. "Wish I had a lover handy to share it with."

Shinji didn't know what to make of that. He noticed Asuka's odd expression. She was staring at the lieutenant like she'd suddenly started speaking in tongues. "Asuka? Are you alright?"

Asuka snapped out of her trance, and jerked her eyes to Shinji. "I'm...fine, Third." She looked back at the Imperial. "So what do we do then?"

"We all go over to the clinic island, do your quick medical check-up, then you go with His Majesty back to your Earth for the first retrieval mission. That's the plan His Majesty sent me this morning. After that, he said we'll see what feels good for a next step. After hitting you with so much last night, he doesn't want to overwhelm you with too much at once. Even good things can pile on too much, he said."

Lieutenant Leibshott closed her eyes. "He's coming." She opened them again and smiled at the two Eva Pilots. "Let's go out to meet him."

"You can...feel him coming or something?" Shinji asked.

She nodded. "Just so. I'm half StarBorn on my mother's side, so I can feel it when he's nearby. Come on."

 _'StarBorn?'_ Shinji filed that one to ask about later and they followed her to the door. They filed out to the beach where they'd arrived the previous night. The oddly curved eastern horizon was just showing the first spark of dawn over calm seas.

Lieutenant Leibshott scanned the skies, then pointed. "There."

Shinji and Asuka looked where her arm indicated, but saw nothing. The white wings of a single seabird were visible far out over the water, but nothing else was in sight.

"Where? I don't see anything," Shinji said.

"Yeah, just one seagull and a lot of water. Is he too far out for us to see?" Asuka asked.

"Seagull?" Lieutenant Leibshott looked at her in confusion. "What seagull?"

"The only thing out there is that seagull right—" Asuka's voice trailed off. The seagull was now a lot more visible, and a lot less seagull. The lack of black tips to the wings was a good clue. The royal-blue-caped figure between the wings was an even better one that this was not a commonly-sighted seabird.

On a pair of iridescent white wings over 15 meters wide, their host came soaring towards the shore. He pulled up and his wings beat backwards to drop him to a rapid landing a bit down the shoreline from them. The cloud of sand whipped up by his landing made the reason for the standoff distance easy to see.

Shinji and Asuka shared a stunned look, then stared as Daniel walked towards them, his wings seeming to withdraw into his back as he came. By the time he reached them, they'd vanished under his cape.

"Good morning! Sleep alright?" He greeted them cheerily.

"Guh," Shinji replied smoothly. He seemed to have forgotten how to blink.

Daniel gave their goggle-eyed stares a wry look. "Boy, kids these days. You tell people you're an emperor from beyond space and time, they just nod. You flap in on a pair of wings, and all of a sudden they forget how to talk."

"Buh...Wings?," was Asuka's witty rejoinder. Her eyes were not blinking either.

"Yes, wings. A lot of genetic engineering, some novel bio-compression techniques for storage, and you've got a nice, compact method for getting yourself around in environments where technological, magical, or psionic methods of rapid transit are unavailable or just don't work. And, as you two are experiencing, they're a sometimes really great method for impressing people. I built them into the _Homo Avalonis_ genome, so any native-born Imperial has them too." He gestured at Lieutenant Leibshott. "Such as the good Lieutenant."

Asuka and Shinji slowly pivoted to look at her. She smiled politely back at them. She looked at Daniel. "Good morning, Your Majesty."

"Good morning, Lieutenant. Everything ready for today's slate?"

"Yes, Your Majesty. Will Her Majesty be joining us soon?"

"Very soon. You may want to stand back."

"Oh no, Your Majesty. I wouldn't miss this for anything. I just wish I was so lucky as to have mine."

"Please yourself. Shinji, Asuka, are you two ready?"

Shinji and Asuka shared another confused look. Shinji turned back to Daniel and asked, "Ready for what?"

Daniel opened his mouth to answer, and a pillar of fire filled the sky. Reaching up as far as they could see, the column of flame touched down twenty feet behind him. Narrowing to a swirling tip like the point of a tornado, the fire abruptly completed one final spiral and vanished. In the center of the circle it had transcribed stood a tall, curvaceous woman with elaborate jewelry worked through her long, flowing red hair, clad in form-fitting green and black robes...who was calmly knitting something from a large ball of blue yarn that floated beside her.

"Ready for her to arrive," Daniel finished in a tone of voice filled with happiness.

The Witch Queen of Avalon opened her hazel eyes, and locked them on Daniel. "Hello, love."

"Undounamata..." he whispered, then bolted towards her. Daniel ran to her and they slammed together like he'd been fired from a cannon. Shinji watched a concussion without sound fly out from the furiously embracing, kissing couple in an expanding dome that almost instantly washed over them.

Suddenly he was filled with joy. His heart felt as light as a feather. Tears began to flow freely down his face as he felt her hand in his. His whole body began to tingle, radiating out from that touch. He couldn't contain the smile that felt like it would split his face. He was alive, the sun was shining, and she was with him. Always, always beside him. Never parted, never forsaken. She was his, he was hers, they were together, and all was right with the world. They turned to each other, and her eyes captured him like sapphire magnets. He could lose himself in those eyes. He always did, always had, always _, always_ _would_...

Nothing in the world mattered but her. His heart pounded. He leaned in closer to her, his head angling slightly as she matched his motion exactly. Words trembled on his lips. He had to tell her, had to say something. But words had lost all power. Nothing he could say could come close to conveying how he felt about her. All his strangled tongue could manage was "A-Asuka..."

The sound of her name broke the spell. She blinked twice, and the matching huge smile on her face faded into confusion. She looked down. Shinji's eyes followed. When had he taken her hand? Had she done it? She jerked her hand from his and held it to her chest as if scalded. "What..." she said in a very lost voice. "What was...what just happened?"

"They had been apart for months. Now the Lord and the Lady are reunited. I understand the effect is even stronger the longer they've been apart. If it had been more than a few years, you'd have been ripping each other's clothes off right now." Lieutenant Leibshott's eyes were glistening. She took a deep breath. "Undounamata... one is two are one. We just felt an echo of what they feel _all the time._ I hope I find mine someday. I understand it is...wonderful."

Shinji had jumped when she spoke up. They hadn't moved, but for a moment he and Asuka had been to only people in the world. He fought to hold on to the rapidly dissipating feelings. He hadn't felt so happy since...since...ever? Had he ever felt so...so...light? Not the slightest weight on his heart, only a feeling like soaring...

The look on Asuka's face looked even more confused, like someone had stolen a child's favorite toy. She looked utterly lost, forlorn. Her cheeks were still wet, so Shinji couldn't be sure, but he thought she might still be crying. She wouldn't meet his eyes. He didn't know what to do. His own sense of loss and confusion paralyzed him. An impulse to gather her in his arms only got as far as one half-raised hand before she turned away, hiding her face.

Daniel and his wife finally relaxed their embrace and walked back to them, hands still locked together. The knitting and ball of thread bobbed in the air in their wake like an obedient puppy. _They_ were still smiling broadly, Shinji noted with a faint wisp of envy.

"Homecomings are always better when your love is there to meet you, airport or seashore, yes?" the Lady said, her voice a warm contralto. "A pleasure to meet you both, Pilots. And you as well, Lieutenant Leibshott."

She pulled Shinji into a brief hug. A shock ran through his body, the feeling similar to the sensation of his mother's arms reaching for him as he had drifted in the Sea of Dirac. He stood there trying to sort out what that meant as she pulled Asuka into a longer one. He saw Asuka shiver, hesitantly return the embrace, then tighten, like someone seizing at a life preserver. The Lady whispered something into Asuka's hair, then released her. He got a better look at her face. She _was_ still crying. She wiped the back of her hand across her face, and he managed to look away before she noticed him staring. He knew from long experience she hated when anyone saw her being vulnerable. He hated to see her like that too, for different reasons. He hated himself for always just watching.

"Ah...very good to meet you too, Your Majesty." Shinji hastily said, and bowed deeply.

She patted him gently on his head. "As my husband has asked you to call him by name, I can hardly insist on such formality for me. Please call me Raye, Shinji."

He rose from the bow, confused. "Rei? Your name is Rei?" That seemed an odd coincidence.

She half-smiled at his puzzlement. "Not quite. It's short for Rayana, if you prefer that. Not exactly the same as your friend Ayanami."

Daniel snorted. "Not very alike, no." He looked to Lieutenant Leibshott. "Lieutenant, if you please?"

Lieutenant Leibshott snapped to attention. "Aye aye, Your Majesty." She touched her finger to a broad metallic band that wrapped around her left wrist where a watch would lie.

Shinji heard a faint hum and a shadow passed over their heads. A wide disc of metal with an incongruous wooden deck floated down from overhead and settled to a halt several inches above the sand next to them.

Lieutenant Leibshott waved to the disc. "Shinji, Asuka, please step aboard, and we'll head to the clinic island."

++++++++++++

Part 8  
 **Talking To Yourself**

Shinji gingerly stepped up onto the disc. It did not bob under his weight at all. He might have been stepping onto solid stone for all he could feel anything. Asuka stepped up next to him, and the rest of the party followed. Once they all were on the disc, Lieutenant Leibshott touched the band on her wrist again, and the world dropped out from under them. Shinji almost grabbed for a support by reflex, then stopped when he realized that despite what his eyes were telling him, his inner ear was saying he wasn't moving at all.

They were ascending with great apparent speed, but no sensation of motion at all. There wasn't even any breeze from their motion through the air. At what looked like a height of a few thousand meters, they leveled off, and headed off west. Shinji glanced at Asuka. She was looking over the edge at the small scattered islands whipping past below.

"I wanted to give you two a look at the Islands, so we went with the transfer disc today instead of a direct jaunt or such," Daniel said. "Give you some sense of space so you wouldn't feel too 'stuck on an island'. There's small scooters and the like available if you want to tool around on the surface some other time."

Scattered small islands, alone or in rings and archipelagos filled the sea beneath them. Shinji could see larger areas of open water in the distance, but they were headed for a cluster of larger islands in the center of the mass. Their destination seemed to be a fairly large one, with several larger low buildings on it.

Their disc settled to a stop near the ground as before on a large lawn in front of a building that bore a sign Shinji couldn't decipher. It was in Western letters, but wasn't quite English. The large red cross on the sign made it easy to guess that this was the clinic Lieutenant Leibshott had mentioned, though. They stepped off, and Lieutenant Leibshott guided them to the front door, which obligingly swung open as they approached.

As they stepped inside, Shinji almost walked into himself.

The Shinji he'd almost run right into the back of turned around and started to apologize, then stared in matching shock. "Excuse m-...uh...me?"

"Shinji, who's th-..." Another Asuka came out of the hallway to the right and trailed off.

"Um...I...you..." Both Shinjis said in stereo.

"In the continuum of infinite universes, you run into yourself more often than you'd think, though I admit, I didn't expect to see another pair of you here, Shinji, Asuka." Daniel seemed mildly surprised. "Lieutenant Leibshott, do please find out the story here. There weren't supposed to be any overlapping appointments between any of their analogues this morning that I was aware of."

"Aye aye, Your Majesty," she answered quietly before tapping at the band on her wrist as she walked away.

"Um," the new Shinji began, "I guess this is what they were talking about. Hello."

"H-hello." Shinji's sense of self was starting to feel a little tweaked. "I guess you are me from...another world?"

"Must be...wow. Yeah. I...we...we ended up in Russia, a few years after the Third Impact. Things were...pretty bad." He looked at his Asuka. "I was...we'd gotten separated, and some Russian warlord was stringing me up when we were, um, rescued, I guess you could say. They brought us here to patch us up, and give us some rest before we go back to rebuild. Er, who are you, sir?" He turned to Daniel. "I recognize the emblem on your armor. It was on the flying war machine that rescued us. And the, um, police cars that were chasing it. Are you in the government here?"

"...You could say that, yes," Daniel said dryly after a long pause. He stuck out his hand. "Sir Daniel Joseph O'Brien, Knight of the Crown, Ranger Prime of the Imperial Rangers, Clan Lord of the O'Briens, King of Primastra, Lord of Ten Billion Suns, Ruler of the Shining Realm, His Most Cosmic Majesty, Emperor of Avalon. I _**am**_ the government here. Welcome to my place. Can I get you anything?"

The new Shinji had taken his hand to shake. His eyes got wider and his handshake slower as his ears caught up with his hand. "Uh..."

The Asuka behind him began to crumple to the floor. Rayana flicked a finger, and a faint blue haze surrounded a chair by the wall. It shot under Asuka before she could fall far. "I think I need to sit down," she said.

"You do that, Frau Ikari." Rayana said gently. She took the new Shinji's frozen hand from Daniel's and shook it gently herself. "Pardon my husband's exploitation of his myriad titles for amusement value. He likes messing with people like that sometimes. I'm Dame Rayana Kylise Hart-O'Brien, Knight Commander of the Centre for Covert Multi-Dimensional Operations, Avalon Imperial University Mistress of Musical Arcanum, Imperial Sorceress Supreme, Grand Duchess of Narya, Lady of Mothers' Fury, Her Most Mystic Majesty, Witch Queen of Avalon. Would you like something to drink?" This time it was Daniel's finger flick whipping a chair over for Shinji to fall into.

"Good to have you home, love," Daniel murmured to his wife as they stepped back from pushing the chairs of the unsteady new pair next to each other. "So hard to pull off that routine properly without you."

"Love you too, ke'chara." She replied just as quietly. Shinji envied his counterpart his chair. His knees had stayed firmer, but the reminders of their host's otherworldly nature were getting deep enough to stress his equilibrium too. He looked over to check on his Asuka.

She was frozen still, staring straight at the other Sohryu. Rayana had knelt beside that one and was whispering something to the dazed Asuka in the chair. She rose, put her hand on the young woman's head, and murmured something with her eyes closed. Rayana turned to Asuka, and motioned her closer. "Your alternate would like to speak with you, Asuka."

Asuka stepped a bit closer, and the seated Asuka grabbed her hand. Her hands were cold. "Don't let yours go," she said in a low voice.

"What?"

"I walked away from that beach. I woke up and he wasn't there, and I thought he'd abandoned me. So I walked away. He was just gone for a few minutes, he told me when we found each other again. That was six years later. I'd spent every minute of those six years wondering what reason I had to live for. I was only still alive because I was afraid to die."

She took a shuddering breath, and continued. "And as soon as we found each other, I ran away again. Things got worse. Some Russian warlord captured me, stuck me in his harem. After a few weeks I managed to shake off the drugs and kill a guard to get away. I got back to Shinji. The warlord's men followed me, took Shinji, ki-... killed Svetlana... Yuriy and I followed them back to Chita. We got to Shinji, but he was, was..." Tears began to drip onto their joined hands. "...dying. We gave him mercy... He died in my arms. Don't let yours go."

The other Shinji's hand grasped her shoulder. "I'm here with you now, Asuka. And I'm not leaving you anymore. Ever," he said in an intense tone.

She grabbed onto his hand with her free one and looked up at him. "But what about Ming?"

Shinji looked at his new double and asked, "Ming?"

The other one kept looking at his Asuka, but answered Shinji. "When I lost Asuka on that beach, I spent five years looking for her, mourning her. I thought she was dead. I buried every woman's body I came across that looked even a little like her. Eventually I… gave up. I couldn't do it anymore. I met a Chinese woman named Ming. The day before Asuka found me again, I asked her to marry me." His eyes clouded. "That night some raiders found us. Shot me, raped and murdered her. Asuka and Yuriy found us, saved me, tried to save her too. She died." His voice was flat.

"And then those nice girls and that boy rescued you three, and brought Vanya, Svetlana, and I back here," said a Chinese-accented voice behind them. A slim hand came down on Asuka's shoulder to join theirs. "We're alive and together. We'll figure the rest out, Asuka." The thin Chinese woman looked up at Shinji and Asuka. "Hello. I think I know your names, mirrors to my friends. I am Ming Chehwong. Pleased to meet you." She bowed.

Asuka slipped her hand free from her seated double's and stepped back. Shinji did not mind at all that it meant she backed into him. "What? I...um...Hello." _'She was dead? What?_ ' Shinji didn't know what to say. He usually relied on Asuka to brashly brave their way with new people. But now she was looking as shocked as him. He was saved by the return of Lieutenant Leibshott. She had a screen with a rapidly scrolling report somehow hovering just above her wristband and read off a summary to them.

"Emergency admission last night, Your Majesty. They just came in a few hours ago, really torn up. More of them dead than alive when the 'rescue force' got there. They just finished raising the last of them. They're clear for us now."

"A 'rescue force'? I don't recall authorizing any for last night. And their story doesn't match any Evangelion derivative that's been selected for attention lately. What's the rest of the story, Lieutenant?" Daniel said coolly, raising an eyebrow.

Her lips quirked in a small smile. "That's because you didn't authorize one, Your Majesty. This was not an official Ranger mission, Marine raid, or Army intervention. One of the Bastard Princesses and a pair of her friends broke into the personal campaign museum on Baron V'Tkanatey's estate, stole an obsolete Imperial Marine MAL-58 hover assault lander, and went joyriding in it. They apparently activated the dimensional portal generator after the Avalon City PD started chasing them. They exited in a far Evangelion variant line, and arrived over Chita, Russia in the middle of two warlords fighting over the city. They used the MAL-58 to tear both sides' forces apart, and their wings to have half the city convinced they were being invaded by Heaven by the time the Police flyers caught up. She used her authority as a Bastard Princess to claim the area as newly pacified Imperial Territory and dragooned them into helping her stabilize the place before they could be allowed to arrest her and her friends for 'borrowing' the lander, leaving the Empire underage without permission, and _ditching school_."

"I swear, you leave a couple of ripples in the interdimensional aether, and all of a sudden _everybody_ is hitting the area you just left by accident," Daniel muttered. "Alright, so she drafted a bunch of Avalon City cops into helping heal the sick, feed the starving, hang the brutal and the wicked, get the place functioning as a human society again. Then what?"

"She called on the powers of The Blood to resurrect Ikari-san here, collected some of their family who need more of the same, and let the ACPD haul her and her friends home. The police brought the casualties here, and the judge threw the book at her. She protested that it hurt, hitting her in the head like that. ' _Crime and Punishment'_ isn't a small book. The judge told her 'Exactly. Now maybe you'll learn not to skip class when they're covering literary metaphors.' Then he released them to their families. Apparently they're very angry at them, very proud of them, and they're grounded for a week."

"And another day dawns in the Empire," Daniel sighed. "Three of them, underage, evidently trying to be Rangers ahead of their majority. Who was it?"

"Bastard Princess Diana Athena Hipólita 'Lucky' Lee, Your Majesty. Bastard Princess Countess Dame Athena Daniela Lee's youngest daughter. And two friends of hers from school, miss Illyaria 'Risky' Syunhyde and mister Barataen 'Foolhardy' Shoraksan."

"Those three _again_? It seems I may need to have a word with my young granddaughter. Again. I told her the last time, she's not allowed to be an Imperial Ranger until she's of age! And dragging Miss Syunhyde along again? She's thirteen! Kids! They'll drive me nuts!" Daniel griped.

"You mean that didn't happen about four cenmills ago, dear? And you know perfectly well you couldn't separate those three with a crowbar. _I_ can tell those three are going to be a triad the moment they're all legal. Those two girls can too. I don't think the boy can, but that's kind of cute. Anyhow, I thought you approved of this sort of behavior, the all-but-loony level of knight-errant heroing and such?" Rayana said demurely, one eyebrow lightly arched.

"I do! It's her lack of _patience_ that's irritating! Girl can't wait until she's an adult like most of our flavor of idiots? Meh. Alright, Lieutenant, contact MilNetCom and see about getting a medium brigade out to that world to help out the Ikaris, and have them get a Ranger Second Class pair down here immediately to take their case. A couple of Ranger Cadets, too."

"Aye aye, Your Majesty." She began tapping at her wrist again, and murmuring commands.

"I swear, it's like running a kindergarten some days..." Daniel massaged the bridge of his nose. "Ikari-san, Fräuen Ikari, a pair of Imperial Rangers and their students will be here in a moment to take care of you. They'll see your needs are met and your world set right. And it sounds like the four of you need some time to talk, and should you come to such a conclusion, we have a priestess of the Lady in the chapel on this island."

 _'Four?'_ Shinji thought. _'But there are three of them...or do we have invisible people or ghosts here too? I'm not sure I'd be surprised at this point.'_

The three nodded hesitantly. No sooner had Daniel finished speaking, when Shinji felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to find a tall, dark skinned young man in gold-trimmed blue armor like Daniel's standing behind their group and smiling politely at him. "Ikari Shinji-san?" he inquired.

"Um, yes?"

"Ranger Second Class Haile MacConnell, sir. My commander has requested and required that my partner and I assist you in getting your family into one of the cabins here, and helping you settle the situation on you world."

"Ah...no?" Shinji had no idea how to even begin explaining this one. _''It's not me you're looking for, it's the me-that's-not-me over there,' maybe? That still sounds kind of nuts.'_

"Over here, Ranger. Wrong Ikari," Daniel said behind Shinji.

"Yessir. Excuse me, Ikari-san." The Ranger stepped around Shinji.

Shinji was feeling more up in the air than he had when he was a thousand meters up on the transit disc. He quickly looked around to find his Asuka, and make sure she _was_ the one he'd woken up next to. He was starting to worry that he could leave with the wrong one. He found her standing off to the side with Rayana, who was speaking to her quietly. Asuka was still staring at her new double, but occasionally jerking a swift nod at whatever Rayana was saying. Shinji made his way over to them.

"...not her. Her life diverged from yours six years ago. You are protected here. I am the Lady of Mothers' Fury. I will watch over you like you are one of my own," Rayana finished.

"Asuka, are...are you alright?" Shinji asked.

Her eyes finally broke away from her double, and met Shinji's. "I...don't know." She looked away. "I thought meeting myself was weird enough. If that was the 'me' of six months from now...she seemed more different to me than that...than the 'Asuka' right in front of me. And her world sounds even worse than ours. She...I don't know, Sh-..Third."

 _'And I was...dead? But that's not me, I...'_ Shinji shook his head. He wanted to hold Asuka and make her feel better. He wanted to run away. He wanted to scream. He didn't know what he wanted. "I don't know what to think either, Asuka. What do we do now, Rayana?"

She looked at Daniel, the other Pilots, and the newly arrived Rangers and shook her head. "My husband will be dealing with this for a few minutes. I'll take you two back to the exam and treatment rooms. This way." She gave Asuka another brief hug, and tugged her towards the hallway that the other Asuka had emerged from. Shinji gave a worried look back at himself, and followed after.


	5. Ch5 - Moments You Want To Forget

Part 9  
 **Checkup and Checkout**

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* * *

.

Asuka tried to pull herself together. Another 'her', again. This time not so happy. She didn't know how much more of this she could stand without screaming. Her story...is that what would have happened to her if she'd just left Shinji on that beach, walked away? She never thought she'd regard Winthrop's regime as the better option so much. ' _'He was... dying. We gave him mercy...He died in my arms. Don't let yours go.''_ Shinji, dead? 'Gave him mercy'? And 'her' so affected by it? Asuka rubbed the damp reminders of her tears against her dress, wiping them away. She didn't need this. This morning had been enough of an emotional whiplash already.

What the _fuck_ had happened to them on that beach? That silent wave washed over them, and all of a sudden she felt...freed. She'd started to cry from sheer joy. Shinji's hand in hers. His eyes, locked on hers. He was looking at her, _really_ looking at her, they way she'd always quietly dreamed of. Those blue, blue eyes, like electric pieces of cobalt dark sky, glowing at _her_. His smile at _her_. Her heart singing. His voice, stumbling over her name. She was a hair's breadth from throwing her arms around him. Hers.

Then reality snapped back in. The sudden awareness of what they were doing. She'd snatched her hand back, with no idea how it had found its way into his. The abrupt crash from the highest peak of joy she'd felt since she realized it was her mother's soul in Unit-02 during the fight with the JSSDF to the lowest valley of confusion and desolation had _hurt_ , like a bad echo of the crash she'd felt when she opened the door to her mother's hospital room and seen that doll hanging from its own noose. She'd turned away from Shinji looking at her to hide the tears she couldn't stop. It had been all she could do not to break down there on the sand. She'd barely heard Lieutenant Leibshott talking, the Empress greeting them. Ching's words kept echoing in her head, though. _'We just felt an echo of what they feel_ _ **all the time**_ _.'_

Then the Empress hugged her, like a bandage on a bleeding emotional wound. She felt _safe_ , the closest thing to being in her mother's arms again. She'd clung like a frightened child. The Empress whispered in her hair, "You will feel like that again, child. I swear it. Soon." The calm conviction in her voice had been enough to let Asuka pull herself together.

But it had been a tenuous hold. The wild sight of a sea of tropical islands zooming by without any feeling of motion had been enough of a novelty to distract her, but then encountering 'herself' once more, this time in much less a positive state, had almost undone her again. The Empress's hug had again brought a feeling of safety, of peace, but Asuka still had to fight to keep her face smooth. _''Don't let yours go'? Like I ever **had** him. Like I ever had anyone.'_

The Empress led them a short distance down the hall to a room who's door was still half open and walked right in. The change from the usual pattern of activity in a hospital was amusing enough that Asuka rallied to mordantly think, _'Nice perk of being an empress. You own the place, so you don't need to knock.'_

The beautiful raven-haired woman in the lab coat waiting inside started to say something in greeting that turned into a startled yelp and gasp as she recognized who had just walked into her examination room. She said something in a complex, musical language that even Asuka's well-educated multilingual ear couldn't identify. Irish-tinted English? Gaelic? She could hear hints of both, but it wasn't either.

"20th Century Terrestrial Japanese, please, Doctor Metelya. Our guests just arrived last night. Full medical check, rapid heal, and basic safeties on them, if you please. Sohryu-san first."

"Ah, yes, Your Majesty. But I thought we just finished with them?" The doctor looked at the two Pilots in confusion.

"You did. This is a different pair. Same root, different line variant. Give them your best attention. And so that you may prepare your nerves, yes, my husband will be joining us shortly."

Doctor Metelya flushed slightly, and gestured for Asuka to lie down on the exam table in the middle of the room. Asuka hopped up, and laid back. The padding felt like soft memory foam, warm and smooth. The doctor stepped behind a small lectern, and more floating screens formed in the air around her. Asuka could see a greenish image of herself, made transparent in one of them. Her heartbeat, EKG, and a multitude of other vital indicators took up other parts of the screen, and many more she couldn't even guess at.

"I don't need to take my clothes off?" She managed to give Shinji a dirty look. "Not that some perverts wouldn't like to see that."

"Not at all, Sohryu-san. Our medical sensors can read you just fine." She paused and stared more closely at some of the readouts. "Hmm...slight nerve damage in the major spinal nerves and scarring on your left eye, right arm, torso, and abdomen from sympathetic nerve feedback...minor nerve damage at other sites…more serious effects on the ventral tegmental area...neurochemical levels a bit off...serotonin and oxytocin levels _very_ low, oh my... a mostly healed recent bullet wound through your gut, somewhat surgically repaired...old broken bones...signs of old malnutrition...but still better than your alter, young lady. She was a roughly treated girl."

"Am I pregnant?" Asuka couldn't contain the outburst any longer.

Shinji jumped, then blinked rapidly. Surely that idiot didn't think she was blaming him, was he? It's not like he'd ever...

"Pregnant? Yes, we already checked that," Doctor Metelya answered absently.

" _ **WHAT**_ _?_ " Asuka nearly yelled. The doctor looked startled. Shinji looked like he was about to pass out.

The Empress also looked at the doctor with a raised eyebrow. "Check again, Doctor. _I_ would know if she was," she said calmly.

Doctor Metelya hastily corrected herself. "Oh! I'm sorry, miss. That was the last, ah, you. No, you are not pregnant. How could you be? You're-"

The Empress lightly cleared her throat.

"-a healthy young girl considering what you've been through, but definitely not pregnant," Doctor Metelya continued without a pause. "Just hold still for a moment and let me fix you up."

"Just like that?" Asuka asked.

"Just like that, miss, yes." Doctor Metelya touched a few more spots on the lectern. Asuka's vision got dark, then the room cleared again. "All done! You can get down now, miss. Ikari-san, please take her place."

Asuka sat up. "That's it?" She looked at her right arm. The thin scar that had run up her arm from the Mass Production Eva's replica Lance spearing Unit-02 was gone. The persistent ache at the back of her neck was gone too. She pulled out her collar and looked down. The network of scars on her stomach and the pockmark from the bullet were gone as well.

"That's it, miss. It took several months of subjective time for your body to regenerate the damaged tissue, so I shut down your consciousness for the procedure. Your body grew most of it back under accelerated time, and I did the fine tuning. You've been out for about 15 minutes, sidereal. How do you feel?"

"I..." Asuka stopped to think. She felt...fine. No little aches, and her left eye didn't have that little blur anymore. Her head felt...clearer, less distracted. Like she'd been grinding away at some problem in the back of her mind, and had suddenly stopped wasting thought on it. "I feel good." She smiled.

She noticed Shinji staring at her with a strange expression on his face. "What, do I have something in my hair, Third?"

Shinji shook himself and looked down at his toes, mumbling something. Asuka sighed. Some things didn't change. It still didn't take much to shut the Third Child down into a mumbling, blushing mess. He shuffled his way over to replace her on the table. He kept darting glances at her out of the corner of his eye the whole time, but seemed to have trouble looking her directly in the face all of a sudden.

Asuka snorted at his reversion to classic 'old-Shinji' behavior. It brought back memories of brighter days, when all she had to worry about was Angels ending the world. Angels _she'd_ trained her whole life to beat in combat driving the most advanced war machine in the world, of course. Brighter days, when she was the ace Pilot, protecting humanity, the star of the greatest show on Earth. Even Shinji had been more fun back then, such an easy tease. All she had to do back then was wear a loose top and bend over in front of him to completely turn his brain off. Heh. Always good for a laugh, and a secret thrill.

She watched him lay back on the table, and Doctor Metelya start up the scans. She almost laughed at how nervous he looked. The floating screens around the lectern showed his heartbeat up more than a little.

"Alright, let's see about you, Ikari-san. Same nerve damage effects on the ventral tegmental area...same old malnutrition signs... serotonin and oxytocin levels also very low, what sort of piloting program do they run you through?...couple of old broken ribs, arm, hairline skull fracture, oh dear..." Doctor Metelya read off with increasing dismay.

Asuka winced. _'I'm sorry, Shinji! I didn't know!'_

"Some _very_ odd neurochemical and psycho-spiritual aftereffects...Sohryu-san had it too, but yours is much worse, Ikari-san. What _have_ you been up to? My my...Okay, hold still, Ikari-san, and we'll fix you up too."

She tapped at the lectern again, and Shinji's eyes closed. A golden nimbus appeared around his body, and Asuka heard a rising hum begin. She felt worried about Shinji, but her own experience having just gone through it...settled...her...mind.

Her mind.

She felt her heart start to pound again. She was worried about Shinji. _She_ was worried about _Shinji?_ What? Since when did she...never consciously...why was her mood so much better all of a sudden? Had they done something to her mind? _What had they done to her?!_

She felt the Empress's hand on her arm, and looked up into eyes full of concern. "Asuka, I can see your aura going from happy to worried to near panic, and I think I know why. Don't worry. We haven't drugged you or altered your mind. We swore not to do anything to your mind without permission."

Asuka's racing pulse slowed a little. The motherly concern coming from the woman was like a blanket wrapped around her heart. "Okay. So what's going on? Why do I suddenly feel worr-...different?"

"You heard Doctor Metelya mention your serotonin and oxytocin levels? Those are two key neurochemicals involved in mmmm...feelings of well-being, happiness, sex drive, social recognition, pair bonding, and anxiety. You're so used to your serotonin and oxytocin levels being very low, when the doctor boosted them back to normal levels, you suddenly felt better."

She squeezed Asuka's shoulder and withdrew her hand. "For the next day or so, you're going to feel happier, more open, and probably a good bit more horny. Watch yourself on that last one. After a couple of days or so your own neurotransmitter production will eclipse the effect of the exam's boost. How good you feel then will depend on how you're thinking. If you're feeling good, you may not notice the effect fade at all. If you are feeling down, the levels may drop back to where they were."

The Empress smiled. "We're very much about free will here, Asuka. We're not going to take away yours. Quite the opposite; we're going to give you back as much freedom of choice as possible."

"And if I choose to be the way I was? I...no matter what I feel, I don't want it to be plagued ever after by doubt that it's just some artifact of my neurochemistry being tweaked!" Asuka said urgently.

"Whatever you choose, child. It can hardly hurt to have a clear mind when you _do_ choose. This is just a...an emotional brace, to let you get your feet back under you. What you do and feel over the next couple of days, and where you go from there, is all up to you. You've been laboring under a lot of injuries and wounds to your heart. You don't have to be afraid anymore. You're allowed to be happy now."

"Freedom of the individual spirit to seek happiness and justice is kind of our guiding star, Asuka," Daniel said as he closed the door behind him. "Doing the right thing _because_ it's the right thing. Doing good for our friends is usually a nice concurrent bonus. And we're going to be with you on this run. You don't have to be afraid of anything anymore. We can always undo anything we've done later if you want. How do you feel?"

"Good, I guess." Asuka stretched he arms over her head, and felt her back pop. "Better than in a long time."

"That's good. Because as soon as Shinji's done, it's time."

Asuka heart started beating faster again. This was happening, really happening. "Time?"

The hum of the healing cycle started to drop and fade behind her, the golden glow dying out. Shinji sat up and smiled. "Wow...I feel... pretty good..."

Daniel nodded. "Time to go rescue your mothers."

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* * *

.

They walked back out the front door of the clinic less than an hour after they'd arrived. The other doubles of themselves were gone from the lobby, but a very young girl in the royal blue armor Asuka had deduced must be Imperial Ranger uniform was waiting for them just outside. She saluted Daniel as they approached. "Good morning, Your Majesties. Ranger Second Class MacConnell begs to report the Ikari party is being settled into cabin C431, and the 3021st Medium Mechanized Brigade is mobilizing to depart for their world within 48 hours. He departed with the other Rangers for advanced recon right after you left."

Daniel returned the salute. "Very good, Cadet Von Melwitz. Get yourself along to catch up with them. Regular reports to your coordinator chain, if you please. They'll see that any important bits reach me. Good hunting."

"Yes, sir." A jet black portal irised open behind her. She saluted again, and stepped through.

"How old was she?" Asuka asked curiously. "She looked younger than I am."

"She is. Ranger Cadet Von Melwitz is just a hair over fifteen. She signed up as a Cadet on her fifteenth birthday. Sixteen is a legal adult in the Empire, but most places, and all of the Imperial Services, have a Cadet program where you can sign on to start training early if you're already sure of where you want to go," Daniel said.

"You know her?" Shinji asked.

"Never met her before right now. But in this case, I'm not just her sovereign, I'm her ultimate military commander. Ranger Prime is my second job. All Cadet enrollments have to be okayed by my office. I remember her profile from a few months back. First generation Imperial-born, daughter of immigrants from a world where a united German-Polish empire rules most of Eurasia. Friendly relations with us, so immigration isn't hard. It's pretty ambitious for their first daughter born here to try out for the Imperial Rangers the day she was eligible. Our little rogue Bastard Princess from last night could apply herself in just another year, but she's just got the O'Brien share of patience," Daniel replied.

They stopped where the transfer disc had landed. It was gone, but in its place stood a small table with a familiar looking holstered pistol on it. Daniel picked it up and handed it to Asuka. "Time to head into the wild country, kids. Strap on, and we're off."

Asuka took the pistol and stared at it for a moment. She shrugged, and buckled the belt on. It fit easily over her long dress. _'Who knows, maybe I'll get to shoot someone who deserved it that I never had a chance at before,'_ she thought. She looked at Shinji. He was watching her...and smiling. He had a really cute smile. She bit the inside of her cheek when she felt herself about to start smiling back. _'Not now, damn it. Don't start acting like a fucking schoolgirl. Mama!'_ She looked to Daniel and nodded. "Ready."

Another black portal opened beside them, and Daniel stepped through. Rayana followed behind them as they all stepped across into the darkness.

.

Part 10  
 **Moments You Want To Forget**

* * *

.

Asuka's vision cleared to see the interior of a very familiar tent, once again brightly lit by the glowing golden light of this side of the portal. Too familiar; the half-full backpack she'd left on the floor a day ago was still sitting there. A glance out the tent's still partly open door confirmed it was still dark out.

"Shouldn't someone have noticed we were gone? The fleet was supposed to sail in the morning," Asuka looked around in consternation. "The tent should have been struck and we'd all be at sea by now."

"They haven't had time to notice anything yet. This is just our point of entry. I bought us back just after we left. It's still just an hour after sundown here. You've only been gone about ten seconds," Daniel answered. "Now it's time to start what we came here for; maternal rescues. Shinji, you're with Rayana. Asuka, you'll come with me. We'll link back up when we're done before we head back to the island."

The Empress nodded, put her hand on Shinji's shoulder, and they vanished.  
"Wait, I-" Asuka said, too late. She caught herself, leaning forward with her hand half-raised. It was the first time they'd been separated since the coup.

"Suddenly feeling anxious now that he's no longer nearby? I know the feeling, Asuka. Used to hit me every time I left with the Army, way back when." Daniel gently laid his hand on her shoulder. "Let's go undo some of the harm done to you."

And the tent was empty once again.

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* * *

.

They appeared in another place familiar to Asuka, one with far less happy memories; Winthrop's bedroom. The place she'd...done awful things in the name of survival. Her skin crawled just being here again.

"What are we doing here? This isn't going to rescue my mother. I don't think Winthrop ever brought her here," she said, crossing her arms to rub her shoulders, like she could keep off the mental chill of this place.

"A stop on the way. Your mother's won't be the only soul we save tonight, Asuka," Daniel said. "I've cloaked our presence from their senses, so don't worry about them seeing or hearing us."

"Who?" Asuka asked, just before the door swung open. And watched herself walk into the room. Again. Winthrop followed right behind her, a glass of whiskey in his hand.

Asuka felt her guts twist. She knew exactly _when_ they were now. Three years ago, the first night Winthrop had... taken her to bed. It wasn't rape. Not quite, since Asuka had approached him, had asked for 'protection'. He'd given a promotion to the last man she'd tried to latch onto as a protector, Hans. Hans had said 'It's nothing personal,' as he eagerly accepted it and left, not caring that it was meant to leave her with no options but to go to Winthrop 'freely'.

"I don't want to see this, Daniel. I _know_ what happens here tonight," Asuka said, teeth clenched.

"Do you? What do you remember of this night?" Daniel said calmly.

"I wasn't even _sixteen!_ I had no other options! Do you think _this_ is how I wanted _to lose my virginity?_ " Asuka shouted. "To a bloody-handed _dictator_ to keep him from just shooting us? To a man who could have me _killed_ if I ever annoyed him, who thought of women as _things_?"

"What do you remember?"

"This!"

"Don't tell me what you think you _know_ , Asuka! Tell me what you _remember._ " Daniel said more intensely.

"I remember this, coming into the room with him." Asuka watched herself stand near the bed, her hands shaking. "He sat down in the chair, and told me to undress and get on the bed." They watched Winthrop lower himself into the chair and dismissively give the command to Asuka. "I did. Then he...got undressed, got on top of me...and did what he brought me here for."

They watched the scene in the room play out as she described. Asuka couldn't stand it. She wasn't going to watch this happen again. Her hand dropped to the grip of the pistol on her hip. Was this why Daniel had made sure to give it to her before they left Avalon? She was damn sure going to use it, then.

Her hand had barely wrapped around the pistol and started to draw when she felt Daniel's hand stop her. "Ok, Time Out!" He said firmly. Winthrop froze. The Asuka on the bed froze. The pendulum in the clock on the wall and the flames in the fireplace froze. The room was instantly silent.

"I told you I was going to give back to you all the things that were taken from you. This is where we start. I'm sorry, I can't let you shoot him now, since you have to shoot him later. I can't totally change things that you remember. Our memories define us. I change things you actually remember about you past, that changes the you of the present, and I'd be talking to a different person," Daniel said a little sadly.

" _ **SO WHY ARE WE HERE?!**_ _"_ Asuka screamed in his face.

"Asuka, you're a certified genius, with three languages and a college degree before you were fourteen. Stop reacting and _think_. I said I was going to help you. Do you think I'd bring us here just to be spectators on one of the worst nights of your life? We're here to 'keep your virtue safe'."

"What the _fuck_ is that supposed to mean?"

"Asuka, you're a virgin."

"No I'm _not!_ That's what we're watching!"

"Yes, you are. That's what my lovely wife's little throat clearing was for, to keep the doctor from introducing any more confusion at that moment. But that's why we diverted here first before going for your mother. You can't be pregnant because you've never had sex. You've still got an intact hymen, in fact."

Asuka stared at Daniel, shaking her head in confusion. "But...but I...Winthrop kept me in his bed for over a year! Then he kicked me out to Jinnai for nearly two more!"

"And every single time they came to you for sex, you blacked out right before the actual penetration, right?"

"...How did you know that?"

"Because we're about to make it happen. Watch." Daniel stepped over to the bed where Winthrop's bulk hovered between Asuka's spread legs. A faint blue haze surrounded her body, and the girl on the bed floated out from under Winthrop to hang beside the bed. Daniel held his flattened hand at the level of her head, then swept it along above her body to her toes. As he did, a second Asuka appeared in the air next to them in the same position. The blue haze surrounded the new copy, and Daniel directed it back to where the first girl had lain. Daniel pulled off his cape, and wrapped it around the still floating girl, rotating her to a vertical position.

"Alright, she's caped and cloaked with us, and the 'substitute player' is on the field. Game On!" The clock resumed ticking, and Winthrop began violently thrusting away. The copy-Asuka on the bed lay still, just blinking and breathing enough to produce a simulacrum of life.

The original girl, now standing next to Daniel wrapped in his cape, suddenly blinked and looked around. She wasn't very happy, and rather confused at what she was seeing. "Wh-...what the hell is going on?! Who...who are you? And who-" She broke off, staring at herself, first on the bed, then at the armed Asuka at the foot of the bed. "What? What? I...me?"

She jumped when Daniel touched her on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, Asuka, but there's a bit of time travel involved. Your future self and I are here to keep Winthrop from taking something from you he has no right to. Hi, my name's Daniel." He offered her his hand.

The cape-wrapped Asuka looked at his hand, back at his face, back at her armed double, and grabbed at her hair with both hands. "I'm having a hideous nightmare. I'm going crazy from this..."

Daniel dropped his hand and sighed. He waved Asuka closer. "Asuka, please convince yourself that you're not going nuts, and you're who you look like."

Asuka stepped closer and took herself by the shoulder and turned her around. "Look, 'me', stop freaking out. I'm you. This is three years ago to me. Last night, this guy appeared out of a glowing portal, says he's a passing god tells me and the Third Child he's here to help us rescue Mama. That's right after _another_ me from _my_ future...oh, fuck it, that's too confusing. Short version: I'm you. I'm from the future, and we're apparently here to keep me from ever actually having to have sex with Winthrop or Jinnai." She shot Daniel a dirty look. "It would have been nice to know that ahead of time."

"But...but...if you're me from the future, how come this is a surprise? Why don't you remember this?" The caped Asuka managed to ask. "A passing _god_? What?"

Asuka darted another dirty look at Daniel. "Yes, why _don't_ I remember this? I blacked out, every time. That was your doing, I assume?"

Daniel nodded. "You remembered having to make the choice to come here, and you made many other decisions in the next couple years based on the 'knowledge' that you had been forced into a sexual servitude starting tonight. That 'knowledge' shaped a lot of your life over the next few years. I couldn't change that. But I can take away a lot of the effect you thought it had." He looked the caped Asuka right in the eyes. "I'm sorry, but you won't be able to fully remember this conversation or any of the others until after you meet me. I'm very sorry if this added to your psychological issues with sex. It's really a lot of fun done properly. Just wait until you see what it's like with someone you actually care about."

The younger Asuka had stopped shaking, but still didn't seem to know what to say. "I... other conversations? You're going to do this again?"

"Every single time. It is a capital injustice that you had to even consider this course of action to survive. You've had enough pain in your life, Asuka. I'm not going to let a brute like Winthrop or a weasel like Jinnai take your virginity under threat of death. It's a singular gift that you should be able to give to who you want to, when you want to, _because_ you want to. As your freely made choice, not given as a hostage to keep you alive. I'm going to go downstream from here, pulling this switch every time you had to do this. You're going to meet Shinji again as intact as when you left Tokyo-3."

"And when do I get to remember this?" The older Asuka asked tartly.

"As soon as you decide if you want to come with me for the next couple of hundred renditions of this routine or not. I can just meet you back here in just a second from your point of view."

Asuka paused. "Just go. If you're going to make this un-happen, I don't want to have to remember any more of this than I have to."

"Alright. You don't speak Russian, do you?"

Both Asukas stared at him. The older one finally spoke. "No. Why?"

"Это курам на смех." Daniel vanished.

The older Asuka grabbed her head. That phrase had kicked open a locked door in her head, and a wave of hidden memories boiled out. It felt like a fire hose had been turned on in her skull. "Ungh."

The other Asuka dragged her widened eyes away from the gap in the air where Daniel had stood. She looked for a moment at the bed where Winthrop was still bulling away at the dummy-copy, then turned to look at her future self. "Okay, what the fuck is going on?"

"Nng...I remember now. All of it. God...every time they were about to stick it in me, he'd appear, swap in a dummy, and cover my memories before he left. Must have been a couple of hundred times, at least. And I've got a killer headache now, too."

Daniel reappeared. "All done."

Both girls jumped. "Gah! And now a heart attack!" "Aah! Don't do that!"

"Sorry. Your chastity is restored, Asuka. Time to finish here, and go save your mother."

"Y...you're going to save M-Mama?" The girl in the cape asked.

Asuka nodded. "Yeah. He said he was going to help us. This is the big one."

"...Then this is all worth it. You going to put me back now?" The younger Asuka pointed at the bed. Winthrop had finished with a series of grunts and rolled off the dummy.

"Yup. First, let's knock him the rest of the way out." Daniel snapped his fingers at Winthrop, and his eyes drooped shut. "And swap you back..." The dummy floated up out of the way.

The younger girl handed the cape to Daniel and laid down. "Alright. Do it. Then go save Mama."

"You won't remember anything in between, Asuka, but you'll remember everything when I show up. See you next time." He held his hand over her forehead, and her eyes closed.

Asuka watched her past self drift into sleep. Something still bothered her. "If this all happened the first time, why did I wake up sore and tender? There was even blood on the bedsheets. I didn't imagine that."

Daniel moved his hand down to hover above the sleeping girl's groin. His hand glowed faintly for a second. A spatter of blood appeared on the sheets. "The appropriate tissues are going to be sore and inflamed in the morning, yes. To keep up the illusion." He rose and walked back to her place at the corner of the bed. "But you were never raped, Asuka. That sin against you is washed away."

Asuka looked at the dummy still floating by the bed. "What about her?"

"It. That is a specialized tool I designed a long time ago for situations like this." He snapped his fingers again, and the dummy vanished. "There's a lot of amusing tricks built in to it. Acts just lifelike enough to fool the target, but makes it as pleasure-less as possible. Her 'vaginal fluids' are full of micro-abrasives to tear up his junk, and it also does a number of nasty things to the target chemically; decreases central nerve function, increased aggression and paranoia, lowered intelligence, weakens his immune system, and destroys key functional nerves involved in what he did. He didn't kick you out of his bed at the end just because he'd lost interest in you. After a couple hundred doses of this, he was also pretty much totally functionally impotent. He never had sex again, no matter how much he tried. And then you got to shoot him in the head. Nice revenge, mm?"

Asuka's grin was small and twisted, but sure. "Heh. Serves him right. Asshole." _'So now I'm a virgin again? Still, I mean. Now what?'_ She stiffened. Her 'arrangement' with the Third Child. Shit. She'd even offered sex that night before Daniel showed up. Shinji had only even tried it with her once. It hadn't gone well. She'd had too many images of Winthrop positioning himself above her the same way. She'd had to look away. She kept waiting for the blackness to overtake her, the way it always had. But it hadn't come. Shinji had just stopped before had even started, then gotten off her. He didn't even want her. Nobody did. He'd rejected her once again, just like with their long ago kiss. She'd rolled away from him and failed to hold in the tears. She still made the offer from time to time, afraid he'd leave if the option wasn't there, but he'd yet to ever touch her again.

But now the whole world had changed. Shit. She wanted to sit down and think. She wanted a drink. She wanted to talk to Ching. She wanted...Mama. She jerked her head back up. Now. The time was now.

"Let's go get my mother."

Daniel smiled. "As you wish." He snapped his fingers.

And the room was silent but for the tick of the clock and Winthrop's snores.

.

* * *

.

They appeared in a hospital hallway, a faint background mutter of PA calls and medical monitors overlaid on the scent of disinfectant and floor cleaner. The hallway was again a chillingly familiar place to Asuka. This hospital. She'd been here often after her mother's injury in the Contact Experiment with Unit-02. And never again since...since the day she was named the Second Child.

She looked at the number plate on the door to the room they stood in front of. Number 303. Her mother's room. "This is that day, isn't it?" Asuka asked quietly.

"Yes. We're here just a bit before you're going to come running in. I can't do this early. If I extract your mother's remaining soul, her body will die." He put his hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to come in for this. I understand if you'd rather not see this again."

Asuka closed her eyes. "Thank you."

His hand came off her shoulder, and he walked through the closed door.

Asuka could hear her mother's voice through the door. She could almost make out what she was saying. Asuka moved to the other side of the hallway and covered her ears with her hands. She didn't want to. She already knew what her mother was saying. She'd heard it too many times before, in too many nightmares and during the strangeness of the Third Impact. Something in that mass-mind of all humanity had used her mother's mad babble from just before she took her life to beat Asuka's mind like a flail, tearing apart all her inner defenses until she was left a sobbing wreck, begging to join her mother in death, just so she wouldn't be alone. She didn't need to hear it again. Ever.

She was just beginning to worry that she'd have to start humming to herself to be sure to drown any possible noise out when Daniel walked back through the door into the hallway. He had a glowing white orb in his hand. Asuka tried to focus on it, but it made her eyes water to even try. It looked three-dimensional and solid, but also like she was trying to see around a corner that wasn't there to an object that was only half-real.

"Is that..." Asuka trailed off. She didn't even know what to ask. _'Her? Her soul? Mama?'_

Daniel nodded. "Everything that was not of the body. The part that was left in her, at least. I don't know how much of it you can see, but you might be able to see that it's incomplete."

"And the rest of her was in Unit-02's Core?"

"To be reincarnated after the Third Impact. Which would account for her strange behavior in that video you saw. She incarnated with an incomplete soul. She'd be as distorted as she was here, just in the other direction. Once I meld the pieces of her soul back together, she should be the mother you remember from before the accident."

Asuka reached her hand out towards the glow, then hesitated. "Can I touch it?"

"Go ahead. Be gentle. The feeling should be familiar from your Eva unit."

Asuka reached her hand into the glow, seeking a surface. Her fingertips brushed against a smooth surface that lacked any sort of discernible texture. It felt warm, familiar, a lot like the feeling she recalled from synching with her lost Unit-02. It was the same feeling she remembered from her whirlwind rampage against the Mass Production Evas. "Mama..." She whispered.

She withdrew her hand and looked at Daniel. "Now what?"

He closed his hands in a globe around the glowing orb. When he opened them again, a walnut-sized diamond sat in his right palm, the same glow pulsing at its heart. He tucked that into a small pouch at his belt. "We go to the cells in the basement of Berlin's judicial complex, and save your mother's reincarnated body and the rest of her soul. Then I start in on the really tricky part; melding the pieces of her soul back into one."

"Let's go."

A moment later, a red haired little girl ran into the empty hallway to tell her Mama the best news she'd had in months. Then she opened the door to room 303 and screamed. And screamed. And screamed.


	6. Ch6 - Mothers & Sins of the Father

A note before we start: The scene with Asuka and Daniel in the tent was the very first scene I wrote, because it wouldn't leave me alone. Then I had to go back and write everything before it to catch up. Then I wanted to see where it went. So please forgive if this section is rough, it is very truly the earliest.

.

* * *

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Part 11  
 **Mothers**

 **.**

* * *

Rayana and Shinji appeared on a hill above a gigantic crater. Shinji looked down and immediately recognized the vast, kilometers deep pit where the Geofront had once been. They were overlooking the ruins of Tokyo-3. Rayana waved her hand, and a window appeared in the air in front of them. Through it, Shinji could see his nightmares.

He watched a titanic Rei Ayanami gather all the souls of humanity into a ball surrounding the Black Moon that had risen from under Tokyo-3. He watched Evangelion Unit-01, with him inside, be absorbed by the vast white body and then erupt from Ayanami's eye. He saw Unit-01 drift away into space, the unraveled Lance of Longinus spinning in front of it. He closed his eyes. He saw all that in his sleep too many nights. The ones where he merely had to watch Misato die or listen to Asuka be violated by Arael or fight the Mass Production Series alone were no better, but there the other nights.

"I'm not trying to give you flashbacks to old horrors, Shinji. I'm getting a lock on Eva Unit-01's trajectory and speed, so we can just skip to where it is now in 2020," Rayana said apologetically. "Got it." The window disappeared, and she looked up at the sky. She put her hand back on Shinji's shoulder. And the ground dropped away again.

They shot upwards faster than a speeding bullet. Shinji looked down and saw the Second- and Third Impact-diminished coastline of Japan rapidly shrink behind them. They accelerated some more, and the moon quickly flashed by, blackness and stars before them.

For a panicked moment Shinji thought about holding his breath, but then realized he probably didn't need to worry. He was already moving faster than he'd ever seen any human vehicle go and the moon was dwindling behind him. Breathable air likely wasn't a problem when the woman holding his shoulder had casually introduced herself to another world's copy of himself as 'Imperial Sorceress Supreme'.

Shinji turned his head to catch sight of a distant reddish blur shooting past to their left that might have been Mars. Looking back forward, he could just see the instantly recognizable rings of Saturn coming into view far ahead. A few moments later, Rayana pointed. "There she is."

Shinji couldn't see anything but pitch blackness. Then it seemed like Unit-01 rushed forward out of space to hang right in their face. The Lance spun lazily between them. Rayana moved them up and closed the gap until they hung within arm's reach of Unit-01's Core.

"Hello, Dr. Ikari. This is your stop." Rayana reached out and laid her hand on Unit-01's exposed red Core and closed her eyes. "Shinji, please place your hand on her like I have. It will help me with the extraction." Shinji reached his hand out. The surface of the red crystal was ice cold and faintly gritty under his touch. He tried to concentrate and reach out like he had when he would start up the synch process. He could feel...something. A stirring, something like the feeling from his memories of piloting.

"Ahh, there you are, Dr. Ikari. Now, just take my hand, and..." Rayana threw them both backward off Unit-01's chest. As they shot backwards, Shinji felt someone take his hand and grip hard. Out of Unit-01's Core came a tall, slender, brown-haired woman with a strong resemblance to Rei Ayanami. Shinji's eyes widened as he recognized her from Instrumentality.

"Mother?"

The woman's eyes locked onto Shinji. "Shinji?" Her grip on his hand pulled them into a hug. The first time he'd been in his mother's arms since he was three. He basked in the warmth of his mother's embrace, drinking in his first taste of maternal affection in over sixteen years.

Right up until he realized his mother was still mother-naked.

Shinji jerked back, his face reddening. A mass of black fabric hit the side of his face, interrupting his imminent exclamation of alarm. "Here, you can put this on, Dr. Ikari. I think your son would appreciate it," Rayana smoothly interjected.

"Oh! Thank you." Yui Ikari slipped herself into Rayana's removed outer robe. "How did you get here, Shinji? And how did you just do that? Who is this?"

"Mother, this is Rayana Hart-O'Brien. She...um... It's complicated."

"Hi!" Rayana chirped brightly. "I'm an ancient and powerful sorceress from a vast mutli-dimensional space empire who traveled across space and time to raise the dead, smite the wicked, and help your son get a date."

Yui Ikari stared at her.

"Have I mentioned I'm part space-alien?" Rayana added cheerily.

"Uh... huh?" Shinji contributed.

"Ok, just kidding on that last part. That would be silly. I'm part dragon-demon, naturally."

Yui looked back at Shinji. "Son, what...tell me what's going on, please?"

"Um, except for that last part, which I hadn't heard yet, she's telling the truth. Wait, what was that part about getting me a date?"

Rayana snapped her fingers, and space was empty again.

.

* * *

.

In a damp subbasement, five men raised sub-machineguns at a struggling, pleading woman handcuffed to a ring hanging from the low ceiling. The crying woman kept begging to see her daughter as the firing squad sighted in on her chest.

The officer of the detail raised his hand. "Ready. Aim. _Fire_!"

" _NO!_ " Asuka leapt at the nearest gunman.

Five guns barked. The muzzle flares lit the room like daylight.

"Time Out!" Daniel said sharply.

Asuka checked her headlong lunge for the closest man as the flame of the muzzle flare from his weapon hung in the stilled air like a blossom made of fire. The copper gleam of the bullet shone in the light at the tip of the flare.

Asuka whirled. "Are you _**trying**_ to give me a heart attack?! Why the Hell did you cut it so close? Couldn't we have showed up five minutes ago?"

"Sorry, Asuka. I didn't mean to worry you. But relax. I can raise the dead and control space and time. A _bullet_ is hardly a threat to you anymore. Nothing is going to hurt you or your mother. I brought us in this close to avoid anyone else interfering with the puzzler I'm going to give them." He stepped next to where Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu stood chained. He repeated the wave along her body that he'd used in Winthrop's bedroom, and a copy of Kyoko stood next to them, right down to the handcuffs on her wrists. He snapped her cuffs with his fingertips, and swapped their positions. He pressed a hand to her forehead, and she unfroze, but went limp and unconscious. He looked back to Asuka. "Get that guy's pistol out of his holster, please."

Asuka looked behind her, and yanked the stubby Makarov out of the man's holster. She handed it to Daniel. "What are you going to do with it, shoot them?"

He took it, chambered a round, and fired a half-dozen shots into the dirt at the far end of the room. Daniel then placed it in the copy's hand. "Nope. I leave that privilege of reciprocity to you."

Asuka started. "What?"

"I think you've got a bit more right to shoot the men who were just fine with carrying out the death sentence on your mother than I do. I'm just setting up a marginally plausible explanation for how they all end up dead for Winthrop's goons to try to figure out. They all show up dead with no other guns around to explain it, they might do something weird. This way, at least they can grasp at some sort of 'she got the officer's gun and somehow shot all six of them while they shot her' scenario. While handcuffed, no less."

Asuka slowly drew the heavy .45 from her own holster. She looked at the frozen faces of the firing squad. Three looked bored. Two of them were grinning. _'You were going to kill my mother. Again. And you just pulled the trigger.'_ Asuka found what little reluctance she had for the idea evaporating. She backed up a couple of steps, raised the gun, and thumbed off the safety. The .45 bucked in her hand as she methodically fired at each man's face. She briefly halted halfway through the line when she noticed the bullets she'd fired hanging in the air just past the end of the muzzle.

"The bullets will just keep going once we're gone?"

"Yup. They'll hit all at once this way. No need to worry about somebody dodging or surviving long enough to sound an alarm.

"Good." Asuka resumed her aim, sighting in on the next man's grin. Three more shots and gobbet of spit for the officer as an extra and her mother's interrupted third death was preemptively avenged. She holstered the pistol and turned back around. Daniel picked up her mother's limp body, and walked back to her.

Asuka looked down at her mother's half-remembered face, seeing the unmistakable evidence of their relationship in the blurred mirror of her own features. "Mama," Asuka whispered.

"Let's go somewhere a bit more hospitable to do the real work. Put your hand on your mother, please," Daniel said.

Asuka reached out and gently took her mother's hand.

They vanished. An unmeasureable instant later, six men died, leaving the world no poorer for their loss.

.

* * *

.

Daniel and Asuka reappeared in the tent by the shore. Daniel laid Asuka's mother out on the air in front of him at waist height like there was an unseen hospital bed. He took the pulsing diamond out of his belt pouch and reversed the change of forms in his closed hands. He handed it to Asuka. "Hold this carefully for me, if you please."

Asuka gingerly took it in her cupped hands. Its warmth and familiar feeling brought a small smile to her lips. She didn't notice the tears running down her face until Daniel's voice snapped her attention back up.

"Asuka...Asuka?"

"Uh! I..." Asuka blinked away the blurring in her eyes. "I'm...I'm sorry. I can't believe this is happening...Mama..."

"It's alright, child. I can feel it coming off you. I... that joy is why I do this," he said gently. "Put that piece of her soul on her chest in a moment when I tell you to." He spread his hands above Kyoko's body like he was dropping an invisible sheet over her. Soft gold light began to pour out from his hands and spill over her, waving and roiling like liquid. Once it had completely covered her mother, Daniel continued, "Now, put it right over her heart and press it down slowly."

Asuka carefully raised the orb and centered it over her mother's chest. She lowered it until it touched her skin, then slowly pressed it down against a strange, fluid resistance. It passed through into her body and vanished. "Now what?" she asked.

"I very carefully meld them back into one. This is something I've haven't done in a while, and it isn't quick. This will take me some time. Most of my mind is going to be deep within during this. Don't let anyone overly disturb us," Daniel said distractedly. "It may help if you just talk to me a bit. That will keep me from getting too deep within and lose track of where I am.

"Talk to you? About what?"

"Anything you like, Asuka. This is a good time for any questions you might have."

"Okay, here's my biggest one: Why are you doing this? An omnipotent god just wants to take pity on some mortals? Why are you doing all this, righting all my wrongs, turning the world upside-down for me with no demand for anything in return? Why?" Asuka asked.

Daniel's face had a wry, weary sadness to it. "We get that question a lot. People are always asking Imperial Rangers, Soldiers, Marines... seeing all the things that we do, jumping into other peoples wars and struggles with no possible gain for us... they see us helping the innocent, the weak, and the downtrodden, and they always ask us, 'Why are you doing this?' We always reply, sometimes with confusion, sometimes sadness, 'Why aren't _you_?' I'm doing this because it's just. Because I can. And because I can, to not do so is to actively decide against doing something good. I'm not that person. I can't _not_ do this."

"But why me? There are hundreds of thousands with sad stories like mine on my world alone. And from what you've told me, there are an infinity of worlds out there just as bad or more."

"Welcome to my world," he said very softly.

Asuka stared at him across the shifting golden blanket of light that played across her mother's floating form. '" _Welcome to my world_."' He hadn't said that even when it was literally true, the night before. No, he'd waved grandly at the blazing night sky, the three Niven rings of the system making immense arcs across the vault of the heavens. ' _"Welcome to Avalon!"'_ he'd said, the picture of cheer. This was far more naked than just introducing her to his home. She kept her face a mask, a habit that had kept her alive these last few years, but suppressed a shiver. ' _Does he really mean that the way it sounded?'_

His hands were steady over her mother, the golden light still softly pouring out from them over her. "The old saying, 'Against stupidity, the gods themselves strive in vain.'" He sighed, "No, it's not stupidity for me, its infinity. It's like trying to push a river back to its source one quark at a time. And every time you move one, two more appear. But you can't stop. I can't stop. I didn't go through all the trouble of apotheosis because I wanted to be glorified. I did it because I needed the power to fight at a level higher than I could do as 'merely' immortal and powerful. I could be in a thousand places at once, create my own universe to be a base for those that followed me, be at hand for every crisis… 'No Sparrow Shall Fall, That We Do Not Save It' was the battle cry. A mad god's dream, to stand against infinity… _Until The Day We All Rise Up..._ "

He broke off, and looked Asuka in the eye for the first time since he'd started. "Humph. I'm supposed to be helping you relax from your sixteen-year defensive clench of the soul, maybe talking you into giving Shinji-kun an honest chance at connecting to the real you, not letting you hear me whine about how my little crusade is so hard. I do things like this as much as I can to remind me _why_ I do this. To remind me how to be _human_. But this is what happens when I spend too long compressed into a mortal body. The futility gets to me a bit more."

Asuka's wide-eyed stare at him finally blinked. "Mein Gott… y-you… I've watched you stop time like it had a pause button, travel through time like you're walking from room to room, teleport us around the world in a blink with no more apparent effort than talking, control Winthrop's mind so much he didn't even notice we were standing within arm's reach of him while he fucked a dummy of me you'd _just created out of thin air_ and replaced for my past self so that he never raped me, retrieve my mother's damaged soul from her…her hanging body…" She shook her head slowly. "And now you complain that you can't _fix every injustice in reality_? And I thought the Third Child acted like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders!"

"Just one world? Wimp. I've got trillions. And a constant bodyguard of a few score billion ghosts from my past errors. That's why I said I'd never mock your pain, Asuka. I know it too well. I know everyone's too well. You live as long as I have, you get to make all sorts of interesting mistakes." He sighed. "Sometimes mistakes that get up and run off all by themselves."

"What?"

"I made a big mistake, once upon a time, before founding the Empire, that had far reaching consequences. Nietzsche was right about the 'he who fights with monsters' thing. I fought monsters alone so long I couldn't even see what I was turning into. Friends pulled me back from a final descent into chaos, but coming back from that had... costs. My darkness is still out there, doing damage all its own. I am still fighting the repercussions of that to this day."

"Now I know why you had Lieutenant Leibshott talking to me instead of yourself."

"Hey, I'm usually much more fun. I'm a lot less powerful than full creator-god level away from Avalon itself, so it's taking a lot of me to do this here. Ninety-five percent of my mind is busy working on your mother's soul, so you're really only getting about twentieth of me. I've spent way too long compressed to mortality this time, and haven't taken a real break to see friends or just get lost for a while in about two thousand years. I'm due." He laughed. "Heh, come to think of it, part of why I was in your 'vicinity' to pick up on your 'story' was that my last vacation brought me into an 'Evangelion' based universe. Very far from your own and the baseline one we use as a marker, but it still had NERV, Angels, and recognizable analogs for yourself and most of the crew. I had some fun there, gave them a hand, helped a few scared kids find their undounamatas, and even tried my hand at a test plug, just for curiosity's sake. Dr. Akagi's curiosity, not mine. I knew what my results would be."

"How? It took months of tries and training before I could synch well enough with Unit-02 to be effective in combat, and that was my mother's soul. I thought it was supposed to be almost impossible to synch just out of the blue like that?" Asuka said quizzically.

"While you were out of it after the 15th Angel's attack, Shinji had that encounter with Kaworu, so you missed it. When they put him in a test plug loaded with the profile for Unit-02, he had a perfectly high synch ratio. That was due to him being an Angel. He could manipulate his own AT-field enough to match Unit-02 to whatever level he wanted. The ability to modify the 'light of his soul' made that easy. Once I knew that soul mechanics was what the Evangelion Series was based on, it was pretty easy for me too." He nodded at Asuka's mother as the gold light-blanket continued to flow out from his hands over her prone form. "Like I'm doing here. The ability to create, modify, and if need be destroy souls is part of the package of godhood. So once I got in the test plug I could set my own synch ratio with little effort."

"So Dr. Akagi loads me up with the profile for Unit-00, and the first result she gets for my synch ratio is '2.718%'."

Asuka raised her eyebrow. "2.718% synch doesn't sound like much worth talking about. Wait...the natural logarithm root?"

"Bingo, Fräulein Math Major!" He grinned. "Then, after thirty seconds, my synch ratio shifted to 'i'."

"The square root of -1? What was that supposed to mean for synching with an Eva? That's not even on the scale! It goes from zero to a theoretical 400%."

"Thirty seconds later, back to '2.718%'. Thirty seconds later, back to 'i'. Then it went to zero." He started laughing. "About a minute later, Dr. Akagi started throwing things at me because she figured out I was screwing with her. It didn't help that I started whistling."

"What are you-...wait, e-i-e-i-0?" Asuka eyes opened wide. "Seriously? That's...that's..." She couldn't help it. She started laughing out loud. The first time she'd honestly done so in as long as she could remember, years. She wiped at her eyes to clear the tears of laughter.

Daniel wore a huge grin. "Yup. I told Dr. Akagi it wouldn't work the way she thought it would. I warned her that even if I just sat there, the results wouldn't make any sense, since my soul is not at all like a baseline human's anymore. She didn't want to listen. Even with all that, I don't think she really caught on that I was completely making up the results until I made the reading come out as '++ _Divide By Cheese Error_ ++, ++ _Please Delete And Reinstall Universe_ ++'. _Boy_ , did she lose it then. Even Major Katsuragi snorted coffee out her nose at that one. It was so worth it."

Asuka cracked up, falling to her knees and howling with laughter.

.

* * *

.

Part 12  
 **Sins Of The Father**

Shinji and his party appeared in space once more. This time Earth hung off in the distance in front of Shinji, and twisting his head around he could just make out the bone-white shine of Luna over Unit-01's shoulder.

"Shinji, I'm going to leave Eva Unit-01 here at the L4 point until we decide what to do with it. This is also a nice quiet spot for us to have a talk about you, your parents, and the things they were up to that led up to the Third Impact," Rayana said briskly. She snapped again, and a round table and chairs appeared between them. Shinji found gravity returning enough to allow him to sit down.

Rayana turned to Yui. "And I'm sure you'll want to hear some of what your husband got up to in the time you were stuck inside Eva Unit-01. What do you remember of that time, Dr. Ikari?"

"A lot of it is rather fuzzy. Unless Eva Unit-01 was powered up, my awareness was rather restricted to what was right in front of me, and that only in a very limited way. But please, tell me who you are and what is going on? We're floating in space and sitting at a table like we're about to have a tea ceremony!" Yui exclaimed.

"I am Dame Rayana Kylise Hart-O'Brien, Knight Commander of the Centre for Covert Multi-Dimensional Operations, Avalon Imperial University Mistress of Musical Arcanum, Imperial Sorceress Supreme, Duchess of Narya, Lady of Mothers' Fury, Her Most Mystic Majesty, Witch Queen of Avalon. Please call me Rayana. Would you like something to drink?" She reeled off her titles again with a smile.

Yui Ikari blinked at her several times. Then she rubbed her forehead. "Yes, coffee, please," she said. "Now, what does that mean?"

Rayana snapped softly at the table, and a steaming carafe of coffee and trimmings appeared. "Good recovery time, Dr. Ikari. You were reported to be a smart lady. To summarize, the tale of your son's experiences in the Angel War and the Third Impact came to my husband the Emperor's attention, and was of interest enough to him that he spent the effort to find the universe where it had happened. He considered the end result," she waved at the towering bulk of Unit-01 behind them and at the red ring of souls around Earth in front of them, "to be unfairly tragic and dark in view of the suffering they endured. He makes rather a living of righting wrongs and seeing justice done. So he came here, to offer his help to your son and his companion in rectifying some of the harsher legacies of the Angel War and the Third Impact."

Yui served herself a cup of coffee and took a slow sip. The first thing she'd tasted in sixteen years. "Well, as I didn't dream in Eva Unit-01, I'm going to operate on the assumption that this is all real. And if you can pull me out of Unit-01 in deep space, then the next moment have us drinking coffee at Earth's L4 point, I'd say I have to accept the rest of what you're saying too."

Rayana rolled her eyes. "Good, that will save time. You probably _wouldn't_ be surprised at how many people have much more trouble accepting such rather obvious events. It gets rather silly sometimes. It's not like people claim they're the Witch Queen of Avalon every day, do they? Anyhow, I think it's time that Shinji learn about a few key things, like what SEELE was really up to, the changes you, Professor Fuyutsuki, and Gendo made in your counter-plans, and what resulted from all that." Her voice was rather cold when she finished.

Yui seemed unruffled by the unwelcoming tone. She met Rayana's cool look squarely. "SEELE's plan would have wiped out humanity and tried to make themselves into gods. We did what we had to in order to disrupt this plan."

"Hence my questions as to how much you can remember, as I believe that whatever plan you may have come up with, it began to go rather awry once Gendo was forced to deal with the actuality of losing you. He seems to have gone rather mad." Rayana's tone was a shade less chill, but still not very kind.

"Mad?"

"After you essentially died, and all his efforts to extract your soul from Eva Unit-01 failed, he convinced Dr. Fuyutsuki to cooperate with him on a plan he called the Scenario. Beginning with abandoning Shinji on the doorstep of a tutor, he had next to no contact with your son for the next _ten years_. He very quickly began sleeping with Naoko Akagi, apparently entirely as a way of controlling her to work on his project to create a clone of you mixed with Angel DNA. The first product of which then informed Dr. Akagi the elder of Gendo's manipulations to the point she flew into a homicidal rage and strangled the child, then threw herself off the top of the NERV command deck to her death. So Gendo then began sleeping with her _daughter_ , Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, to ensure the massive cloning project continued. He went out of his way to be _actively_ neglectful of Shinji, to the point of abuse. He forced Shinji to nearly kill one of his friends, and then locked Eva Unit-01 down in the Geofront hangar rather than let Shinji take you out and try to protect a girl who actually meant something to him who was being mind-raped. Was _that_ part of your plan?"

Shinji's face darkened as Rayana listed some of his father's 'greatest hits'. Nothing else in his entire life had cut as deep as his father's treatment of him as some sort of unfortunate mistake in his past, only of value to him as long as he was useful to him. His mother's eyes had widened as Rayana listed his sins, but her face betrayed nothing else. She did shift her eyes to Shinji as Rayana finished. "Is that true, Shinji?" she asked quietly.

Shinji could only nod, his eyes in his lap.

Rayana's mouth twisted like she'd bitten something sour. She snapped at the air to her left, and a glass and pitcher appeared. The pitcher poured her a glass of dark amber tea, and she took a sip before continuing. "I am the Lady of Mothers' Fury. I do _not_ like those who hurt children. So I am not very happy with Commander Ikari. But We are fair. My husband would like to offer some mitigating information. It still leaves a bad taste in my mouth, so I'll let him do it. Ahem."

Her voice dropped a couple octaves and her body language shifted. "Good to meet you, Dr. Ikari. I am Daniel, Rayana's other half. I'm away right now, helping… a friend of Shinji's with a different family problem. But let me offer something in Commander Ikari's defense." Rayana's head turned to Shinji. "Shinji, while you were in the hangar and Asuka was fighting for her life on the surface, your father was deep within the Geofront, down in Terminal Dogma with Rei III, the third copy of Ayanami-san. He was there to trigger the Third Impact himself."

"…no…" Yui whispered.

"He shot Dr. Akagi when she tried to stop him. He tried to begin the ritual that would unite all of humanity in Instrumentality. Rei III refused him. She initiated Instrumentality, but decided that Gendo was not worthy of that power. She gave it to you instead, Shinji. Because you had showed her empathy, because you had reached out to her and treated her like a person rather than a tool." Rayana'a body sighed. "But as he watched ten years of desperate, detailed, at-all-costs planning crumble and what he thought was the last hope he had of seeing Yui again disappear…do you know what his last words were? 'Shinji, forgive me.'"

Shinji slowly raised his head. "What?"

"To be blunt, your father was a monster, and he knew it. He initially approached your mother because she was the daughter of a member of SEELE, and he wanted to get closer to them. But along the way he actually fell in love with her. All his plans and intentions from before that went out the window. Your mother became his whole world. When she was absorbed into Eva Unit-01, he pretty much lost his mind. Everything he did for the next ten years was shaped around one goal; reuniting with her. And he would not allow concern for anything to stand in the way of that goal. Not even you. He knew he was a monster, and would do horrible things in the name of that goal. He believed that if he kept you near him, he would do only harm to you. So he sent you as far from him as he could, and kept out of all contact with you until he had no choice but to bring you back in to keep his plan going. He didn't mean to be cruel by sending you away. He knew he was a bad man, and was actually trying to _protect_ you. He was trying to be a good person. He was just really, _really_ bad at it."

Shinji felt a sick feeling growing in the pit of his stomach as he listened. He knew his father was a monster. He'd known it every day since his father left him with a tutor and walked away from him. He'd known it every day as a Pilot. Being told his father had not _intended_ to hurt him did not erase sixteen years of bitter anger and pain. _'Forgive him? Why? Father, why couldn't you see what you were doing?'_

"We thought you both should know that. Done on your end with her, love? Ah, good. See you again later, Dr. Ikari, Shinji." Rayana's voice shifted back up to a contralto. "Ah, that poor girl. Well, I hope my husband's words help somehow. I'm less inclined to be forgiving than he is. But even I will admit, Shinji, that does show something I bet you never thought of."

"What? That my father was just as much a monster as I thought?" Shinji asked bitterly.

"That you and your father are very much alike."

Shinji's head snapped back up and his eyes burned with affronted anger. "I am _not_ ," he spat. "I am _nothing_ like him! I would _never_ do what he did!"

"It's been said before; many men grow up to become their fathers," Rayana observed. "You are more alike than you'd think. You would never do what he did, Shinji? You already have."

"What are you _talking_ about?"

"You would both…no, there's no 'would'. You both _did_ decide something the same way; you'd _burn the world_ before you'd go on living without the woman you love. Remember, that's what broke you, during the Third Impact; reaching the surface and seeing the shredded wreck of Unit-02 being chewed on. So when Ayanami-san asked you what you wanted to make of Instrumentality, you told her what?"

Shinji stared endlessly past her into deep space. "'They can all just die,'" he quoted himself.

Rayana's voice was far more gentle now. "And yet you are not him in important ways as well, Shinji. Even after all the Hell you'd gone through, you still rallied at the end, and chose to allow humanity to return to their separate existences if they had the will, and to try for happiness even against the odds.

"And look what it led to; the famines, scattered families, the meltdowns, the warlords, Winthrop...all of it was my fault because I said that," Shinji said hollowly, his eyes still fixed on the infinite black.

Yui looked out at the blue and white globe hanging in the sky. "Gendo, you fool," she said sadly. "It was all for Shinji, you should have known that. I did it for him. For the future. For all of us, so that someone would always be able to bear witness that we were here."

"Dr. Ikari, it's been four years since Eva Unit-01 began drifting away from Earth, and you had only made it as far as just short of the orbit of Saturn. It would take centuries at your speed to even make it to the heliopause. While I can understand your desire to be a lasting monument to the existence of humanity, aside from your solitary consciousness, how were you doing anything that Pioneer 9 and 10 and Voyager 1 and 2 were not? Their first-contact plaques and records not sufficient proof enough that we lived? Was it worth giving up everything that you did for?"

"I didn't have much choice at that point. We knew we couldn't stop SEELE. I wanted _something_ to remain of humanity after they erased us all as individuals," Yui replied. "One of us had to do it. SEELE was on to the fact we knew of their plans and what we were doing. I had very little time left before they were going to kill me. I'm sorry I had to leave you like that, Shinji. I didn't know it would do so much to your father."

"If it is so important to you that a human soul be there as the eternal monument of mankind, we can put you back when you die. But in the meantime, we think Shinji and a few others would miss you if you left too soon."

"I was his son. All I wanted was for him to look at me. He was my father. How could he just send me away, and only call me back because he needed something from me? He wouldn't even let me _try_ to stop the Angel attacking Asuka. He was just fine risking me every other time," Shinji said into the table. "I hate him."

"Would you like to see him burn? I can do that, have done that in a universe where Gendo was... too far gone to be brought back from evil. He killed the Shinji of that world, pulled the trigger himself because he thought killing his own son was the only way to save his precious Scenario. I set him aflame and kept him alive as he burned, and I would do it again with little remorse. Is that what you wish?" Rayana asked levelly. "He's still alive right now, down on your Earth. Winthrop had him tossed into a deep cell just in case he ever needed him again. That is why I stopped us here; to decide if our next stop would be to retrieve him, or let him rot. And we need not retrieve him just to rescue him. We could make your… displeasure felt."

Yui sat up straight. "He's still alive?! We have to rescue him!"

Rayana regarded her coolly. "He did some terrible things to your son and those around him in the name of his Scenario, and he must answer for those many sins. You may be his wife, but are you not Shinji's mother too? In either case, you do not get to make the decision. We are here as Shinji's friends, not yours. You may plead Gendo's case, but Shinji is the judge."

Shinji watched his right hand clench and release on the table. What did he want to do with his father? Revenge for all the years of pain? Walk away? _'Father, who am I to you?'_

"If it helps, Shinji, the failure of his plan and the realization that Rei III, whom he regarded as something of a proxy for your mother, rejected him and everything he was trying to do seems to have broken him. You saw that clip of his so-called 'trial'. Did he seem the man you remember? Or was he more like you, withdrawn and carrying terrible pain? He almost broke down having to read off a list of people he was accused of murdering that included your mother," Rayana said. "'A heart set on love can do no wrong,' Confucius said. Your father seemed to have taken that as his justification. He may have been mad…but he had acted as a man in love. He would do _anything_ to get his undounamata back. And for full and certain do I know that love can make madmen of any of us."

Shinji drew a deep breath and let it out. "I…I don't want him to die. I don't want anyone to die. I did what I had to in the coup for Asuka's sake. I'd rather not kill at all."

Rayana tilted her head. "How about we just make sure you get a chance to give him a god-almighty punch in the face when we pick him up?"

Shinji considered it for a moment. "I think I can do that."

Rayana smiled. "Then so mote it be." She stood up from the table and drained her cup of tea. It and the pitcher vanished when she tossed the cup over her shoulder. "Shall we go pay him a visit, then?"

Yui placed her coffee mug on the table. "Let's. It appears I will have a lot to talk about with my husband. He always was lost without me."

Shinji stood up a moment later. "Let's go."

Rayana snapped her fingers, and Eva Unit-01 was alone at the L4 point with the Lance still spinning slowly in front of it.


	7. Ch7 - Hurting Each Other

**A Crown of Stars**

* * *

Part 13  
 **Hurting Each Other**

* * *

.

"I think you needed that, Asuka."

Asuka finally picked herself up off the floor of the tent, still giggling and wiping at her eyes. "Gott, I wish I could have seen that. Hee hee. Dr. Akagi always did need to loosen up."

"A bit too much of my capacity is tied up right now, but remind me when we get back home to Avalon and I'll be sure you get to see that. My memory is a pretty good archive," Daniel said. His voice gained a stronger note of concern. "Asuka, how long is it since you've had a good laugh like that?"

Her laughter finally quieted and a pensive look grew on her face. "Ah…I can't remember. A long while."

"Years? At all since the Angel War?"

"….no. Not that I can think of," Asuka eventually admitted. Her voice was much more subdued.

"Too many years of sacrificing all pride, hope, dignity, and self-respect in the name of survival leaves little spark left for laughter, mm?"

"I guess something like that, yeah."

"And you bore it all alone."

"Yes." Asuka could hear the fatigue in her voice. "I did. I always have. I don't need anyone."

"That doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice to have someone to bear it with. Shared burdens are halved. Shared joys are squared," Daniel replied.

"If I'd had anyone close to me, Winthrop would just have used them as more leverage against me. I don't need anyone."

"Asuka, do you remember why you started to say that in the first place?" He pointedly looked down at her mother. "You're going to have her back. You're going to have at least one person you _know_ loves you unconditionally. You won't have to be so hard anymore."

Asuka was silent, staring at her mother's face.

Daniel continued more gently. "It's a sad piece of irony, that one of the things that hurt you so much was _caused_ by how much your mother loved you. That was the part that was absorbed by Unit-02 during the Contact Experiment. It was such a big part of her that what was left was damaged and insane…. and after the Experiment she could only see that doll as you. But even with everything in her that recognized you torn out of her, she _still_ tried to comfort and care for her Asuka…Even with that part of her soul gone, she still loved you."

Asuka made no attempt to stop her tears now. "Mama… I…"

"You can be alone, Asuka. It's just much better not to have to be. Your mother will always love you, no matter what. I hope that having her back will give you the courage to take a chance at more. A mother's love is a low fire that you always can count on. The love of another that freely chooses you, and you freely choose them… is something else entirely. It gives you wings. You just need the courage to jump off the edge, and never worry about the fall."

Asuka shook her head. "If I have Mama back, I don't need anyone else."

"You shouldn't be so quick to reject the idea, Asuka. You don't even know what you're missing. Wait a second, yes you do. I heard Lieutenant Leibshott tell you this morning on the beach. That wave that hit you all? That's what Raye and I feel all the time. You felt a small echo of what every moment of our lives together have been like."

Asuka winced and closed her eyes tightly. "That was…that was cruel, to make me feel something like that, then take it away so fast. Why did you do that to me?"

"That was an echo, Asuka. You can't listen to an echo for long. If you want that for yourself, you're going to have to reach out and grasp it. You have that power. Do you recall what my lady wife said to you on the beach this morning?"

"…how do you know she said anything?"

Daniel's smile was slight, and his eyes were far away. "When you talk to one of us, you talk to both of us, Asuka. Raye and I were finishing each other's sentences and deep in each other's heads before we were married, and while we were still unaltered mortals! We've been so close and married so long, it's only gotten stronger. That's part of what it means, to be undounamata; one is two are one. She knows what I know. I know what she knows. We feel each other's presence, thoughts, and spirits constantly. But do you recall what she said?"

"How nice for you," Asuka said, tired envy in her voice. "She promised I would feel that way again soon."

"And have we kept our promises so far?" He looked down again.

"…yes. So what are you going to do, hit me with that 'echo' again? That would satisfy the letter of your promise."

"Rather cynical to suggest that, Asuka. Though given the last few years you've had, I can't say you don't have a well-founded fear of pious rhetoric. But we are not a society of rules lawyers. I'd say your self of six months hence seemed to bear out my wife's promise to you. You have a better advantage than most people; you _know_ in six months what you will be like."

"But I _don't_ know!" she exclaimed. "I have no idea how I could turn into _her_! I don't have that in me! I told him to his face I don't love him, and I meant it! I've given up so much of myself to stay alive I don't even think I _can_ love anyone anymore! Why the Hell would he want me? All I ever do is hurt him. I say stupid, ugly things to him without even thinking! He gives money and food like an idiot wanna-be Buddha to people the secret police are dragging off, and I'm too scared of them dragging us off too to do anything but yell at him for doing it! I watch them break people and stick them up on wheels over the market and don't even care anymore! I sold myself to _Winthrop_ to save my own skin!"

"And he still wrote that note he put in your dresser, taking all the blame for being part of the coup."

"So he could still be the fucking hero-martyr-wannabe the way he always did!"

"He did it for you. He did it because the world he blamed himself for creating was killing you. You were the only thing in his life he still had to protect. He felt he had failed everyone else in the Angel War. He didn't do it to be a hero. Did he ever once sound like he _wanted_ to be an Eva Pilot? He hated every minute of it, even when the safety of humanity was on the line. But he did it anyhow. You've seen it yourself; within weeks of meeting you, he was willing to jump headfirst into a live volcano _against orders_ for the _chance_ to save you."

Asuka looked away. "And I paid him back for that on the next angel! Anyway, that idiot would have done it for Wondergirl too. It wasn't because it was me."

"He might, but not for the same reasons. He'd have done the same to save Ayanami-san because she was a fellow Pilot, and someone he wanted to protect. He was ready to spit in his father's face and walk away the first time Commander Ikari told him to pilot Eva Unit-01. He did it anyway, because otherwise they would have yanked Ayanami-san out of her hospital bed and sent her into battle with the same kind of wounds you had when you woke up on that beach. He always was willing to fight to protect others. But you…he dove into that volcano, he volunteered himself as a replacement for you in Winthrop's bed, he wrote that note, because he'd rather die than see _you_ get hurt. That's what finally broke him, when Commander Ikari set off the Third Impact; getting to the surface and seeing Unit-02 torn to pieces, after he had to hear you fight the Mass Production Evas alone. He tried to come to your aid. Eva Unit-01 was shoulder deep in Bakelite."

"No he didn't! I saw it! During Instrumentality, I saw _everything!_ He just _sat there!_ He sat on the gangway, wallowing in self-pity, and just stared at Eva Unit-01 while I was fighting for my _life!_

"So you're mad at him for not helping you when you really needed it, and you think he could have done something, but didn't?" Daniel's tone was still perfectly even.

"Yes!" Asuka's was not.

"So when he was literally begging you for help during Instrumentality, and you could have done something, but you refused to help him, that was different... how?"

"It... that... I didn't try to _kill him_ after he didn't help me!"

"There are a lot of ways to kill someone that leaves a perfectly healthy breathing body behind, Asuka. You should know that; you got yours at the hands of the 15th Angel. He was in the middle of a total psychological collapse when you were fighting on the surface. He had just watched Major Katsuragi die protecting him, and a few days before he had to kill Nagisa-san, the only person in his whole life's memories that had _ever_ shown him any affection. Where were you in the hour before that moment? Sitting at the bottom of a lake in Unit-02, catatonic." Daniel looked up at the ceiling. "When you were being... violated by Arael, Shinji demanded his father release the freeze on Eva Unit-01 while you were under attack, so he could go to you, try to help you. Commander Ikari refused him. Shinji knew the risks. He'd just seen it happen to you. He still wanted to help you. Mmm, that's another thing we need to 'discuss' with Commander Ikari shortly."

His gaze came back down to Asuka, who was glaring at him.

"Like I said last night, you have no idea how much that boy has bled for you. And will. He won't give up on you. He won't leave you, Asuka. Not for anything. Protecting and being with you gives meaning to his life."

"I don't _need_ protecting! I don't need _anyone!_ "

"Then his job will be easy. Unless you want him to go away? I can make him vanish, put him on a world so far away he'll never see you again. Is that what you want?"

A spike of fear shot through her. "No! Stop saying that! I don't want...him... to go away." She ended much softer than she began, surprised at her own vehemence.

Daniel cocked his head to the side and his lips curled in a half-smile. "You know, you're so contrary I wonder if the best way to make you grab onto Shinji harder is to forbid you to see him. Worked for Prospero, no? Alas, you are not Miranda." His smile faded. "He'd do anything for you. That's why he wrote that note; dying bothered him less than the idea of you getting hurt when he could do something about it. But as brave as he can be facing death, he can be as big a chicken as I was when it comes to something much more scary: telling the girl you like how you feel about her."

"In his usual half-assed cowardly way, he tried it, in the Entry Plug after the fighting during the coup. I told him the truth; I don't love him. I just didn't want to be alone, and he was all that's left for me."

"Actually, he chickened out even more than you think. Didn't you notice? He _didn't_ tell you how he felt. He got halfway towards asking what _you_ thought of _him_. He never told you what he felt about you. He would be a lot more to you if you'd let him. He'd give you everything."

"Then he's an idiot. I don't love him. I don't need him to push that kind of thing on me. It was painful enough when he rejected me again."

"...Do you mean when he stopped when he was about to have sex with you?"

Asuka tried to meet his eyes. After a few seconds, her attempt at a glare faded into staring at her mother's hands. "Yes," she said very quietly.

"He didn't reject you. I know it may have seemed like that to you, but you need to keep a couple things in mind. For one, he has _never_ had sex with anyone. He's only even ever had three _kisses_ in his life: you, that night in Major Kasturagi's apartment, her, right before she _died_ , and giving you mouth-to-mouth in your Berlin apartment. He's been attracted to you since the moment he set eyes on you, but never done anything with anyone. So having his first sexual experience be with you has literally been a dream of his for years. Two-"

Asuka's eyes shot back up to burn at Daniel's. "So why the _fuck_ did he just _stop_ , lay down, and pull the covers over himself?! I wasn't stopping him! I offered him _everything_ he wanted and he just... _he didn't even want me! He wouldn't even touch me!_ _ **He wouldn't even look at me! WHY WOULDN'T HE LOOK AT ME?**_ **"** Asuka was honestly screaming at him now.

"Because he could see your eyes." Daniel's level tone was just adding to her fury now.

" _ **What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!**_ _"_

"He could see your eyes. You weren't there; you were looking as far from him as you could, and trying to be a thousand miles away. He could see in your eyes that you were the farthest thing from enjoying yourself. He knew what Winthrop had done to you. He wanted to be with you, so much so he could taste it. But he didn't want it at the cost of hurting you more. He didn't stop because he doesn't want you. He stopped because he'd rather not have you if that means he has to hurt you to do so."

Silence reigned in the tent for a moment.

"That's as close to a simple definition of love that I've arrived at that I can tell you in plain German, Asuka; when their happiness matters more than yours. When their happiness _is_ yours. Why do you think he buys you all those video games and math books?"

"Because I told him to look for them for me." Her fury had deserted her. Her voice faded to merely sullen.

"Because you give him the tiniest wisp of a smile and call him 'baka' in that tone of voice when you get them from him."

"Then he's just what I call him, an _idiot_! I _don't_ love him! I told him that!"

"And he does it anyway. Another thing I learned a long time ago, Asuka: Just because you love someone, doesn't mean they have to love you back. But sometimes... you don't mind."

"So what? After a while he'll realize I'm not going to be what he wants and leave, find someone else. Someone who will give him what he's looking for."

"So why shouldn't that be you? You told him you don't love him. Fine. You're allowed to change your mind. You know why he froze that time you kissed him during the Angel War?"

"He was rejecting me, just like later. He didn't want me. If he'd wanted me he would have held me."

"Wrong. He thought you were gorgeous, brilliant, fiery, exotic, and braver than he thought he could ever be. And then one night he's just playing his cello, listening to his old SDAT, and suddenly, out of nothing, the girl of his dreams demands a kiss. From _him_. You felt _too good_ to be real. His brain just flat locked up because he couldn't believe you were really there in front of him, offering your lips. Total blue-screen-of-death." Daniel gave her another half-smile. "You have no idea how completely you could have claimed him if you'd just grabbed him that night. He'd have been utterly yours forever, instantly. I've seen that in more than a few worlds. One time a 'you' did that, it caused a chain of events that resulted in Suzuhara-san and Horaki-san getting _married_ within a few months." He laughed. " _And_ you two nearly gave Major Kasturagi grey hair trying to stop you and Shinji from having constant horny-teenagers-in-love sex in the apartment. The apartment with very thin walls, mind you. You two were having the time of your lives _every night_ , she was getting zero sleep, and was more than a little envious."

Asuka boggled slightly at the idea of Hikari and Touji getting married while still in school with her. She managed to contain her amusement at picturing Misato losing sleep trying to stop her to a simple snort. She still didn't feel like playing along with where Daniel was going with this.

"Good for them," she said sourly. "I'm not her. I was a fool back then. I thought I could save the world. Look where it is now."

"You can tell me you don't care, Asuka, but I did notice from the glimpses of your thoughts the days before and during the coup that you spent a bit of time very carefully _not_ thinking about some things."

She snorted again, this time not in amusement. "Like what?"

"You were just getting rid of an old SDAT player that was laying around when you left it on Shinji's bed, mm? Even _he_ noticed the week old price sticker."

Asuka reddened slightly. "So I got him a tape player, so what? It was just a welcoming present."

"One that you felt it necessary to lie about why you gave it to him? And an SDAT tape player, in 2020 Berlin? That must have been about as easy as finding mint-condition Space Shuttle parts. And for Avalon's sake, even Winthrop noticed that you had to have a different, personal reason for joining the coup besides just to avenge your mother."

She got redder, but this time held her tongue. She couldn't think of anything to rebut that with. Then she rallied, "My mother's not enough?"

"Not when I know you were lying when you told Shinji that it was what got you to join the coup. I don't know for sure what you _were_ thinking then, but I do know that saying it was for your mother was an excuse you'd had to grope for."

Asuka shifted uncomfortably. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Fair enough. Think about it, though, please. Let me ask you a question: Do you like the way your personal life was before I walked in to your tent?"

"It was as good as I could hope for in that world. I was needed, an Eva Pilot, and I wasn't alone," Asuka said with little conviction.

"But you don't really like the way things are? Then change them. Change the whole world. The gods are on your side now. We can rearrange the stars for you. All you need is the courage to say what you want. You say you don't need anyone. Are you afraid to reach out?"

"I'm not...I don't need..."

Daniel broke in on her stuttering reply. "You don't need to say anything. Hold on for a moment, my wife and I need to switch sides so I can talk to Shinji and party for a bit."

"What are you talking about now?" Asuka stiffened. "Is she about to show up here again? I thought you weren't going to do that to me!"

"Not at all. Most of me is still working on your mother. She'll just be borrowing my voice here while I talk there. I need to talk to Shinji's mother, and she's got something she wants to say to you on this topic. Hello, dear." Daniel's voice suddenly rose to a contralto. "Ah, thank you, love. Hello, Asuka. Good to see your mother again, I bet."

Asuka blinked and shook her head. These people were strange.

"So you're afraid," Rayana's voice said. Asuka bristled, but was abruptly derailed when the other woman added a touch wryly. "Welcome to the club."

"Er, what?" Asuka blinked, startled. Rayana's voice chuckled.

"What, were you expecting me to say something like, 'Fear is the mind-killer, the little death, the destroyer'?" she said, her tone just faintly teasing. "The truth is it's not unusual to be afraid of being happy. When I first met Daniel... well, for all my sensitivity to the Energies of the Universe, I was still very young and Young, and the connection between me and a complete stranger was so... strong, so powerful, far more so than with any other I had connected with previously... I was terrified, afraid that I was imagining things, that if I made a move it would blow up in my face... I was so cautious that I very nearly Friend Zoned him in what I believed to be self-defense, and even when it became obvious that he would stay with me, I feared it. I told him flatly that he couldn't ask me to marry him until we had been together five years."

Daniel's body blushed faintly. "There were extenuating circumstances surrounding that, but I was determined to hold to it... except I couldn't." He smiled softly, his eyes shining. "I got impatient and began to ask _him_ to marry _me_. Occasionally in the most awkward, inappropriate places, like the middle of watching a live performance of 'Othello'. He was rather dismayed by that one," Rayana's voice giggled. "The point is, I took a chance that what I was feeling, what I was trying to pretend I didn't feel, might be real and true and requited, and it was _worth everything_. Yes, I could have lost him at any number of points, and I know all too well how losing him would utterly shatter me, but the joy I have with him is worth the possibility of pain. Being apart from him hurts, yes, but that only makes our reunions sweeter. As you may recall." Daniel's body smiled softly. "It's okay to be afraid sometimes, Asuka, but never let that fear hold you back from the chance of true happiness."

"But what if you're wrong?!" Asuka demanded, almost desperately. "What if you're wrong, and he rejects me?" _'Again...'_

"But what if I'm right? What if it all goes incredibly, wonderfully right?" Rayana's voice asked, raising an eyebrow. "The Shinji of six months from now was quite obviously still with the you of that time point. Rather thoroughly, in fact. He's brave, kind, devoted to you...and he has a _cute_ little butt. You could do much worse than to claim him as yours. You don't want him to get grabbed up by Wondergirl, do you?" Daniel's body smiled gently at Asuka. "Think on it, child. My husband is ready to return to his body now. Yes, dear, I'm done."

Daniel's voice deepened again. "Hmm, I'd forgotten what he'd done to you. You have your own grievances against Commander Ikari. We may have to start a line for people to punch him."

"Now what are you talking about?" Asuka asked in exasperation.

"My wife and Shinji have retrieved his mother's soul from Eva Unit-01, and after some discussion Shinji has decided that his father is worthy of rescue from the hole that he's still stuffed into. There's still the little matter of all the horrible things he did to you and your companions during the Angel War, like preventing Shinji or anyone else from helping you while Arael was attacking your mind. Shinji gets first shot, but I'm betting you'd like a chance to give him a good punch in a tender spot before we get him out of there."

Asuka cracked her knuckles. "Oh, I think I could see my way to letting him know how I feel about that, yes."

"We'll catch up to them in time for that, then. We have another couple of stops before that once I get done with your mother. I think you'll like that. It will be a chance to do some good things for someone you like."

"Why are you going to force me to do things for the Third Child?"

"Please take note that _I_ didn't mention him. We're going to go do something to help out your former guardian, the one you were so fond of."

"I was hardly fond of Misato."

"Try again."

"Wait, we're going to help Kaji?" Asuka showed a little more enthusiasm for the prospect.

"You're far from the only person in NERV with regrets in their past. Kaji had his own. His regrets are what gave him his fieron to seek the truth behind SEELE and the Second Impact. We can do something about those regrets to help him."

"You're going to bring him back too, aren't you? It wouldn't do a lot of good for...someone who's gone," Asuka ventured.

"I already did. Where do you think I went while I left you to talk to yourself when I first came to this tent?"

"If you already did, where is he?!" Asuka was practically bouncing.

"Well, he was a bit dead, so I had to patch him up a bit. Then he was _really_ dead, after Major Katsuragi ripped his head off for getting killed in the first place and making her cry. The two of them are resting back on Avalon, about two islands down from yours."

"Her too?! Why didn't you say so earlier?!"

"I did mention I'd be giving you back everything that had been taken, didn't I? You should have thought of that. We're going to bring back everyone you miss," Daniel said with a smile. "Who do you think was _at_ that party you and Shinji had to get back to in six months?"

Asuka looked back at her mother's face. "Everyone..." she said softly.

"I didn't tell you earlier since you were already pretty emotionally exhausted last night and didn't need any more twists piled on. But by this evening, you and Shinji are going to have a lot of catching up to do with people you had to say goodbye to before."

Daniel looked down at Kyoko Sohryu's face too. "To be honest, Asuka, I admit I did think about holding back on this or other things until you had cleared some of the tensions between you and Shinji. But I couldn't emotionally blackmail you like that. That kind of cruelty is just anathema to me, and worse, forcing you like that could even poison whatever bond you did form with him. I won't force you to talk to him, or even make it part of some price for your mother's return. But I will ask you to. You two are like Rayana and I in a way. Yin and Yang. Alone, you both are lonely, unbalanced, incomplete. But together you cover each other's gaps, and become so strong that Angels would fear you. I think that's part of why Shinji ultimately rejected Instrumentality, and left the door open for everyone else to leave it; because in a ego-borderless mass mind, you were all together, no one alone, but in the most horrible way possible. It's only as individuals... it's only _because_ we are alone, that we can reach out to another... that we can love."

Asuka sighed. "Alright, I'll think about it. I'm not promising anything."

"Thank you, Asuka. That's the most I can ask. You won't regret it. The other side is wonderful. Lieutenant Leibshott wasn't kidding. That's what we feel like all the time."

The golden light flowing out of his hands thinned and faded away. Daniel finally lowered his hands and took a deep breath. "Alright. Her soul is in one piece again."

Asuka gently took one of her mother's hands. "Mama? Can you hear me?" she asked hopefully.

Kyoko's face did not stir.

"It won't be that quick, Asuka, I'm sorry. Her mind and soul took a lot of damage from the sundering. I've melded the pieces back together, but it will take a little more time before she'll be herself again. Think of it like this: I've just finished the surgery, and stitched her wound closed, but she's not going to hop out of bed right away. She's not instantly healed by the process, just begun. I'll be able to tell you more closely how long that will be when we get back to Avalon. We did this here because I didn't want the risks involved in taking her soul across a dimensional boundary when it was in pieces like that. But she'll heal faster and better on Avalon. We do share the name of 'that magical island who's healing never fails', after all. Let's go get her settled into a bed there."

Asuka tried to contain her suddenly dashed hopes. "I see. Fine, let's take her there."

The brilliant light of the portal flashed over them, and Asuka followed her mother's floating form through.

.

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Author's Note: This update brought to you by Nh1xxs, who followed the story and triggered an email alert to remind me to update. Sorry this one is a bit short. Adding in the next part would make it too long. But on the other hand, I'll update with that part in just a few days.


	8. Ch8 - Souls, Old Friends, & Dark Places

**A Crown of Stars**

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Part 14  
 **Souls, Old Friends, & Dark Places**

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 **.**

They placed Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu in the back bedroom of the beach house, just down the hall from the room Asuka had slept in the night before. A gesture from Daniel had swapped her filthy and torn street clothes with a plain white robe. The dirt on her hands and face were gone, and her hair now done up in a simple ponytail. Her chest rose and fell easily. She looked for all the world to be peacefully sleeping.

Asuka had pulled a chair close to the edge of the bed and watched as Daniel laid his hand on her forehead and closed his eyes. She felt her hair stand on end up the back of her neck. Daniel held his other hand out to her. "Take my hand for a moment, Asuka. You'll see what I meant earlier."

She reached up and took his hand. Suddenly she could see her mother far more than before. She blinked her eyes and tried to focus them on the strange new layer of sight she suddenly had. She could see her mother's... soul? There was now a thin image superimposed on her mother's body that was behind, above, and within her all at once. It looked like sheer fabric spun out of ultra-thin silvery thread, faintly rippling as she breathed. It was…Asuka couldn't even find words to frame its beauty, but it was utterly fascinating to look at. The smooth swoop of the material was marred by a livid ultraviolet scar running from her right shoulder to her left thigh. The edges of the scar were tightly pressed together, and she could see a nearly transparent film bridging the gap and sparkling slightly.

"That's the rip the Contact Experiment left in her soul. I've bound up the wound, and its healing fine. A week, give or take two days, and she'll wake naturally." Daniel's voice was... Asuka realized she wasn't _hearing_ him. The voice was just in her head.

She turned her head to look at him. "What happened to staying out of my-"

It was like trying to stare at the sun. She could see in the center of the nearly blinding light a similar sheet overlaid on Daniel's form, but it was a deeper grey that seemed far away at the same time. No, it wasn't grey, it was gold at the edges, but the entire middle was made up of a chaotic web of criss-crossing, overlapping scar lines. A thread of silvery material ran out of the center of his darkness off into an infinite distance. Asuka yanked her hand out of Daniel's and her normal vision returned.

She shook her head to clear the strange visions out and looked up at him. "What was that?!"

"That was the wound in her soul. And if I'd thought you'd look away from her, I'd have warned you about me. I told you, my soul's not like a baseline human's anymore. Hasn't been for a very long time. And here on Avalon I'm at the seat of my power. I know it was hard on your eyes. Sorry about that."

"What...why does yours look like that? All those scars?"

"The light is what your mind tried to interpret apotheosis as. I'm very old. My soul is a lot _deeper_ than your mother's. I am this entire cosmos and tied to every soul born in it. The scars...are older. Part of what drove me to seek godhood. I needed it to keep doing what I kept doing. The legacy of trying to do things that only a god should do."

"Creating your own universe?" Asuka guessed.

Daniel shook his head, his hand still on Kyoko's forehead. "Making a cosmos is comparatively easy. Only a god can create a new soul _ex nihilo_ , from nothing. But I kept running into places and people that needed them. There is...a way to create a new soul without being a god, but it's not easy, and it has costs, but sometimes I decided that the cost was worth it. A wounded soul properly cared for heals. It can even grow back from being ripped in half. You can give someone a soul...if you're willing to give them half of one to start from. Before I ascended, I must have done that...dozens of times, scores."

Asuka's eyes widened. She looked at her mother. Having her soul ripped in two had driven her mother mad to the point of suicide. Instrumentality and re-embodiment had felt like putting her own through a wringer. He'd done this repeatedly? Willingly? To himself? Just what had _that_ felt like? "And that leaves scars?"

Daniel removed his hand from her mother's forehead and straightened up. "That does. Some are from other things that I faced in years gone by. In my younger days, I had failures, mistakes. Sometimes it cost many lives, in times and places I could not rescue them. You know well yourself how some things can wound your soul." He looked over at her. "That's what I see when I look at you. I can't look at you or Shinji and not see the wounds you bear. And I can't leave you to bear them alone when I can help. That's another reason why I'm doing this."

"What do I look like?" Asuka asked quietly.

"Worn. Tattered. Tired. You have a number of visible wounds. I'm bandaging them as I can. Rescuing your mother is one way, destroying the Dummy Plugs and preventing your rapes another. That's also why I asked you to give Shinji a chance. You both have a big hole in your souls thanks to the loss of your mothers at such a young age. Your holes match up. The wounds are symmetrical, opposite, and complimentary. You'd literally complement each other, covering each other's gaps and filling the ache."

Asuka looked back to her mother. "Having her back won't do the same? Fill the hole losing her gave me?"

"The wound shaped a lot of who you are. Like bending a tree early in its growth, it affected a lot of the ways you grew over the years. Having your mother back will heal a lot of the wounds, but she won't fill the gaps entirely. It won't be the same. She'll love you because you're her daughter, not because she needs you. Not the way a true partner would."

He stood up and walked to the door. Asuka stayed in the chair, watching her mother sleep.

"Asuka?"

"I don't want to leave her. I just got her back."

Daniel stepped back and put his hand on her shoulder. "The house systems will keep her fed and comfortable, Asuka. Sitting here and staring won't heal her faster. You'll see her every night until she wakes, and I promise you'll be here when she does. Seven days. Come, there's good works to do and friends to rescue."

"I can't leave her alone..."

"And she won't be. Sean?" Daniel addressed the empty air.

The empty air answered. "Yes, Sire?"

"A priestess of your mother's to watch over our healing guest, if you please."

"Aye, Sire."

(I) . . j p g

Seconds later, a soft rapping on the doorframe heralded the entrance of a slight woman in a white robe with blue and gold edging. She bobbed a smooth bow. "Good morning, my Lord, Miss Sohryu. I am Mother Sriyana D'Ganreth-Hawes, priestess of the Lady Mother. It will be my pleasure to watch over your mother, Miss." Her German had no accent, of course.

Asuka stopped herself from staring. The woman had light blue hair like a certain fellow pilot once had, tied into a long braid, and distinctly _pointed_ ears. The thin sword at her side was less strange than her almost elven ears. _'Oh well, at least she doesn't have red eyes,'_ Asuka thought. "Are you a doctor?"

The woman gently tapped the elaborate triple moon pendant on her chest. "No, Miss. I am a Donna, a 'Mother' in your tongue, a senior priestess of the Lady. I have medical skills, but my main calling is magical and spiritual healing, much more needed than medical matters for this sort of injury. Through me the Lady will watch over her as well. And in any mundane emergency, I can jump us to the clinic island in moments."

Asuka still hesitated. She had only minutes of memories of being with her mother. Most of them half-forgotten remnants from when she was very young, and the rest the glorious, chaotic blur of her mother being there with her in the fight with the Mass Production Evas. Less than a minute of watching her be beaten in the video of her 'trial'. Minutes against sixteen years of loss. The few minutes she'd had her watching her sleep made up a not inconsiderable part of the total now. The last thing she wanted to do right now was leave her side.

"She needs time to heal, Asuka. As do you. What I've got planned for next will help you and people you would like to call friends. Your mother will be safe and well cared for here. Trust me." Daniel gave a gentle tug on her shoulder. She rose reluctantly.

She felt a cool metallic surface brush against her left wrist. She looked down to see Daniel sliding a smooth silver band onto her arm that looked like the matching ones on his and Lieutenant Leibshott's wrists. "What?"

"This is an interface band. I've set it to voice commands for now. Think combination cell phone, watch, computer, everything you might need. Just tell it what you need. See this little green square in the corner? Touch that, and it will bring up a live 3D feed of this room and your mother's vital signs. You can check on her at any time, or call us, whatever you want." Daniel gave her a kind look. "I know you want to sit here until she wakes, but there is more to do, child. You're not the only one who needs help. Ready to be a part of it?"

Asuka rubbed the band and stared at her mother again. Others, huh? _'Kaji. Misato. Hikari. Shin- damn it.'_ "Alright."

"Let's go see something that might give you a bit more energy to get motivated." He walked through the door and down the hall. Asuka gave her mother one more look, and followed him.

She caught up to him standing on the path just outside the beach house. "So now what?" she asked.

"Scenic route, or quick jump?" he replied.

"Ah... scenic route?" she guessed.

"As you wish." They shot into the air. Asuka bit down on a shriek. _'I've fought Angels and monsters with a snarl on my lips.'_ Shooting through the air with no visible means of support was not going to-... to... boy the ground looked far away. And now it was rapidly getting much closer. _'Ok, maybe a little shrieking_ _ **was**_ _in order.'_

Asuka opened her mouth to start, when the ground finished rushing up at them and they were suddenly standing perfectly still again. Not even a bump. She looked around, but there was no one around but her and Daniel. A similar looking beach house to hers stood in front of them. She turned to Daniel to vent some of her alarm. "Next time you need to _warn_ _me_ when the 'scenic route' involves me possibly having a heart attack!"

"And you need to put your genius IQ to work. You know I'm a god and this is my domain. I'm not going to allow any harm to come to you here. A supernova could go off in your face, and you wouldn't be so much as sunburned. Around here, Death works for _me_ ," Daniel retorted. "You're just upset because what your hindbrain _knows_ hasn't quite caught up withwhat your mind has learned. Now, watch quietly." He pointed at the door to the cabin facing the patio.

A second after Asuka focused on the door, it swung open. Two people she knew were dead came out.

And moments after the shock of seeing Kaji and Misato alive and well had registered, Asuka got another one. The beer bottles in their hands were no surprise. The fact their other hands were tightly clasped was. As was the prominent sparkle on Misato's left. _'No...No way. He couldn't...'_

"Major Katsuragi was rather upset with him when I picked them up, for going off on his little suicide mission in pursuit of 'the truth' and getting killed. She calmed down when he kept his promise last night."

"What promise?" Asuka asked hollowly. Her teenage crush was walking along holding someone else's hand, and she was wearing a ring. Now she had nobody.

"Before he left on that last mission he left a message on the answering machine at the apartment. He promised Major Katsuragi that if he saw her again, he'd say the words he couldn't say eight years before, when they broke up in college. After she was done beating him silly for dying and making her cry, she held him to that promise. He did."

"How nice for her," Asuka spat.

Daniel faced her. "You didn't 'lose' him, Asuka. He was never yours to have. You knew that perfectly well the night they came home from that wedding together. He and Major Katsuragi had a bond before you ever met either of them. They were both just afraid of making that last step to really connect to each other. So they both buried themselves in their work to try and find meaning in living alone. It got him killed and turned her into an alcoholic mess. That's how she coped. She drank to keep the feelings away. Death has a way of making you reassess your priorities, so they had a long talk. Now they've both said a few things they were afraid to before." Daniel spoke kindly, but Asuka tried not to listen.

He paused. "You coped by being angry at the world, and driving yourself to be the best so people would have to pay attention to you. You said yourself that wasn't the healthiest way to live. Drinking a case of beer every other day wasn't either. And look on the bright side; yesterday morning you knew he was dead. Now you've got him back in the land of the living. He still thinks the world of you, and will be your friend. And so will she."

"Can we go now?" She turned away. "I really don't want to see any more."

"Where would you like to go?"

"I don't care. Away from here. You dragged me away from Ma- my mother for this?"

"Kaji was one of the few people to treat you as more than just a precocious child. He was handsome, charming, paid attention to you, and took you more seriously than anyone else around you. So you liked him, a lot. But he was never for you. You still like him?"

Asuka was silent for a long minute. "Yes, damn me. I've got few enough happy memories of people in my past. He's still the best man I ever knew."

"And Misato was the closest thing you had to a mom in the last decade. You want to go pick up some engagement presents for them?"

"I suppose." _'Anything to get away from here. I know I'll have to deal with this later, but right now I don't care. Fuck, he's been dead for four years to me. I've known that long I'd never have him. I shouldn't let this get to me so much.'_

"I said we'd get to do something good for your friends. And you might get to shoot at some more bad people." Another pitch black portal opened in front of them. "Back to your world we go. We're going to have to go a bit further back for these gifts."

"What are we going shopping for? There's not exactly a thriving economy on my world to pick from. The pre-Impact video games the Third digs up for me are about the best you'll find."

"We're going hunting for the only true source of wealth, Asuka. Things beyond price."

"Somehow I doubt you're taking us to rob a bank or seize a diamond mine, so what are we after?"

"Friends and family, my child, friends and family." They stepped through the portal back into the tent.

"...if I call that trite and sappy, you're going to point out what we just did for me, aren't you?"

"I knew you were a genius. Let's go _shopping._ " The portal closed as silently as it had opened. They missed Misato blindfolding Kaji with her bikini top and playing Marco-Polo with the beer she stole from his hand. Things proceeded from there.

.

* * *

.

There was no light in the cell. No light reached this far underground. There usually wasn't any light at all, unless the guards had one of their infrequent needs to come down the hall to slide his meal tray through the slot in the door, or much less often, open it to let him hand out his honey bucket. They never opened it to take him out of the cell. Not in the more than a year since he'd entered it. Not that he'd have been able to see much if there was light. The cell was little more than a hollow concrete cube with a few ratty blankets in a corner, and his glasses were long gone anyhow.

So when the cell was flooded with a sudden sparkle of starlight through the window in the cell's door, it was nearly as if someone had turned on full daylight to the man who'd once been known as Commander Gendo Ikari née Rokubungi, Supreme Commander of the UN agency called NERV. He threw his hand up in front of his eyes and tried to sit up straighter. He did not exclaim his surprise, or ask questions. He'd never been a man given to much talk in any case, and a year of solitary captivity after three years of wandering a world left after all his most desperate, detailed plans had failed to give him back the one thing that made him a tolerable human being had left him with little urge to talk to anyone at all. He was beyond all desire anymore. He simply waited to see what would happen. He did not expect what he got.

The lock screeched, and the door of the cell swung open to let a beautiful red haired woman in elaborate green and black robes step into the cell. She was definitely not one of Winthrop's black-uniformed prison guards. She planted her fists on her hips as she stood over him. She regarded him with a look of cold contempt like one he might have given his son in days long past. "Ikari Gendo?" the stranger addressed him icily.

He managed to twitch his head in a nod, then realized that it might be invisible in the dim cell. "Yes?" he croaked hoarsely.

"Get up. It's time for your parole hearing," the woman said flatly in perfect Japanese. "And keeping the board waiting won't do you any favors."

Gendo struggled to his feet. A parole hearing? That did not sound like something he would be given in Winthrop's prison. This had to be something else. He may have given up on all his worldly desires, but his wits had not left him. He had little energy or impulse to worry; if Winthrop wanted him dead, he didn't need to indulge in any more charades to accomplish that. So whatever this woman meant, it would not be one of Winthrop's plans. That alone made it worth investigating.

The woman turned and walked out of the cell. Gendo blinked. His eyesight was not at its best after such prolonged darkness and lack of glasses, but it looked like the woman had walked through the door and right outdoors. He could see the scattered pinpoints of light of a night sky out the cell door. He knew perfectly well it should be a blank concrete hallway leading to his right. He shrugged slightly, and followed.

And fell off the world.

He stepped out into space, nothing apparent below his feet but stars. His brief scream of alarm at finding himself stepping out into the infinite abyss of empty space was cut short by a lifetime of iron self-control. Those years were not enough to prevent his jaw from dropping as he squinted his eyes at the young man in front of him. He looked like... "Shinji?" he asked in confusion.

The young man who looked like his son stepped closer and stared at him for a few seconds. Then he curled his arm back and whipped it forward in a sharp jab at Gendo's face. Reflexes the legacy of years spent brawling as a younger man tried to bring his arms up to protect his face, but he found his arms lightly but irresistibly held from behind his back by the cold faced woman. Additional stars exploded in his head as the fist impacted on his nose.

The woman's grip released him as soon as he was hit, and he crumpled to his knees. If that was his son, he'd gotten a lot better at throwing a punch since he last saw him. His nose felt like it was quite possibly broken. Again.

"Hmm, we can't have you squinting like Mister Magoo at everyone. Hold still," the strange woman said behind him. He felt her hand grab his chin and yank it to stare straight up at her face above him. She jabbed her two fingers into his eyes simultaneously, and not very gently. But once he stopped blinking away the pain of that assault, he found his vision clear and sharp as a teenager's again. He refocused on the young man in front of him, who was glaring down at him, his right hand clenching over and over like he was deciding whether to take another swing at him. It _was_ Shinji. He finally noticed the tall, slender woman standing a short distance behind his son.

His heart stopped. It was not possible. She was not possible…

"Y... Yui?" He could barely find the breath to talk. He couldn't move. He couldn't blink, or she might vanish. He struggled to his feet again, and took the first step towards her. His eyes and all his attention locked on her-

And thus his surprise was great when an angry German-American girl slammed him in the temple with the grip of a borrowed .45. Great, but brief. He dropped to the invisible floor, unconscious.

The redheaded girl with the pistol smiled in satisfaction. "Verfluchter arschloch." She gave him a hard kick to the ribs and looked up from Gendo Ikari's limp form. She smirked at Shinji. "Hey, Third. I guess you found your mom. Wait until you hear what _I've_ been up to." Asuka giggled. "I've been _shopping!_ "

.

* * *

.

Part 15  
 **Lunch and Ideas**

Rayana's arm checked Yui's rush to Gendo's side before it could get going. "I told you your husband had a lot of sins to answer for, Doctor. Meet one of the other victims of his Scenario: Asuka Langley Sohryu, Pilot of Evangelion Unit-02. Asuka, child, I'd appreciate it if you could keep any further beatings of Commander Ikari on hold until we can convince Dr. Ikari not to try tackling you."

Asuka humphed. "Fine. I reserve the right to kick him in the balls a few times later, though."

Shinji stared at the redhead with the gun in surprise. Daniel was right behind her. They hadn't been there when Rayana had opened the portal to his father's cell. They must have come in when his attention was focused on his father. Admittedly, Shinji had been rather intensely zeroed in on him stumbling out of the dank hole he's been drawn from. He looked down as his father. A small puddle of blood was forming under his head. If his nose hadn't been broken from Shinji's punch, it sure was now after Gendo had landed flat on his face. Shinji found it hard to care.

He looked back up at Asuka. She was wearing a huge smirk and twirling the .45, her other hand cocked on her left hip. _'Sweet gods, she looks hot. Even hotter than back on_ Over The Rainbow _. She's even wearing a yellow dress like back then. Wait, what the Hell did I just think? Oh, crap, say something, you've been standing here like a dummy.'_ "Um, hi Asuka. Yeah, I did. _'Oh, real smooth, Ikari. At least you haven't dropped your pants like Touji.'_ Which right now would have been really bad; that medical treatment this morning had rejuvenated a lot of things, at least one of which was _very_ happy to see the Second Child. _'Good thing it's kind of dark here in space. I think she'd kill me, and this time she has a gun.'_

"Sharp and witty conversation as always, Third." Asuka finally holstered the pistol and got out of the way for Yui to drop to her knees at Gendo's side. She flatly returned Yui's hostile glare. Yui suddenly broke the staring contest off when Gendo began to rise, still face down. Yui stood up in confusion as Gendo floated to waist height and started to drift towards Daniel and Rayana.

"And now I get to say 'hello' in the flesh, Dr. Ikari. Let's get you and your husband somewhere you can have a nice long talk alone. Please don't be too upset with Pilot Sohryu for knocking him cold. I _did_ talk her out of just kneecapping him. He's got a lot to answer for. Once you hear the full story, you may be rather upset with him too," Daniel said. A bright gold portal opened next to him. "And this has been a rather busy morning, I think. Time for lunch."

Asuka turned away from Shinji and called back over her shoulder at him. "C'mon, Third. I've had a wild day already, and I'm hungry."

Shinji shook himself out of his paralysis, and hastily tried to re-arrange his pants as he brought up the rear. He'd flown through half the solar system, drawn his mother's soul out of his old Evangelion Unit, had tea in high Earth orbit, rescued his father from durance vile, and then punched him in the face. _She'd_ had a wild day?

He stepped into the brightness of the portal and exited on the patio of their beach house. Ching was sitting at the umbrella shaded table with a picnic basket. His parents were nowhere to be seen.

He looked up and down the beach without result. "Daniel, where did my parents go? Why aren't they here?"

"They're getting settled into their own cabin a short distance away. Your mother needs to have a long talk with your father, and frankly you father's going to be useless for anything for a while now that he has her back. Reuniting with her has been the single-minded obsession that controlled every waking moment of his life for most of the last sixteen years, the justification for every horrible thing he did. For the last four years he has had to live with the knowledge that every sin he committed in that name was pointless once he had failed. Now that he's had that failure undone in a moment and he has your mother back, he may go completely to pieces, especially once he has to reckon with the costs of what he did. He could live with anything but your mother's disapproval, which he now has to face the real chance of."

Shinji joined Asuka at the table. Asuka was staring at the plate of small steaming fresh loaves of bread and cuts of sushi that Ching had just served her. She gave Daniel a sardonic look. "Really?"

Daniel just grinned back. "You provoke the Duke of Puns at your peril, young lady," Rayana snarked. "You put out a straight line like that, he's going to swing at it."

Shinji helped himself to a bit off his own plate. Fresh tuna sushi. It had been a long time since he'd seen that. He chewed on what Rayana had said as well. They had been speaking in Japanese. It must have been some joke in German. "So you saw the end. We got my dad out of a down deep cell that Winthrop has hidden him in. I guess he wanted him alive in case he ever needed a public scapegoat or something. And Rayana flew us past _Mars_ to get my mother's soul out of Eva Unit-01. Did you and Daniel get your mother back too? Where is she?"

"Oh, yeah, we did, plus a few other stops." Asuka gave him a shark-like grin. He hadn't seen her smile like that in years. "A little of this, and little of that, a couple of heroic rescues, I shot a few people, and then we went shopping." She chomped down on an improvised sandwich she'd made, still smiling. "Mmm, lunch."

Shinji dropped his next bite. "Y-you _shot_ some people?!"

"The firing squad about to _execute_ my mother? Fuck _yes_ I did. You can't tell me there is anything wrong with that, Third!" Asuka shot back hotly. "I'd do it again, too."

" _Nemo Me Impune Lacessit_ , ne, Asuka?" Rayana observed. "I know you very much do not like to kill, Shinji, but you have to admit, there are some times and situations where its justified. Plenty of the people working for Winthrop, for example. Or Jinnai now, come to that. And people about to shoot your mother? I don't think Asuka's done any wrong on that one."

Shinji stared down at his plate. He couldn't disagree with her. But he still didn't like it. He had too much blood on his hands already. It was his despairing choice that had led to the world that Winthrop and his type now ruled. _'Could I have done the same? For my mother? Or my father?'_ A different thought struck him. _'Or for her?'_ He'd been willing to die for her. His mind shied away from considering if he'd kill for her. He didn't think he'd like the answer either way. Especially as a tiny voice firmly whispered _'You were ready to when you wrote that note.'_ "No, I guess not. But we used to work for Winthrop too. And still do for Jinnai."

"Which is why target discrimination and appropriate levels of force are integral parts of our military's training. We know that purely evil people and groups are thankfully rare. So we exercise careful attention when it comes to meting out judgment on those who become our enemies." Daniel swallowed a bit of his own fish. "And as for Jinnai, we'll see to him later. Death may be a little too merciful for him."

"You still brood too much, Third. And my mother's inside. She's still got healing to do before she'll be awake. But I've got her back. And I got my revenge on the people who were about to take her from me again. That's all that matters to me, that I've got my Mama back." Asuka finished off her sandwich with a soft smile.

Shinji stared in amazement. This was a very different Asuka than the one he'd gone to sleep next to. It was rather disconcerting. _'Damn. I need some time to think about suddenly having my parents back to deal with. And now add a radically revised Asuka on top of that,'_ he thought to himself.

Asuka noticed his downcast eyes again. "This will cheer you up; I've got a surprise for you. We've got a dinner date for tonight, Third. The closets in this place are full of stuff in our sizes. They raided my Berlin apartment's closets via remote scan. I'll pick out your outfit, since your fashion sense has always been about as sparkling as your witty banter."

Shinji blinked at her again. "What? We're going on a date? _Us_?" _'Did I miss something? A day ago she barely let me touch her.'_

"Not _that_ kind of date, baka. I've got a surprise for you at this dinner. I told you, I went shopping. Once again, I'm miles ahead of you. I've been a busy girl, rescuing those in peril and piloting the hottest ride in the world."

"Technically, you're about six hours ahead of him, Asuka," Daniel interjected. He looked at Shinji. "Our little shopping trip took a while, and we made other stops besides her mother, but I'd promised Asuka she'd get the second shot in on your father after you, so we've doubled back a bit to make it there. You'll need the extra rest tonight, Asuka."

Asuka waved her hand. "I'll be fine. After that ride, I feel like a million Euros."

"What ride?" Shinji asked. _'Great, what else have I missed?'_

"Ching promised to show me what she drives. So after Daniel and I got done shopping, we went aboard _my_ ship," Asuka's grin almost made Shinji blink it was so bright. "And she let me tool around for a couple of hours in the trainer variant of her _StarStrider_ mecha. Forget our creaky, patchwork MP Eva, I'm taking one of _those_ home! Ha! Fast as hell, transformable, loaded with weapons, and way more than just an AT-Field generator for defenses. It's a two-seater too, so I'm not kicking you out, Third. You'll be in the _backseat_ , but I'll still let you come along."

Asuka was...practically bubbling. He hadn't seen her like this since they'd beaten Matariel together with Rei. Asuka had been at the peak of her days as an Eva Pilot, and had led them through the blackout of the Geofront to a successful battle based on her plan of attack. Things had gotten darker after that, but for that day at least Asuka had been living her dream of being the ace Pilot, savior of humanity, and leader. She'd glowed that night, when they were all sitting on the overlook hill, watching the city light up again. Shinji had had to force his eyes away to look at the city. He could have spent the whole night staring at her.

But that was a long time and a lot of vicious trauma ago. She'd been an uncommunicative wreck after the Third Impact, and a harsh, brittle companion in Winthrop's Berlin. This...would take getting used to. And he'd have to make sure to keep his lap covered, again. Damn it. Oh, crap, their hosts were getting up.

"We've hit you two with a lot this morning, so I think that's enough for today in terms of wild rescues and travels. Relax and enjoy the rest of the day. We'll see you at the dinner tonight. We'll pick you up at 2300," Daniel said. "Eat all you like; the basket has as many as you want."

Asuka snorted. "Very funny."

"If you want funny, ask the house system to show you 'Daniel's Eva Synch Test clip #1'. You might need to explain the 'Old MacDonald' thing to Shinji first," Daniel said.

"I'm glad you had a good time flying with me this morning, Asuka. I'll be just down the trail if either of you need me for anything." Lieutenant Leibshott bowed her way out.

"And we're just a call away. We'll see you tonight," Rayana said, and snapped her fingers. She and Daniel vanished in a pillar of fire.

That quickly, they were alone. Shinji met Asuka's eyes. She grinned like a shark again. Shinji gulped. He knew that look. It usually meant Asuka had a _great idea_ that she was about to hit him with.

"Eat up, Third. I'm too full of energy to sit still for long, and as soon as we're done eating I'm taking you to see something _awesome_." She made another fish sandwich and started chewing.

Yup, she had an idea. He was going to get dragged all the way through it somehow, he just knew. He reached into the basket for more sushi. He had a feeling he was going to need the energy.

Asuka kept darting glances at her watch as they ate. _'Wait a minute, she doesn't wear a watch.'_ Shinji finally really looked at her wrist. She now had a broad silver band around her left wrist, just like the ones he'd seen Ching and Daniel wearing. Asuka kept looking at it every few minutes and pressing a green icon on one corner. Every time she did, she smiled in a way Shinji had never seen on her face outside of the stranger parts of Instrumentality, the parts where a Rei-Misato-Asuka blurring had been sitting in/on his chest. A smile devoid of any shadows. A smile Shinji wished more than anything she'd turn on him.

Whatever she was looking at on it had her fascinated. She eventually noticed his stare when she looked up. Shinji looked away quickly. Most of the time, Asuka noticing him staring at her resulted in a tirade at the least. This time it resulted in something else. There was a rustle of cloth and a slender white arm stuck itself under his nose.

"You wanna see, Third, you'd better look down," Asuka said with odd pride. Shinji complied, and gasped. It was like her wrist wasn't there, and he was looking down into a window to the interior of a room. A woman that Shinji recognized from flashes of Asuka's memories in Instrumentality as her mother lay on a bed with another woman sitting by the bed, watching her and reading a book in her lap. The other woman's hair was the same color and Rei's, but the pointed ears said it was definitely not her. A heartbeat indicator and a few other vital stats lit up the corner of the image.

Asuka's voice was...warm? He had never heard her talk like this before. Shinji shook himself and focused on what she way saying. "My mother is sleeping in our cabin. Daniel said she needs about a week of healing sleep for the tear in her soul to close, and then she'll be with me again. The priestess is there to watch over her whenever I'm not there, so she's never alone."

Shinji tried not to move. To keep the image from being upside-down to his perspective, Asuka had moved to stand right behind his chair and lean over him so she could wrap her arm around his left side, presenting the image on her wristband right-side up. It also nearly put Shinji into a close embrace. He could feel her breath tickling his left ear. He could feel a few other things, too. He quickly crossed his legs. "Ah, that's...that's wonderful, Asuka."

The arm withdrew and she stood up, smacking him on the back of the head. "Pervert. I saw that. Hurry up, I wanna get going."

"Ow. Going where?" He rubbed the back of his head. She still smelled good.

"I told you, to show you something awesome. Two things. Hurry up, I'm calling to set it up now." She pressed her finger to the band again and spoke into it as she held it up to her mouth. "Call Ching-Hao Leibshott." The band beeped softly.

"'Allo?"

"Hallo, Ching! Können wir nochmal mit dem Übungsmech raus? Jetzt?"

Shinji could just hear Ching's tiny voice replying."Oh, meinst du 'du und ich', oder 'du und Shinji'?" She was asking about him? She sounded amused.

"Der Dritte und ich. Ich will ihm mein Schiff zu zeigen!" Good gods, she sounded... _cheery_. What had she been _doing_ while he was with Rayana? He heard Ching laugh, and respond with "Ich sorge dafür dass euch wer abholt.."

"Gut! Danke! Und tschüs!" Asuka lowered her arm and smirked at him. "Our pickup will call in a few minutes, Third. Hurry and finish. If you're done before it gets here, I'll show you that clip...On second thought, hurry up, I want to see it too. Daniel described it to me while we were out, and it sounds great. Dr. Akagi throwing a screaming fit, heh. Wish _I_ could have done that to the bitch. Come on." She walked into the house. "I can look in on Mama, too!"

Shinji swallowed the last bite of his sushi, and followed her. This day was working on catching up to the day of the Third Impact as the strangest one in his life.


	9. Ch9 - New Toys, Old Fears

**A Crown of Stars**

Part 16  
 **New Toys, Old Fears**

 **.**

* * *

 **.**

Ten minutes later, Shinji was still wiping his eyes from the best laugh he'd had in years. Once Asuka had checked in on her mother, she'd sat him down on the living room couch and explained the 'Old MacDonald' song from America to him, then told the house system to show them the funniest synch test he'd ever seen. The sight of Misato snorting coffee out her nose when she caught the joke had him almost rolling on the floor. He had no idea Dr. Akagi could swear so thoroughly like that. He was about to ask Asuka to play it again when her wristband chimed.

She tapped it and spoke into it again. "Hallo, hier spricht Pilot Sohryu."

"Guten tag, Pilot Sohryu. Dies ist ALS Flugbetrieb. Sie und ein Gast transportbereit?" said a woman's voice.

"Ja, wir sind soweit." She stood up and waved at Shinji. "Stand up, Third, or you're going to fall on your ass when we get there."

"Huh?" Shinji had no idea what she was talking about, but stood up anyway. His world abruptly went electric blue and fuzzy, and the beach house disappeared. When his sight cleared again, he was standing on a metal deck in a cavernous hangar. He looked around in wonder at the huge compartment big enough to have parked several blocks of Tokyo-3 in with ease.

A tug on his collar swung him around. "This way, Third." Asuka pulled him through the doorway behind him into one wall of the massive bay and down a short hallway to another door. Slightly humid air and the sound of dripping water let him know it was a locker room he'd been dragged into even before he turned around. Asuka finally let him go at the first bank of lockers. "Get dressed, and if you look around the other side before I come get you, I'll rip your arm off and beat you with the gooey end." She disappeared around the corner without a look back.

Shinji looked after her for a second in confusion. _'Get dressed? In what?'_ He looked at the smooth locker door next to him. The nameplate read _S. Ikari_. The metal, engraved nameplate. It still looked sharp-edged and new, but... Curious, he pressed the green button that opened the locker. A round glass-fronted half-helmet and a plugsuit-like outfit were neatly stacked on the top shelves with a towel and shower gear below. Shinji had the grim certainty that the helmet and suit would fit him perfectly. He shrugged and started to undress.

He'd just sealed up the surprisingly light flight suit and picked up his helmet when Asuka came back around the corner. Shinji was not surprised in the least that her suit was the same bright red as her still-worn A10 interface headset. She'd even somehow gotten 02 printed on it below her throat. He looked down at his own chest. Yup, 01, right where it always had been.

Asuka was smiling in that predatory way again. It was starting to make Shinji nervous, since he seemed to be the usual target. "Ready for me to blow your mind, Third? Let's get into my new hot rod." She turned him around and pushed him back out into the bay.

"Your new hot rod?" Shinji asked as she finished pushing him to the railing of the walkway where they'd first appeared.

She struck a proud pose like the one she'd done when she unveiled Unit-02 to him the day they'd met. She pointed, the same glow of pride on her face. "There! Meet my new baby, _Der_ _Roter Wirbelsturm!_ "

Shinji's eyes went to the tall red wall she was pointing at. _'Wait, that's not a wall, that's a...oh sweet gods, she's even had it_ painted _the same way.'_

Asuka's new toy was an eighty meter tall mecha that already had the same red, orange, and white color scheme as her vanished Unit-02. Shinji swallowed again. He had a strong suspicion about what was about to happen. At least this time he wasn't wearing a girl's plugsuit. That had pinched in awkward places.

Asuka grabbed his hand and led him up the gantry to the lower of two ports on the back of the mecha's lower torso. "This is the pilot's access port. Get in and get ready. I've already got piloting this thing nailed. Wait until you see what it can _do!_ "

"Wait, I don't know anything about how to drive one of these things!" He protested futilely.

Asuka snorted. "And you didn't know anything about how to pilot an Evangelion when you tore apart the third Angel. Since when has not knowing anything slowed you down? Besides, I'll be doing the driving from the trainer's spot. In the mecha, Third!" She manhandled him around and shoved him feet first into the narrow port.

Shinji worked his feet into the foot braces blindly and let out a startled gasp as the chest frame clamped around him. His blind fingers wrapped around two joysticks and two more frames tightened around his upper arms. Displays started lighting up around him and a huge screen that seemed to be the entire front of the cockpit lit up with a view of the bay.

"Um, Asuka, how do _you_ know how to pilot one of these things? You didn't this morning!" Shinji worried.

"And I've had a whole morning to learn. Relax, Third, I know this beautiful beast inside and out. They've got some awesome learning gear around here. I've already had the full basic piloting and technical course zapped into my head. Now hold on tight while I take us out." Asuka switched channels and languages to the flight ops net. "Bay G5-791 Launch Control, this is Red Crown flight 2, ready to sortie," she said in English.

"Glad to have you back with us so fast, Pilot. Lane clear and we are monitoring. You may launch when ready," said the clear response in the same tongue in his ear. "Show the Third Child a good time."

"Oooh, I always do," Asuka cooed back. "Red Crown 2, launching now." The mecha began walking swiftly towards the cavernous bay doors that slid aside to their left.

All of a sudden, Shinji regretted learning English during his time in Boston. He really didn't want to have heard that. As Asuka rapidly accelerated the giant machine down the tunnel, he knew she'd make him pay for it somehow.

.

* * *

.

Six hours earlier...

"Wow." Asuka stared straight up. She could barely even _see_ the roof of the vast bay they stood in. You could have dropped the entire Reichstag in here a dozen times and not even taken up a majority of the space. And according to what Ching had said, the bay they stood in was a minor one on this ship, which was itself bigger than Luna. "Christ!"

Ching had been waiting on the beach when she, Daniel, and the second 'engagement gift' they'd just rescued had returned from her world. Daniel had taken their rescuee off to the clinic, and Ching had told her she'd made arrangements to give her a ride in the trainer variant of her usual battle mecha. Asuka had asked where, and Ching had pointed at the faintly visible glow of one of the half-moons overhead. That was no moon, it turned out. It was a ship, part of the Imperial Navy squadron in orbit. A ship big enough to have looked like a smooth bronze-colored moon from the ground. A word from Ching into her interface band, and they'd been _teleported_ right up to her.

And now Asuka found herself suited up and standing in one of its launch bays, waiting for Ching to return from speaking to the bay chief about their sortie. Asuka ran her eyes over the mecha again, and tried not to drool. It was gorgeous. Gleaming silver with blue trim, easily much larger than her Evangelion's 50 meters, far sleeker looking, and it just oozed speed. Much thicker bodied, too. Ching assured her it was armor, internal weapons systems, and a huge, almost unlimited powerplant that gave it the much heftier lines than the anorexic-looking Evas. She couldn't wait to take it out. She cradled the headset Ching had handed her and tried it on again. An open-topped partial helmet, it didn't even require her to remove her omnipresent red A10 interface headset. The transparent band across her eyes would work as a HUD, too. All the functionality she could ask for, and it didn't give her helmet-hair. Nice. Even the pilot's suit she'd put on felt easy to move in, and had a lot more life support gear than her plugsuit.

Ching walked back to her from the control booth. "They're ready for us on this end. They've cleared out a block of space for us to run around in, and their flight ops controllers are happy to have something to do besides the usual routine."

"And they're happy to just let a random Pilot from another world borrow one of their trainers? I didn't know Lieutenant was such a high rank around here."

"Well, the magic words 'a personal guest of the Emperor' open a lot of doors, funnily enough. It's his fleet, and they're on this station to be on call for orders anyhow. We're not interrupting anything, and they can recall us in moments if something does come up."

"Is that likely?" Asuka asked as they walked to the access gantry.

"No, but we do try to encourage anyone who has hostile intent towards us to come here as much as possible. We even give out coordinates and portal generator plans."

Asuka gave her a crazy look. "Wait, you _give_ _out_ directions and plans to people who _want_ to attack you?"

Ching nodded with a grin. "Sure do. If someone's mad enough to want to take a swing at us, we make it easy. You'd be surprised how few are smart enough to question their 'good fortune' that some third party always pops up to give them the information. Then they spend incredible amounts of resources to get here, and never have much time to wonder why we give them coordinates that walk them right into our strongest defenses and a major fleet presence. It makes our enemies waste their energy, brings them within easy reach of tons of our weapons, and gives the Imperial Navy units stationed here some nice, reliably appearing live-fire exercises to play with. The mice never question why the cheese is sitting there, do they? Snap!" She laughed. "Boy, I remember my first run against one of those invasion fleets. They actually demanded our surrender! Hee hee! Yeah, they lasted about ninety minutes, and that was only because the fleet commander decided to let the mecha corps take them out instead of the main fleet combatants or the system defenses. Ah, good times..." She continued chuckling as she helped Asuka into the narrow pilot access port, then climbed up into the trainer-leader's port.

The tight cockpit was not as roomy as her old Entry Plug. The space she slid into was almost like a full body glove-suit. She slid her feet into semi-boot braces that gently snugged themselves against her calves while a matching frame secured itself around her torso. She put her hands on the joystick at the end of two movable arms that likewise gripped her upper arms. She faintly heard Ching strapping in above her, and the hatches sealing as the Lieutenant brought the huge machine to humming life. A variety of holographic displays and virtual controls sprang to life around her head and in front of her hands. She felt a tingle around her head like the start-up sequence in an Evangelion unit and her sense of body-space expanded until she felt over 50 meters tall again.

She used to love the rush she got when her Unit-02 came to life around her. Once she'd been torn to shreds by the Mass Production series and lost her mother again, the memory of that rush had become a painful mockery. Now her mother slept alive and well on the planet below, and she was strapping herself into a mecha that would put her old Production Model to shame. She was actually starting to feel a faint stirring of the old excitement again. _'Iku wa yo, Asuka,'_ she thought to herself.

Ching's voice was crystal clear in her ear. "Bay G5-791 Launch Control, this is Red Crown flight 1, ready to sortie."

A different woman's voice came right back. "Roger, Red Crown 1. Your lane is clear and we're monitoring. You may launch when ready." Accented, but perfect German.

Asuka snorted. _'Does everyone here just happen to speak German, or am I just lucky?'_ "Hey, Ching, does everyone here learn German or something? This is easier than dealing with the refugees in Berlin these days."

"To graduate from basic schooling around here, you need to be literate and fluent in at least four languages besides your birth tongue, so you might get luckier than you think amongst Terran-derived families. But no, you're not getting lucky. I told them to make sure they did all flight communications in German for us. I didn't want any chance of any communications mix-up. If they didn't have someone already on the flight ops staff who knew German, I'm sure they could have had some one learn it before we came up."

"Just like that, hmm?" Asuka said with amusement.

"Learning a language that's been well mapped to a human neural template for cenmills? Not a problem for us. A few minutes in a NILS and they're good enough to do most things, though it's really better to learn a language the old fashioned way if you want to really understand it. A quick brain blast from a NILS is a good platform to start, though."

"A what?"

"Neural Induction Learning System. Sufficiently well mapped knowledge sets and species neural sets can just have the information popped into your head with a little magnetic induction on the right neurons. Good for basic learning on most topics. You want to learn Mandarin Chinese later?" Ching said with a smile in her voice. "Anyhow, I've set most of your controls to the closest analogue of an Evangelion. Weapons, some of the more exotic sensors, and the jump drives are slaved to my controls until we're clear a good distance and you're more prepped to handle them. The neural feedback system is getting a good read on your headset, and you're already synched. Take us out the bay doors to the left. Just start us running down the tunnel for now, and I'll talk you through transfiguration for flight ops."

"Roger," Asuka answered. A decade's worth of military and piloting training came back to her easily. "Beginning movement." She pushed the joysticks forward and thought through the motions of walking. The NAM-91T _StarStrider_ answered her mental push readily, and she felt her 40 meter legs easily step forward. She rapidly reached the already opened entrance of the deep tunnel that led through the ships armor layers to the outside vacuum. A faint tickle at the back of her mind and a text popup at the bottom right of her HUD told her she'd passed through the atmosphere barrier at the edge of the bay. She pushed the mecha into a run. The speedometer in her HUD ticked up, up, up...300 kmh...400...500...she broke Mach 1 and kept accelerating. She was leaning well forward when she felt her feet leave the floor of the tunnel and saw the sides of the tunnel light up. Broad blue bands on the floor, walls and ceiling lit up, and she felt gravity rotate as 'down' became just another wall, and they started picking up even more speed. "Ching, this is supposed to be happening, right?"

Ching's face appeared in a small com window on the main display that extended from over her head to below her feet in a smooth arc in front of her. "You've got us moving fast enough the launch catapult has kicked in and it will do the rest. The armor layer is over 200km thick. Even running at top speed, it would take us a while. Hit the button marked 'F' in front of your left grip, and we'll start transfiguring to fighter mode. Visualize your legs folding back under your body and your arms extending into wings."

Asuka hit the button, next to its mates marked 'B' and 'G'. She pushed with her mind again, and felt the mecha's shape begin to shift as it accelerated ever more. She felt the cockpit she was in roll forward as the mecha's legs folded back and what had been 'above' became 'forward'. The speedometer ticked past 2500 kmh and she was suddenly a huge falcon, flying down a blue-lit tunnel towards a speck of black. 3000...4000...10,000 kmh!

They shot out of the planetoid's surface doing over 18,000 kmh and accelerating as Asuka's banshee howl of triumph filled the cockpit.

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* * *

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Two hours later, Asuka felt like she was vibrating. _'This thing can move like lightning, strike like thunder, and can't be touched! Holy shit I want one!'_ Ching had released the weapons to her controls once they gotten clear of the ship and reached a small asteroid cluster. Ching started up a training program, and her HUD declared some of the asteroids as targets. Asuka brought her targeting reticule around and went to town. Unlike the Evangelion series, the _StarStrider_ had a whole suite of integral weapons, from small lasers mounted on the 'head' of the mecha to forward facing anti-proton cannons in fighter mode. Ching told her that even bigger weapons were available for external mounts, like a plasma cannon longer than the mecha itself. She couldn't wait to try that one out. She'd spent a good forty five minutes blasting asteroid targets with increasingly faster maneuvers and stronger weapons. The defensive shields were not exactly like an AT-Field, but she could sense and push them just the same, and she could feel how strong they were. She'd blown up one asteroid with a plasma blast at point blank range, and the shields kept her from so much as a scorch mark.

Ching had walked her through the steps and course for a speed run too. She'd bounced off 0.01c before she had to ramp it back down and turn around. Even the spirit animating the thing was fast and nimble, reacting to her mental commands like an eager puppy. Ching had said it was an AI, not a soul like in an Eva, but Asuka couldn't feel any difference. It lacked the welcoming, familiar feeling of synching to her mother's spirit in Unit-02, but was a whole lot better than the brain-damaged apathy of her current rebuilt Mass Production Eva.

She'd finally shut down the weapons and turned the mecha back towards their launch point when Ching spoke up again.

"Asuka, I've shut down the external comms, and we're fifty thousand miles from anything. Nobody can hear us right now but the Lord and Lady, and they're going to be very much not listening to anything we say."

"And why would we need that kind of solitude, Ching?" Asuka asked neutrally.

"Because I wanted to say some things to you that I don't think you'd want anyone else to hear." Ching's face in the comm screen was tight with concern. "I want to be your friend, Asuka, but I'm a doctor too, and I can't just shut that off when we talk. My specialization is in Childhood Trauma. His Majesty asked me to be a part of helping you and Shinji recover and acclimatize to the Empire because he thought you'd need a friend, and I'm a lot closer in age to you than he is, but also because I might be able to help you come to terms with some of the deepest scars you have."

"I've got my mother back. That will be more than enough for me for now." Asuka replied tensely.

"Losing your mother hurt you a lot, but more than that, to really heal yourself you're going to have to do something much harder."

"I swear to Gott, if _one_ more person tells me I have to be nicer to the Third Child, I'm going to find the self-destruct on this thing and push it."

"Asuka, you're going to have to forgive yourself."

A tense silence filled the mecha's cockpit.

"What?" Asuka's voice was dangerously even.

Ching calmly met her eyes in the comm window. "I went through all the recordings and files on your world and the Angel War last night. That included all the strangeness of Instrumentality. So I've got a better look at the inside of your heart than anyone besides your closest lover should have. And I kept seeing one very harsh thing."

"Do tell..." Asuka's tone was far less than welcoming. _'Gott damn it, Third Child, your fucking Instrumentality put my whole heart on display to the entire fucking universe. Thanks ever so much.'_

"Asuka, you hate yourself."

Asuka's mouth dropped open. "I...I do _not!"_ she hissed.

"Deep down, the worst part of your heart hates yourself. The loss of your mother hit you when you weren't even four, and deep inside you concluded that if your mother doesn't want you, you must be a terrible person not deserving of love. You hate yourself for being unlovable, and you keep everyone away from your heart because you are utterly convinced that if anyone knew the 'real you' they'd agree you're as repulsive as you're convinced you are and leave you. You hate yourself for betraying yourself by giving up, both for wanting to die with your mother but still living. You hate yourself for failing as a Pilot, letting Shinji and even Ayanami surpass you towards the end of the war. You hate yourself for ever having gone to Winthrop, selling out another piece of your soul to keep on living. You hate yourself so much it made me weep last night, Asuka. Sweet Lord and Lady, I wish you'd let me or _someone_ hug you."

Asuka gave her only a frigid silence in return. Her glare through the comm window could have melted steel.

"You have to forgive yourself, Asuka. You are _not_ unlovable. You are brilliant, strong, fierce, you fought with your friends against terrible odds to protect your whole world...You're a hero, Asuka." Ching said sincerely. She worked at the mecha's controls for a moment. Asuka maintained her silence. "You're not unlovable. And I'm going to show you proof." Ching paused for a second, then highlighted something on the screen. The ship they'd launched from was swelling as they rapidly vectored towards it. "Look ahead. That's the ship we launched from..."

Asuka flicked her glare away from Lieutenant Leibshott to the display. The bronze planetoid grew from a dot to a ball to a globe as they swung closer. Closer, until she could make out an image and some letters on the hull. Given the size of the ship, the letters must have been scores of kilometers tall and broad. She could almost read them...And suddenly the image was clear to see.

It was _her_. The hull of the giant ship, bigger than Earth's moon, had a 1000 kilometer tall picture of _her_ on it, wearing her old plugsuit, hair eternally streaming in the cosmic wind. The name was now easy to see, too.

"...the _HMS Asuka Langley Sohryu_. A _Hero-_ class planetoid, Hull Number 2HPN259, known to her crew as 'The Red Demon'. Her motto is _'_ I Will Fight Beyond Death _'_ ," Lieutenant Leibshott finished. "I told you your story was known here, Asuka. We have seen your heart, the 'real you', scars, flaws, and all...and we love you. You've got friends...you've got _fans_ here, Asuka. There are literally tens of thousands of people on that ship alone who know everything your story can tell about you, and think you are wonderful. That's not my ship, I'm off the _HMS Saragarhi,_ but I'm one of them too. You made it through so much alone. Now you'll never have to fight alone again, unless you want to."

Asuka blinked away the prickling feeling in her eyes. A few drips still made it down her cheeks. She made no attempt to fight the smile growing on her lips. She just kept staring at the gold-rimmed red letters stretching across the curve of the ship's hull. " _'I Will Fight Beyond Death'_ , huh?" she whispered. "Yeah, that's me. Dead and back again, still kicking."

Ching spoke up again. "Shinji knows the 'real you' too. He saw everything in Instrumentality. He was there with you in the whole war, and every step since. The only time you and he have been apart since you met, the only time in almost six years is when Winthrop _kept_ him on the other side of the world from you. He has seen every dark part of you, everything you think is a disqualification from ever being worthy of love, and he loves you even more. I think part of why you push him away so hard is because you know he's a good person, and you want him close, but you're even more afraid that because he is he'd hurt you even worse if or when he left you."

"But I wasn't lying then, after the battle. I don't love him. I don't even think I can," Asuka finally whispered. "I don't know how." She felt cold.

"You do, you don't...you won't be able to do _either_ fully until and unless you let go of at least _some_ of what you've got wrapped up inside you. If you hate yourself, you'll never believe deep inside that anyone else could love you. You don't love him, maybe, but you still hate the idea of him not being near you. You won't let yourself make a commitment one way or the other if you can't forgive yourself. When you have, you'll find the other side is wide open. So much freedom it can be scary, but you can leave the pain behind. And you can face that fear." Ching laughed. "Fear, heh. The motto all Imperial Armed Forces as a whole is something we all take to heart, a truth and a magic chant that gives us strength in dark places. You can use it too, Asuka."

"I hope it's better than 'God's In His Heaven, All's Right With The World'. What is it?"

" _Illic Non Est Quod Timor_."

Asuka's brow knitted. Her Latin was rusty, but..."There is no... thing that is...fear?" she attempted.

"There Is No Such Thing As Fear." Ching agreed.

"There is no such thing as fear..." Asuka slowly echoed.

"Keep that in your mind, and there won't be anything you can't do. There Is No Such Thing As Fear, the gods are on your side, and an Empire has your back. You're the Great Asuka Langley Sohryu. Nothing can stop you. Nothing but you."

"You say it like it's so easy."

"Very little worthwhile ever is, Asuka. But you've got all the backup you could ever want. Don't be afraid of the possibility of pain when you're already hurting. The other side is free."

Asuka tugged at the joysticks and brought the mecha to a halt hanging in front of her gigantic portrait. "The other side...may not be there. The Third Child is...he...he's with me because I gave up, and he's too withdrawn to ever find anyone for himself. He's the only person left who understands what I went through. He's just desperate for company like I am. He's just hanging around me because he doesn't know anything else to do and no one has told him to do anything." ' _You're just two depressed grown-ups licking each other's wounds_.' Her own ancient mockery of Misato's erratic relationship with Kaji echoed harshly in her mind. Gott, she hated that little fifteen-year-old bitch now.

"And yet you threatened to quit Piloting and go on strike if you weren't allowed to go with him on the South America mission? He may have said he knows 'that boat has sailed', but knowing something intellectually and knowing it in your gut can be very far apart sometime. He was...you know how much he hates the idea of killing, how much he hated the entire idea of being a Pilot? He was still ready to _volunteer_ to partake in Jinnai's coup because the world he'd been responsible for was driving you to suicide. He may have intellectually accepted the idea, or at least become resigned to the fact you don't love him, but he still...always looks at you."

"'Looks at me'?" Asuka asked, puzzled.

"Haven't you noticed? I'm a D-cup and easy on the eyes, I know. And the Empress, woof! I'm mostly straight and she makes _me_ reach for the ice water and a fan. But the whole time he's been around all of us...he only ever looks at you. If I didn't talk to get his attention, I don't think he'd even notice I was there. I mean, come on, the Lord flies in and greets him personally, the Lady appears before him in a sky-high column of fire...and within less than a minute his eyes are back on you! He didn't even remember I was there until I said something. There's no one else."

Asuka was silent for a long time, staring at her giant self on the hull. "I...we've been like this too long. I'm still yelling at him and hurting him like we were both still fourteen. I don't even mean to say it half the time. And he always says exactly the wrong thing. It's worse now, really, since we've both got so many hideous memories we both know all about to pound each other on, things we shared whether we wanted to or not in Instrumentality," she finally said. "I don't even know where to start."

"Start small. Even little steps can add up. And one of the little steps might be the snowflake that starts the avalanche. Apologize for something. Let him do the same. Forgive him something. Forgive yourself something. A regret, a sin, a missed chance, something." Ching hesitated for a second, but continued. "If you two are... undounamata's are often drawn to each other, for years, against all circumstances. If you two really are such for each other, it can be a source of unlimited strength. You won't believe how strong you can feel, when you _know_ , utterly and beyond all doubt that _that person_ has your back, _no matter what_. The win is worth the risk. I'm your friend, Asuka. I want you to be happy. Take the chance."

Ching twisted her own controls and brought the communications suite back online. "Red Crown 1 to _Sohryu_ flight ops, we're ready for recovery."

"Enjoying ogling our gorgeous hull emblem, Red Crown 1? Opening the hull port. Lock on to beacon gamma-791 and follow it in."

"Roger." She started the mecha moving again and closed the channel. "In the meantime, Asuka, think of all the fun you could have playing with Shinji's head. He'll have no idea what you're up to, and probably wouldn't believe it even if he did. Relax and have fun."

"You want me to reach out the Third by _messing with him_?" Asuka asked with more than a little disbelief.

"Why not? You used to. You had some of your best moments back during the Angel War when you were teasing and flirting with him. Remember how much you blew his mind with your little 'Thermal Expansion' demo?" Ching grinned. "Just tease him a little. You'll be in your comfort zone, he may recall better days, and he'll never see you coming."

"I did a lot of bitchy hurting of him that way too. I doubt he'd appreciate that reminder."

Ching gave a little shrug. "So keep it light and be careful. Having a goal should keep you more on target."

Asuka was still thinking hard in silence as they hit the launch tunnel and the catapult slowed them down for landing.

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* * *

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Author's Note: The cover image for ACoS is in fact a commissioned original artwork of Asuka's new toy. _Red Whirlwind_ is about 80m tall, about the size of a Pacific Rim Jaeger, or the high end of what the Evas sometimes look. If you like how it looks, Shyft is always happy to do more commissions of original characters. Look him up!

Pat-re-on for Shyft


	10. Ch10 - Apologies & Promises

**A Crown Of Stars**

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Part 17  
 **Apologies & Promises**

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* * *

 **.**

Two hours after their own launch, Shinji felt like his brain had been strung on a line and was bouncing around in their wake. Asuka had whipped the NAM-91T through a hair-raisingly breakneck set of maneuvers around and through an asteroid cluster, blasting some of the rocks with the bewildering array of weapons built into the mecha itself and with a huge rifle-like gunpod in the mecha's right hand.

Unlike the tired apathy he felt when they cooperated to synch with the MP Eva they had now, this machine's animating spirit practically _leaped_ to follow their commands. Even stranger, Shinji had a much clearer feeling of Asuka through the link than he'd ever had before. She felt...red, unsurprisingly, and spiky, hot. At the same time he somehow got the impression that she was...fencing with him? Pushing against him, drawing back, pressing against his will through the link.

 _'What the hell,'_ he wondered. _'Is she..._ flirting _with my_ brain _?'_ She certainly was in speech. The entire two hours had been a string of double entendres, snarky remarks at his own attempts at piloting the mecha, and crowing over her own admittedly much superior performance. Shinji felt like he was in free fall in more ways than one. The Asuka he'd fallen asleep next to _yesterday_ had been an angry, tired, bitter shell, hating what was left of her life and yet still fearful of losing what little she had. This Asuka was... _on fire_. A headlong ball of confidence and spirit, the girl who'd been his wingman in the Angel War.

What the _Hell_ had gone on with her in six damn hours?

The worst part is now he felt like he was twisting in the wind. He didn't know who to react to now; the bitter, fragile, and tired woman he'd been about to board the fleet with, or the wild and confident girl who was hot dogging all over space in her new toy. All his post-Third Impact inner vows to protect her felt foolish to apply to the balls-to-the-wall Pilot who was currently turning asteroids into gravel with rapid-fire plasma blasts while zooming past at 500,000 kmh.

Not to mention the fact his _parents_ were now waiting back on Avalon, his dad might go crazy...-er, and he had a completely inexplicable _date_ tonight. With _Asuka_? She'd said it wasn't _that_ sort of date, but what the heck was it then? He'd thought _last_ night had been strange.

One last asteroid blown to shards, and Asuka shut down the weapons. She did not send the mecha blasting off towards any new destination immediately afterwards, though. Shinji could see her shifting her eyes around through the comm window, but for a long moment she didn't say anything. He watched her take a deep breath and mutter something to herself, then finally meet his eyes.

"I've shut off the radio, and we're a million miles from anyone, Third. Only the gods can hear us up here, and they're not supposed to be listening in. So... this is... just between us, got it?" she rattled of tensely.

"Okay?" Shinji agreed. To what, he wasn't sure.

"I... I'm... sorry for that crack about Misato not being sober," she mumbled.

"What?" That had been hard to hear, and even harder to believe it could be what he thought it sounded like.

"I'm _sorry_ about that crack I made about Misato, baka... when I was showing you around the Berlin NERV base. I... just said it to get under your skin. You were... I didn't like all the attention you were getting as 'the new Eva Pilot slash Great Hero' and I wanted to take you down a peg and make you pay attention to me. So I'm sorry," Asuka spit out in one long breath and looked away.

Shinji stared at her. The background hum of the mecha's life support systems was the only sound. "...Who are you and what have you done with the Asuka I came here with?"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Third? I'm trying to apologize here!" Asuka growled.

 _'And that's way out of line for the Asuka I know. Who the heck am I talking to?'_ Shinji wondered. But having no reason besides his own confusion to reject it..."I... um... thank you, Asuka. I..." Crap, confusion wasn't a good reason to reject it, but now he had even less idea of how to respond. "...I don't know what to say."

"You could try forgiving me, Third Child."

Shinji almost asked 'why?', but held himself. She'd sounded actually uncomfortable in making the apology, it was out of character, and she'd gone to some trouble to make it when they were in a place that _no one_ could possibly overhear them, all of which suggested it was genuine. That only made it even more confounding. "I...forgive you, Asuka. I know she still meant something to you too."

For an instant, Asuka flinched in the comm window. _'Was that because it wasn't true, or because it was and you just now are feeling it?'_ But her gaze quickly steadied and she looked at him expectantly. It was kind of unnerving. "What?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Well? It's your turn," she said sharply.

"Um...my turn for what?"

"To apologize, baka!"

"Uhh…For what?" Shinji mentally scrabbled for anything to grab on to.

"Pick something!" Asuka said angrily. "I stuck myself out there first, now you should too!"

"I'm sorr-..." Damn it. For once his reflexive habit of apologizing was at the same time exactly what he should say and the last thing he should say. "I... I don't know what to say, Asuka. Every other time I tell you 'I'm sorry', you say I make you sick."

That actually seemed to take her back a notch. She visibly throttled her anger. "Well, this time I'm asking you to, so go ahead. Find something you want to actually tell me you're sorry about. It's the way you fold and apologize for every time you so much as sneeze that bugs me."

"I..." Shinji wracked his brain furiously...and came up empty. _'Shit. What do I want to ask her forgiveness fo-'_ It hit him. Something that he'd wanted to apologize about for the last four years. _'Fuck it. 'I' told myself 'be honest and be there for her'. Might as well swing for the upper deck.'_

"I'm sorry for...failing you. When you were fighting the Mass Production Series, I should have gotten into the Entry Plug and tried to do _something_ , but I didn't even do that. I've made Eva Unit-01 move before when it shouldn't have been able to, but I was falling apart from losing Misato and Kaworu and Rei and you...and when I should have _tried_ _anything_ to save the _last person_ alive in the world who _meant something_ to me, I just... gave up. I should have tried. I failed you. I'm sorry, Asuka. I'm so sorry. Reaching the surface and seeing what my failure had cost you broke me. That's why I wrotethat note. You were going crazy from seeing you mother taken away from you again, and I couldn't stand it. I wasn't going stand there and _not_ do something when I could have helped you again. I tried to talk to you, but you just reminded me of how I should have done something before. I wasn't going to fail you again. I was going to take responsibility for what I'd done and failed to do in the past, and I was going to go to Jinnai to tell him that I was ready to do anything he needed as long as you didn't get hurt. I would do anything to take your pain away. I wasn't going to fail you again. Not again. Never again."

A long, long silence filled the mecha. Shinji felt panic slowly starting to rise in him. _'Oh shit oh shit oh shit did I say too much?'_ He tried to swallow with a throat gone suddenly bone dry.

"Damn you, Ikari...you were supposed to start small." Asuka's voice was like ash. Her eyes were invisible behind her hanging bangs.

"I'm done with small, Asuka. Me trying to be small is what got us the world we had. I always tried to curl up in a ball and shut out the whole world, like it would stop bothering me if I was small enough. I'm done. I got to see my mother today for the first time since I was three years old. I got to punch my father in his stupid face. If this is a dream or I'm going crazy or whatever, I'm going to take advantage of it. This is my chance to undo some of the damage I did by being small. I'm going to take it."

Shinji stopped himself as his voice began to rise. His heart was hammering in his chest. _'Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid,'_ hammered counterpoint in his head. He had a growing sense that he'd flown way off whatever script Asuka had been running on, but the last day's worth of events had pushed him way off balance. But, Hell, if he was off balance, he was going to run with it. He was way over the cliff now, might as well start flapping and hope for a soft landing. Asuka had _already_ gotten as mad at him as possible the night of the coup. He could hardly do worse than then if he made her mad again. "Asuka, my failure got you killed. It's only by a miracle that I can talk to you now. Then you got shot during the coup... I can't see you hurt because of me again. I can't... it destroyed me once. I ended the whole world it hurt so much. So I'm never going to let myself just sit there when could help you again. I don't know if you can forgive me, but I'm sorry I let you down anyway."

Shinji found himself almost panting when he finally ran down. "I... even if it had been futile, I should have tried. I can't abandon you like that again, Asuka. So I won't. Ever."

Shinji hung his head low and to the side, so he almost missed Asuka's twitch at his last words. He couldn't identify the intense look in her eyes as she raised her head to lock eyes with him, but he couldn't break away. She had him pinned as effectively as if she'd nailed him to the wall.

"Do you _swear_ , Third?" she grated, her stare cold and hard. "You've got my back, no matter what?"

Shinji swallowed. "Y-yes. I swear. No matter what." The cockpit was evenly cool, but he felt a trail of sweat trickling down his temple. It took all of his will to keep looking her in the eye.

Asuka held his gaze for a long moment. "Fine," she said, finally looking away. "I... I can't forgive you, Shinji. Not yet."

"You don't have to, Asuka. My inaction hurt you. Until I can make it right, I don't even feel like you should forgive me."

"It cost me my life, Third. That's going to be hard to 'make right'," she said almost dryly.

"Then I'll have to do something just as good. I was ready that night. If my life would save yours, I was ready to give it," Shinji said softly.

"Stop being such a fucking martyr, Third," she said, but softly. She shook herself, and kicked the mecha into motion again. A little of her previous brash attitude crept back into her voice. "We've got a dinner appointment to make tonight. No getting yourself killed when I still have need of you." She lined the mecha's nose back up where they'd come from and kicked in the jump drive. The stars blurred around them as they instantly accelerated.

"I'll be right here as long as you need me, Asuka."

She just humphed at that, and steered them back to their launch point. A short, silence-filled flight later the bronze hull of the ship they'd flown from an hour ago hove into view on Shinji's screen. He saw Asuka's guarded, neutral expression shift back into a grin. "Check this out, Third. Take a good look at the ship."

Shinji tried to play with the controls for some sort of zoom function, but Asuka swept them in closer before he got very far. There were English letters across the hull and some kind of image, but they were all upside-down. But that image couldn't possibly be what he thought...

Asuka noted the same problem and rolled the mecha over. The letters were abruptly readable, and the image was now unmistakable... An enormous image of a plugsuited Pilot grinned back at him from underneath huge letters reading _HMS Asuka Langley Sohryu_. "Isn't that the greatest thing you've ever seen, Third?" she said proudly. "At least these Imperials seem to appreciate me properly."

Shinji goggled for a minute. At last he rallied to ask quietly, "Is... is there an _HMS Shinji Ikari_?"

Asuka shrugged. "I didn't ask. After we landed, there was a huge crowd in the launch bay to welcome me back, and that's when they gave me this beautiful baby we're in now and the training course to fly it. They'd even painted it the right color! Right after that, Daniel showed back up, and we jumped back six hours to meet up with you and I hit your dad in the head. Which, by the way, felt great. I can't wait to do it again, maybe with a mallet. I guess that means that right now they still haven't given me this mecha until later... weird. Anyhow, it's time to park this wonderful toy of mine and get back to our cabin. I'm starting to feel like a nap."

.

* * *

.

Shinji carefully sawed his bow through the Adagio of Beethoven's Cello Sonata No. 1 in F Major and tried to think. The deep notes of his instrument calmed him, but his thoughts kept going in erratic circles.

His mother was alive. He'd been in her arms this morning, for the first time that he could remember. His father...well, Shinji was less glad that he was alive as much as just slightly amazed he wasn't dead. Venting some of his sixteen years of anger and pain into his father's nose had felt better than he'd have thought. Now his father had his mother back, but had to face both her and the rest of the world's judgment of the legion of sins he had committed in the name of getting her back, a plan that had ultimately been futile until Rayana had given him what was divine intervention in all but name. Did that make those sins worse for being in the end pointless? On the other hand, success would hardly have redeemed them if all that had meant was his mother and father's being able to see each other again. Such a reunion built on a mountain of bodies and treachery would be a mountain for Hell, not Heaven.

And getting his mother back had been his father's obsessive goal for over a decade. He'd built his whole life around that aim. What would he be like with that fixation gone? Would he regret any of it? Would there be the slightest remorse from the man for essentially throwing away the life of everyone else in his path including his own son for the _chance_ to be with his mother again? Without remorse, what if his mother decided that what he had done made her turn him away? Would his father fall apart?

His grip on the bow tightened as a darker thought struck Shinji; what would _he_ say to them if his mother _didn't_ reject what his father had done? Would he even want to see her then? He hated the idea of having her alive, but not being someone he'd want to be around.

And Asuka...what had happened to her this morning? She'd _smiled_ at him on the beach at dawn in a way that broke his heart when he watched in collapse into confusion and loss. He'd been a heartbeat away from reaching out to touch her when she turned away. And yet she'd been so much more... bright, fiery like her old self after retrieving her mother and 'going shopping' (something she was still being maddeningly vague about), that he'd felt like he was talking to a different person. She'd been acting like the Asuka of his happier memories, the girl who took on Angels like it was a party, a chance to show off how great she was to everyone around, _especially_ a certain Third Child. A girl who'd never been mind-raped into catatonia by an Angel or torn to pieces by SEELE's Evas. A girl who acted like she didn't have all the shadows in her heart that Shinji now knew too, too well were there.

What had happened in that mecha? She'd honestly _apologized_ for something. Had that _ever_ happened before? And he'd responded by...asking too much. He regretted his failure to come to her aid more than anything else in his life. When she'd asked him to think of something to apologize for, naturally that had popped to the surface before any other candidate. But what made him regret it so much was that it had hurt her so much, been such a betrayal. That very nature made it the hardest possible thing for her to forgive him for. Shinji sighed. _'I shouldn't have done that. It was too much. Why couldn't I have picked something else?'_ But another thought in his head argued right back, _'What else, you idiot? 'I'm sorry I was a better Pilot than you and made you go into a depression-spiral when my synch score beat yours?' 'I'm sorry my father was a titanic asshole and wouldn't risk my mother's spirit to let me come help you while you were begging for my help while you were being mind-raped?' 'I'm sorry I jerked off over you while you were in a coma?' 'I'm sorry I couldn't stop Winthrop from turning you into his personal sex-toy?' Face it, Ikari. Asking her to forgive you_ _ **getting her killed**_ _was probably the least bad option. You're lucky she hasn't actively tied to kill_ you _instead of herself. You can't even_ kiss _her right. You tried to kiss her in her sleep when she was_ _ **crying for her mother**_ _. What is_ _ **with**_ _you and unconscious chicks?'_

And then what had he sworn to? _"You've got my back, no matter what?"_ _"Y-yes. I swear. No matter what."_ Easier said than believed, maybe, given how many times he'd let her down before. How could he demonstrate that he meant every word? He'd seen and done impossible things today already. Maybe Daniel or Rayana would have some idea. The impossible seemed to be their speed.

And just to make his morning even more surreal, there _had_ been a cheering crowd when they pulled into the bay they'd launched from. Hundreds of people in black uniforms with a crimson ship's badge on their shoulders, loudly greeting their ship's namesake. Asuka had soaked it up like a plant given its first touch of water in years. Or at least she _had_ been, until something made her stiffen, wave a quick farewell to the crowd, and call on her wristband for a sudden transport back to the surface. Asuka had muttered something about checking on her mother, and walked away. They hadn't even changed back into their clothes. He'd had to ask the house system to get their stuff sent down to them and his flight suit and helmet sent back.

She'd reappeared for a moment a short time later to ask him to play her more Bach to help her fall asleep again, and for her mother in the back room. He'd obliged, and for the last hour had been steadily playing through several pieces by various composers as he tried to order his thoughts. He looked in at her mother just before he began, getting a quiet greeting from the priestess who'd left after they'd arrived. Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu looked like Asuka, minus the red hair. He'd left the doors open so the ladies could hear. The soundproofing in the house had proved too effective at quieting all sound when he'd closed the door.

Reaching the end of the piece, he sighed and put the bow down. His head was still buzzing. Asuka's comment about a nap sounded good. He rested the cello against its stand, and walked to the bedroom. Asuka was...oh dear.

Her helmet and red pilot's suit were piled on the floor next to the bed, and the silky sheets made it abundantly clear she'd just dropped the suit and gotten into bed. The way the sheets clung to _every_ curve of her made it very, very clear, oh yes. Shinji let his eyes play over her for a moment and again desperately wished their one attempt at sex hadn't been such a pathetic disaster. The most beautiful girl he'd ever talked to or even seen, who'd stolen his heart the minute he'd seen her on the deck of the _Over The Rainbow_ , and she only either snarled or cried when he so much as touched her.

Her tears were what had brought him to a halt now. She was crying in her sleep again, and starting to whimper. He liked playing his cello for her. It helped her fall sleep, and in the month since the coup he'd never seen her have a nightmare as long as he was playing. Once he stopped, however, her nightmares usually started, like now. He hated having to listen to her like that, mostly because he had never found the courage to do anything about it. Just like that long ago night in Misato's apartment, all he ever did was cover his ears and try not to listen.

He stripped down to his undershirt and boxers and slid into the other side of the bed. Asuka kept whimpering. Every sound made Shinji hurt. _'So why aren't you_ doing _something about it, Ikari? Didn't you just say you'd do anything to take her pain away?'_ his brain yelled at him. He rolled over to face her, his heart stating to race as he contemplated what he was about to do. _'Why is this so scary? Because you'd be lucky if she_ only _slapped you for this if she was awake, maybe? You swore, Ikari. You going to let her down again, not even two hours later? Do it!'_ Shinji took a deep breath and scooted closer. He raised one shaking hand to her shoulder and tugged to roll her over. His small tug got far more motion than he expected. Asuka rolled completely over, one of her legs flopping over his and her right arm ending up across his chest.

Shinji froze solid. Asuka was now wrapped completely around him. He hesitantly tried to slide backwards a little. She made an unhappy noise and pulled him tighter. No escape there. Her face was inches from his. He could see the hints of tears in her eyes...but she'd stopped whimpering. Instead she now gave a quiet sigh and burrowed her head into his shoulder.

 _'Well, it worked. Now I'm just a dead man when she wakes up.'_ The adrenaline pounding through him kept him awake and staring with a little contentment at her peaceful face for a long time, but eventually even that faded and sleep took him. Asuka had never let go.

.

* * *

.

Part 18  
 **Going To Confession**

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* * *

.

Asuka slowly roused to a drowsy half-waking. She felt... warm. Usually she woke up covered in cold sweat more than once a night from her chronic nightmares. On the rare occasions Winthrop or Jinnai had required her to remain after...finishing, she had only felt clammy and filthy lying next to them. But now she just felt gently and comfortably warm. She hadn't even had the usual slate of bad dreams, just pure rest, calm and soothing. She felt better on this waking than she had in...in years, really. Her mind half-heartedly tried to hold on to sleep, not wanting to give up on such a nice repose. But she was inexorably waking, finally becoming aware that she had moved in her sleep.

And that she was completely naked and now wrapped around the Third Child.

She froze. The feeling of fabric against her hands reassured her that _he_ at least was still wearing some clothes. Her gaze crawled up to his face. His eyes were closed. His heartbeat and breathing that she could clearly hear under her head were steady. He was still asleep. She started to very carefully pull away, only to stop short as his right arm turned out to be wrapped around her back, holding her in place.

She was stuck. _'Fuck.'_

A snide little voice in her head asked if that was perhaps the _last_ word she should be thinking right now. She told it to shut up. Another traitorous voice inquired petulantly _'What's the problem? He's asleep and you feel great.'_ She told that voice to shut up too. Defiantly, that voice retorted _'_ _ **Shinji**_ _smells good, he's nice and warm, and if_ _ **you**_ _have a problem with all that, you can go fuck_ _ **yourself**_ _.'_ Lacking a counterargument to that, she flushed slightly when she realized that some parts of her were _quite_ happy with how she was situated. They hadn't showered after their flight. He _did_ smell good. Um. _'Okay, Sohryu, you are_ _ **not**_ _thinking about that.' 'Why not? Holding Mama's hand doesn't make me feel like_ this. _' 'Because... because... I can't, damn it!'_

A convulsive twist and roll brought her off the Third's body and stood her up next to the bed. Asuka held herself stock still, holding her breath and hoping he would stay asleep. He just rolled towards the warm spot her body had vacated and fumblingly felt around for what he'd lost. She kept holding her breath, leaving the room quiet enough for her to hear it quite clearly when he mumbled "Asuka..."

Now her breath caught in her throat even harder. With a sudden gasp, she broke free of her paralysis and fled to the bathroom. "Asuka, you fucking _coward_ ," she whispered to herself as she started the water. No one could see you cry in a shower, so it didn't count, right?

.

* * *

.

He was still asleep when Asuka darted back into the room long enough to throw on fresh clothes out of the dresser and closet by her side of the bed, then leave quickly. She wasn't _fleeing_ , damn it. She just... wanted to see Mama. Right. She found Mother Sriyana sitting silently by the bed, head bent over the same book in her lap.

She looked up from her reading as Asuka entered the room. "Hello, daughter. Your mother rests well." She tilted her head to one side, her grey-pupiled eyes examining Asuka's face. "Is there something wrong, child? You look...upset."

"I... I'm fine, Mother Sriyana. I just woke up."

"You are 'fine', mm?" The priestess regarded her kindly for a moment. "There is no one awake for more than a mile around but you and I, child. You can speak without fear if you like. Anything you say will be bound by seal of confession."

Asuka's mouth twisted sourly. "What good is that if everybody on this planet already knows everything about my 'story'? What could I tell you that you don't already know?"

Mother Sriyana shook her head. "I do not know much about you, my child."

Asuka blinked. "What?"

"When His Highness, Crown Prince Sean, summoned me, he advised me that you seemed uncomfortable with everyone you met knowing so many things about you that you'd prefer were not so public. So I did not delve into your story. I merely accepted knowledge from the Lord about your mother's name and condition, and left it at that. I do not know more about you than you have told me or that I have seen with my own senses. So you may tell me what you like, or not tell me. But I do not know any secrets about you that you wish were still hidden."

Asuka felt somewhat mollified by this, but still hesitated. "I'm not a very 'sharing' kind of person."

"So I can see, child. But you also have the look of someone who very much wants to talk to _someone_ to make sense of what is going on in their heart. That, or scream."

"That's starting to sound attractive, yeah," Asuka said, half to herself. She walked to the bedside and sat on the edge. She took one of her mother's hands and held it like a lifeline. She took a deep breath and held it. "Fine. You want to know what's on my mind, what has me upset?"

"Only as much as you want to tell me, child."

"Hell, everyone else knows, why not you too? I'm a fucking _mess_! Two days ago I was a washed-up former child soldier, months from being made obsolete and losing the only life I'd even known, a life that I now hated as much as I'd once loved, but was still the only pleasure left to me! I was a worthless _slut_ who's own mother didn't want her, who _whored_ herself out to the biggest brute in the world to save her own neck! I was so repulsive that _everyone in my life_ that I'd ever cared about had either died or betrayed me _or both!_ I had a boy sleeping next to me I don't love, who doesn't want me, who's failed me in every way possible, and he was the best thing in my life! And I just fucking _ran away_ from the only time anyone's held me in _years_ because I was _scared_ of how _good_ it felt!" Only the presence of her sleeping mother kept Asuka from raising her voice into a shout.

"And then...a guy who's supposed to be a fucking _god_ walks into my room, turns my whole life upside-down, makes all that not true anymore...all of a sudden I'm a virgin, pure as the snow again, my mother is alive, my future as a Pilot is secure, he promises he'll resurrect or save all my friends, the boy swears he won't ever abandon me again on pain of his life, there's a fucking ship the size of a _moon_ named after me with thousands of people aboard cheering my name... and I still ran away because I'm _scared_. I don't even know who I _am_ anymore." Asuka faded to a stop. Her grip on her mother's hand was clenched so tight it was shaking. She made herself relax.

Mother Sriyana took in her outburst with placid calm. "Well, child, when you confess, you do not do it by halves, do you?" she said. "So you were unhappy with what your life had become, but now feel adrift because all those unpleasant things were at least certainties?"

"Yes." Asuka's look never left her mother's face.

"All those certainties now replaced with things you would think would make you happier, but you feel too unsettled to accept them?"

"Yes." Hardly more than a whisper now.

"Are you afraid?"

"'There is no such thing as fear'," Asuka grimly quoted. "Maybe if I say that constantly the way the Third Child used to chant 'I mustn't run away', I'll start to believe it."

"Ah, been hanging out with some of our service members, hm? That squid 'aviator' I saw earlier?"

"What?"

The priestess gave her a look whose intensity was weirdly at odds with her prior calm. "Beat Navy."

Now Asuka was just confused. "What?"

" _I_ was in the Imperial Army," the Mother said with quiet pride.

"I thought priestesses were supposed to be non-violent?"

"Do not be silly. She is not the 'Lady of Mothers' Gentle Chiding'. We are a martial order as well as a healing one. I served my five hundred as a chaplain, healer, and battle priestess with the Imperial Army. In any case, levity about our traditional inter-service rivalry is hardly what you need right now, child. You sound like you are about to fly apart at the seams from internal pressures and badly want something to hold on to."

Asuka nodded slowly. "Yeah, that's about right. Right now the only thing that makes me feel good is piloting the mecha the crew of 'my' ship gave me... or..."

"Or?" Sriyana asked after Asuka's pause grew long.

 _'Or waking up right now being held by someone. Or listening to them play for me.'_ Asuka thought to herself, still lacking the will to say it aloud. It was hard enough to even think it. _'Someone not a power-hungry dictator or his even more ruthless subordinate.' '"Someone", or_ _ **him**_ _?'_ asked that traitorous voice again.

"Or I don't know. Holding Mama's hand helps. No matter what else happens, this makes it all worth it."

"Or something you are still too frightened of to say out loud?" the priestess asked gently. "I can hear things you are not saying, child."

Asuka was well aware her silence spoke volumes. She kept her eyes on her mother's face. It was like looking into a mirror of her future. She could see a lot of her own face there.

"What of the boy?"

Asuka's mind refused to even grapple with the question. The whole array of thoughts orbiting the idea of the Third Child skittered around in her brain like a marble on ice. "I don't know."

"That is the center of it, is it not? Was _he_ your familiar thing to lean on, and now even that is changing in ways that scare you? What is he to you?"

"I don't know." _'The Third Child. A fellow Pilot. A wingman. A rival. The one who could have saved me but didn't. The one who tried to choke the life out of me,'_ she mentally listed.

 _'Someone who looks at you. The one who jumped into a volcano to save you. The one who offered himself to Winthrop in your place. The one who carried you and wouldn't let go when you were wounded during the coup. The one who's help let you be a Pilot again. The one who had the idea about the S2 engine that saved_ both _of your lives in that fight,'_ the voice argued back.

Asuka wasn't about to leave that alone. _'The one who betrayed me, who let me_ die _! He could have saved me!'_

 _'The one who apologized and swore never to desert you again. Has_ _ **anyone**_ _else ever done that?'_ the voice asked with acid clarity. _'The one you were_ _ **happy**_ _when you woke up next to, who took away your nightmares.'_

Asuka's thoughts skittishly shied away from examining that last too closely. _'He apologized, but can't I forgive him just like that._ _We've hurt each other too much, too often.'_

"Is he the one who held you?"

Panic. " _What?!_ I didn't...He...I...how did you...what?!"

"You just told me, child. You 'just ran away from the only time anyone has held you in years because you were scared of how good it felt'? Was he the one?"

"I... I..." _'Yes. He smelled nice and was warm.' 'Shut_ _ **UP**_ _, you!'_ "I... yes. The Third Child and I have an arrangement. We both are the last survivors of… our unit. No one else in the world can understand what we went through. So after the last battle, when he asked... I told him that I didn't love him... but that he won by default. That he could have me. I didn't expect him to say yes. We just both don't want to be alone. So we're… together." Asuka was morbidly proud of how even she kept her voice.

"You did not expect him to say yes? Does that not make you offering him such just an attempt to push him away? If you do not love him, you sound awfully upset with yourself for running away from a good thing due to being scared," Sriyana said, sounding curious.

"I don't. I told him I didn't," Asuka said flatly.

" _Now_ you sound like you are trying to repeat something until you start to believe it." Sriyana moved the closed book off of her lap to the bedside table. "I did not get to be a Donna by being bad at hearing what people are not saying, child. You are scared of him being the cause of good feelings in you? Hmm. You say you do not love him, but I think you are frightened that you might. Love can be quite frightening, particularly if it is your first, even more so if it might be your undounamata, your One True. That can make cowards of even the bravest. The Lord Himself, who has never shied from battle and death, was frozen by fear when He first saw the Lady."

Sriyana chuckled. "Though who would not be? The Lady can be quite terrifying as the Destroyer. But He was frozen by Her beauty, and the way She made the whole world around Her shine. If He had not found the courage to speak to Her, Avalon would lack half of what makes it whole, the day without the night. Do not let fear stop you, child."

"I'm... not ..." _'Yes, you are, you fucking coward. You didn't get out of that bed because you were hungry or you wanted a shower; you got out so you wouldn't get_ caught! _'_ The voice was getting angrier and harder to suppress. _'You're just scared if he gets close he'll find out how_ ugly _you are inside! Why the Hell would he even_ _ **want**_ _someone like you? You're a whore! An ugly, black-hearted bitch that doesn't care about so-called 'subversives' being publicly_ _ **tortured**_ _to death, like he still does! You called_ _ **him**_ _weak and selfish for begging you to help him during Instrumentality._ _ **You**_ _need_ _ **him**_ _even worse than that! Without him you couldn't even Pilot anymore! You'd be_ _ **useless**_ _, all over again! Useless! No one wants to look at a useless, ugly little girl! NO ONE!'_

"What is his name?" Sriyana asked.

Asuka almost sobbed in relief as the question snapped her out of another depressive spiral. They'd been coming more often after the coup, far more often once they'd heard that the new Dummy Plug project was nearing completion. She'd managed to keep the Third from ever seeing one, usually confining them until she was alone in a shower. This one had come on faster, and she'd nearly broken down in front of a virtual stranger. She blinked fast to clear the incipient tears from her eyes. "Uh...his name is..." _'God_ _ **damn**_ _it, Sohryu, just spit it out! It's just a_ name _!'_ _'No, it's just_ _ **his**_ _name.' "..._ Shinji."

"Have you known him long?"

"About five years, but we were...kept apart for most of the last three." Asuka forced her voice even. "We fought in a war together, and lived together during it. That lasted a little under two years."

"Why do you call him 'Third Child' instead of his name?"

"I... I always do. He's used to it." Asuka could hardly even explain why to herself anymore, let alone to this woman.

"That does not answer my question," Sriyana noted with a fractionally raised eyebrow.

 _'Damn all people who pay attention and use logic.'_ "I...don't know." _'Because his name makes you **feel** things, bitch.'_

Sriyana looked towards the bedroom. "Perhaps I should speak to him once he wakes."

Asuka firmly suppressed the wave of panic that shot through her at that. That firm suppression was a lot less firm than it should have been, thanks to her mental fingers already being fully involved in other cracks in the dam. "You aren't going to mention any of this, are you?"

"You have nothing to worry about on that front, child. The seal of confession is breakable only by the Lord and Lady Themselves, and the Prince informed me They have promised to you that They will conduct Themselves with only the most scrupulous honesty with you and your friend Shinji. Prying into our discussion here would not be in keeping with that." Sriyana said reassuringly. "Give me your hand, child."

Asuka reached out her right hand and Sriyana took it, then used her own right to grasp Kyoko's left. The three of them now made a triangle. Asuka felt her panic and turmoil subside as a peaceful, calm feeling spread throughout her from her hands.

The priestess closed her eyes and spoke softly and with certainty. "I am here. You are here. Your mother is here. The Lady is here. We are not alone. No matter what burdens we must bear, we never have to bear them alone. The Lady Mother is always there for her children, and all of Avalon. Be at peace, child. Mother is always with you."

Asuka gratefully used the calm feeling to reestablish some emotional equilibrium. Her pulse finally crept back down from the pounding beat it had risen to under her own self-inflicted emotional lashing.

Mother Sriyana gently let go of her hand. "That should help you a little, my child. I could sense your distress. You can always call on the Lady Mother for strength when you have need. She will be there. Now, you have told me some of your troubles. Would you like my counsel, or is the sharing of your pain enough for now?"

Asuka considered it. She had always held all of this inside. She did not trust anyone to be close enough to understand her to have any meaningful discussion about any of it. But she knew all too well that she was reaching the limit of her strength to maintain that hold. She could feel herself starting to lose her grip on herself. If something didn't change soon she'd be back in the same passively suicidal abyss she'd been in right before they shoved her back into Unit-02 for the last time. Two days ago, she'd been keeping herself together with the prospect of one more chance at glory in battle, taking her patchwork MP Eva into the fight for South America, one more opportunity to show the world how good she was...before the Dummy Plugs would come online, and she and Shinji would be superfluous, useless. She'd be an Eva Pilot with no more Eva, and all too aware she had no other value in the world.

 _'If this goes on-'_ "I would... appreciate your advice," she finally managed. Mama was here, she'd make everything better. She just had to last the week. Just hold on.

"You have a very low opinion of yourself. You called yourself a whore, repulsive, a worthless slut, unwanted by your mother...and you ran from feeling good. You hate yourself for compromises you chose to make in the name of survival. You are afraid this boy will turn away from you because of this. I think this worries you more than the rest; you cannot even say his name without difficulty. He is important to you, and you fear he will desert you if he comes to view you as you do yourself. You do not love him, but it is still important to you that he be there. He is your familiar point to hold yourself around when all is changing," Sriyana laid out calmly. "Am I incorrect on any point so far?"

Asuka's stomach roiled. Hearing it all put in front of her at once nearly made her want to run for the bathroom and empty her stomach. The fact she'd have to run past the Third Child held her in place. "No."

"Then I suggest you talk to him. I do not think he will call you as terrible as you call yourself. I would not. I see strength in you, child, but you are breaking yourself trying to be so strong that you do not need anyone. If he is your center, then trust in him. Tell him you need his support, and he will share your burden. You fear his refusal, but you are already suffering in the same solitude that refusal would bring you. You would not lose anything by asking but that bit of hope, and that hope is just as absent if you never reach for it. "There Is No Such Thing As Fear"? Perhaps. Do not fear the pain, child, but the paralysis it brings. Fear means nothing if you can keep moving anyway. Remember the motto of the Imperial Army, for it now guards you too; ' _Numquam Soli. Semper, Sumus Legio_ ', 'Never Alone. Always, We Are Legion'. You are not unworthy, child. The Lady would not have embraced you if so. I can feel her arms around you. You will never be rejected here, never so low that we will not hold you with us. Reach out to him, and we will be with you. You will be no worse off than you are now, and you may find more than you believe possible in him."

The tension in Asuka uncoiled all at once, snapping out into whipcrack anger as it had so often before, keeping away anything that might break through her defenses. "You think it's that _easy?_ If it was so simple, I would have _done_ it already! Tell me something I _don't_ know!" she snarled at the priestess. "Nobody good enough for me to want would want _me_ if they knew what I was like inside!"

"How do you know if you never have?" Sriyana said soothingly. "You say he has been with you for years. He accepted you even when you thought he would turn you down. It felt good when he held you. Take the risk for more. Stasis only keeps you where you are now; hurting."

"We've hurt each other before, too many times, too many betrayals," Asuka said sadly, her anger fading into familiar fear. "We're not the people we were back then. There's too much to forgive now." She stared at her mother's hand. _'How can he forgive me, or I him, when I can't even forgive myself?'_

"To err is divine, to forgive is human," Sriyana stated with complete conviction.

Asuka gave Mother Sriyana a puzzled look. "Isn't that supposed to go the other way?"

"Not around here. The Lord Himself would be the first one to admit He has made mistakes. His own hubris led to the loosing of the Adversary on the cosmos. When He recovered from that error, and found the Lady again, She still forgave Him as long as he dedicated Himself to making it right. Gods judge. Man forgives. Why do you think the Lord devotes so much effort to remaining human?"

Again, Asuka had no ready answer. Mother Sriyana let the silence hang for a moment, then offered her one last piece of advice. "You run as long as you can. When you cannot run anymore, you crawl... and when you cannot do that, you find someone to carry you. You are not alone, daughter. Life is in the living of it. Seize yours."

With that, the grey-eyed priestess stood up and walked around the bed to lay her hand lightly on Asuka's head. She whispered a blessing, and left Asuka with her mother.


	11. Ch11 - Kung-Fu Flirting

**A Crown of Stars**

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Part 19  
 **Children You Never Had, Things That Didn't Happen**

* * *

Shinji blinked awake. He was slightly surprised about that.

After finally falling asleep with Asuka clamped around him like he was a giant teddy bear, he'd expected to either be pounded awake by Teutonic fury, or not wake up all because she'd instantly murdered him when she opened her eyes. To just drowsily blink at yet another unfamiliar ceiling was frankly amazing. He'd even managed to relax enough before sleep claimed him to enjoy the almost unique treat of her warmth against him. Though they'd shared a bed for a month since the coup and the start of their 'arrangement', she always slept on the far side from him, almost never even within arm's reach, let alone touching. At least when she slept facing him he could look at her face. She was beautiful in rest, when the nightmares didn't seize her.

He rolled his head to the right, but found only an empty bed. He felt the spot where she'd been, but it was cool. She hadn't left recently. The bedroom door was closed. He wondered what time it was. He looked at his watch and puzzled over its report that it was past 4pm, but noontime bright outside. _'Oh, right, longer day here.'_ "BH, what time is it?"

"At the tone, the local time will be 1538," the system coolly replied, then beeped.

Maybe it knew where she was..."Where's Asuka?"

"Asuka Langley Sohryu is in the second bedroom of this building with Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu."

Sitting with her mother, probably. Shinji shrugged and got dressed in the same clothes he'd started the day in. If Asuka was going to pick his outfit for this mysterious 'dinner date', there was no point in bothering to spend time picking a new outfit now. He'd just stepped into the hallway when the house system chimed at him.

"Ikari-san, you have an incoming comm call from Senior Fleet Commander of the White Ikari on the living room screen."

Senior Fleet who? Was his father calling him? Did he even want to answer if it was?

"Is it my father?" he asked suspiciously.

"Negative, Senior Fleet Commander Ikari is not your father, sir," the house replied without inflection.

"Fine. I'll answer it, I guess." He walked into the living room.

The white and red shield with the elaborate wreathing that he'd seen on Daniel's armor was on the screen with 'INCOMING CALL' flashing underneath. "Um, BH, answer it?" Another chime, and the screen cleared.

Asuka stared back at him from the bridge of a starship.

He blinked. Wait, no, it wasn't her. She had the same thick red mane and he could distinctly see Asuka's cheekbones in her, but the dark blue eyes, darker than Asuka's sapphire, the pointed chin, the jawline were his... There was no doubt to it; this 'Commander Ikari' was the daughter of Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Sohryu. A daughter who looked at least twice his age and was wearing the same space-black uniform as Lieutenant Leibshott. She certainly grinned at him like Asuka did, though.

"Hi there!" she said jauntily.

"... uh... um..." Shinji at least remembered to close his mouth after a few seconds.

"Yeah, mom always said you weren't the sharpest conversationalist when you were younger, dad."

Shinji's brain went on strike at this. His mouth joined in, refusing to get back to work until someone explained what the heck was going on.

The woman in the thick command chair grinned at his stunned silence for a bit, then started to snicker. "Oh, Lord, I know I shouldn't have done that, but it was too _funny_! Ahem!" She cleared her throat and started over. "Good afternoon, Ikari-san. I am Senior Fleet Commander of the White Misato Sohryu-Ikari, Fifth Officer of the _HMS Shinji Ikari_. A school friend called me a few hours ago to tell me that you and a certain German-American redhead had dropped in to visit her ship and take one of their mecha for a spin. Given that we hadn't received a similar such courtesy call, and going by what my mother has said she and my father were like when they were kids, I concluded that you likely didn't know our ship also existed and was in-system. Therefore, I decided to call and welcome you to our fair Realm, and extend an offer of a visit to your _own_ namesake ship."

"Gleeg." Nope, brain and mouth still not cooperating.

"Wow, I think I broke you. To put your mind back in order, you're not my father. My dad _is_ Shinji Ikari, he's just not you. You're a lot skinnier, for example. My mother _is_ Asuka Langley Sohryu, but she's not the one I hear is with you down there. They're from a different worldline very similar to yours, but yours is a rather darker one, I understand. But if you're anything like my parents, I can make some pretty good guesses as to how you'd act. So, I called. Sorry, the temptation to play with your head is _definitely_ something I inherited from mom." Her smile had the same sharp edge to it, too.

 _'Oh thank the GODS...'_ Shinji's brain breathed a sigh of relief and called off the strike. "Um... hello... er, Commander Ikari." This was still way too strange. 'Commander Ikari' was not something he was supposed to be calling a beautiful redhead who kept smiling at hi- _Focus_ , Ikari! "Um...i-it is good to meet you."

"Good to meet you too, young analogue-of-my-father. It's considered polite good form in the Empire to look out for your 'other selves' if they're new or seem at a loss. Family is important to us. Mom and dad are on leave right now, so when I heard about your visit to our mate-ship, I thought I'd uphold the family name and look in on you. I'm betting your counterpart to my mom is running you a bit ragged. Anything I could do to help?"

Shinji looked back down the hallway. The door to the room where Asuka's mother slept was open, but the angle prevented him from seeing anything. He turned back to... Commander Ikari. "Ah, n-no, nothing I can think of. I'm sorry."

"Yup, you sound like mom's stories. This is kind of funny on my end too. You're what, about twenty? I've got _kids_ your age. But anyway, there is something I can give you that I think might help you out. Mom sometimes mentions how rough it was for her and dad early on, how hard it was to get together despite how much they were attracted to each other, due to all the Scheiße they'd been through in their Angel War...so I wanted to give you something to give you some confidence, something to remind you that there's a better future still ahead." She glanced at her chair's right armrest and pressed a control. An electric blue sparkle flared on the table in front of the couch, fading into a small book-shaped box of polished wood. The cover had an enameled ship's badge on it. "A little gift from semi-family who crew your namesake ship. I do hope you come visit us too, Ikari-san. We are always ready at your back. Have fun, and if you do think of something, call me at any need."

Shinji picked up the box and examined the cover badge. ' _HMS Shinji Ikari'_ the top read in English lettering. The badge image was a shot of Eva Unit-01's head against a black, starry background, with himself in his plugsuit in front of it, a far more fearsome look on his face than he'd ever seen in a mirror. A bit more unusual was the motto at the bottom. It was in proper kanji and hiragana for a change, and read _'Here I Stand And Here I Remain'_. _'Sounds a little better than 'I Mustn't Run Away', I guess,'_ he thought. "Um, thank you," he said to the smiling woman.

"Look inside."

Shinji opened the cover. Inside was a family photo. 'He' was in it. That Shinji, looking at least twenty or more years older than him, sat on a plush couch, his arms around a distinctive red-haired woman. The 'Commander Ikari' he was talking to was standing behind the couch in the same black uniform, flanked by five apparent siblings, male and female, with multiple different uniforms, but matching features. On the outside stood various men and women he guessed were their husbands and wives. In front of the couch an entire baseball team's worth of young kids clustered at their feet. Grandchildren? More than a few redheads, but most had his dark brown. They all were beaming at the camera. Well, except for the kids who were trying to give each other bunny ears or staring off to the side.

On the inside of the cover was a note. 'Family is always with you. You get what you give, so give it all. And don't forget to push back! -Love, the Sohryu-Ikari family PS: You have to send us yours in 30 years! June 6th, 2375 MR43, Iacon City, Vilya'

Shinji spent a few seconds looking at 'himself' and 'Asuka'. He looked happy. She wore the same smile 'his' Asuka had so briefly worn on the beach this morning. Shinji closed his eyes and swallowed a lump in his throat. "Thank you for the gift."

"Shinji, who are you talking t-..." Asuka said as she came out of the hallway. She trailed off to a halt as she saw the screen. "Is... is that 'me'?"

"Hi mom!"

Shinji covered his face. He knew he was somehow going to pay for this too.

.

* * *

.

 _'Then again, this may be worth it,'_ Shinji thought to himself two hours later. Asuka had declared she wanted to go swimming in the waters surrounding their beach house after the cheerful teasing of 'Commander Ikari' had prodded her from a blank mask over an unfathomable mood into aggravated counter-snarking. Asuka had growled when their caller had finally bid farewell, and announced that only a swim would clear her mind. A simple search of their bedroom's dressers had quickly turned up a selection of swimwear, and it had not done Shinji's blood pressure any favors when Asuka had emerged in a close copy of _that_ red-and-white striped two-piece she'd worn the day before they'd fought Sandalphon in the depths of Mount Asama. The extra four years of growth since then had only added to her curves in all the best possible places. _'Wow.'_

Asuka had merely smirked triumphantly at his stunned silence, and ordered the beach house to provide her with scuba gear and accessories. It had made him feel more comfortable to note the return of a bit of the same spark in her eyes as she'd had back then beside the NERV HQ pool. It also terrified him, just like back then. Her arch comment about his own bone-dry swimsuit and t-shirt combination had been like old times too.

Once kitted out, she'd happily waded into the lapping wavelets and disappeared under the crystal clear water. A BH-provided pair of sunglasses and binoculars let him easily follow her around the shallow waters between their island and its neighbors. Still never having learned to swim, he had to be satisfied with watching her dart around like a redheaded mermaid. He was watching her for safety's sake, really. Not at all because that swimsuit had his eyes completely glued to her tight, bouncy— _'Oh, who are you kidding, Ikari? She looks hotter than the sand out here feels, and you can't stop staring.'_

He lowered the binoculars and flopped his head back against the beach chair he'd taken up station in under another umbrella a short bit down the shore from their cabin. Gods, she was so beautiful. If only...

He frowned. She was apparently enjoying herself, popping up out of the water every so often to wave at him, and shout half-heard things about the fish she was seeing or something. But before she'd been teased by 'Commander Ikari', he'd seen that mask-like expression on her face again, her eyes as stormy as her face was calm. She had not said a word to him that indicated in the slightest that she had any awareness of what he'd done while she slept to try to quiet her nightmares. When she woke this morning she was cool and as brittle as the day before. Then she showed up to beat his father over the head and she was _cheery_ and _bouncy_. She took him for a ride in her new toy, and _apologized_ for something. He'd wildly overshot on his reply, but she hadn't exploded at him, just quietly and forcefully accepted his oath to never abandon her again. She'd been like a starlet in the spotlight before the bay full of cheering crew, then suddenly had them both transported back here without another word after something made her stiffen. She'd been crying in her sleep, clinging to him like a safety blanket, then left him sleeping like she hadn't noticed. She was flipping back and forth between different Asukas, and he had no idea how to react to any of them. _'Then again, it's not like you were ever very good at figuring out what was going on in her head even when she was the same all day long. Except for when it came to coming up with exactly the_ _ **wrong**_ _thing to say or do. Then you were a damn_ _ **expert**_ _.'_

So now what? His own six-months-older self had implicitly showed him that he and Asuka could be apparently quite happy together, a message weirdly reinforced by a call from the daughter of yet another alternate of himself. He still felt like he was trying to walk a tightrope blindfolded. He didn't know what to do! He could _feel_ Asuka's strain at times. She'd go so rigid she was almost vibrating. This morning on the beach she'd looked like someone had just shot her dog. _'And what did you do, Ikari?_ _ **Nothing**_ _, that's what. 'Be there for her', 'you' said. Well,_ _ **that would have been a good time**_ _, jackass!'_ Next time, he'd- _'Next time? That's what you said_ _ **last**_ _time. How soon is_ _ **now**_ _?'_ Hey, I _did_ reach out and help her just now! _'In her sleep. What do you want, a damn cookie? And again with Asuka while she's unconscious! How about while she's got her eyes_ _ **open**_ _next time?'_

Shinji sighed. He wished some of the boiling self-loathing he could lash himself with could finally be turned, if not into a useful impulse to do something in time to make a difference, at least outward onto some deserving target. Instead it just sloshed around inside him until it built up so high that he snapped at some final straw. _'Maybe I should go beat the stuffing out of my father again. Even if it's not exactly productive, it felt good and he certainly deserves it.'_

Asuka's splashing up out of the water towards him broke him out of his introspection. Shinji's eyes told the rest of him to shut up and pay attention; Aphrodite was being born out of the waves again. Shinji watched in rapt fascination as she walked up past the high tide line, shrugging off the scuba tank to drop it next to the other beach chair under the umbrella. She stretched her hands over her head and arched her back right in front of Shinji, like she was taking care to flaunt her newly scar-free stomach and perfect body at him. She relaxed from her stretch to give him a very knowing stare. "Having fun, Third? Enjoying the view?"

Shinji finally realized that he was _still_ staring at her, and snapped his eyes away. "I'm sor—"

"You say 'I'm sorry', and I'm throwing you into the lagoon," she said, irritation edging into her voice.

"I'm—" _'Do you have a death wish, Ikari?'_ "...very much enjoying myself, yes. I'm happy for you."

Asuka looked like she'd heard that little mental swerve, but blinked at the borderline compliment from the usually quiet young man. "Happy for me?"

"All those marks you got in the...the fight with the SEELE's Evas. They're gone now, and you are wearing that suit. And, um, you really look good." Shinji fought to keep his voice from turning into a squeak. "It's good to see you getting to swim again."

"Not a lot of chances for swimming pools or scuba in the last few years," Asuka replied tartly. "But yes, I really didn't feel like showing off all the scarring the MP Evas left me with. Now that's gone, and I'm whole again. Hooray." She dropped into the chair next to his.

They both stared out at the gently lapping waters and weirdly distant horizon for a minute before Asuka spoke up again. "Those old broken bones the doctor mentioned this morning... Daniel said you got them from Winthrop's guards beating you after... after you... tried to convince him to take you instead of me? In Boston?" she asked hesitantly.

The tropical heat suddenly deserted Shinji and he felt cold. He slowly nodded. "Yes. He told me you'd 'volunteered' for his 'personal attentions'. I knew what he meant. The look on his face didn't even try to disguise it. I begged him not to do it. I offered to take your place, anything as long as he'd leave you alone. I think it just made him angry. He told the guards to 'teach me some respect'. I blacked out when one of them kicked me in the temple. You and he were gone before I came to. I was out for about a week, they told me. That's the last I saw of you for three years until they ordered Aoba to escort me to Berlin. I'm sorry. I failed you again. At least that time I tried, for all the good it did." Faint, anguished bitterness colored his voice as he finished. "I tried not to think of what he was doing to you while I was stuck in Boston. Sometimes I succeeded. That's part of why I started studying Philosophy; it took my mind off...things."

Asuka kept staring out to sea for a long time. "Thank you for trying," she said quietly after a while. "You didn't... fail me, Third, I did. I made the choice to go to Winthrop. I thought it was necessary for my own protection. I thought I was... making sure I wouldn't be killed. I didn't know about... your part. All I knew is we left for Berlin and you didn't come, and I didn't hear anything from you at all. Just secondhand bits when people reported to Winthrop, like with the Philosophy professor thing. I... was pretty mad at you for abandoning me _again_."

"But I didn't!" Shinji protested.

Asuka snapped her head around to glare right at him. "I fucking know that _now_ , Third! And now I know that my 'choice' got you beat unconscious and may have been _pointless_!" Asuka shut her mouth with a snap and suddenly looked away.

Shinji watched the back of her head, waiting for her to continue. "Pointless?" he asked once it became clear she wasn't going to immediately resume.

She kept looking at the horizon away from him. "Winthrop... lost interest in me after about a year. He 'gave me' to Jinnai. Jinnai was...less bad than Winthrop. He kept me sane, anyway. But I still... I still had accepted the 'choice' I made. You didn't do that. I did. And now... now I'm fucking _innocent_ of a sin I still committed, or chose to, at least."

 _'Innocent?'_ "Asuka, what are you talking about?"

"...He made it un-happen."

"...What?"

"Daniel. This morning, while we were doing our separate things, he made it not have happened, at least not how I thought it did," she said, her voice somewhere between guilt and confusion. "He made a dummy, switched it for me every time they would have... taken me. He did it hundreds of times. I'm... untouched, now, completely intact. Again." She paused for a moment and gave a disgusted snort. "'Not intact _everywhere_ ', she said. I'm a _verdammt_ comedienne."

She abruptly stood up and grabbed the scuba gear. "I'm going to shower off the salt," she said as she rapidly walked towards the cabin without looking back.

.

* * *

.

Part 20  
 **Kung-Fu Flirting**

.

* * *

.

Shinji sat on the beach chair staring at the seagulls himself for a good while, trying to unpack Asuka's cryptic revelations. She 'chose' to go to Winthrop? It wasn't hard to tell how much of a 'choice' it was. Their various warlord-hosts before Winthrop had often been the kind to 'give you a choice' with a gun in their hand. The only difference with Winthrop was he had N2 mines.

 _'"He made it un-happen."'_ So Daniel had somehow... what, un-raped her? A dummy, switched in... intact, she said... His eyes popped open. _'Wait, does that mean she's back to...I mean_ still _a virgin? What does_ that _mean?'_ No wonder she'd been so... withdrawn, on their one attempt at sex. _'Wait, no, that was before Daniel came. She still thought she was... she was just hating it anyhow.'_ Gods, the look on her face... it felt like _he_ was violating her. He couldn't do that to her. But she still offered, even _after_ that. _Why_? She couldn't _want_ him to hurt her, not like that.

He was just giving himself a headache like this. He stood up and headed inside. The sound of the shower told him where Asuka was. He stood in the living room and thought. Wait, there was something he wanted to find out about; where were his parents?

He faced the black screen and asked, "BH, can I call my mother and father?"

The screen came to life with the heraldic shield emblem and "CALLING" flashed at the bottom. After a few seconds, the shield vanished and Rayana looked at him. "Hello, Shinji. I'm sorry, your mother is not available right now." There was the sound of breaking glass from somewhere behind her and a woman's scream of ' _How COULD you? How could you DO that to him? How could you do that to HER? THREE TIMES?'_ Rayana looked off to her right, and turned back to him. "They're having a... ah... _frank_ discussion at the moment."

"Can I talk to my mother later?" he asked hopefully.

"She'll be" ~CRASH~ "there at the dinner. I think your father..." Shinji heard his father's voice in the background. _"I HAD to! It was the only way!"_ "...will be staying in tonight. Your mother is not very happy with him. She'll explain more then," Rayana concluded.

Shinji tried not to show his disappointment. "I see. Thank you, Rayana. You'll come get us then?"

"That we shall. Just try to relax, talk to Asuka for a bit. We'll see you this evening."

 _'I think those two things are mutually exclusive.'_ Shinji thought morosely. "Thank you. Goodbye." The screen went black once more.

Relaxed was the _last_ thing he felt like right now. Hearing his parents apparently having a screaming match plus Asuka's unsettling information had left him feeling unable to sit still. He jittered around the room for a few minutes before deciding to try sweating off some of his energy. He found a gi in the bedroom wardrobe, changed while Asuka was still showering, and went to the cabin's workout room.

Forty minutes of judo katas and exercise left him feeling considerably calmer. He came up from a set of sit-ups and caught a flicker of red out of the corner of his eye. He turned to find Asuka leaning against the doorframe in her own red gi, her hair already tied up.

"Feel like a few rounds, Third?" she challenged.

Shinji paused, still breathing a little harder than when he'd started most of an hour ago. He was a little worn down, but he could tell Asuka needed to blow off nervous energy at least as much as he had. And the way her face would relax sometimes in their bouts was almost worth it by itself to be able to see. Her face had the sharp clarity of a knife blade at such times, scary and beautiful, blessedly absent of the tension and bitterness that marked it too often otherwise. "Sure, Asuka." He took up a ready stance in the middle of the mats.

She stepped to opposite him, and brought her hands up. Neither one of them moved for a second. Asuka took the initiative and tried for a leg sweep. Shinji evaded and reached for her right arm, but she spun out of the way.

Shinji managed two throws by occasionally surprising her, but was well aware his style remained mostly technical and defensive. Asuka kept pressing the attack, catching him well enough several times for two throws of her own, plus a couple more holds that forced him to tap out. Shinji grimaced internally as he once again passed up an exploitable opening for a conversion to a choke pin. He'd found himself shying away from such maneuvers ever since their first match. The choke then had awakened too many ugly echoes for both of them. _'Damn it. Another thing to apologize for; 'I'm sorry I tried to choke you to death because I was crazy from ending the world.''_

At least her face had relaxed again. He tried not to spend too much time staring. He'd made that mistake before, and Asuka had ruthlessly exploited it. His back still twinged in painful memory. He passed up another attack opening. This time Asuka growled.

"Damn it, Third, _come at me!_ I'm not made of glass!" She followed up with a couple of faster than usual kicks at his head, pushing into his space. He caught her foot on the last one, flipping her over and moving into a pin. She twisted and bucked against the mat, trying to throw him off, but failing. Once he had the pin incontestably established, she slapped the mat in surrender.

They rolled apart and stood, panting. Asuka glared at him. "Quit making me do all the work, Third! Fight me! Hit me!"

"It's hard! I don't like feeling like I'm going to hurt you!"

"It's a fucking judo sparring match, not a knife fight! Hit me!" She swung at his head again. "'It's hard!'" she mocked. "'I might hurt you!' Well, fuck, Third, who ever told you anything in this life was easy was _lying_ to you!" A snap kick connected with his gut and knocked him stumbling back to a fall. "You _want_ something, you have to _push_ for it!" She pounced and tried to pin him before he could rise.

Shinji rolled out from under her leap and jumped back to his feet, his seldom roused pride sparking to life again. "Fine!" He went on the offensive, catching Asuka off guard. After an exchange of blows, he caught her wrist when she tried a block and spun her into an arm bar. "That more like it?" he asked angrily.

Shinji was puzzled as he saw a _smile_ crawl onto her face.

"Didn't we have a deal, Third? You give me everything I want, and take what I give you?" She suddenly wiggled and somehow slid out of the arm bar. She was on him again almost before Shinji could recover, punches and kicks coming as fast as he could handle. "I reserve the right to change my mind, you know. Things can change. Things changed today. Things could change more tonight. Tomorrow could be a whole new deal..." She was driving him back, blow by blow towards the door to the room. Asuka tapped into a new top gear and threw even faster moves at him. "If you wanna 'love me', Third, you better be _ready! to! push! BACK!"_ She grabbed his lapels and threw herself backwards as she stuck her foot in his stomach. The throw sent him halfway across the room to slam into the mat. Shinji lay there, too stunned to move, and watched upside-down as Asuka walked out the door without a backwards glance. "I'm going for a walk. Tschüsch."

.

* * *

.

Asuka was making great time, heading nowhere. She'd snatched Shinji's sunglasses off the kitchen counter as she passed, and shot out the door. Her 'walk' rapidly evolved into a full on sprint, the sand flying up under her toes. She wasn't running _away_ exactly, she was just running.

Her breath came rapidly, her body humming. Half of her mind wanted to giggle madly over the look in the Third's face as she hit him with that last statement and her own audacity in doing so. The other half wanted to just _panic_ over that last statement and her own _madness_ in doing so. _'What the Hell am I doing? Why did I say that?'_

It hadn't been something she planned. It had just slipped out when her blood got going in that match. He'd been his usual passive, defensive self, passing up easy openings over and over. She'd pushed at him just to get him to push back. Sometimes she'd been able to goad him into anger back in Misato's apartment. She'd push and poke until he blew a fuse and started to push back at her. For some reason that always made her feel alive, alive in a way she hadn't felt since her violation at the hands of the 15th Angel, like every nerve was lit up. If she couldn't have enough of those rare moments where she could display her superiority over the Third, she could at least grab a few where he'd at least show some energy and fight back with her.

But this was a little different. There hadn't been any 'arrangement' back in those days. Just the unspoken, nebulous boundaries you'd find between members of the opposite sex sharing a house. Now, tonight, just like the month of nights before it, she'd be sleeping in the same bed as the boy she'd just maybe-kinda-sorta hinted to that he should...chase her a little.

 _'What the fuck was I thinking? I told him 'no' before. Why the Hell do I_ want _him to come at me? I don't love him. I don't. I can't. I don't need him.'_ Sweat stung her eyes. Another beach house came into view ahead on her right. As she began to pass it, another figure in shorts and a swimsuit came out the door at an easy lope and matched speed with her.

"Howdy, stranger!" Ching greeted her. "Hmm, red gi, sprinting down the beach full speed, barefoot...I know, you're doing a martial arts movie training-montage gag! Shouldn't you do this at sunset for the maximum dramatic backdrop?" Ching was matching her headlong run, not even breathing hard.

"Har... har... every... one... on... this... fucking... planet... is... a... Gott… damn... comedian!" Asuka panted.

"Blame Their Majesties. That whole Founder Effect; Snark is practically a holy art around here." Ching spun around to run backwards, facing her from a couple paces ahead. "More seriously, what's got you running out here today? You're moving like you've got bill collectors and the sheriff on your tail and you apparently just left your dojo in a hurry. What's chasing your afterburners so hard you didn't even stop to change?" Ching's eyebrows went up. "Did Shinji do something more than usually foolish? Or did you?"

Asuka managed not to stumble. "I... just... felt... like a... run... after I... kicked... the... Third's... ass." Her pace was slowing. A long bout in the dojo with the Third after two hours of swimming around were finally adding up. After another half-mile, she jogged to a halt at the next set of beach chairs and collapsed into one, her chest pumping like bellows.

Ching easily lowered herself into the other chair. She watched Asuka pant for a moment, then murmured something into her interface band. A pair of bottles sparkled into being on the chair beside her, and quickly grew a film of condensation. Ching opened one bottle and handed it to Asuka. "Here. Navy sports grog, better than Gatorade."

Asuka took the chilled bottle and gratefully chugged the slightly tart liquid. Her stomach twitched, reminding her she hadn't had anything since the 'loaves and fishes' lunch joke. "Thanks," she gasped. She looked at Ching in surprise. She'd kept up with Asuka's best speed for over a mile, and showed not a drop of sweat or the slightest increase in breathing rate. "How are you cheating? You're not even breathing hard from that."

Ching smiled. "I'm active duty Navy. I've got a whole set of combat implants and nanoware boosters. On top of that, you're _Homo Sapiens_ , I'm _Homo Avalonis_. It not really a fair contest. Even without my military gear, I could outrun cheetahs without much trouble."

"You're not even human? No fair. And I was already tired, too."

Ching gave her a sharp look. "'If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?' I'm human, Asuka, I'm just not _Homo Sapiens._ Mere species is neither the measure nor definition of humanity here. Human is as human does. There are plenty of people on this planet alone who don't have even a single codon of _Homo Sapiens_ DNA in them, but are very human. And you know damn well there are plenty of people walking around on your world that are one hundred percent _Homo Sapiens_ that are not human in the least. Be careful, some might take what you said as rather an insult."

Asuka was a bit taken aback by Ching's sharp tone. "Sorry."

Ching's face relaxed and she waved Asuka's apprehension away. "Forget about it, you didn't know. So, you kicked his ass, hmm? And then ran out here? Are you sure you're 19? This almost sounds like kindergarten stuff; you pulled his pigtails and ran away because that's how you show him you like him," she said with a small grin.

"I don't know what the heck I just did."

"Oh? Details, girl, details!" Ching said excitedly.

"It's your fault anyway. Your little pep talk this morning really did cause 'the snowflake that starts the avalanche' alright. It damn near killed half the skiers on the hill. I apologized for a bitchy comment I made a month ago just to get under his skin. _He_ apologized for failing to even try to come help me when I was fighting for my life against the whole Mass Production series! So much for starting small! The Third Child went from zero to Mach three, trying to apologize for the worst thing he ever did to me!" Asuka burst out.

Ching blinked "He did? Wow. I'm... kind of impressed."

Asuka gave her a funny look.

Ching shrugged. "It must have been eating him up inside, Asuka. That _is_ a big deal to apologize for. For him to just come out with it like that, right off the bat, it must have been on his mind. I didn't think he'd find the resolve to do that for a while yet." Ching tilted her head. "So, did you forgive him?"

"...I couldn't. It's too big. He forgave a bitchy dig at Misato. I...can't just forgive something he did that cost me my life. Not just like that."

"He's got to die for you before you can forgive him? You got it back after the Impact."

Asuka glared at her. "That's not the same and you know it!"

"I know, Asuka. But what can he do besides dying for you? He was ready to in that coup. His life for yours."

Asuka blew out her breath in a sigh. "I know! But...it's hard." She took another gulp of the bottle and looked out at the sea. "I didn't know until today that he tried to... to offer himself in my place when he thought Winthrop was forcing me into his bed. He got beaten unconscious trying to... take that hit for me. I thought he just left me one day. I hated him for the next three years for that. Now it turns out it wasn't even his fault. He was left there and kept there on Winthrop's orders. I _chose_ to go to Winthrop, out of... 'safety'." Asuka gave a disgusted snort. "And now Daniel undid all that, and I'm a virgin all over again, but still have the guilt of 'choosing' to submit to that. So Shinji ended up paying for a sin I chose but now didn't actually commit. I don't know if I need to apologize to _him_ for unintentionally inflicting that on him, forgive him for a failure that was my fault, or just leave it at thanking him for trying to 'defend my virtue' when even _I_ wouldn't."

"So now it's just one giant ball of awkward?" Ching asked.

Asuka snorted again. "Yeah, that's us. I'm trying to act more like back then, like you suggested. Sometimes it works for a while, but I keep running into things that make me remember that it's _not_ like it was back then, and I suddenly snap back."

"Like what?"

"After the Third and I got back to 'my' ship, there were hundreds of the crew in the bay to greet us. A whole crowd, cheering my name...and then I heard somebody yell 'I love you, Asuka!'" She shivered. "I... wasn't ready to hear something like that, especially not from some random person in a crowd. How sad is that? That I'm scared off by just hearing that?"

"They're scary words, Asuka, if they mean it. They're even more scary when it's from someone who means something to you. Then they can be _really_ scary."

"Anyone ever said it to you?" Asuka asked hesitantly.

"Of course, but not in the way I think you mean. I've had lovers, I've had people who loved me, but I've never met that _one_ , the one who will love me beyond all else," Ching said wistfully. "Never one who said it that way, the way we all long to hear. That's why I envy you; you're so young. You two met when you were barely even teenagers, and you're still just nineteen and twenty. I've waited centuries, and I still haven't been so lucky."

"Wait, what? You've waited _centuries_? How old _are_ you?" Asuka asked in disbelief.

"I'm 432 years old. I'll be 433 in five months," Ching said matter-of-factly.

"Bit...wha...guh?"

"That's kind of unusual for your world?" Ching asked, somewhat confused.

Asuka finally got control of her tongue again. "Gec...Yes! Yes it fucking is! Nobody lives that long! I thought you were supposed to be 'closer in age' to me!"

"I am! How old do you think the Emperor is?"

Asuka began a reply, and then stopped herself. "Do I even want to know?"

"If my being a mere four thirty two freaked you out, probably not!"

Asuka pressed the cool bottle against her forehead. "Against him being a god-emperor, this shouldn't surprise me as much, but go ahead; how old is he?"

Ching looked at her for a second, then shrugged. "Okay, you asked for it. He's soooo old, he...just kidding. His 452,000th birthday celebration was when I was ah... forty four. The Empress is slightly younger, thanks to the time they were separated during the years before the Founding. Ten or twenty thousand years or so, I think."

Asuka stared at her, eyes wide as they could go. "Gott's little fish in trousers..."

"So, then what happened?" Ching asked briskly.

"What? Happened when?" Asuka's brain was still refusing to process that number. He was 452,388 years old?! _Stone tools_ weren't that old! _Fire_ wasn't that old!

"When he apologized, and you couldn't forgive him, what did he say?"

Asuka just blinked at her.

Ching sighed. "Look, if I just let you sit here, you're going to sprain your brain trying to wrap your head around the idea that His Majesty is older than your head can handle. So let's just lay that aside, and get back to the merely impossible business of getting you and Shinji to talk to each other like normal people, hmm? What did he say when you told him you couldn't forgive him? You did _tell_ him that, right?"

Asuka shook her head and tried to reset herself. "Uh, yes, I did. I told him I couldn't forgive him, not yet. And then he said 'I can't abandon you like that again, Asuka. So I won't. Ever.'" Asuka met Ching's eyes. "What do I say to that? He meant it. No one's ever..."

Ching bit her lip. "Okay, I'm torn here. I've got one thing I want to say as 'snarky girlfriend', and one as 'doctor and sympathetic girlfriend'."

Asuka rolled her eyes. "Go for it."

"Well, 'snark' says what you should say to that is 'Oh, Shinji, my dawling, take me into your scrawny arms and show me you lurrrrve me!'" Ching said, trying not to grin.

Asuka bounced her now empty plastic drink bottle off Ching's head. "Very funny," she said darkly.

Ching's expression shifted to a much more serious look. "And 'doctor and sympathetic' says 'If he meant it, you should accept it.'"

"...I did. I asked him if he really meant it, if he swore that he had my back from now on, no matter what. He swore."

Ching sat back a bit. "Wow. He really did it. And he meant it? Wow. You're...pretty lucky, Asuka. People here hope most of their lives for an oath of devotion like that."

"Lucky. Right." Asuka said disgustedly. "He's an idiot and a spineless wimp. I'm a repulsive bitch and a whore. We're perfect. When I told him I couldn't forgive him just like that for something that cost my life, he just agreed with me, and said he didn't even feel like I should until he 'made it right'. Gott! It's like trying to punch a cloud of smoke, sometimes, trying to hate him...He'll do something stupidly decent like that...And then he'll do something to remind me of all the other things he's done, and it's so easy again to despise him."

"Just as hard to forgive him, eh?"

Asuka nodded tiredly. "Yeah. It feels like the rug's been pulled out from under me right now, though, to find out something I held against him so hard for years was something _I_ caused." _'Through my own fears. Damn you, Third. You make me feel bad without you actually even doing a damn thing.'_

"An old fundamental of intelligence; 'It's not what you don't know that'll get you, it's what you _think_ you know that isn't so,' as His Majesty has said. So you based a long and intense emotion on false assumption. Now that you know it was false, you have to let it go. But you're finding that difficult, since that means forgiving yourself for blaming him in the first place," Ching observed.

Asuka said nothing.

Seeing she was not ready to continue on that topic, Ching moved on. "So was that what got you running out here like your ass was on fire, or was it something else?"

Asuka flushed. "Ah... something else."

Ching raised an eyebrow. "Mmm?"

"I took a nap after we got back. When I woke up... I was holding on to him..." Asuka said in a very small voice. _'And he called my name in his sleep,_ ' she couldn't dare to say. She waited, and was somewhat surprised _not_ to hear any snickers or snarky comments from Ching. She looked up at her.

Ching was watching her, an intent but calm expression on her face. "That didn't send you running out here in a gi. What happened next?"

"I... got up and talked to the priestess that's watching my mother whenever we're not there. I... kind of told her my troubles. She said it sounded like the Third was important to me, and that I should talk to him. She asked me what he was to me... and I didn't know. I don't know what he is. I... I just don't know anything. I don't even know who I am anymore."

"I know who you are," Ching said firmly. "You are Asuka. The Great Asuka Langley Sohryu, the girl who _does. Not. Give. Up._ The girl who in the middle of being _mind-raped_ **still** said she'd rather die than retreat. The girl who faced down an entire JSSDF brigade and nine Mass Production Evas alone, with a sneer and her mother's spirit. That's something else I saw, looking through all those records; Pinned to the ground, a fucking _spear through your eye_ , bleeding from a dozen wounds, surrounded by foes who just wouldn't go down... you were _still_ fighting, _still_ swearing death on your enemies. Asuka Langley Sohryu would die before she gave up. And not even death will stop you, so it proved. It doesn't matter that your motivation may have been a desperate need to prove yourself to the whole world to justify your own existence. You grew that determination all by yourself. As long as you can fix a goal in your mind, you have the will to achieve it."

"So why am I such a mess? If I was so great, Section 2 would never have had to drag me out of that bathtub when my synch rate flatlined. And I gave up after Jinnai made me watch that damn video of my mother being dragged away to die. I hate my life, all my friends are dead, and the boy who I don't love and doesn't want me is the best thing I've got in my life right now. That doesn't sound like I'm doing so great," Asuka bitterly retorted.

"You got up and fought again after the bathtub, and you were better than ever before. Dead friends we can and will fix. And the boy who 'doesn't want you'? Is that the same one who can't take his eyes off you? I saw you two on the beach earlier. You were swimming around for a good couple of hours. _He_ sat on the beach with binoculars and had his eyes _glued_ to you the whole time," Ching said with a smile.

"Ahem!" Asuka cleared her throat loudly and tried to cover her flush. " _Anyhow_ , after I washed off the salt, I found him in the workout room, and challenged him to a few rounds. He was barely fighting me at all, said he 'didn't like feeling like he was going to hurt me.' I had to nearly tear his head off to get him to take the fight seriously and come at me. And he finally did. It was... pretty good. And then I... then I said something kind of... I don't know..."

"What? What did you say?" Ching looked at her and gave her a squint. "Wait, is this the thing that got you running out here in such a hurry? What did you say to him?"

Asuka nodded and stared at her feet. "I said..." She took a deep breath and said it all in one rush, "'If you wanna 'love me', Third, you better be ready to push back!' And then I threw him, hard. Then, well, that's when you saw me running by."

"Sweet Lady on a pogo stick, really? You actually said that to his face? While both of you were awake?"

Asuka nodded. "And I have no idea what the Hell I was thinking! Why did I do that?"

"So you flirted with him, kicked his ass, and then ran away? Good Lord, you _are_ doing the kindergarten routine. ...Okay, you are way too wound up. You're going to go sproing unless you can relax some. As your friend and doctor, I have two possible suggestions for what we should do next, and since we've got that dinner party tonight us getting completely shitfaced is out. Maybe next week, I hear Their Majesties throw _epic_ parties. So we go with plan B: You and I go play video games until our eyes fall out, then get ready for the dinner. Sound good?"

Asuka stared at her like she was crazy for a minute and then shrugged. "Fuck it, why not?" She stood up. "Let's go blow up some digital bad guys."


	12. Ch12 - Not A Date, Just Dinner & Friends

**A Crown of Stars**

.

Part 21  
 **Not A Date, Just Dinner**

.

Shinji let the shower's multiple jets pound on his skull. The roar of the water against his scalp was perfect numbing white noise in his head, keeping his mind a blank slate. Blank was good. He could handle blank. He was a post-grad expert on not thinking. Long stretches of the Angel War and his lonely exile in Boston had been given over to deep sessions of not thinking at all. Not thinking was his preferred way of not dealing with a lot of deep, painful topics in the life of Shinji Ikari.

He'd laid there on his back in the workout room, eyes still looking upside-down through the door to the hallway, for the better part of an hour. Asuka's last throw hadn't stunned him for even a tenth as long as her statement right before it.

 _"If you wanna 'love me', Third, you better be_ _**ready! to! push! BACK!**_ _"_

He'd spent at least thirty minutes straight with his mind in a static loop, that energetically punctuated statement just echoing over and over in his head. _"If you wanna 'love me'..._ Did she... did she just say... she couldn't be...

Was she giving him the slightest possible hint of something?

No way. Winged Emperors appearing in their tent, his mother's soul extracted from Eva Unit-01 in the depths of space past Mars, him getting to land a perfect punch right on his father's nose, sure, he could buy all that...

But Asuka hinting that... _"If you wanna 'love me'..._ She... she wouldn't hint like that... if... it wasn't possible. If she was _actually_ hinting that... Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods...

Yeah, not thinking was much easier. He'd finally pried himself up off the floor and staggered like a punch-drunk zombie past the room where Asuka's mother lay. The priestess inside had nodded at him as he passed. He'd... kept zombie-stepping on by. He found himself eventually in the large bathroom off their bedroom, and some part of his brain not busy not thinking had gotten him undressed and into the shower. Now the water pounding on his head helped with the not-thinking, and things were fine. Just fine. Everything was fine.

 _Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods_

Ok, maybe not so fine.

Back to not thinking for a few more minutes. Everybody take five, and we'll reset for another try.

Unfortunately, at that point an unhelpful little reminder popped up in Shinji's brain that he'd gotten into the shower to wash off the sweat of the beach and the workout because he had to be clean for a _dinner date_ , to be followed later in the evening by _sleeping next to her_.

 _Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods_

Another urgent thought now called out from the back that it had been waiting five minutes for its request to blink to be acted on, and his eyes were starting to hurt. Ow. Okay... slowly and carefully now... Asuka... the girl who he'd been _literally_ dreaming about for years... who had just last month flatly denied loving him when asked... who had nevertheless entered (surrendered?) into a fragile, tense, precarious 'arrangement' with him and had been sleeping next to him for the last month... had just... maybe, possibly... hinted... that she was perhaps not entirely opposed to the _idea_ of... of...

 _"If you wanna 'love me'"_... He didn't know whether to scream for joy, scream in panic, or just pass out. All three were doing pretty well in internal polling right now, although just plain screaming was gaining.

 _'Alright, alright, calm down, Ikari. You're good at calm. You spend lots of time calm. True, it's usually because you've got a pair of headphones in your ears and an SDAT player blocking out the world, but you're calm, right? Breathe, breathing is good... not going to panic...'_

 _'Almost five years since you've met, three years since you've seen her...h ow does she still instantly cut to the center like that? Thirteen little words, and she knocked you flat on your back for an hour. Thirteen little words, and she re-ignited the most terrifying flame of_ _ **hope**_ _in you. One little sentence, and she strikes right to the core of you, just like her beauty does every time you look at her.'_

 _'Oh Gods,_ _ **please**_ _don't let me fuck this up!'_

.

.

"So, do you think you can help me?"

"Absolutely! This is exactly what I was talking about before! And it's only fitting after her little advantage that you get one of your own, ne?"

He took a deep breath, and tried to calm himself. "Okay, when can we start?"

"How's 'now' grab you? I'm on bridge duty right now, but I'll have one of your semi-nephews meet you and get you set up. Ready for transport?"

He nodded. The world went electric blue and hazy again, and he was gone.

.

.

Three hours later...

Asuka cautiously opened the door to their cabin and peered inside. No one was in the living room, and peek via her interface band showed only her mother and Mother Sriyana in the second bedroom, but she could hear the notes of Shinji's cello filling the house, so he was probably in the library playing again. Not nearly as somber as usual, he was oddly playing a rather upbeat tune. Asuka gently closed the door and followed the sound to the library.

Shinji was indeed playing, his eyes closed and a definite smile on his face. Asuka was momentarily stunned by the unusual sight. The Third Child and smiles usually went together about as commonly as donkeys and ice skating. She just stood and watched in fascination for several minutes. He was smiling. His face was... lit up. He looked like a whole different person. On the rare occasions where the Third was angry or serious, she could see his father's face in his, especially in his burning eyes. But now, wearing a smile, she could see his mother's much more gentle face, although she'd been rather mad at Asuka during their brief encounter in space this morning.

Shinji reached the end of the piece and opened his eyes. He finally registered her presence at the door to the library. "Hello, Asuka. Welcome back." He looked at her more closely. "What are you smiling about?"

Asuka blinked. Her hand rose to touch her face. She was. She was smiling _at him_ , from just watching his face. Quick, cover story, um..."I, uh, just had a good time hanging out with Ching. It's time to get dressed for this dinner, baka. Come on." _'Yeah, that ought to fool him, if he's blind and stupid. Damn it.'_ She turned and walked back to the bedroom and started rifling through the wardrobes and dressers. She found a decently stylish jacket and pants for him and tossed them behind her at the bed without looking back. "Those ought to make you look good enough to be seen with me, so get dressed."

"Mmrph," came from right behind her.

"What?" Asuka spun around. The Third Child was right behind her, already 'wearing' the jacket and pants, though not in the usual method. Her blind toss had draped both of them right over his face and head. The coat hanger gave him rather nice antlers. Asuka barked a laugh. "Hey, looks good on you, Third. Covers up all the less pretty parts."

He clawed the clothes off his face and gave her a dirty look, but stepped back to sit on the bed and begin taking his shirt off. She threw him an undershirt and a button-up white shirt, then closed his wardrobe to begin digging for a dress for herself. She carefully selected a sleeveless yellow dress that echoed her favorite sun dress that she used to wear back during the war. It seemed fitting to evoke memories of that time, considering who they were going to see.

She hesitated longer over the dresser of underclothes. She dashed a look over her shoulder to confirm the Third Child wasn't watching before looking back into the drawer herself. The drawer was full of bra and panty sets from basic white cotton to very racy lace and silk items. The years she'd been kept in Winthrop's or Jinnai's beds the choice hadn't even been hers. For the last month, she'd just worn whatever, the Third would see it anyway, and it didn't matter. Now, suddenly, it did. With her little challenge cum hint at the end of their sparring, her selection of underwear had suddenly gone from mere clothing to a deliberate, chosen signal. And she had no idea what she wanted to say with that signal right now. Bland? Daring?

Her hand hovered over the spicy race-car-red lace bra in one corner. Did she want to hint like that? Did she want to draw his attention? Would it work? How would _she_ react if it _did_? Every memory related to sex that she had was at the same time a filthy, ugly vision of coercion and violation, yet balanced now by always being rescued in the nick of time. Add in the increasingly strong effects of the medical exam resetting her neurochemistry and hormones, for the first time in years Asuka felt aware of her body in a _good_ way, and the idea of men (and one male in particular) staring at her aroused more than just her ego. It finally belonged to her again. This time—

"Asuka?" he said from behind her. "You've been standing there staring at your underwear for five minutes. Is something wrong?"

She jumped. "No, of course not. I'm just picking carefully!" Her hand darted into the drawer half-blindly and grabbed at the first pair under her fingertips. She wadded it into her hands to hide it from his sight and snatched her selected dress out of the wardrobe, stalking towards the bathroom. "I'm going to be a bit getting ready in here. No peeking or you die!"

Even her fixed stare ahead as she marched into the bathroom couldn't miss the Third's smile. He'd seen her jump. Damn, he must have guessed something. She'd have to come up with some way to regain the upper hand when she emerged. Some push to keep the initiative in her hands even before they got to the dinner and his brain would go totally to pieces.

An idea popped into her head and a small smile grew on her lips. This could be... fun.  
.

.

Shinji sat on the living room's couch and fidgeted. Asuka had sent him out of the bedroom so she could finish getting ready, and he'd wandered out to sit on the couch and think. A dinner date. A date. With her. This was the subject of he didn't know how many dreams both before and during Instrumentality. After, well, not so much. Exile and the fragile nature of their 'arrangement' had never allowed for anything like that. But now he was sitting in fancier clothes than he'd worn in years, waiting for her to emerge from the bathroom. Had the path of his life ever allowed for a more normal experience, he guessed this is what his prom night might have been like, right down to the sweating palms and dry throat. At least Asuka's father was probably dead and definitely in another universe, and not polishing a shotgun next to him.

He heard the sound of the bedroom door opening and stood up. A faint rustle of cloth came down the hallway. Followed by an angel. Or possibly a demon, if his old school friends had been correct.

Asuka's hair had been brushed until it nearly glowed. She still wore her Eva A10 interface headset like a crown. Slight touches of make-up made her already brilliant blue eyes shine and gave her blood-red lips. A long sleeveless silk dress in the same yellow as the dress she'd worn the day they met on the _Over The Rainbow_ hugged her every curve and highlighted most of them with delicate embroidery. And where had she found jewelry? She sparkled with diamond earrings, bracelets, and a necklace. She walked partway into the room and stopped to give him a raised eyebrow, fists on her hips.

"I thought you were supposed to stand up when a lady enters the room, Third, not sit down?"

"Huh?" Shinji looked down. Yup, he was sitting down again. When had that happened? His legs had quit on him and he hadn't even noticed the fall. "Um, I'm sorry."

Asuka rolled her eyes. "We travel to another world, hopscotch all over space and time, raise the dead, rocket around in the hottest mecha in the universe, and still all you say is 'I'm sorry.' I despair of improving you, Third. Am I going have to throw you in the lagoon like I said earlier?"

Shinji stood up and made sure his knees didn't forget what they were supposed to be doing this time. "I'm..." _'Stop right there, idiot. Try again.'_ "Ah, You look really nice, Asuka." _'Well, that's better than "I'm sorry", I guess.'_

Asuka's doubtlessly sarcastic reply was interrupted by a knocking at the door. Shinji walked over and opened it. Ching gave a little half-bow and smiled hello to the both of them. Her usual Imperial Navy black uniform was tonight topped by a plain black peaked cap that a chauffeur might wear. "Good evening, friends. You both look ready for a fine meal with old companions. May I offer you a ride?"

"A ride?" Shinji asked. He looked behind Ching when she turned to gesture at the perfectly ordinary looking limousine sitting on the beach beside the house. It was even a Mercedes-Benz. Shinji blinked. The multiple moons and the three Niven rings threw off more than enough light to see by, and there were distinctly no tire tracks behind the car. "How did you get that here?"

"I drove it, of course," Ching said. "How else?"

"Stop asking silly questions, Third. You're going to make us late." Asuka grabbed his hand and pulled him along as she brushed past him. "Come on."

Ching held the door open for them to climb into the back of the limousine. Daniel and Rayana were already inside waiting for them.

"'Allo, sailor! Y'goin' my way then?" Rayana greeted them.

"Duuuuuuudes! Howza hangin'? Bitchin' righteous party comin', amiright?" Daniel added. "Wanna brewski?"

Shinji stared at them in complete confusion. He turned to Asuka and asked, "That was English, wasn't it?"

Asuka was giving Daniel and Rayana's cheerful grins a similarly confused look. "I... don't know? It sure wasn't German."

Daniel just laughed. "Just messing with you a little, dude and dudette. I grew up talking this way. Rayana... well, she's just nuts. Royalist hussy!"

His wife bopped him on the head. " _Coconuts,_ thank you! Hush your Colonial foolishness! God save the Queen!"

"You are both crazy," Asuka said.

"Nope... well, _yes_ , but in _this_ case, we are both very thoroughly _off duty_ ," Rayana said. "No interruptions tonight, we get to have a few hours of peace having dinner with friends." She banged on the partition to the driver's compartment. "Oi! Let's get this floating circus underway, me hearties! Vamanos and stuff!"

A muffled "Aye aye, Your Majesty," came back from up front, and the limousine started rolling. Then the horizon dropped away and back, and they were airborne.

.

.

Part 22  
 **Dinner With Friends**  
.

.

A short flight later the limousine settled down on a broad green lawn beside a building with wide windows permitting a good view to the large table set up inside. No one was at the table as yet, no anywhere inside, as far as Shinji could see. Asuka allowed him to take her hand assisting her out of the vehicle, but quickly pulled it out of his grasp once they were both out. Daniel had already offered Rayana his arm and they were calmly walking to the door of the building. Ching closed the door and aimed the key fob at the limousine. She pushed a button, and with a double chirp the car shimmered like a dissolving mirage and vanished.

"I bet that makes parking easy," Asuka commented. She grabbed Shinji's arm. "Come on, Third Child. We've got an entrance to make."

Ching brought up the rear as they walked inside, tossing her cap onto the hat rack beside the door. "Drinks, Your Majesties?" she said, moving towards the bar.

Daniel waved her down. "Stand down, Lieutenant. You're relieved of duties for the evening too. You're here as a friend of our guests, not on the clock. Imperial Residence staff will be handling the serving duties for tonight." As if summoned by his words, the door to the kitchen swung open and a white coated bartender came in. "Good evening, Yutha'rik! My usual, if you please."

Shinji tried not to stare at the new arrival. He was black. Not dark brown like an African, but actually jet black with yellow cat-eyes and leathery, plated skin. His face had a pronounced snout. His answering smile and nod at Daniel's order revealed a flash of many sharp, pointed teeth before he turned to pick up a bottle off the shelf above the bar. "Anyone else have anything they'd like?" he growled pleasantly, his voice like a rock tumbler full of sand and stones. His tall, mobile ears twisted back to keep in their direction as he turned.

An agonizingly familiar voice called out from behind Shinji, "I'll have an ice cold Yebi— **SHINJI! ASUKA!** "

Shinji found himself tackled hard from behind by someone who began trying to squeeze the life out of him. Or possibly suffocate him; he was spun around long enough for the attacker to renew the attack-hug from his front, and he was saved from marshmallow Hell only by the few inches he'd grown since he'd last been grabbed by someone this endowed.

He finally managed to pull back far enough to get a better look at his attacker. Long purple hair framed sparkling brown eyes. Eyes he'd last seen as she pushed him into an elevator during that last, disastrous battle in the Geofront. "Mi...MISATO-SAN!" He pulled her into the hug this time, squeezing back as fiercely as she'd gotten him. "You're alive! How?!"

"My, my, I know you like her, Shinji-kun, but you're going to have to let her go eventually. I saw her first," said another ghost's voice behind Misato. Shinji's tightly squeezed shut eyes popped open to see the perpetually stubbled chin and roguish grin of Ryoji Kaji in the doorway. "And yesterday I called 'dibs' on her. Or maybe it was she on me. Ah, Asuka-chan, been a while, ne? OOF!"

Asuka tackled her former guardian as hard as Misato had hit him. Her rapid fire squeals of happy greeting in German quickly passed any intelligibility to Shinji, or Otto von Bismarck for that matter.

"'Though they go mad within Instrumentality, they shall be sane, Though they sink through the sea of LCL, they shall rise again; Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion'," Daniel paraphrased. "Not in my realm. I told you we'd try to give everything back, Shinji. We'd hardly forget the closest you had to family in your life. Good evening, Major Katsuragi, Inspector Kaji. You're right on time." It still took several minutes for Shinji to halt his tears and let go of his surrogate mother. She didn't fight him very much; she was crying just as hard. But she did let go after a few minutes to pull a somewhat less enthusiastic Asuka away from Kaji and give her a just as tight embrace. Asuka looked not as happy with it as her glomp of Kaji had been, but unbent enough to hug Misato back eventually, if briefly. Shinji hesitated, torn between a bow, a handshake, and a hug when Kaji just gave him a backslapping hug.

"It's good to see you too, Shinji-kun. You've gotten taller," he said with a smile.

"Kaji-san! Y...you just disappeared one day, and left that message! What happened?" Shinji said plaintively.

"I got a little too close to things SEELE and your father wanted hidden. My rescuing Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki from SEELE's kidnapping was the last straw. Seems I got someone mad. Our hosts told Katsuragi and I that you and Asuka-chan had a rough time of it since I saw you last. Sorry to have worried you all like that." He nodded his head at Asuka and Misato. "Are you and Asuka together, finally? I always thought you would go well together. You two were as bad as Katsuragi and I."

Shinji looked down at his shoes. "It's...not like that. We're just..." _''Together'? Are we honestly even 'Friends'? I don't know_ what _we are to each other. We're certainly not 'lovers', that's for sure.'_ "We have an arrangement, but it's not like you two," he said, eyes downcast.

"Oh ho? And you don't look very happy about it, either. You'll need to tell me more when we have a chance, Shinji-kun."

The group filtered to seats around the only set table, a long straight one. Daniel and Rayana took the head and foot, Ching at Daniel's immediate right, and the other couples the center of the sides, leaving three empty seats. Before they actually sat, Shinji looked the question at Daniel, who nodded his head at the door behind Shinji. Shinji turned in time to see his mother enter, alone.

Shinji ran to her embrace. "Hello, Shinji," she said into his hair as she hugged him.

"Father?" he asked quietly.

Yui's face tightened. "Your father will not be joining us tonight. I am not very pleased with him. Some of the things he did to you and your sister..." She shook her head. "It's almost unforgivable."

Shinji had to run that statement over in his head a few times to be sure that he'd heard it right. "Sister? What sister?"

His mother looked even sadder. "Ayanami Rei. She was...created by your father and Dr. Akagi out of some of my DNA, mixed with Lilith's. She was half me, half Angel. She had the soul of Lilith within her, but she was your half-sister by blood, Shinji. And your father...had her created just to use her as a tool to trigger the Third Impact on his own terms. He let her die twice to advance his plans, and was ready to do it again at the end." Yui looked at Shinji with a sad smile. "But she rejected him, and chose to give the choice of humanity's fate to you, my son. Because you were a better person, the only one to show her compassion and treat her like more than a tool. I'm proud of you, Shinji."

Shinji's head swam. Rei was his...half-sister? Created by father? And had an Angel's _soul_? He knew something like that last part had to be true, after the mind-bending sights he'd experienced in the Third Impact and how intimately Rei had been a part of that, but that she was his _sister_ as well? _'Wow... I didn't think it was possible for me to hate father even_ more _than I already did, but look at that, mother just found me a way.'_

He distantly felt his mother take him by the shoulders and guide him back to the table. He snapped out of his spinning thoughts to take his seat. Asuka gave him a questioning look, but he just stared at his plate. His mother sat down to his right. She continued, "There's too much he did to you to forgive without repentance. Things he did to you, your sister, and you too, Sohryu-san." Yui's eyes flicked to Asuka. "In trying to 'protect' me from any possibility of contact with an Angel, he forced you to face the 15th Angel by yourself, and would not allow Shinji and I to even attempt a rescue of you. He forced you to sortie against the 16th when you were in no shape to do anything at all. I...I apologize for thinking so badly of you this morning when you hit him. You were more than justified." Yui bowed her head to Asuka.

Asuka looked rather nonplussed. "I don't feel any guilt for what I did, Dr. Ikari. He deserves far worse. " She blinked. "Wait, what sister?" She turned to Shinji. "You have a sister?"

Shinji looked bleakly into her eyes. "Ayanami."

"What?!" Asuka and Misato burst out in stereo. Kaji raised his eyebrows.

Yui explained Rei's origins for the three still in the dark.

Misato was the first to recover. "Oh God, Shinji, I'm so sorry... we never knew. All those clones in Terminal Dogma... there must have been dozens... scores..."

Asuka seemed in shock, just staring at Yui. "Your _sister_..." she whispered repeatedly.

Misato watched Rayana finishing a large glass of something with a vile green color. "Yutha'rik! Another 'Alien Secretion' or I'm not going to be able to stop myself from smiting someone's dad," she called.

Shinji didn't notice any of it. His clenched fist on the table was shaking. Yui laid her hand on it and he raised his head.

"Which is why I have told him that my forgiving him is contingent on you. I can't forgive him if he can't win the forgiveness of those he wronged the most; you and Rei. Until he convinces you, I won't."

"Forgive him?!" Shinji exploded. "He threw me away for over ten years like I was garbage! He only brought me back because I was 'useful to him'! He made me fight or he'd have forced Rei to when she could barely get out of a hospital bed! He made me nearly kill my friend! He forced Asuka into a fight when she could barely synch as _bait!_ And when she was being _violated_ by the 15th Angel, _he wouldn't let me save her! He made me sit there and_ _ **listen**_ _while she_ _ **screamed!**_ " His voice rose to a yell by the end. Facing his mother, he missed Asuka's flinch. "He can go to Hell!"

"Be careful what you wish for around here, Shinji. If that's what you want, I can make it happen. I maintain and operate my own Hell, for those truly unworthy or unwilling to seek penance and redemption. And I know of even worse places than that." Daniel's quiet interruption snapped Shinji's head around. "My wife thinks I am a fool sometimes, because I choose to believe that _everyone_ can be redeemed. There are days that choice is hard to maintain, but I must believe it. I fight until the day we all rise up. All of us. Nobody falls. So please, give him at least the chance of convincing you to forgive him."

"That's not to say you can't make him work for it," Rayana added.

Shinji's look of murderous fury faded a notch, but not far. "One of the few _fucking_ times I got over my own stupid funks and was ready and _trying_ to help Asuka and he stopped me? Do you know how many times I've had to hear her _screaming_ in my sleep? I've got too many of my own sins to win forgiveness for. I don't need his. Forgive him? Not until Asuka does first."

Shinji's uncharacteristic outburst startled the rest of the table. Asuka was surprised enough at the usually pathologically quiet Third Child actually angry and swearing that she at first missed his final statement. "Wait, me?"

Shinji nodded. "He wants my forgiveness? He can start with you. I've got more than enough things I need to gain my own forgiveness for from you. He can damn well get in line. Or he can go to Hell, I don't care."

Asuka seemed unsure of how to respond to this. She opened and closed her mouth several times without ever getting a sound out. She stared at Shinji's face with an odd look before shaking her head to clear whatever she'd been thinking. "Why don't you ask for something easy, like reversing the Third Impact, Third?" she said with faint amusement.

"Eh, we can and can't do that Asuka, sorry," Rayana said. To everyone else's look of surprise she shrugged and continued, "You all remember it happening. If we actually totally undid it or prevented it, it would force your worldline to preclude your current existence. We can undo as many of the _effects_ as you like, but we're not going to do something that would unmake yourselves. We've prevented the Third Impact in other worldlines, but you are the product of one where it _did_ happen, and we have to work from there. Don't worry, there's not a lot of the effects we can't fix or mitigate in at least some way."

"In any case, forgiveness for Gendo is not likely to happen tonight, so I think we'll go ahead with dinner," Daniel said. "Order anything you want, there's a whole kitchen staff standing by to have it made as you like, and a quick time loop to have it here as soon as your order hits the kitchen."

Dinner orders took just a few moments. The former GEHRIN and NERV members were all digesting the pre-dinner revelations and declarations well before the food could arrive. Even the offered delight of Black Forest Cake for dessert hardly got a reaction from Asuka. Shinji kept looking at her as they ate, but the redhead was remarkably quiet. He looked at Kaji and Misato, but they mostly were looking at each other with goofy smiles. Rayana spotted his stares and reached across one of the empty places to poke Kaji in the arm. His questioning look in return got just a significant glance at his hand from the Empress.

He brightened considerably after a moment's thought. "Oh! Ah...heh. Shinji-kun, Asuka-chan, Dr. Ikari, we'd like you to be the first to hear; Misato-chan agreed to marry me last night. After she had finished hitting me over the head for having the stupidity to get killed on her before, of course."

"Congratulations, Kaji-san! You finally let him catch you, Misato-san!" Shinji said, smiling. His mother offered polite congratulations as well. Noticing her silence, Shinji looked at Asuka, who was looking at the newly engaged couple with a sad smile that slowly changed to a sharper one.

"Congratulations to both of you," Asuka finally said. "It's not a surprise to me, Third. Daniel showed me this afternoon," she said to his stare. She looked at Misato. "Right about the time he was chasing you out the door of your cabin, both of you holding beers of course."

"I hope you left before I blindfolded him! It took him a while to find his beer after that!" Misato laughed. "It's good to see you two again. It's pretty strange for me. To my eyes, it looks like you two got four years older overnight!"

"You didn't miss anything you'd want to see," Asuka said a little bitterly. "They weren't the best years. Warlords, near starvation, meltdowns, chaos, everything that was still left to go wrong in a fucked-up world did."

"Yeah, our hosts gave us a brief overview of things in general and a few things about you two; mostly that you both had a key role in getting rid of that dictator by the pair of you Piloting a leftover MP Eva. Bet you were glad for all that synch training I put you through, ne?" Misato said with amusement.

"That's all they told you?" Shinji asked. He looked at Daniel, who nodded.

"It's your lives. I wanted to give you the option of telling as much or as little as you cared to. I'm sure you had your fill of overexposure during Instrumentality," he said.

"Um, thank you,' Shinji mumbled. _'Yeah, and there's plenty I'm just as happy that Kaji-san and Misato-san_ _ **not**_ _see from that,'_ he thought, picturing a particular hospital scene with mortification.

"I thought I saw you during... all that?" Asuka said.

Misato tilted her head. "I remember...parts of it, but it's mostly really blurry. I was bleeding out in the corridor near the R-20 elevator I'd shoved Shinji into, and I saw Rei-chan standing over me. Then it all gets...weird. The next thing I can remember clearly is I was underwater in some waves on a beach. I stood up, and Daniel was standing on the shore a few meters away with a towel, waiting for me. And this baka was standing right next to him, staring at me like I'd just fallen out of the sky! According to what Daniel told me, that's apparently what happened; he...pulled me out of the...'Ring of Souls'?" She looked to Daniel for confirmation. He nodded and she continued, "After I beat this dummy's head for a while, Daniel brought us here and let us have a day to ourselves. I let him grovel apologies for a while, and then graciously accepted his request to be my husband. He promised he'd say what he failed to eight years ago, and I let him."

"I see," Asuka replied. "Well, since I saw you two this morning, I had time to do some shopping for 'engagement presents', which I obtained by great travel , difficulty, and danger."

Daniel snorted. Asuka waved in his direction. "Yes, yes, you helped a bit too," she allowed. "But _I_ did the heroic rescue of the present for Misato!"

"Heroic rescue of a present?" Kaji asked. "How do you rescue a present?"

"By getting there before the blast wave with a bit of time travel and picking up the present right after he sealed the escape pod," Daniel said.

"Huh?" Misato asked. "You mean like my—" A large hand fell on her right shoulder and she turned her head to look at the man now standing behind her. "—daddy?"

"Hello, Misato. You've grown up," said Dr. Hideaki Kasturagi. "Are you goin—" He got no further before Misato launched herself out of the chair and hugged him even tighter than she'd grabbed Shinji.

"Is...is that..." Kaji tried to ask after he managed to close his hanging jaw.

"Her dad, yes." Asuka said with a grin. "I grabbed him from the Antarctic camp right before the blast from the First Angel hit. Daniel said he couldn't be the one to do it, so I did."

Daniel nodded. "Too many potential problems if I was that close to an entity as powerful as ADAM even for the miniscule fraction of non-time it would have taken for the pick-up. So I stayed on the far side of the portal and let Asuka do the actual snatch. We dropped him off at the clinic for healing this morning, and let him get briefed on the idea that he's been dead to the rest of the world for the last twenty years, as well as what his daughter had been up to in that time."

Asuka was smiling, but Shinji noticed that it was edged with some sadness. _'Guess she still feels for Kaji-san, even if Misato-san has him and isn't letting go,'_ Shinji thought. _'I'm glad to see him alive, though. She did_ not _like it or me very much when I tried to tell her he was gone. Hell, I'm glad to see him too. He was more of a father to me than my own ever was.'_

Asuka's smile brightened as she shifted her gaze from the nearly sobbing Major to her other former guardian. "You didn't think I'd forget you, my dear Kaji-san? I got something for you too." She pointed at the teenage boy coming in through the far door of the building.

Kaji's jaw dropped again. "...Kenji?" He stood up slowly. Misato and her father turned to see the newcomer. "Who's that, Kaji?" she asked.

The new arrival looked like a much younger Kaji. He'd stopped a few paces back from the table and looked at him in uncertainty. "Ryoji? Big bro? Is... is that you?"

Kaji closed the gap and wrapped shaking hands around the younger man. "Kenji... you're alive..." He suddenly pulled back to arm's length and looked him in the face. "What about the rest of the guys?!"

The younger man pointed up and behind him. "They're back on Second Chance, all of us. They're trying to explain where we are and get us used to the idea of what just happened. What happened to you, big bro? You're... old! You almost look like dad!"

"I'm so sorry, Kenji, I'm sorry. I... couldn't... they caught me, they made me tell them where you guys were..." Kaji's voice started to break down.

Shinji looked at Asuka. "Asuka, what... who is that? Kaji-san's brother?"

Asuka kept looking at her former guardian, her sad smile back. Still, she seemed to welcome the excuse to look away after a moment. "Yeah, that's his 'little brother' Kenji. He and Kaji-san were part of a gang of kids in Japan after the Second Impact. He was trying to steal some food from a JSSDF base and got caught. The soldiers tortured him until he gave up the location of the rest of the gang. They went and killed them all, but Kaji-san got away. He felt guilty the rest of his life for breaking like that. Daniel and I dropped in right before the JSSDF guys arrived, evacuated the whole gang, and left a bunch of fake puppet-things to take their place. The JSSDF shot up all the fakes, and Kaji-san's past is the way he remembers, but we saved his brother and their friends. That's the 'shopping' I got to do this morning, Third; Misato's father from ground zero of Second Impact, and Kaji's brother and friends from the Impact Wars." She looked at Daniel. "I think I'm starting to get why you do this. This _does_ feel good. Giving back what he lost, I mean."

Daniel gave her a slow nod. "Like I said, 'welcome to my world', Asuka." He looked at the still crying Kaji brothers. Misato was holding on to her fiancé's back and trying to comfort him. "Now he just has to get used to the idea can let go of that guilt, and that he's now 14 more years older than his 'little' brother. The rest of their gang is up on Second Chance, one of Avalon's moons. As the name hints, they're mainly involved in rescuing people who die or were about to die from whatever 'verse they come from and integrating them into new lives. They're coming straight from the middle of the Impact Wars, so they've got a little adjusting to do, even if they just go right back to your world in the end."

He took another bite of his Dodo Alfredo. "In any case, once they get over the shock, we'll have a nice dinner with old friends and family, and an overall pleasant evening. I know your day has been somewhat stressful, Dr. Ikari, but at least it's a day not spent in an Evangelion Unit slowly drifting in the vague direction of Antares. Things can only get better." He looked at Shinji and Asuka. "I hope you two have had a good day at least. You've even got a new toy, Asuka. And I hear you got a comm call from the daughter of your analogue. How did that go?"

Asuka rolled her eyes. "I learned the supposed daughter of another universe's 'me' is almost as annoying as the Third Child on a mope, just in the opposite direction. And it's even harder to picture her as a 'daughter' when she had to be at least _twice_ my age."

"Senior Fleet Commander Sohryu-Ikari is a good deal more than that, yes. I think we'll leave the specifics out," Rayana commented. "Ready to sit and have a meal with your family, Mister and Misses-Kaji-to-be?"

Misato managed a tearful smile and a nod. Kaji seemed to still be in a bit more shock, but gathered his younger brother with him to the table. The table became much more animated, Kaji and Misato's joy at the return of their once-lost family members drawing in the others. Dr. Katsuragi was amazed to hear what had happened to his old research companion, Dr. Ikari, after the Second Impact. Somewhat to his own surprise, Shinji found himself enjoying the meal, surrounded by family for the first time in years. So much so that he missed the thoughtful looks his mother occasionally shot towards him and Asuka.

A tap on his shoulder after dinner had dwindled to drinks and conversation brought Shinji out of his quiet enjoyment of the more talkative table members' chatter. He looked over his shoulder to see Daniel motioning him to follow. He rose from his chair, missing Asuka's curious look. He followed Daniel out the door facing the shore. Daniel was waiting just above the high tide line on the beach.

"Sorry to draw you away, Shinji, but there's something I wanted to mention that we didn't really have a good opportunity for before. Something about Asuka I think is important for you to know about and keep in mind over the next few days," he said.

Shinji felt slightly apprehensive at that kind of potentially ominous preface. "Um, okay. Like what?"

"You know Asuka is frankly, a genius, yes? College graduate in mathematics at thirteen, spoke multiple languages by the same time, and so on?"

Shinji nodded. "Yes. It's kind of scary sometimes when I hit reminders of how smart she is."

"Indeed, that kind of thing can be a little intimidating. But there's a flip side to it that you need to keep in mind; in some ways Asuka assumes everyone else is as smart as she is. That's why she gets mad at you and others sometimes. She unconsciously assumes everyone else is at her level, and she gets upset when you fail to correspondingly interact with her because she thinks that means you're being deliberately dense. She's sometimes surprisingly upset, even if she doesn't show it, when people are oblivious to references and hints she makes," Daniel explained. "For example, do you remember the first night you two were alone together in Misato's apartment, in the middle of your synch training?"

Shinji looked away at the horizon, embarrassed. "Ah, yes, I do." That hadn't been one of his prouder nights. Asuka had sleepwalked onto his futon, and bedazzled by her curves and face in the moonlight, he'd almost kissed her in her sleep...and stopped cold when he saw she was crying in her sleep and whimpering for her Mama. He'd spent the rest of the night sleeping on the other side of the room from her under a blanket, trying not to listen to her soft, pitiful cries.

"I'm not talking about you nearly kissing her, Shinji." Shinji flushed even more at the reminder that some of the most embarrassing moments of his life were known to too many people here. "I'm talking about earlier. Do you remember what she said?"

Shinji could recall that night all too well. "'If I took one step into her room, I was a dead man.' And then she almost sleepwalks on top of me!"

"Your sensei missed a key part of you education that might have helped you there. Being Japanese, I'm assuming you picked up a little Buddhism and Shinto, but not much more than a cursory awareness of other religions?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah, Sensei really didn't go into religion much at all. Why?"

Daniel had a half-smile. "If he'd had you study the Christian Bible, you might be a happier guy today. Asuka grew up in a predominantly Christian country. I don't think she's very religious herself, but she most definitely would have a pretty good knowledge base on the Bible. The 'Walls of Jericho' thing she said right before the 'you're a dead man' line was a Biblical reference."

"So? I didn't need to know the story, I got the idea anyhow. Impenetrable walls, don't come in or I'm dead. It wasn't exactly subtle. And then she almost steps on me. If I'd sleepwalked into her room, she'd have ripped my head off."

"On the contrary; it was not a blunt warning to stay away, it was actually a subtle hint and a come on," Daniel said with some amusement.

"What?" Shinji looked at him like he'd suddenly revealed Rei was a closet heavy metal fan.

"Shinji, the 'impenetrable' Walls of Jericho were anything but. The 'Walls of Jericho' appear in the Book of Joshua, and are chiefly notable for how easily the walls simply collapsed all at once at the sound of the Hebrew army's trumpets, after which Jericho was completely conquered by the invaders. She wasn't telling you to stay out, Shinji. She was somewhat subtly asking you to come in."

Shinji stared at him in silent shock for a long time. "...no. No way."

"She didn't know you were almost completely ignorant of the Bible. I do know she was pretty upset when you didn't even try anything. From her point of view, she made a rather up front offer, you coldly ignored it, and rejected her. She was crushed. She'd risked her heart putting the offer out there and gotten flatly shut down."

"I...I didn't reject anything! I didn't know!" Shinji cried. "I thought she was telling me to stay out! She always was talking about how all boys were perverts! I thought that was just more of the same! How could I have known?"

"Just keep that sort of thing in mind going forward, Shinji. She assumes you and everyone else catch all her references. I think she might still be doing it, to some extent. For example, what piece did she ask you to play for her just before I arrived?"

"Bach's Cello Suite No.1. Why?"

"And what piece were you playing the night she demanded that kiss from you?"

"Bach's Ce-...Oh gods."

"Maybe she just likes that piece. Or maybe it has good memories associated with it. If you are ever unsure about something, try asking her or finding out on your own. The house system can answer a lot of research questions, for one possible source," Daniel said calmly. "Asuka is a very smart girl, but she's also afraid of ever unmasking her heart for fear of someone getting inside. She'll rarely say directly what she means, as kind of a way she can just pretend she was 'only kidding' or 'didn't really mean it' if or when her tentative essays like that are ignored or missed. You need to step up your game if you're going to really try to play in her league. I won't tell any more of her secrets, but that's the kind of thing you're going to need to keep your eyes open for."

Shinji gulped. All of a sudden 'if you wanna love me' took on even _more_ terrifying weight than it already had. _'No pressure, Ikari. Shit, how many other 'subtle hints' did I miss back then? Or now? 'If you wanna love me...' Push back? Wait, that's what 'Commander Ikari' put in her note...Did she know? Was that something her parents had said?'_

Daniel's large hand clapping down on his shoulder broke Shinji's train of thought. "One more thing, young lad. Useful advice in any situation: Don't Panic. Now come on, let's get back inside. Family's waiting."

Shinji again frantically tried to put his head back in functioning order in light of this unbelievable new revelation. That unhelpful voice again reminded him about the _sleeping next to her_ that would be coming at the end of the night, which put an end to all attempts at order. He dropped back into his seat at the table half-aware of what was going on...right up until Asuka's finger flicked him in the side of the head. "Ow!" He rubbed his temple and turned to face her.

"I called you three times, Third. Are you in there?" Asuka said. "What was all that about? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

 _'Oh crap I_ really _can't give you a straight answer about that right now, not without you killing me in front of my mother and everybody.'_ "Um...personal advice he wanted to give me. About...g—" _'Don't say 'guy stuff', she'll instantly figure out that means 'how to deal with women', which she'll_ know _means her! 'Don't Panic', he says. Like that's easy right now! Crap crap crap...what else have we got?'_ An earlier bit of advice cropped up as Shinji's thoughts speedily veered towards panic. _''Be honest.' Ok, how? Ah!'_ "About...er ...respecting your intelligence, sort of."

Asuka's right eyebrow crept up in suspicion at this. "Oh?"

 _'Don't Panic Don't Panic Don't Panic She can't read your mind, right? Right?'_ "Um...he said you're a genius, and I should keep that in mind. That I'd have to um...'step up my game' if I'm going to play in your league."

Asuka looked at him a little strangely, but seemed to accept that. "As well you should, Third. You should have figured that out a long time ago."

Shinji breathed a sigh of relief. He was safe...for now. But the end of the day loomed. And tomorrow, dealing with his father and... his sister. His fist clenched again.


	13. Ch13 - Whatever Helps You Sleep At Night

**A Crown of Stars**

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Part 23  
 **Whatever Helps You Sleep At Night**

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.

The limousine lifted away from the lawn outside the now emptied building with just Shinji and Asuka as passengers. Kaji had gone with Daniel, leaving with his brother to see his old gang and introduce them to his fiancée and father-in-law-to-be. Shinji's mother had departed with Rayana for another 'talk' with his father.

Asuka stared out the window at the horizon without seeing anything. ' _Misato wearing a ring. It must be something in the bloody water around here.'_ She still felt a sense of loss, but it felt less than she'd have once thought. _'I guess his being dead for a few years got me a little used to the idea he was gone. At least he's still around, now.'_

 _'He'd never want you anyway. He turned you down even before the Third Child did, remember?'_ The black and bitter voice argued right back. _'How is this different from any other day? Misato is much more what he wants than you. You're more of a whore than you ever accused her of being. He never looked at you like that. Just another person who doesn't want you.'_

Asuka crushed the voice back with an effort of will. It was getting harder. Every good thing she was seeing just seemed to remind her of how much she wasn't. She cast about for some other topic to get her mind off her current down note. Fortunately this evening had provided plenty of other notable moments that by themselves would have fully occupied her mind on other nights.

She turned to the Third. "So Wondergirl was your half-sister?" she queried to open the topic.

Shinji had retreated into his more typical quiet and withdrawn state since the meal. He didn't look up at her question. "Yeah." He shifted uncomfortably in the plush seat. "I always felt a connection to her whenever I looked at her that I could never explain, even to myself. Now I know why. She reminded me of my mother one time..." He gave a tiny, bitter laugh. His fist clenched in his lap until his arm shook again and his face twisted in anger. "He _knew_. He knew the _whole time_! Rei was his _daughter_ and he made her into _spare parts!_ No wonder he sent her out to _hand_ an N2 mine to the Fourteenth Angel! He had a roomful of _spares_ in Terminal Dogma!"

"She said she'd die if your father ordered it. Gott, no wonder she acted the way she did. So she _was_ a doll after all...she was a verdammt puppet. And your father made her dance for his damn plan to end to world." Asuka said. "I always thought she was his favorite for some _normal_ reason. It's amazing she wasn't as crazy as him."

Shinji looked up at this, but the heat in his glare wasn't aimed at her. "Rei, you, me, we were all _fucking_ puppets to him. Touji wasn't even that! We were all pawns to advance his 'Scenario', no matter who he crushed in his way." Shinji halted as another thought stuck him. "That's why he ordered you to be the one to go into Mount Asama... you weren't Rei or Eva Unit-01. You were 'expendable'. With the 15th he wouldn't _let_ me help you because it might risk Unit-01 and my mother. 'I don't care,' he said when I _demanded_ to sortie. Like listening to you scream was nothing to him. Forgive him?" he spat. "Next time I see him _I'm_ going to hit him with a gun."

Asuka tried to conceal her surprise at the Third Child's continuing anger. She had no love for Gendo Ikari herself, but it was unsettling to see the usually passive Third vibrating with almost patricidal fury, and for so long. "Did you mean that, during dinner? You'll tell him to go to Hell unless I forgive him first?"

Shinji's look focused in on her with alarming intensity. "I had to sit and listen to you be raped once. And then I failed you against the JSSDF and SEELE. That's why I tried to get Winthrop to take me instead. I couldn't sit and let it happen again. So if my father is ready to throw away you, me, Rei, the whole world to get mother back, then he can _choke_ on it. Daniel and Rayana may be able to undo what happened, but we'll still _remember_. I'll forgive him when I don't have to hear you screaming in my sleep anymore. I'll forgive him when I get to see Rei smile again. I'll forgive him when remembering it all doesn't bother you anymore."

 _'Where was this Third Child in the War and after when I needed him?'_ Asuka turned her head away to look out the windows again, keeping him in sight though just the corner of her eye. She'd never had this... difficulty meeting his eyes before. "Glad to see you growing a bit of a spine, Third. You want me to hold your dad's arms when you punch him next time?"

"Should I hold them for you? Would beating him some more bring you closer to forgiving him? All you did this morning was hit him in the head, but you seemed to like that," he said with much less fire.

Asuka snorted. "Probably not, but it would sure feel pretty good. We should do it just in case. Maybe several times, just to be sure."

His gaze lost the burning anger; this somehow unsettled Asuka even further. "I meant it, Asuka. Unless he convinces you and Rei to forgive him, I won't. He's not my father. He's just the madman my mother was married to for a while." Shinji gave another grim laugh. "'Man lives by forgetting his memories, but there are some things a man should never forget. Yui taught me about the irreplaceable things.' He told me that when we were standing at my mother's 'grave'. A grave he knew damn well was a lie, he even said so. Well I guess mother taught me too. I'm going to remember this, _father_. I'm going to remember everyone that was important to me that he destroyed to get what he wanted. I'll forgive when all of them are happy again."

Asuka still didn't know what to make of this. It was like a different person sat across from her; not the usual Third Child, a constant brooding doormat, nor the cocky hero persona she'd seen him slip into before battle, though that was closer. She'd never seen his hero attitude come out on him except right before getting into an Entry Plug. But now it had emerged right in front of her at the dinner, and mixed with more anger than almost any other time she'd seen in Shinji. Not that the target wasn't deserving, but it was still a version of Shinji she'd never seen before.

Asuka had the uncertain sensation that control of things between was slipping out of her grasp. She hated not having the initiative, the upper hand when it came to matters between her and the Third Child. Things could become... unstable if she wasn't in control. Stability was good. Instability meant surprises, and that could mean pain. She considered her options. Normally she'd push him on one of his all-too-easy to hit buttons, get him angry and off balance, and focused back on her. But she had the distinct feeling that making her initially considered crack about 'that doll' would only draw the Third's unusual anger.

 _'Okay, let's see where another track leads.'_ "Not forgiving him unless I do, swearing you've got my back no matter what, that you're never going to abandon me again; you're giving me an awful lot of power over you here, Third," she mused out loud.

"I owe you. You're right, Asuka; I wasn't there when you needed me, and you got hurt because of it. So I'm going to make it up to you. He can go to Hell. You matter more to me than he does." Shinji's stare was going out the window behind Asuka's head, aimed a thousand miles away. His right hand kept clenching and releasing.

A sarcastic and haughty _'That's how it should be'_ died unsaid on her lips. How it _ought_ to be, maybe, but almost never _was_ between her and the Third. Before, he'd always just folded and gone where she pushed him. This was new, different. He was pushing _out_ , going beyond his familiar boundaries. _'If you're supposed to be my 'familiar point to hold around when all is changing', Third, it doesn't help when_ you _start changing on me too!'_

 _'I told him to 'push back'...is this what I wanted?'_ Asuka was acutely aware now that her hastily grabbed set of undergarments had happened to be one of the spicier ones. How would that 'signal' be interpreted tonight? They suddenly felt far too tight on her. _'This is too fast, and I don't know where we're going or who's driving. Mama, help me!'_ No. No, she isn't doing this. She's not going to start calling for Mama, just because she's now just a room away. She's been a strong, independent person for the last sixteen years. She was _not_ going to break down and turn into a little girl now.

As if to give the lie to her own mental argument, she found herself pressing the green dot on her interface band to see into her mother's room again. Mother Sriyana still sat beside the bed, reading her thick hardcover book by the light of a bedside lamp. Her mother still slept as she had been lying all day, hands folded across her chest. Asuka felt a little of her... nervousness subside as she looked at Mama's face. Things were going to be okay. Mama would be with her soon.

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* * *

.

Asuka stood at the foot of the bed, trying not to bounce with anticipation. Daniel took his hand off Kyoko's forehead as her eyelids began to flutter. She sat up and looked around.

"Where am I? Who are all you people?" she asked.

"My name is Daniel, Dr. Sohryu. You've been... ill for some time since the Contact Experiment. Your daughter has been very worried about you," their host replied.

"Where is my baby? Where is my Asuka?" Kyoko eagerly said.

"I'm... I'm right here, Mama," Asuka said, tears welling in her eyes.

Kyoko Sohryu's eyes flicked over her for a moment, then dismissed her. "I don't know who that girl is. Where is my Asuka?"

Mother Sriyana handed her a button-eyed doll. "Here you are, Doctor."

"Ah, my Asuka. You never left me. You are all I need." Her mother cradled the doll tenderly in her arms and smiled at it. Then she looked up at Asuka, eyes narrowing. "Go away, girl. I don't want you staring at me. Only my Asuka gets to look at me like that. Go away!"

"Ma...ma?" Asuka said in disbelief. She started shaking.

"Go away! I don't want any filthy whores like you near me! My Asuka is pure and a good girl! Get that girl away from me! No one wants you! You're vile, worthless, useless! Away! Go away! I don't want you!"

Asuka tried to reach out for her mother's hand as the bed began receding away from her, faster and faster. "No no no no no no Mama! Come back, come back please! PLEASE! DON'T LEAVE ME MAMA!"

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* * *

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Asuka catapulted upright in the dark of their room, a frozen scream trapped in her throat by its own paralysis. It took several seconds of frantic blinking and wiping at her eyes before she could clear enough of the tears to even see where she was. It took even longer to stop them flowing down her face and to control the gasping sobs.

A frantic glance at her bedmate showed him still asleep, not even the violence of her awakening shifting him from his slumber. The glow of the various moons and rings in the night sky reflected more than enough light off the sea outside to throw his features into sharp relief as he lay on his back next to her, his right arm over his head.

She carefully lay back down, flipping her cold and damp pillow over. But even several minutes of lying there in the dark could not stop her shaking, or keep away the terrifying image of her mother turning to her with contempt-filled eyes and rejecting her all over again. That had never happened before. She'd had nightmares regularly for almost as long as she could remember. This was a new wrinkle.

"No. No. It won't happen. Mama loves me. Mama won't leave me. No. One week. I'm a good girl. Mama loves me," she tried whispering to herself, trying even harder to keep out the growing note of desperation that wanted to creep in to it. The shaking continued. She felt so cold.

Her eyes traced over the Third's face. _'He's warm,'_ the traitorous little voice reminded her. "No," she whispered again. "I don't... I don't need..." _'That was the_ _ **second**_ _time tonight! You didn't have any nightmares when you woke up there! At all!'_ "I... I can't... he..." _'He won't know. He didn't find out about this afternoon, did he?'_ Asuka bit her lip. He wouldn't know. There'd be nothing to explain. It'd be just like this afternoon. She just needed something to help her sleep. That's all.

She scooted across the gap between them, an inch at a time. Even before she fully closed the distance, she could feel the warmth coming off him. She gingerly scooted the last inch to lay up against his side. Her eyes stayed fixed on his face, ready to roll away and feign sleep at the slightest flicker of his eyelids. But even when she very, very slowly laid her head on his shoulder he did not stir.

She, however, nearly levitated to the ceiling when his right arm flopped down off the pillow to reclaim the same place it had been when she awoke this afternoon, holding her close against him behind her back. Her eyes snapped to his face, but he kept right on breathing deeply and slowly. Her heartbeat slowly came down from near-tachycardia to merely rabbit-fast. She was in. And now held in place, true, but she no longer felt cold. Quite the contrary, she now felt quite comfortably warmed.

 _'I would do anything to take your pain away.' 'I swear. No matter what.' 'You matter more to me than he does.'_ Asuka suppressed the echoes. She wasn't even sure who was thinking them anymore. She relaxed into the warmth and drifted towards sleep. He _did_ smell good...

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* * *

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Part 24  
 **Waking Up**

Shinji woke up, opened his eyes, and was then absolutely certain that he hadn't done either. He could not possibly have woken up, for several reasons. Number one, that he was still alive. Number two, this was exactly like _other_ dreams he'd had in the past, so it must be one. Number three, it _had_ to be a dream, since the likelihood of him actually being awake, alive, and having Asuka not just in his arms but also _smiling_ in her sleep must have been astronomical. That he was in fact holding her tightly against him and looking at the impossibly beautiful smile on her sleeping face from a few inches away, pre-dawn light giving her a surreal pale glow, was so unlikely that he _must_ still be asleep. Q.E.D.

Right?

Right. Had to be. So, since this was one of the nice dreams, he might as well enjoy it. He cuddled Asuka closer and took a deep breath of the scent of her hair. Strawberry Balsam, it never failed to make him think of her. Gods, she smelled good and felt so warm. He could feel her pressed against him all the way down his body. This was a _very_ nice dream.

It might have been due to what she had been wearing under the dinner dress. Shinji had still been too wrapped up in anger at his father about Rei to pay the attention he would have liked, but as they undressed for bed he'd still noticed her usual plain and practical brassiere and panties had been switched out for a lacy red and black set for that evening. Asuka had not met his eyes or said anything, but had somewhat unusually kept the lacy wear on as she got into bed rather than her more common stripping down fully.

She'd curled up under the covers facing away from him, as usual. He'd watched her for a while. Studying her helped his simmering rage against his father slowly subside until he was relaxed enough to sleep. He'd faded out still looking at her.

And now he was back in one of his favorite dreams; holding her, just enjoying having her near him. This was even better than most; more vivid and strong than they usually were. There was none of the fuzzing around the edges there usually was. He didn't even have to imagine any of the details of her smile this time. It was there, right in front of him, the tiniest, cutest, most heartwarming thing he'd ever seen.

Oh, hey, she was waking up. Her eyelids fluttered a few times and crept open a crack. Gods, he loved that shade of crystal blue her eyes were. He never got tired of staring at them. What could he do to make her happy in this dream? Hmm...

"Hey, beautiful. I'm going to make you breakfast in bed. Your favorites, all German food. How about some waffles? And if you're in the shower when I bring it in, maybe I'll help wash your back." He gave her a quick kiss, rolled over, and got out of the bed. He gave one look back. Asuka was lying as he'd left her, her wide blue eyes locked on him, a completely stunned look on her face. He winked and headed to the kitchen. Yeah, this was definitely a dream, a good dream. He was only this smooth in his dreams. If this was real, she'd have killed him by now, or he'd have said something really stupid that made her twitch. Man, this was great. Hopefully when he woke up the day would be this good too. Mmm, waffles.

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* * *

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Asuka kept staring at the door he'd left through for a long time. "What the fuck just happened?" she finally asked the empty room.

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* * *

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Ten minutes later, Shinji was still standing in the kitchen, staring fixedly at the tiny red spot on his hand where the sizzling grease from the bacon had spattered hot oil onto him. That had hurt. His hand hurt, he was hungry, and he had to go to the bathroom. Those things never happened in dreams. Ergo, this was not a dream. Everything that had happened since he had opened his eyes had been real. He'd just... he'd just... oh gods...

He'd kissed her. He'd kissed Asuka Langley Sohryu. While they were both awake and breathing just fine. On the upside, it had been really nice, much better than the other three kisses he'd ever had, and no one involved had been in danger of dying immediately afterward. Downside: that last part might only be until she saw him again. _'Oh gods, what did I just do? More importantly, what is_ she _going to do?'_ So he'd frozen solid as soon as the realization had washed over him, and had stayed stuck that way until something worse had happened.

He'd heard the shower start.

He started to sweat. Daniel's talk last night about subtle signals started running through his head. She had just started the shower, and he'd just offered to wash her back. _He'd just offered to_ _ **wash her back**_. _'Ok, now either I'm still dreaming, or she just wants to be clean before she kills me.'_

 _._

* * *

 _._

In the shower, an extremely confused Asuka Langley Sohryu washed her hair while her mind buzzed away at something else entirely. Or maybe not _entirely_ ; that was part of the problem.

She'd woken up feeling... great. Warm, comfortable, no nightmares... actually rested and peaceful. She'd just lain there, enjoying the pricelessly rare pleasant awakening. After a few minutes, she finally had registered the sensation that she was pressed up against something, there were still arms around her back, and there was gentle breath tickling at her eyelashes. She'd cracked her eyes open a slit to see the blurry face of the Third Child inches from her own. He'd said... something impossible, something about calling her beautiful, breakfast, waffles, and... OK, that last part _couldn't_ be real. Offering to _wash her back_ in the shower? The Third Child had then _kissed her_ , immediately gotten out of bed, _winked at her_ , and left the room. That couldn't have happened. That sort of behavior wasn't just impossible to imagine coming from the Third Child she knew, it was like something out of those ridiculous romance novels Hikari had used to read back in school, and occasionally foisted off on Asuka, over her protests of distaste.

The fact she'd surreptitiously read them herself late at night in her own room was irrelevant. And bitterly mocking and ironic considering what her 'love life' had turned into after the kaleidoscope of horrors that was the Third Impact and Instrumentality, plus four subsequent years of survival in the brutal and chaotic remnant world they left behind.

But now... she'd gone to sleep just hoping to exploit the blessed relief from her worsening nightmares that the Third's warmth by some means granted ...and somehow woken up in one of those novels? Or one of the similarly sentimental movies they'd sometimes watched at Hikari's house? She couldn't think of another explanation. She'd just stared at the Third's retreating back in shock as the most impossible bit of all still burned on her lips.

He'd... kissed her. The Third Child, Shinji Ikari, the most spineless, pathetic wimp she'd ever met, the emotionally crippled total doormat she'd always been able to cow into doing anything she'd demanded, had mutated overnight into a warm and confident Casanova who'd held her tight, called her beautiful, and then gently, briefly _kissed her_ before strolling out of the room with a wink to make her breakfast in bed, with or without complimentary back washing as she desired.

The obvious explanation that it had to be a cheesy old-romance-novel-inspired dream had lasted until she'd dazedly stumbled into the shower and had the first blast of hot water smack her in the face. This was only after she'd laid there in the bed in the same pose she'd been in as he left for several minutes, trying to figure out what had just happened. And get her humming body to stop vibrating. Um.

Ok, this kiss had been an entirely different character than the hollow, fake ones she'd endured with Jinnai, or the disgusting, intrusive ones from Winthrop. It had been more like her long ago first kiss, only natural as that too had been the Third Child. The kiss that had left her sobbing in the tiny bathroom she'd fled to, where his seeming frozen indifference had sent her fleeing to hide her crushing sadness at the rejection. The kiss that had left her body humming with the same burning interest in more, and weeping in agony that neither it nor her heart would be satisfied.

 _This_ kiss had been far more like that. If she hadn't been frozen in utter shock, she might not have been able to stop her hands from grabbing his shirt before he'd gotten out of range and dragging him back in for more, the far, far more that her body suddenly and insistently demanded. Even its brevity had only made the burn worse somehow, like the first touch of a match to dry tinder.

Asuka got a grip on herself and turned the water down colder. Ok, time to face it; for the first time since before the Third Impact she was no-doubt-about-it _horny_... and weirdest of all, the _Third Child_ had been the cause. Maybe she'd once had daydreams like that, when tuning out he class's sensei's interminable droning about life before the Second Impact, usually featuring Kaji, but more and more before the end featuring a certain dark-haired Pilot...

She turned the water still colder. She did not need her body making her mind up for her right now. She needed to think straight. Not start wondering if she was really interested in seeing if the Third _would_ actually come in here to wash her back if she stayed too long... and...

Where was she, again? She blinked and angrily twisted the water even colder. If the 'twins' were going to be obstinately perky, she was at least going to have it be for a nice, deniable reason. Ahem!

She grasped at her anger, trying to bring her old familiar shield back to where it had so long ridden. Anger, and the fear that helped cement it in place. But now the fear wasn't the aid it had been for so long. It was stronger than the anger now. After years of just herself, all of a sudden she had so much more to lose; Her mother was just ten meters away, Kaji was alive, she was safe, her position as Pilot was secure. She should have felt more comfortable than ever. Instead... everything was changing. _'Damn it ,Third, you were supposed to be the constant, the reliable same old wimp. Now you've turned into Shinji the Casanova. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Better question; what am I_ _ **going**_ _to do if he actually walks in here to 'wash my back'? Scheiße, what do I_ want _to happen?'_ Adrenalin had her heart pounding now, equal parts fear he would come in and fear he wouldn't.

She found herself starting to shake, and not from the near ice water she'd turned the shower down to. _'Too fast...too fast.'_ Sudden decision seized her, though perhaps only a shade's difference between it and panic. She wasn't... she wasn't ready for that. Not yet. Maybe not never, but definitely not yet. There was too much undone and unsaid between them. She didn't want _anything_ to start this way. Not like this. _''Forgive yourself'. That's something I forgot to do yesterday. It's...maybe it's time to try some of that.'_

She shut down the water. She stepped out of the spacious shower stall and pulled on the fluffy, crimson bathrobe that hung on a hook next to it. No need to ask who that was meant for; a purple mate hung right next to it. The cold water had kept the mirror from fogging, and Asuka stared back at her reflection. _'Forgive myself? Who are you? What do you want?'_ she thought. _'I am... I am Asuka. I am the Great Asuka Langley Sohryu, the Second Child, Slayer of Angels. I shot the dictator Winthrop. I want my mother back; done. I want... I want my life back in my own hands. I'm tired of being afraid of going to sleep. I'm tired of constantly waking up from nightmares every fucking night. 'That was an echo of what they feel all the time'? Then I want_ _ **that**_ _. I want to feel like that again. I want to wake up and feel like that_ _ **every**_ _morning. If the Third Child... ...no. No more of that, you damn coward. I'm tired of_ _ **that**_ _. If_ _ **Shinji**_ _has the guts to do that, to 'push back' just like I said, then I better have just as much. There's no_ way _I'm not going to match him. I'm not going to let him beat me, not even at something like this. Not one step back!_

The part of Asuka that had spent the last sixteen years keeping everyone away from her heart tried to scream, tried to slam the door closed again. She would be hurt. No one wants her. Everyone leaves. He'd leave. She was an evil, useless, unlovable, worthless bitch. She'd be safer the way she always had been. No one close. Keep him away. Keep Mama away. They could hurt her the most.

Suddenly, Asuka found her anger again, and turned it on the fear. _'No! No no_ _ **no**_ _! I will not! Nightmares be damned, I will not run and hide from_ _ **my own mother**_ _! I felt her when I fought! Mama loves me! She will not reject me! She's right down the hall now! I can see her, touch her, hold her hand! She is_ _ **mine**_ _! And the Third swore to me!'_ You're going to trust in the word of the wimp who left you to fight alone and die? ' _He will not leave me! He looks at me! He_ _ **always**_ _looks at me! And now he held me! He kissed me! Me! Not Wondergirl, not anyone else, me!'_ He left. He'll do it again. _'He did not leave me, Winthrop took him! He fought for me! He protected my life when no one else would, not even me!'_ He owed you a life anyway. _'And he was ready to give another one for me in the coup! 'Don't let yours go,' that other 'me' said. No one is going to take him from me!'_ You're not worth it. He doesn't want you. _'He is_ _ **mine**_ _!_ _ **Mine!**_ _Do you hear me? No one is taking_ _ **anything**_ _from me! I am Asuka Langley Sohryu, and_ _ **I am not afraid!**_ _Because...'_

"There Is No Such Thing As Fear," she growled to her reflection. She was almost surprised to see her reflection starting to grin back at her. Her heart was pounding again, but this time the fear was pushed far, far down, and just the adrenalin of excitement powered her. The nervousness was still there, but now it had the tingle of anticipation flavoring it, the same way she used to feel before a fight. Was this a battle, now? She was at the controls, either way.

 _'Alright, then where am I going?'_ She hurriedly dried her hair and wrapped it up in a red towel. _'Who am I going to find out there; Don Juan or Don Wimp? I may not be ready for him to wash my back, but I feel like breakfast in bed, alright. Let's see who brings it in and give him another push.'_ She nodded at herself in the mirror. "Let's go, Asuka." She turned to the door to the bedroom and opened it.

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* * *

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Author's Note 10SEP16: Broken up here since the conversation they're about to have is #1) 5000 words all by itself and #2) KIND OF IMPORTANT. Posting it in a couple days, to keep the gap down.


	14. Ch14 The Only Question That Ever Matters

**A Crown of Stars**

* * *

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Part 25  
 **The Only Question That Ever Matters**

* * *

.

Shinji heard the water stop, and didn't know whether he should sigh in relief or disappointment. He'd had the breakfast tray filled and ready for the last couple of minutes, minutes that he'd spent staring at the dishes he'd readied and the rose in a small vase he had the house system provide on his request, trying to nerve himself up to pick it up and carry it into the bedroom. It had proved to be a difficult struggle. But now the water had stopped. Either Asuka didn't want him to come redeem his offer, or she'd gotten tired of waiting. In either case, he wasn't going to gain anything by standing here until she came out to find him. Picking up the tray and holding it in front of him like a shield, he carried it into the bedroom.

Asuka was waiting for him. Wrapped in a blood-red bathrobe and towel, she was curled up in the bed like a ruby cat, slender fingers tapping gently together as she watched him like a hawk as he carried the tray in. Good _gods,_ she looked hot. Her oh gods long, smooth legs peeking out from the edge of the robe were— _'FOCUS, Ikari!_ ' He saw her eyebrow rise when she spotted the rose.

"My, my, Third. How fancy. Finally treating me as you should, I see," was all she said.

 _'Alright, she hasn't killed me yet. So far, so good. She's not giving me a lot of cues to go by either, though. She doesn't_ look _mad, but this is Asuka, so it's probably a safe assumption. Please don't let me screw this up!'_ He carefully placed the tray on the bed between them. The bed was wide enough that they could have the breakfast tray in the middle and still have plenty of space to lie on each side. Shinji lay down opposite her and fiddled with his own small plate of toast. "Well, we had an... um... unusual day yesterday. I got my parents back, but your day seemed a bit more... um... filled with difficult revelations. I figured you should have a nice and easy day today. Breakfast in bed felt like a good place to start." _'Don't say 'I'm sorry', or she'll kill me. Don't say 'I'm sorry', or she'll kill me. Don't say 'I'm sorry', or she'll kill me.'_

Asuka gave him a level stare. "Careful, Third, I might get used to this." Her eyes drifted to the dish at the center of her side. "Well, well. Waffles. As... promised." She looked him right in the eyes again, very calmly challenging him without a word.

Shinji managed to keep himself from audibly swallowing, but could not stop the bead of sweat he felt trickling down his left temple. He had the strong feeling that squeaking 'Oh, you were awake for that?' would _not_ get a positive reaction. Alas, her lack of cues was leaving him completely unsure if he should even mention... the... rest... oh dear. If she was awake enough to hear and remember the 'waffles' bit, she _had_ to be awake for the 'wash your back' part... and the kiss. _'Oh gods... 'Don't say 'I'm sorry', or she'll kill me. 'Don't say 'I'm sorry', or she'll kill me. But now what? Is she mad? Think FAST, Ikari!'_

"It... it took me a little while to make it all. I'm sorry..." Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "...if I took too long. You got out of the shower fairly quickly." Her eyes widened right back up. _'Whew! Ok, ball's back in your court, Asuka. You've_ got _to give me some clue how you feel about all this to reply to that! ...right?'_

Shinji spared a second's thought at how lucky he was that he found her sapphire eyes so captivating. The red bathrobe was clinging to all her curves, and the relatively loose tie up front was giving an _extremely_ tempting glimpse of her ivory skin and cleavage, especially as she was now half reclined to start taking bites of the breakfast he'd brought in. Yes, this would probably be a bad time for his eyes to get caught diving between her slightly exposed breasts, that still had little drops of water clinging—Eyes _UP_ , Ikari!

She finished her bite of waffle and looked back up at him, thankfully one second _after_ he'd managed to bring his own eyes back from their little safari south. Her oh-so-damn-blue eyes were boring into his in a frightening new way; there was barely a trace of the bitterness or cynical anger that nearly always haunted them since they'd awoken on that blood-tinted beach four years ago. She was just looking at him, her gaze as plain and clear as he'd ever seen it. And it was terrifying in its openness. Shinji fought not to start shaking.

"So," Asuka said with frightening calm, "If I'd still been in the shower, would I be seeing you coming in?"

Shinji's pulse stated climbing a little further towards the ionosphere. This was not quite giving him any clues as to how to jump. Or if it was, they were clues in a very scary direction. One that he was definitely not sure he was ready for outside of his dreams. The last step he'd tried in that direction had ended with Asuka weeping next to him in the bed for half the night, and himself feeling little better.

Asuka continued in that same terrifying calm after the barest pause, "I seem to recall you saying something about 'washing my back', right before you..."

 _'I'm sor—'_ Shinji bit his tongue, hard. _'Don't say it! Don't say it! Don't even think it! Not now! This is what I've spent the last three years_ dreaming _about! She's here, right in front of me, and talking right to me, just like I wanted! If only I had some idea of what to_ say _!'_

"Right before I kissed you," he heard himself say.

The air in the room positively rang in the silence that followed. Asuka's eyes were absolutely magnetic now. He could not look away.

"Yes," she finally said, after a long, heart stopping moment for Shinji. "Before you kissed me. Did you mean it?"

"I... I m-meant it. Do... do you want me to?" Shinji could not prevent his voice from climbing some, but at least kept it from withering to a squeak.

Asuka held his eyes for another agonizingly long moment. "No."

Shinji could not contain the almost octave-higher "No?" that escaped him.

Asuka calmly took another bite of waffle and looked back at him. "Not yet."

Shinji's heart filed a formal complaint about all the near-heart-attacks he was registering this morning, and threatened to pull the plug on him staying conscious if he kept this up.

"I'm rather impressed you'd make the offer, Third. I didn't think you had it in you, or wanted to," she continued. "You haven't even so much as tried to touch me since... that first time. Even though I offered." He could now detect a faint, strained note underlying her calm tone. She looked up from her plate and stopped. Her stare bore a close resemblance to a laser, now.

"I'm sorry." The laser took on a painfully familiar hostile edge. Shinji swallowed through a suddenly bone dry throat and pressed on. "I... I want to. You are beautiful, Asuka. You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I... I want to be with you, but I can't... I can't... I _won't_ do things that hurt you. That night, when we... when _I_ tried to... to..." He looked down and flushed bright red. "To have sex with you... I could see... that what I was doing was hurting you. I... I... I want to help you somehow and be with you forever. But I can't do anything that hurts you, not like that. When you are hurt, I feel it too. I can't hurt you, Asuka. I've already hurt you enough before, and you... mean too much ...to me." Shinji couldn't look up from the spot on the sheets in front of him. "I know you don't think much of philosophy, Asuka, but that's something I learned when I was studying in Boston; I can't accept happiness that is bought with someone else's pain. Especially if it's yours. When you are unhappy, I'm unhappy too."

Shinji trailed off into silence. When the quiet grew long, he finally nerved himself to look back up at her.

She was staring at him, eyes as wide as he'd ever seen. Her lips were moving as if she was whispering something, but he didn't hear anything. She blinked and focused back in on him, eyes narrowing a bit. "'I want to help you somehow and be with you forever.' You've said that before, during... Instrumentality. I refused you then. You just wanted someone, anyone to take care of you. It could have been Misato, Wondergirl, anybody."

"No," Shinji somehow found the will to reply. "Just you... just you. I lost Rei and I kept going. I lost Kaworu and I kept going. I lost Misato and I kept going. Then I lost you... I failed you... and I couldn't..." He pinched his eyes shut, unable to keep looking her in the eye when saying this. "I... when I begged you to help me... and you refused, with the whole human race being destroyed... I'm no better than you, Asuka. They were only being destroyed because of me in the first place." _'Rayana was right. I'm no better than my father. I'd destroy the whole world for one person.'_ "I... I attacked you because it hurt so much. I thought you, you of all people would understand. I needed _you_. You were the one who was so much like me. When you rejected me... I thought… if you would reject me, then no one else could possibly want me. You were all my hope, Asuka."

"I rejected you. Even at that price. The whole of humanity's survival wasn't enough to overcome my pride." Asuka's voice was as dry as ash. "I'd rather see everyone lost than unbend enough to help even someone as low as you. ...so why are you still here? I'm terrible. I sold myself to Winthrop rather than talk to you. Why... why are you still looking at me? I've never given you anything. Your whole life would be better without me. Why do you keep coming back? Why are you still looking at me?" When Shinji raised his head again, it was her this time that couldn't meet his gaze. He could see her starting to shake. "I'm filthy. I call you stupid and yell at you for trying to protect people. I hurt you without even thinking. Why did you hold me? Why did you call me beautiful? Why did you... kiss me?" Her eyes snapped back to his. "Tell me why," she said, her voice barely audible.

"You... you're not terrible, Asuka. I called you beautiful because... because you are. I spent I don't know how long after I woke up just staring at your smile, because it was the most wonderful thing I've seen in years. I held you because I felt more... happy, more alive when I did it than any other time in my life. I kissed you because..." He closed his eyes to pen in the tears that threatened to escape. _'Because I've wanted to for years. Because I dream about it all the time. Because a world without you lacks any other meaning for me. Because I think I love you. Say_ _ **something**_ _, Ikari!'_ "Because I thought I was dreaming a good dream, and I wanted to make you happy. I know I was awake now...and I would still do it again."

The silence stretched until Shinji could barely stand it. Behind his still closed eyes, he waited for the slap, the scream at him to get out, to get his perverted face away from her, to leave her alone. Everything he'd always gotten, always expected from her. He tensed himself to run the moment it began.

It did not come. He faintly heard Asuka whispering something, over and over. He forced his eyes open. She was staring at the tray, her lips moving over and over in one repeated phrase.

Abruptly she stopped, took a deep breath, and looked up at him again. Her eyes glittered as she coolly and steadily laid out damning words. "I have been a hideous bitch to you since the moment we first saw each other. I hurt you every time I open my mouth. I turned your First Kiss into a mockery because I told you I was bored. I was too much a coward to say what I really wanted. I fell apart as a Pilot because I couldn't keep ahead of you. I cursed you for failing to help me when I needed you, even though you were as much a wreck as I had been an hour before. You kept me alive for six months after the end of the world, and in return I sold my body to a brutal thug because I was a coward. I blamed you for leaving me when it wasn't your fault. I called you a fool for caring about anyone but yourself when the secret police hauled away random people in the streets. I hurt you as badly as I could possibly think of when you had the gall to stop me from killing myself in despair. I forced you to kill with me when I knew how much you hated it. I wouldn't even let you finish asking me if I cared about you before I told you 'No'. I told you 'No' and still surrendered to you when I thought I didn't deserve it and did not even expect you to say 'Yes'. I have never had the courage to ask the reverse. I demanded unconditional affection and closeness from you and did not give anything back because I was too afraid to let _anyone_ near me, but couldn't bear to let you go. I just demanded you be there for me. I have brought you nothing but pain from the day we met. I am a liar, a whore, and an evil black-souled bitch whose own mother and father didn't want her. I am undeserving of any love. And I have flatly said to your face that I do not love you. All that, and you are still here."

She closed her eyes for a long breath. She pushed the breakfast tray out from between them and locked eyes with him more intensely than he'd ever seen before. "And you are still looking at me, Shinji. So no more running away. I've finally found the courage to ask; Shinji Ikari, do..." Her fists tightened around handfuls of the sheets until they were shaking and white. They shook, but her eyes never wavered. "Do you... love me?"

Holding her gaze was the hardest thing Shinji had ever done. The hardest thing he'd ever do, besides answering her. His heart pounded until it threatened to burst out of his chest. He licked dry lips and gathered every scrap of courage he had into the willpower to force one word out past his trembling lips.

"Yes."

"S-say it. P-please...I need to hear you say it."

"...I love you, Asuka Langley Sohryu," he breathed like a prayer.

"...why?" she said in a very soft whisper.

"What?"

She didn't seem aware of the tear that had started to trickle down her face. "Why? I didn't have to tell you all those horrible things about me. I did most of them _to_ you. How can you still bear to look at me? I've hurt you in every way I could to keep you away. How can you still love me?"

"Because just being around you makes me feel more alive. Because you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Because when I see you smile, the whole world glows. Because when I kiss you I feel like I'm on fire. Because when I held you I didn't care about anything else. Because I can't imagine a world without you. Because..." His voice broke. "Because when you are happy, it makes me feel the same. When you cry, I cry. When you hurt, I hurt."

She was shaking like a leaf in a sharp breeze. _'Be honest and don't be afraid covered. Time to be there for her,'_ he thought. Shinji pushed the breakfast tray further out of the way and scooted across the gap between them. He tried to ignore how badly his hands were shaking as he pulled her to rest against his chest. The tingling buzz he started to get from feeling her damp hair against his t-shirt and her warm weight against his body helped.

"When I woke up, I was holding you, and you were smiling. I've had dreams like that, so I thought... it was another one. So I did what I liked to do in those dreams; I tried to make you happy," he said.

Asuka placed her arms on his where they wrapped around her and pulled them tighter. "I... I kept having nightmares last night," she said. "Bad ones, worse than usual. I kept waking up. And...and when we were napping yesterday, I didn't have any. And I think it was because..." Asuka took a deep breath. "Because I was holding on to you when I woke up. I was so cold, and didn't want to have more nightmares, so I... I... moved over so you could keep me warm. You put your arm around me. I wasn't cold anymore, and I didn't have more nightmares. I... used you, but... thank you."

Shinji was glad she couldn't see him blush with her head tucked under his chin. "You were crying in your sleep again yesterday, during that nap. You do that... too much. I hate hearing it. But yesterday, when I heard you doing it again, and I'd just swore to you I'd do anything to take away your pain... I couldn't just listen anymore. I swear I was just trying to pull you a little closer to... to... I don't know, give you a hug in your sleep, hoping it would help. You rolled all the way over and grabbed on to me. You stopped crying, so I just stayed like that. You seemed happy."

She twisted enough in his arms to get a look at his face. "You did what, Third Child? You? Reached out to me?" A familiar cynical flavor had reappeared in her voice, but he could hear the amused note with it this time.

He felt a smile growing as he nodded down to her upturned face. "I promised."

She met his smile for a moment, then untwisted to her previous position. "When I woke up, I couldn't believe what happened. I thought _I_ was dreaming. I couldn't imagine the Third Child talking like that, kissing me, and walking off with a wink like you'd suddenly turned into Kaji-junior. I don't know what I'd have done if you'd actually walked into the bathroom while I was in the shower. It might not have been pretty. I didn't know who to expect when you came back in. The Third Child I'd always known, or the one I'd just woken up next to. I just wanted to give you a little push to see how you'd react when I asked. I didn't expect it to turn into... this." She left that thought incomplete, and they sat in silence for a while. The dawn light outside slowly brightened.

"Shinji..." she began much more cautiously, "...this... isn't going to be easy. I know...I can be hard to live with. And you… we've both got... a lot of problems."

She looked at him in surprise as he started to laugh quietly. "Asuka, both of our parents practically dumped us by the side of the road before we were four. Both of us have actually _died_ in combat with alien monsters before we were fifteen. We outlived the end of the world, and then some. Why should _anything_ in our lives be easy, even the good things?"

"And this is a good thing?" she asked as she squeezed his arms around her again.

"The best, Asuka. The best in the world."

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Neither one felt much like moving for quite some time. After Shinji's stomach began to rumble, Asuka did briefly lean forward enough to drag the breakfast tray back within reach, and they finished their breakfast still leaning against each other. Even after all the food had been finished, they were both reluctant to move, lest the spell that had somehow let them get there be broken. But eventually the demands of Asuka's drying hair and Shinji's bladder won out, and they rose from the bed.

Asuka was finishing brushing out her hair in the bathroom when Shinji returned with the flat wooden box he'd been holding yesterday when she'd walked in on his video call with 'Commander Ikari'. She shot him a questioning look.

He handed her the box with a small smile. "Turns out, there _is_ an _HMS Shinji Ikari_. Right before you came in during that call yesterday, she sent me this."

Asuka rolled her eyes at the fearsome expression on the Third Child on the cover emblem. "That's a look I haven't seen on you much." She wrestled with her rusty knowledge of kanji to read the motto on the bottom of the emblem. "' _Here I Stand And Here I Remain_ '?" She snorted. "Appropriate for you."

"Take a look inside. Our analogues' daughter sent that to give me hope and confidence in the future."

Asuka opened the box and stared at the picture inside. "I don't think I've ever smiled like that in my life," she said after a long, silent look.

"You have," Shinji said. She looked at him with an expression of mild disbelief on her face. "Yesterday, on the beach. It was so amazing, I didn't know what to say. I almost..." He looked away and rubbed the back of his head, blushing. "I almost reached out to hold you right then. You looked so hurt when that smile faded."

Asuka expression shifted to a narrow-eyed glare reminiscent of ones she used to give him in school. "Let that be a lesson to you, Third; you see me feeling like that again, you are now under _orders_ to hold me and make me feel better. Got it?"

"Zu Befehl, L-liebling." Shinji stuttered, reddening further.

"Gut." Asuka looked back down at the picture, blinked, and snapped her head back up. "Wait, since when do you know _German_?"

"Um... since yesterday. A-after you said... what you said in the dojo, I called her to ask for advice. She transported me to... um, 'my' ship, and one of her kids gave me a crash course in German and a few other things, plus some family stories about how 'their' you and me got together."

"Hmm, clever, Thir-...Shinji. Still full of surprises, you are. A NILS course?"

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"How do you think I learned how to fly my new toy so fast? Yes, I am a naturally expert genius, but I still need more than a few hours to get that good _that_ fast," she said, and looked back down at the note inside the front cover. "Flurgen kanji. I'll need to get a course in Japanese so I never have to worry about kanji again. What's the note say?"

"'Family is always with you. You get what you give, so give it all. And don't forget to push back! -Love, the Sohryu-Ikari family PS: You have to send us yours in 30 years!'" Shinji blushed again at the last part. "The 'push back' part is what made me think to call her, after you said that."

"Good... wait, she sent this before I went swimming. I didn't say that until hours later. Huh?"

"Yeah, that was kind of weird. I guess their Asuka said something like that too."

Asuka shook her head. "This place gets weirder every time I turn around. Witch Queens, people with wings, people back from the dead, at least _three_ copies of us running around, and a bartender that looked like a dragon. I'd ask 'what's next?', but I bet that would count as tempting fate around here."

"What _is_ next? I mean, yesterday was pretty wild, but what are we doing today?" Shinji asked.

"I don't know what _we're_ doing today, but for now _you_ are getting a shower. I don't care how good you smell, you still need to be clean before we go out for anything," Asuka insisted. "I'm getting dressed."

Shinji nodded. "Okay, I'll... wait, what did you just say?"

Asuka blinked at him, then reddened. "Um. Nothing," she said quietly.

Shinji had frozen two steps towards the shower stall. "You think I smell good?"

Asuka's face started to resemble the color of her hair. "Maybe a little..." My, the floor tiles were fascinating this morning. "You did smell kind of... good. It was kind of nice waking up feeling warm and... stuff. Um. Get in the shower, Th-" Shinji's arms circling around her cut her off.

"That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Asuka. Thank you." He squeezed her for a moment, then returned to heading for the shower.

It took several seconds for her to unfreeze and quickly walk into the bedroom to find clothes for the day. It was shock that held her in place as he shucked off his t-shirt and boxers and got in the shower. Not at all an interest in checking out his buns, really. _Nice._

Finding the breakfast tray gone and the bed already made as she returned to the bedroom caused only a moment's check to her stride. She shrugged and tossed her robe on the bed before tearing into the dresser and wardrobe. She felt a different sort of nervousness selecting undergarments today than she'd had last night. The knowledge that yes, Shinji was _definitely_ looking at her put a whole new spin on it. Knowledge that was still frightening, but in an exciting, wholly different way.

She was lingering over the more interesting end of that drawer when the ceiling pinged at her. "Apologies for the intrusion, Pilot Sohryu. You have an incoming call from Junior Flight Lieutenant of the Blue Ching-Hao Leibshott. Would you like to take it in here as audio-only?" the house system inquired.

"Yes, put her through, BH." She pulled on a pair of panties.

"Good morning, Asuka," her friend's voice greeted her. "Forgot to mention last night, I'm going to be at the doc's for a medical procedure this morning, but I'll be back around lunchtime. You two going to be good for the morning without me?"

Asuka was very glad this was an audio-only call. She didn't even have to try to hide her grin. "Oh, I think we're going to be okay." She shrugged the bra on. The idea of watching the Thir— _Shinji_ trying to get it off her almost made her snicker.

There was a long pause on the other end. "Asuka, why are you smiling?"

Asuka whipped her head around to look out the window. No Ching staring at her from outside. "How did...?"

"I can hear it in your voice. You're damn near singing at me. What's the story?"

"Still figuring it out. I had a good morning, though. I'll tell you later."

"Alright, but I demand juicy details. You sound happy about something. See you later."

"Later." A beep, and the connection ended. "Yeah, definitely still figuring it out." _'What did that woman say at the clinic? 'We're alive and together. We'll figure the rest out.' Yeah. I don't know what to say yet, Ching. I'm still not sure what just happened. But...I don't think that baka even knows_ how _to lie. He sure can't lie to me. He meant it. I can tell. Oh mein Gott, he loves me.'_

The realization was still sinking in. Asuka was finding it harder and harder _not_ to smile. _'He loves me. He swore he'd never abandon me, ever, no matter what. He's mine. Mine! Not Wondergirl's, not Misato's, not anyone's, just_ _ **mine**_ _!'_

Hers. She couldn't wait to tell Mama. She pulled on a summery dress and headed for the back bedroom, no longer even trying to fight her smile. The door to her mother's room swung open to reveal Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu sleeping just as she had been left last night. Mother Sriyana was not sitting by the bed, as she had left when the returned last night, quietly assuring Asuka she'd be back once they called or left the house. Asuka was just as happy for this. She wanted to talk to Mama alone.

She sat in the chair by the bedside and took her mother's hand. "Mama... I... the boy I told you and Mother Sriyana about yesterday... he held me. He told me I'm beautiful and kissed me." She wiped at her eyes. "He said it, Mama. He said he loves me! And I know he meant it!"

She paid no further attention to the tears dripping off her smile as she told her mother everything; he felt warm, he looked at her, he kept her nightmares at bay, he swore to her, he loved her, he loved her, he loved her...

Outside, Avalon's primary, Primastra, rose. It was a bright new day.

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Author's Note 23OCT16: Orrrr I can get super busy at work and forget entirely. Oops. Sorry about that, everyone. Here's the promised major talk at last. Updates will resume more regularly, I hope.


	15. Ch15 -Philosophy & Choices

**A Crown of Stars**

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Part 26  
 **Philosophy & Choices**

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A trail of footprints stretched far behind them along the beach, in places smudged or erased by the gentle waves. Shinji enjoyed the warm water lapping over his feet as they walked almost as much as the feeling of Asuka's hand in his. He felt so light he was faintly surprised he wasn't bobbing on top of the water.

He'd emerged from the shower and dressed to find Asuka with a newly BH-furnished sun hat and glasses, insisting that a walk on the shore was what they should do next. Having no better idea and perfectly happy to just walk near her, they'd headed out down the beach, past Ching's cabin and onward. He'd reached out to take her hand as they passed the spot where they'd stood the previous dawn. Asuka had jumped like he'd touched her with a live wire, but smiled back and gripped his hand too. They'd walked for a good while before either of them spoke a single word.

"Thank you," Asuka said after a while.

Shinji looked at her. "For what?"

"For not giving up on me. I spent so long trying to keep everyone away. You more than most. I pushed at you harder because you...always got under my skin somehow. I gave you more than enough reasons to never want to talk to me again."

Shinji shrugged. He looked down as he tried to pick his words carefully. "After the fighting, when I mentioned worrying about false memories? That had always preyed at my mind in Boston; worrying that all the pain, all the things that drove so much silence between us might have been something that had never been real. I started getting into philosophy because of thinking like that. What if all the things we thought were such great pieces of how we acted towards each other were something that had just been put together when we came out of Instrumentality? How would we know the difference in our own heads? I always felt like something was missing. It just... didn't feel right that we would end that way. So I held myself together somehow. The philosophy helped. Just having some of the things put into words helped, like 'Go on or go under'."

He looked sidelong at her. "When Rei put all that power in my hands, asked me what I wanted... I'd just seen the MP Evas _chewing_ on the shredded pieces Unit-02. I snapped, just started screaming... I don't think I was all there when I begged you to help me. But... at the end... what brought me out of it, what gave _all_ of us the chance to come out of Instrumentality... was when I realized I _could_ be happy. That I could choose to change things, and that I wanted to try..." He stopped and turned to face her. "And that I wanted to try with you. You saved the world, Asuka."

She looked at him, stunned. "What? I... how? I refused you! I threw it all back in your face, treated you as badly as anyone ever had."

"I barely remember my mother. My father abandoned me with hardly a word. My sensei was just that and that only. Before I came to Tokyo-3, I had no one. Even there, I had only a few friends, and by accident. I didn't connect to anyone. And then you appeared. You yelled at me, called me 'baka', pushed me as a Pilot... but no matter what, you were _there_. You didn't just let me drift. You were always there, in my face, so... so alive, so real... before you came, I'd just retreat into my music, hide away... I'd be small. Before you came, I just... existed. You made me live. And I knew that it was possible to be happy; I'd seen others find it. So when I decided that I wanted to try, there was no one else in my life that I'd want to try it with more than you. Misato-san, Ayanami-san... I... they didn't make me live the same way you did." He squeezed her hand and smiled at her. "I saw you, when I was in the hospital after I came out of the 12th Angel. I saw the way you were listening at the door when Ayanami-san left, and jumped when she opened it. It made me laugh. I knew you cared, even if you didn't show it directly much. And that First Kiss was pretty nice. I mean, it was really, really nice. I held on as long as I could. I'd have kissed you all night if I could have held my breath that long."

Asuka blushed and started walking again, pulling him along by his hand. "I'm... I..." She fought with what she was trying to get out. "Ahem! I'm... sorry. I... didn't... why didn't you hold me?" She looked at him out of the corner of her eye as they kept moving.

"Huh?"

"That's how kisses are supposed to go! You're supposed to hold the person you're kissing! I...I...I didn't run to the bathroom because I really had to rinse my mouth out. I ran so you wouldn't see me break down," she said in a rush. "I waited and waited for you to put your arms around me! When you didn't move, I though you didn't want me. I ran because I was about to start crying."

"You were holding my nose! I..." His indignant reply abruptly ran out of steam in the face of her obvious vulnerability at making this revelation. "I... I'm sorry. You held my nose because my breathing tickled you. It felt so good to kiss you, I was afraid of doing anything else that might make you stop, so I froze. I wanted it to go on as long as I could. I didn't know. If I had, I'd have held you..." He smiled again. "...tighter than this morning, even. I..." A thought struck him. "Wait, is this what you told yourself in the tent that made you scream?"

She looked at him. "Ah... yeah, it was. I... er, she used the fact I broke down in the bathroom, alone, when no one else could have known as a way to prove she was 'me'. When I... um... worried that you'd heard her mention that, she said that 'I' told you later... which would be now, I guess. But at the time I was just shocked at the idea I'd _ever_ tell you... that I wanted you to... hold me." She shook her head. "Wow. And two days later, here we are. Wow... I even told myself it was going to happen, and I still couldn't believe it."

Shinji gave her a sad smile. "Yeah, that's what 'I' said about it, that it was 'the kind of thing I wish I'd known' back then that could have let me help you. 'I' was right. If I'd known..." He snorted softly. "Back during the dinner last night, when Daniel pulled me away for a few minutes? He was pointing out a few critical gaps in my education, and that you were a genius who sometimes forgot that I wasn't one too. Sensei never covered the Bible much. I didn't know anything about the 'Walls of Jericho'. I thought it meant what you said, that they were impenetrable. I wish I was as smart as you, Asuka. If I'd known..." His free hand rubbed at the back of his head. "Well, I might still have chickened out, but...I'm sure I would have been awake all night trying to get the nerve to knock on your door. I wouldn't have been able to believe that someone as hot as you wanted me to come in. I still wish I was smarter. I'm sorry I missed it."

"See, Third Child? That's what you get for not being a genius like me; you miss out on chances to get the hottest, smartest, best Pilot in Tokyo-3 into your arms!" Asuka preened for a moment. Then her smile dropped a bit. "It... hurt when you didn't. I had no idea you didn't know that story. Everybody in a university in Germany knows enough of the Bible for that. I thought you'd get it. I waited for almost an hour for you to knock. I... had a bad night when I finally fell asleep. If I'd known how much holding you kept nightmares away, I'd have opened the door myself!" She squeezed his hand back.

"I know," Shinji replied. Asuka made a questioning noise. "You got up to go to the bathroom, and sleepwalked back to _my_ futon. I... um... remember after the 7th Angel, when you accused me of trying to kiss you in your sleep, and I said I thought you were asleep?" She gave him a mild glare, but nodded. "That was it. You came out of the bathroom and flopped onto my futon. Must have been since that room was where we'd been sleeping all week doing the synch training. But you looked absolutely gorgeous in the moonlight, and you were so close... I did try to kiss you. But..."

"Pervert. I knew it. But what?"

"...you were crying. And you called for... for your Mama. I... couldn't . I picked up my pillow and blanket and moved to the other side of the room for the night."

Asuka walked silently next to him for a bit. "Baka. You should have held me." She poked his shoulder with her free hand. "You've got orders now, remember!"

"Au! Jawohl, L-liebling," he smiled. _'Maybe one day I'll be able to say that without stuttering in embarrassment. Eh, I've only been saying it out loud for an hour. Practice, practice, practice.'_

"And don't you forget it!" She brightened. "Hey, that's right, you know German now! We can finally speak properly! Only German for the rest of today! You need to practice your tiny non-genius brain, baka-Shinji!"

"Wie du wünschst, Asuka."

The coast of their island's shore curved around and brought them back towards their own cabin's end. They'd sighted a few other cabins along the way, but saw no other people or signs of activity until they reached a point near the next cabin up the island from Ching's. Under a wide sunshade two beach chairs were occupied by figures that grew more familiar, but puzzling as they walked closer.

Asuka tilted her head and tried to reconcile what she was seeing with what she knew. The blonde hair and red beard were the same, but it was still hard to believe that the man in the first chair with the aviator sunglasses, white and red short-sleeved tropical shirt, and ratty shorts was their usually armored and caped host. Just as normal yet thereby odd was the Witch Queen next to him, now in a colorful sarong and backless swimsuit.

Daniel raised a coconut and paper umbrella drink at them as they drew near. "G'day, howdy-do, and hiya, kids. Having a good morning?" He nodded at their still joined hands. "Or are you still sort of feeling your way into things?" he asked in jaunty Japanese.

Asuka fought down the sudden embarrassed urge to jerk her hand away from Shinji and protest that it wasn't what they thought, an impulse made only stronger by the fact that it really was. _'No, damn it! He's mine!'_ She couldn't prevent the flush that ran up her neck and face, though. "Um... yes," she quietly answered in German.

"No surprise you'd give us the Mathematician's Answer, Asuka," Rayana observed as she sat up. She'd smoothly switched to German. "Take your time. It took me months, back when."

Daniel chuckled. "Not me. I saw her, I fell. Game Over, I surrendered. It did take me a few years to convince her to say 'Yes' to a certain question, though." His smile faded and his face grew serious. "We've got a lot of important things to cover soon, Shinji, Asuka. I've got some good news for you too, but we need to talk about some things before we can get to that. Please have a seat."

Asuka could feel Shinji stiffen through their mutual grip. A quiet, unsettled feeling went through her too as they broke their handclasp for the first time in most of an hour to take a couple of the empty chairs under the shade. The feeling got a little stronger as she watched the brighter, happy look on his face fade back into something far more familiar, his usual blank, withdrawn expression.

"Talk about what?" Shinji finally asked after they'd sat in silence for a minute.

Daniel put his coconut down on the sand and moved his sunglasses to the top of his head to look Shinji right in the eye. "''The time has come', the walrus said, to talk of many things'," he quoted. "Of wars and ships, and people whacked, of casualties and kings-of-the-mountain. We need to talk about your world, the campaign for South America you were about to embark on before I arrived, and how that will go. But that discussion itself must be prefaced by more general ones about how much you two want to be involved in that, and more importantly, what you are prepared to do and to risk towards that end." He gestured at the beach in general. "This is a nice place, a place to rest and recover. You two have more than paid your dues in terms of personal pain, sacrifice, and saving your world. The Imperial Army can more than handle the pacification of South America without you having to be involved at all, if you want. You do not _have_ to fight anymore if you don't want to. I want to at the very least give you two the option you never had at the beginning, to volunteer or not. You can say no; free will and free choice is meaningless if there are no truly viable alternatives to choose _from_. The 'choice' your father gave you when he summoned you back, for example, Shinji. So first question is: do you want to be a part of this at all?" He stopped and looked the question at them both.

Asuka opened her mouth to voice an immediate and firm 'yes', but stopped herself before a sound could emerge as she saw Shinji blanch out of the corner of her eye. She was suddenly torn between the urge to bop the Third Child over the head and demand he follow through on his vow to have her back, no matter what, to help her complete her almost vanished hope for one more chance at glory and validation in battle, and the novel impulse to actually take Shinji's hatred of war and killing into consideration. _'Damn it, Shinji, this was simpler when you were just the annoying Third Child.'_

"I... don't know," Shinji said. "I don't like fighting. I like killing even less."

"I know. I saw your fight during the coup, and how Asuka had to drag you into the fight, and how much you wanted to avoid innocents getting caught in the conflict. But something in that also worries me a great deal," Daniel replied. "I dislike having to hammer you on this, Shinji, but I'd have thought someone who's devoted serious time to study of philosophy would have a better appreciation for the implications of his choices."

"What do you mean?" Shinji asked.

"I am, and always have been, a soldier. A fighter. And yes, a killer. I long ago made peace with the fact that what I do will cause death and destruction, and that will sometimes spill over on those perhaps innocent. I became the greatest killer in the omniverse so that in the end I wouldn't have to at all because opposing me would be futile. I take every possible measure to minimize innocent suffering. But choosing inaction is a moral choice too, Shinji. I find myself in agreement with Asuka here, though she made the same point much less delicately in that battle; 'You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs', she said. Even when she pointed out to you that by refusing to fight the other MP Evas in Berlin you'd be condemning far more innocents to death under Winthrop's rule than the fighting in the city could possibly cause, it wasn't that logical conclusion that got you, if not to take up the fight yourself, to at least stop preventing her from taking action. What got you to stop holding her back was her reminding you of the choice you'd made to stop her from killing herself earlier that night, and her pointing out that stopping her from dying then would be meaningless if you got the both of you killed in the name of not getting blood on your hands. Wanting to avoid innocent blood being shed is a noble thing, Shinji, but you were choosing to avoid personal responsibility for such to the extent that you didn't seem to care if your choice would cause more people to suffer or die because of that."

Asuka winced as Shinji seemed to shrink into himself as Daniel relentlessly pounded the point home. It was almost as painful to watch as it had been when she had done it to him herself by accident at times. She found herself split again, wanting to say something in his defense, and yet still in full agreement with what Daniel was saying. Shinji had been ready to let Winthrop crush the coup rather than fight in Berlin's urban center. _"At least that'll be on Winthrop's conscience rather than mine,"_ he'd said at the time. She'd almost punched him. His precious conscience was worth how many lives?

Rayana noticed her conflict. "It speaks well to the strength of his feeling for you, Asuka, that even with his aversion to killing, there's still one thing, one person he's still willing to put that aside for; you."

Asuka didn't know exactly how to take this. She'd been training to fight as an Eva Pilot since before she was four years old. She had never spared much time on worrying about the ethical niceties of fighting the Angels. And she felt even fewer qualms about fighting and killing Winthrop's thuggish Guard Regiments and other forces; killing brutes like them had been a pleasure and a privilege. Still... _'The thing he hates more than anything, killing... and he's willing to kill for_ _ **you**_ _. Are you worth that, bitch?'_ the fear still argued. She shook that thought off, fighting back with anger again. _'Yes. If I'm not yet, then I will be. And if he's not willing to kill, then let me take that role. I'm willing and able. He's bled for me? I can bleed for him.'_ Decision firming within her, Asuka spoke up. "He doesn't have to. I can. He's not a killer? Fine. I am. If there's killing that needs to be done, I'll do it."

Shinji looked at her a mix of relief, shame, and protest. "Asuka? No! You... you don't need to..."

"It's alright, Shinji. It's good to see that you care enough about him to want to shield him from harm, Asuka, but it may not be necessary. We can structure the force for your world with a host of non-lethal weapons and gear, and we're fine with the challenge of aiming for a true 'Nobody Dies' scenario in South America." Daniel's lips quirked in a small smile at this. "And there's the pure 'shock & awe' value a sky _full_ of 80 meter tall mecha can have on some wanna-be generalissimo who might have half a dozen tanks at his disposal when we call for his surrender. I'll get into the details of that this afternoon, but I raised the point of Shinji's predilection for choosing not to fight even if it might do more harm in the long run for a more specific reason. Shinji, when did things really start to turn for the worse in the Angel War? What one event more than anything else started the downward spiral that led to Ayanami's death, Asuka's coma, and your spiritual breakdown after the last Angel?"

Shinji was nearly curled in around himself at this point. He didn't even look up from staring at his lap to answer. "I know what you're getting at. It was the 13th Angel. When father ordered them to activate the Dummy Plug, and I had to feel Eva Unit-01 tear Unit-03 apart with my hands... when father nearly made me kill my friend with my own hands."

Daniel nodded. "That's when things started to go to Hell. And your father had to order the Dummy Plug into use because the Angel had already wiped out Units 00 and 02, and Unit-01 was the only thing between the Angel and NERV HQ. You may not have known then, but you know now what an Angel making it into Terminal Dogma would have meant; a Third Impact even worse than the one you lived through. Humanity wiped out. You can blame your father for the cruelty that he handled you with, Shinji, but you've got to admit the _necessity_ of what he did. If not for the Dummy Plug, your refusal to fight back because your friend might be hurt could have doomed him, you, and everyone to die anyway, so that your hands would be clean. 'When you choose an action, you also choose the consequences of that action', another reluctant warrior once said. You've got to be aware of the consequences of your choices beyond your immediate moral dilemmas. Choosing not to fight is not always the moral choice."

Shinji face was a mask of anguish. "Touji was my friend! I couldn't..."

Asuka growled at herself internally. _'And if I hadn't been so chicken about telling the Third Touji was the Fourth after I found out, I wouldn't have been distracted when the Angel hit me and gotten knocked out so embarrassingly fast. I would have enjoyed having Kaji with us the night before a Hell of a lot more without that on my mind, too.'_

Daniel raised a hand in a calming gesture. "Easy, Shinji. You were set up for failure by nearly everyone around you. Anyone in NERV or Touji himself could have at least told you he was the Fourth Child. That alone would have lessened the shock. And whatever his strengths as a schemer and political maneuverer, your father was shit as a tactical commander. There's a reason he had Major Katsuragi as the Operations Commander. Sending you in one by one was the last thing he should have done. Asuka was your best close-quarters fighter, Ayanami a sniper...you should have all been in one coordinated attack. You could have overwhelmed the Angel all at once, disabled it, and saved Touji without it costing him a leg, and you your confidence to continue as a Pilot. And even alone, you should have been better trained and had ways to disable the Angel without ripping it apart the way the Dummy Plug did. I just wanted you to go over that fight again and ask yourself if you would have done anything differently."

Shinji's eyes were pinched tightly shut. "I go over that battle in my head at least once a week. I've gone over it about a thousand times since that day. I know, I ran away. I ran away from responsibility in that fight, and I ran away again right afterward. I left Asuka and Rei to face the next angel alone in the name of anger at my father and petty vanity in my own decision never to Pilot an Eva again. Unit-02's _head_ landed right on the shelter I was in! You think there's a week that goes by I don't see all the people who were crushed right in front of me? Or wish I hadn't let my father use my hands to rip my friend apart?! I..." He stopped in shock and looked down at his left hand in shock.

The hand that Asuka's now rested on top of.

"But you realized your mistake just in time, thanks to a bit of good advice from Ryoji Kaji. Good thing you were at that shelter," Daniel pointed out. "You got back in time to avert total disaster. You found the will to fight. Although I'm sure Asuka would have appreciated if you'd been there with her for a combined attack. The two of you together would have been able to take Zeruel, I think, especially with Ayanami-san as a booster."

Asuka's grip on his left hand tightened and she growled, "You leave me hanging like that again, Ikari, and I get to rip _your_ head and arms off." Her grip relaxed again. "And don't you dare ever vanish for a month like what happened after that, either. You made me worry, Third. And you're sworn to watch my back from now on, until I let you go, got it?"

Shinji finally snapped out of his freeze, and jerked his stare up from his hand to Asuka's face, blushing. "Uh... yes. Yes, my l-l-love."

"'My l-l-love', nothing! This is an order from your squad leader, understand?" Asuka retorted, inwardly glad she was managing to keep the grin off her face that wanted to break out on hearing him say it again, and in front of _other people_!

Daniel raised an eyebrow. "Squad leader? Would you like us to switch out your new toy for a pair of single-seat NAM-91A's instead of the two-seat trainer you've got? You don't have to fight together in one mecha if you'd rather be at the head of a squad."

Asuka jerked at the suggestion, and smothered an unpleasant pang of dismay at the idea. She groped for an excuse. "No! I... I mean, I just got my pretty _Red Whirlwind_ as a present yesterday! I can't just put that aside so quickly! It would insult the gift the fine people on 'my' ship gave me to do that!"

"Of course, we cannot offer insult to the good crew of the 'Red Demon', can we?" Rayana agreed. "Shame on you for making such a suggestion, dear."

"Lawks, where is my head? Of course we can't take away your brand new ride. Consider the idea tossed, Asuka," Daniel said dryly, not batting an eye. He leaned forward and looked hard at Shinji. "Now, Shinji, I didn't bring up the 13th Angel because I wanted you to have to relive bad memories. I need to ask you; knowing what you know now about Touji being the Pilot of Unit-03, the threat an Angel getting into NERV HQ represented, and how your refusal to fight led to Rei and Asuka facing the next Angel without you, would you do the same again? Or would you fight for your friends and family, even if you had to risk harming Touji?"

"...No. I wouldn't do it the same. It's easy to say now that I'd fight, knowing how bad it would turn out if I didn't. But... yes, I would fight. There were no civilians around to get hurt, and I wouldn't let my father turn the Dummy Plug on someone like that. I couldn't have been as bad as the Dummy Plug. And... gods, I wouldn't have to spend all the time since regretting how my actions led to people getting hurt like those ones in the shelter."

"Don't worry about them, we've got a Ranger doing a rescue-swap out on the people in that shelter already. Anyone who was going to get hurt we'll rescue and replace with a meat-puppet to take the hit. They'll be on Second Chance and getting prepared for repatriation as part of the Army push on South America," Rayana said comfortingly.

"And I'm very glad you could say you've thought about it, and that you'd do it differently. It would be hard for you to deal with what we're about to do next if you hadn't. You may still have the urge to let him punch you in the face in the name of karmic balance, though," Daniel said with a smile. He tapped his interface band once, and sat back.

"What are you talking about? What's next?" Shinji asked.

"A couple of friends are going come back out of the cabin they're in behind me, and bring out some more drinks. You like anything?"

"Um, no, I'm good. Asuka?"

She shook her head as well. "No. What do drink orders have to do with the fight with the 13th Angel?"

"Drink orders, not very much, but the people bringing the drinks will probably be happier to hear that Shinji would fight this time. Might save some trouble anyway, if you don't have a drink in your hand when she tackles you," Daniel said absently, reaching down for his coconut. "Four, three, two..."

This did not clear up Asuka's confusion. "What are you tal—" The tackle took her right out of the chair and into the sand beside her.

" _ASUKA!OHMIGODYOU'REALIVEYOU'REALIVEI'MSOGLADTOSEEYOU!_ " The blue and brunette blur that had struck her finally resolved itself into an extremely excited Hikari Horaki.

"Ack! What? Who? Hikari?" Asuka collected herself as best she could while half upside-down and with Hikari still all over her. "Hikari! It's great to see you too, but could you let me up?"

"Sorry! Sorry! I'm just so happy to see you! You too, Ikari-kun!" Hikari untangled herself from Asuka and stood back up. In doing so she nearly backed into the boy right behind her who was holding a couple of cans of soda.

"Careful, Class Rep! Yo, Shinji. You've gotten taller. And you got _older_ , Demon." Touji Suzuhara put the sodas on the small table in between the chairs.

Asuka gave him a sharp death-glare, but said sweetly, "What? I'm sorry, could you come closer and speak into my good ear? My hearing isn't what it used to be."

Touji obligingly stepped nearer and bent down to talk right into her ear. "I _said_ , you go—GLURK-"

Asuka's grip on his collar twisted and easily cut off his breath, and she bashed him on the head hard enough to drop him into the sand. "Stooge," she said dismissively.

Rayana shook her head and said, "He's just a charmer with women, isn't he? You think he'd learn after she nearly pulled his ear off on the beach. Poor form to drool over a woman like that, especially when her husband is standing right there. Horaki-chan helpfully reminded him of his manners."

Asuka turned back to her friend. "Hikari, I...wow...um, you don't look any different."

Hikari sat in the chair next to her and looked back at her in matching confusion. "And you _do_ look older, Asuka. What happened to both of you?"

Asuka shot a glance at their hosts. Rayana just nodded and gave her a 'go ahead' gesture. "Let me guess, your first clear memory in a long while is waking up underwater on a beach, with these two waiting for you? Preceded by a bunch of really strange dreams, memories that don't feel like yours, and weird perspectives on things in your head?"

Asuka ignored Touji's angry look as he sat in one of the empty chairs on the far side of Hikari and brushed the sand off himself. Hikari nodded. "And then they brought us here said you'd be here in a little while to explain things. Are we really on another world?"

Asuka blew out a breath of air. "That's going to take a bit of explaining. Ah..." She looked at Daniel and Rayana again. "A little help?"

Rayana shrugged and said, "Short version for now; The Angels were trying to get at their father-progenitor creature, ADAM, which was hidden under NERV HQ. If they could do that, it would trigger the Third Impact, wipe out all human life on Earth, and make the Angel that did it into a god, for all practical purposes. A group calling itself SEELE controlled the UN and figured out the Angels' nature and intent well before the Second Impact, which SEELE in fact _caused_ , because they knew that if all the Angels were killed, they could hijack the process and make themselves gods instead. Gendo Ikari screwed everybody when he did it himself to have a chance to reunite with Shinji's mother, Yui. When he set off the Third Impact it collapsed all human souls into one single mass-consciousness. Ayanami-san, who was in fact a half-Angel clone of Shinji's mother, refused him the control he intended and gave control of the Third Impact to Shinji here. He eventually decided that all of humanity living as one giant blob of souls with no ego borders was not the way to go and told Ayanami-san to make it possible for everyone to return to their bodies and seek happiness. Shinji and Asuka were the first to return, and over the last four years more people have also incarnated, but about two-thirds of the population is still in the Ring of Souls around Earth. People pulled out of that, such as yourselves, return to bodies that match your last mental self-image. So Suzuhara-san gets his arm and leg back intact, and you both haven't aged at all. Asuka and Shinji came out four years ago, so they really _are_ a bit older than you now. Oh, and yes, you really are on another world. Welcome to Avalon. Take off your shoes and stay awhile." She looked back to Asuka. "Good enough for the moment?"

Hikari looked back and forth between Rayana and Asuka. "...That made no sense. What?"

"Wait until we tell you about how Asuka and Shinji were instrumental to the success of a coup against a brutal world dictator by Piloting a half-working Evangelion Unit," Daniel chimed in with a smile.

Hikari and Touji regarded the two Pilots with wide eyes. "Asuka," Hikari finally said, "What in the world has been going on?"

"Yeah, Shinji, what's is all thi-" Touji cut off in surprise as Shinji suddenly stood up and moved over to Touji's chair and hugged him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Shinji said into his friend's shoulder. "I...because I...wouldn't fight when your Eva was taken over by that Angel...I'm sorry..."

"Hey, hey, what are you talking about? All I remember is trying to start the synch test with Unit-03, I got a blinding headache, and then I woke up in the hospital with one leg and a smashed arm."

"An Angel somehow took over your Eva. NERV deployed us in ours to stop you. We didn't do so well," Asuka explained. "Wondergirl and I got taken out, and baka-Shinji didn't want to fight the Angel because he was worried he'd hurt whoever the Pilot was. He didn't know it was you until the end, Stooge. But his _Arschloch_ father kicked in an autopilot system called a Dummy Plug, and it went totally berserker on your Eva. Ripped it apart way past when the fight was over, then crushed your Entry Plug. Baka-Shinji here is just feeling guilty that he didn't fight himself, and blames himself for you getting hurt. We just had a little talk on that topic." She looked significantly at Daniel.

"But I'm okay now, Shinji! Relax! See, I got my leg back and everything." Touji pulled Shinji away and sat him back up. "Hey, wait! If I got my leg back, can you do the same for my sister?" he asked their hosts.

"Sure can. We'll do a pickup on both of your families after we're done here, maybe this afternoon," Rayana said. "For lunch, we've got a campaign to plan. We'll collect you four and the other two, and we'll go over how much you are ready to be involved."

"Other two?" Hikari asked.

"They picked up Misato and Kaji-san yesterday. They're on one of the other islands around here," Asuka said. "And be ready for them to be annoyingly cute; Misato got him to ask her to marry her. She's got a huge ring on now." Funny, that didn't bother her as much as it had yesterday. Not after this morning.

Asuka had underestimated Hikari's romantic streak. "Really?" her friend squealed happily. Asuka suddenly found herself pinned by Hikari's alarmingly bright grin. "Ne, Asuka, didn't I just also see you and Ikari-kun _holding hands_? Something going on, hmm? It's been four years for you, are you together now? Tell me tell me tell me!"

Shinji turned the color of a ripe tomato. "Ah HAH!" Hikari pounced. "There _is_ something going on! I _knew_ you two cared about each other! Everyone could see it!" She let out a string of ecstatic noises. It was the first time in her life Asuka had actually heard someone 'squee'.

"Say it ain't so, Shinji! You've made a deal with the Devil?!" Touji wailed.

"Um...um...that is...we..." Shinji mumbled into the ground at his feet.

"We were...separated for most of the last four years. Yes, we were in the middle of overthrowing the thug who'd appointed himself head of the UN after he seized the stockpile of N2 mines. After the coup, ah...the Third and I came to an arrangement. That was a month ago. We're still working out the details," Asuka said carefully. She was proud of herself. She'd managed to redden only a fraction as much as the Third had, and could still form a coherent sentence. "Things have changed a bit recently since our mysterious hosts appeared in our tent and offered to give us a hand at um...rebuilding our world and such, undoing all the damage Commander Ikari and SEELE did to us all. In the last couple of days..." Asuka felt herself starting to lose the fight with the grin that was threatening to grow on her face. Her pulse was already racing ahead. "Um...we've...um...said a few things to each other. He...promised he'd watch my back from now on, and...hey, I've got this great new mecha they gave me, way more powerful than an Evangelion, and they even painted it to look like my Unit-02!"

Hikari wasn't going to be thrown off the scent that easily. She brushed aside Asuka's attempted diversion like a shark that had smelled blood in the water. Her grin was the same, too. "Is that all, Asuka? Just 'said a few things', mm?" She looked at Shinji, and Asuka could almost see the tumblers click in her head. Hikari's eyes widened. "Ohmigod! Asuka, did he confess to you?!"

Shinji's face edged towards incandescent. Asuka's started to follow. She managed a very tiny nod.

This time Hikari's squeals probably were heard by any dogs nearby and any dolphins offshore. Daniel wiggled a finger in his ear and looked at Rayana. "Wow, that was less than five minutes. I owe you a foot massage."

Rayana managed not to look too smug. "Told you so. Want to go double or nothing on Asuka's counter?"

"No bet."

"Chicken."

Asuka reddened further and almost threw a 'counterattack' at the quietly smiling couple. She instead froze entirely when she felt Shinji's hand take hers again. Touji's mouth was hanging open as he watched the terrifying sight of his buddy falling under the power of the dreaded Red Demon. Hikari had both hands over her mouth and looked like she was about to unleash some more squees that bats on the other side of Avalon would pick up. And Shinji...was looking at her and smiling again. "Yes, I did. Just this morning." he said just loud enough for them to hear.

A shrinking but still vocal part of Asuka's mind wanted to hit him over the head for embarrassing them in front of other people like that and storm off, or flee, whatever was faster. But a growing part shouted it down and practically wallowed in the wave of emotion that left her feeling like her blood was fizzing. _'He's mine! He's mine! He likes me! He looks at me!'_ His hand in hers did calm her vibrating brain enough to organize a counter-sally against Hikari's relentless romantic questioning. Asuka Langley Sohryu never backed down from a fight. This was just another kind. _'You wanted romantic details? Fine, open wide, sister...'_

"Yes. Yes he did. After he made me breakfast in bed. Our bed; we've been sleeping together for the last month. He did offer to wash my back, but I got out of the shower before he was done cooking," Asuka said, far more coolly than she felt. _'What they don't know about the specifics therein of how we got in that situation is just fine,´_ she thought. Hikari turned puce. Touji seemed on the verge of passing out. _'Excellent. Now for the killing strike.'_ "So, Hikari...Shinji finally manned up and told me how wonderful he thinks I am. How about you? Have you told Touji about how _you_ feel?"

If Touji's eyes got any wider, they'd pop. His head robotically creaked around to stare at Hikari. "C-c-class Rep?"

Hikari said nothing. She didn't make a sound or move...until she fell over, out cold, and landed with her head in Touji's lap.

"And it's a solid hit and a KO! Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier! Germany wins!" Daniel dryly commented. "Looks like you're going to have to wait for a bit to get an answer on that one, kid. But hey, at least she landed in your lap. Maybe that's a good sign?"

Touji's eyes rolled up and he slumped over on top of Hikari.

"Yup, smooth with the ladies," Rayana said, in German again. "That'll teach her to dive into a battle she's not ready for, eh, Asuka?"

Asuka clenched her free hand to hide the shaking. "Yeah, shows her."

Daniel stood up and picked Touji up off of Hikari. Rayana picked Hikari up. "Well, let's get these two shrinking violets inside," he said. "Your call, Asuka: Do we put them in separate beds, or set them on the couch with their arms around each other?"

"Heh. That would be funny to get on video, but I don't need to rub in my victory that much," Asuka smirked. "Them just waking up holding hands will be sufficient."


	16. Two Pair, Full House

**A Crown of Stars**

 **Chapter**

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Part 28  
 **Sharing Burdens & Sins**

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Shinji poked at the silvery band around his left wrist and shook his head as his wrist reported only the sensation of his fingernail on skin. It was like he wasn't wearing it at all. Rayana had handed each of them an interface band like the one Asuka had been wearing for the last day and explained their use and capabilities to them. Water-, fire-, and impact-proof, powered off their own bioelectricity, able to tie right into their own nervous system with a little training for false video calls or silent communication, capable of near interplanetary range when there were other Imperial communications systems nearby to boost off of, and more, all in an impossibly thin film wrapped around his arm.

He'd only been playing with it for a few minutes when it buzzed against his skin. He saw 'INCOMING CALL; IKARI GENDO' appear on the display. He angrily stabbed at the red 'REJECT?' button that had appeared underneath. His expression and sharp motion drew Asuka's attention. "My _father_ ," he snarled quietly through a twisted mouth. "I don't feel like taking his calls."

"Let him sweat for a while, Shinji, but you should give him a chance eventually," Daniel said.

Shinji shook his head. "Not yet. Not nearly yet. I've had not even a day to deal with the idea that Ayan-... _Rei_ was my sister. Less time than that to actually think about it." He gave Asuka a weak smile. "Most of the morning I've had something else on my mind."

"Pervertierter Dummkopf," Asuka replied, but without the bite it would have had even a week ago. The previous week would not have seen her returning the smile either.

"And I'm betting you'd like to have a good deal more time to think about that little topic," Daniel continued. "Think about it, but think about Ayanami-san too. We're going to head back to your world to try contact with her this afternoon."

Shinji felt Asuka stiffen next to him. He did too. "Contact?" he asked, startled.

"We've felt her presence a bit when we did the retrievals of your friends. We're going to pick up the rest of the NERV bridge crew, Aida-san, and Suzuhara-san and Horaki-san's families this afternoon. While we're there, we figured it would be a good time to bring you two and Dr. Ikari along and try direct contact with her," Rayana said.

"Why me?" Asuka asked. "Shinji and Dr. Ikari I can see, but why me too?"

"I have a very strong feeling this conversation will involve you too, Asuka. You'll be one more familiar face for her to see. She may want to talk to you too."

"It's not like Wondergirl and I had much to say to each other the last time we saw each other, or that she was ever that talkative in the first place. Whatever. When?" Asuka shrugged.

"A bit after lunch. There's no need for rushing right now. The whole point of bringing you all here to Avalon was to give you a chance to decompress and relax. You've had years of events tossing you around like papers in a storm. Now's your chance for a honest holiday and a chance to _decide_ what is going to happen next, instead of it just happening to you. And you might have more to say to Ayanami-san than you think, Asuka. When Commander Ikari tried to order her to begin the Third Impact on his instructions, you know what she said to him?" Daniel asked her.

Asuka shook her head. "I was kind of busy at that point, dealing with SEELE's own little play in that direction." She looked at Shinji. "I'm still not ready to give you a pass on that one, Shinji."

He winced. _'Yeah, I don't think I'm ready to be forgiven for that either, Asuka. You don't have to rub it in thou-'_

"But I'm getting closer. You've got the rest of our lives to watch my back. That ought to give you a chance to make up for costing me my last one." She missed Shinji's shocked look as she turned her face back to Daniel. "So what did she say that was so important?"

Rayana gave Asuka's little aside a raised eyebrow, but answered, "When he ordered her to do what he wanted, what he'd created her for and raised her for, to the pathetic extent that he did, anyway, Ayanami-san told him 'I am not your doll.' Then she gave control to Shinji instead. Sound familiar?"

Asuka blinked. "She said _what_?"

Daniel cocked his head. "It may not have been as direct an effect as her conversations with Shinji, but you did influence the First Child more than you might have thought. She listened more than you'd guess. There have been worlds where you two got along much better when you reached out to her, too. There have even been worlds where she specifically adopted _you_ as her role model on how to dress like, walk like, and act like a normal teenage girl since she decided you were the most impressive example of such she knew of." He laughed. "Your eyes almost popped out of your head the first time you watched her dress _fashionably_ and strut down the street like you do, absolutely confident in your looks and your attitude. The fact she walked up to Shinji and gave him a hug almost made you contemplate strangling her for...um, 'touching your stuff', as you put it. She ended up fairly happy dating Aida-san, actually."

Asuka looked surprised but accepting until the end of that news. "Ok, now that's even less believable. Wondergirl and the nerdiest Stooge are probably the two people in the world _least_ likely to ever get a date, let alone with each other. Once more, somebody was walking around in a dream there."

"You'd be surprised at what a variety of things the multiverse can throw up that still contains recognizable analogues of yourselves. I think we'll hold off telling you about any of the more outlandish ones, though I get the feeling if I tell you not to ask, you'll do it anyway. I'll try not to say 'I told you so' if that happens. In any case, we'll head for your world this afternoon. For now, do anything you like. We'll be around should you call, and maybe see you for lunch. Ready, love?" Rayana nodded, and the two waved a goodbye as they walked out the door.

Shinji was still staring at Asuka. It took him a minute to realize that they were now alone again. They'd left Misato and the others at their cabin after the 'campaign conference' broke up, but Daniel and Rayana had come with them back to their own. But now they were alone again, and unlike all the times before it now had all sorts of different possibilities and implications that it hadn't yesterday... _especially_ because now their friends knew it too. Shinji blushed again remembering the amazingly dirty wink Misato had given him as he and Asuka had left. Kaji-san right next to her giving him a thumbs-up hadn't helped.

"Wondergirl and the geek-Stooge?" Asuka snorted. "And that's _not_ the craziest world they've seen?" Her expression faded into a more perplexed look. "So she _was_ listening to me. She was not a doll at the end after all."

"And you may have saved the world again," Shinji said. "You helped convince Rei she wasn't a doll, and me that happiness was worth the risk of pain." He took Asuka's hand again. He was finding doing that, being able to touch her, feel her warm hand against his, was rapidly becoming almost addictive. From the way Asuka quickly grasped his hand in return, he wasn't alone in that feeling.

"So..." they both began, and stopped. Shinji paused, then nodded at her to go first.

"So, you go where I go? 'We've spent enough time apart'?" she asked lightly. "Are you a man or a puppy dog, Third?"

"So you're willing to kill so that I don't have to?" he responded, his voice much flatter.

Asuka's small smile died. "Way to bring down the mood, Third." She looked down at their hands. "Yes. I... I've trained most of my life to fight as a Pilot. I never worried about the choice that I'd made. Not about that part of it, anyway. You were dragged into it by your father, and forced into the Entry Plug by blackmail and desperation. I was ready to slug you during that fight for being so stupid, letting the chance of collateral casualties freeze us in place, and give Winthrop twenty more years to fuck up the world because you wouldn't... I know you don't like it, Shinji, but that's war, and we were the only ones who could have made that coup succeed. Jinnai may only be an improvement by comparison, but I'd still make that choice again. I... know you hate to kill. I... can. So if it comes down to it, I'll take that shot for you."

"I owe you a life, you offer to take a death in my place... I wish I'd looked more at Taoism than Philosophy of Mind right now," Shinji said, a little sadly. "And as for time apart... yeah, after the last three and a half years... I'm sorry I disappeared that month. I'd have come back sooner if I'd been able to. I didn't know I made you worry so much."

"You start in on that philosophy crap and I'll make you disappear again. Yes, you worried me! Who was I supposed to beat to be best Pilot if you vanished, Wondergirl? Come on! I..." her usual arrogance ran out of steam when her eyes drifted to their hands again. "It wouldn't have been the same, alright? And without the Great, Invincible Shinji-sama, who knows how the 13th and 14th Angels would have gone? Or the coup?" Asuka tried to keep the superior tone in her voice, but it faded. "Don't you get killed on me, Third. You still owe me a life, and until you pay me back you're under orders not to die. Not after you say something like you said this morning. Got it?"

He squeezed her hand. "Understood." He stared at her hands for a moment before he said more quietly, "You... thank you for offering to take that burden for me, Asuka... but... like I said, I can't accept happiness bought with someone else's pain."

Asuka looked a little annoyed. "I'm trying to do something nice for you, baka."

"I know. Thank you. But I can't ask you to carry my sins for me. I..."

"I wasn't asking," Asuka said more firmly.

Shinji shook his head. "You can't. More philosophy, I'm sorry. I'm just as guilty of a sin if I'm complicit. If I let you kill in my place, I still have that sin myself, and I've also made you take it on too. I'll never look for a fight with the same eagerness you will, Asuka, but I'll never make you take on my guilt. I promised to watch your back. You're a fighter. I know that I'll have to fight next to you to fulfill my promise. I owe you. If it comes down to it, I think I've decided that your life means more to me than... well, a spotless conscience would be cold comfort. I'll accept what I have to do to make that happen. I'll worry about my own forgiveness after that."

Asuka just stared at him in amazement. "I don't believe you, Third. You try to turn down my offer to take on something you hate, throw more of your damn philosophy at me, yet still manage to make it sound noble and tie it to your promise to never desert me. I've never seen anyone else who can brood _at me_ like it's a Gottdamn superpower!"

"I'm sor—" He cut off at her warning look that was edging toward a glare. "I... l-love you, Asuka. I won't add to your own burdens to carry. I will help you carry yours."

"Baka-Shinji, the perpetual hero-martyr. Just remember you're not allowed to get killed, baka. And-" She stopped abruptly and colored a bit. "This is going to take getting used to. And you keep saying that. I like hearing it."

Shinji essayed a small smile. "What, 'I'm sorry'?"

"Baka! I... like hearing it, and... I'm pretty sure I'm going to need all the reminders I can get. And... and... you're damn well holding me tonight, Third Child! I don't want more nightmares!"

"Anything you want, Asuka. Those I'll gladly take from you."

"You take what I give you, and give me everything I want, that was the arrangement," she agreed. "And now what I want is... is... I want you to..." Shinji watched her swallow, and fought down the impulse to do the same. Sometimes the legacy of their synchronization training had strange effects. His hand was sure shaking in time with hers in their joined grip.

"I want you to hold me," Asuka finally finished in a mumble.

 _'She wants me to... okay, we're through the looking glass now, Ikari. This is starting to be even weirder and more terrifying than Instrumentality was.'_ Shinji did gulp now, and somewhat to his own surprise tugged on her hand to pull Asuka closer against him.

Apparently Asuka hadn't expected that move either, and 'eep'-d slightly in surprise as she was pulled over to thump against his chest. Shinji broke their grip and wrapped his arms around her. _'Again.'_ He thought. _'Just a bit more adrenalin involved than last time, though.'_ Asuka had to be just as aware of his jackhammering heartbeat with her head against his chest like that. Both of them froze as his arms settled into place. After a long, tense pause, he felt her slowly relax and adjust herself to lie more comfortably.

"That's better, Th-... Shinji. Good boy." Asuka's voice was trying for a brash, arrogant note, but the increasing blush on her face beat that back into a half-hearted softer tone.

 _'Oh gods, she feels warm and... soft.'_ He fractionally loosened his arms around her for a second when he felt her own arms wiggle around his own sides and clamp on fiercely.

"Um..." he said hesitantly after another taught pause.

"Just... shut up and stay put, baka. That's... that's an order."

"Yes, Asuka."

.

* * *

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Part 29  
 **Two Pairs, Full House**

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Elsewhere, two other young people were having an entire extended and hesitant negotiation session without a single word. Or even looking at each other, for that matter.

Touji Suzuhara sat on the couch in the small house on the beach they'd been told was theirs for as long as they needed and desperately tried to get his leg to stop bouncing. He wasn't winning the fight, but staring at his knee was a lot easier than looking less than a meter to his right and trying to keep his flaming red face pointed at his former Class Representative Hikari Horaki. The fact she seemed to be likewise engaged in a silent starting contest with her own lap didn't even register on his mind, which had been busily whirring over a single paralyzing thought since he regained consciousness.

True, the thought had been pushed to the back of his head while Shinji and the Red Demon filled them in on what had been going on in their world since the incomprehensible strangeness of the Third Impact had swallowed them all up. The immediately following discussion on joining in the war to set their battered world right had added a host of new questions to answer, but once their strange hosts and his two classmates had left, the first question had reasserted itself.

The spectacle of himself and the Class Rep sitting on the couch and blushing furiously while they both tried to work up the nerve to even look at each other had left Major Katsuragi in stitches while Kaji-san had tried to hold her up.

After she finally got control of herself, at least to the point of only occasional giggles, Major Katsuragi had wiped at her eyes and sat down on the couch across the cocktail table from them.

"So, I'm going to go waaaay out on a limb here and guess that what Rayana told me about how Asuka knocked you two out with one shot was accurate," she asked with great amusement. The intensification of their blushes was all the answer she needed to start snickering again. "Hee hee hee! Oh, you kids are hilarious! Even more fun than those two! Here's some relationship advice; talk-" She swatted at Kaji when he started to laugh at her saying that. "Quiet! And grab me a beer! Talk to each other, don't hold back, be careful, and if you can't be careful, name it after me."

Hikari looked like she was thinking about passing out again. Touji was about to vote in favor of that himself. Misato started cracking up again, but cooled down suddenly as Kaji-san pressed a beer into her lifted hand.

"Now," she began, "besides that, it sounds like they won't _need_ just another Pilot, Suzuhara-kun, so you don't have to jump in on this if you don't want to. But I'm sure Shinji-kun would appreciate having a friend he trusts fighting with him." Her completely composed and cool Operations Officer persona was a stunning switch for Touji, but it helped calm his blushing as he turned his thinking back to less...confusing matters.

"I...yeah, I know Shinji would like a buddy in a fight, but I wasn't so hot in my only shot at it," Touji said slowly. "And the Class Rep...I mean, I don' wanna see her have to go into a fight like that. She might get hurt, and I really don' wanna see that! She's too prett-Um..." His blush slightly returned.

"Looks like you two _really_ need to talk this out. Okay! Kaji, we're outta here!" Misato said cheerfully and stood up.

"What? Where are you going? You're going to leave us _alone_?" Hikari asked apprehensively.

"You two aren't going to be able to make a good decision until you can at least _look_ at each other. So my _fiancé,_ " she trilled the word, "and I are going to go back to our cabin and play 'Who gets tired first?', and you two are going to sit here until you talk to each other. Call us later when you've made up your minds as to what you want to do. Apart from each other, that is." The blushes returned full strength.

She and her lover departed, still laughing. After a long, even more embarrassed interval, Touji finally turned his head to find Hikari already staring at him. "Class Re-"

"You think I'm pretty?" she asked him quietly.

"Um...um...um...yes?" He coughed and tried again "Yes."

Hikari sat silently for a moment. "Suzuhara Touji-san, I have been trying to get you to ask me out for months. If you think I'm pretty, why didn't you say anything?"

Touji looked anywhere but in her eyes. "Um...I'm no good at talkin' to girls."

"And I'm no good at talking to boys," Hikari replied. "That's why I tried to get you to talk to me; making you lunch, offering to go with you to deliver papers to Ayanami-san's home, and such."

"I...um...I kinda guessed...somethin' like that. I was gonna talk to you after the Eva test, but...y'know how that went."

Hikari nodded, and scooted a little closer to him. "Touji...do you think that was a little mean, how Asuka...umm...mumble mumble mum..."

"Um...yeah, it was, I guess...um..so...how _do_ you..."

Hikari rallied, and went on much more assuredly, "So...if we're both bad at _talking_...I have an idea about what we can do next."

"What kind of..." Hikari slid her hand into his lap and took his hand in hers. He swallowed nervously. "...idea?" he ended in a soprano squeak.

Hikari smiled wickedly. Touji shivered, in fear or anticipation, he wasn't sure.

Asuka was losing an argument with herself, and it was _great_.

She was lying _comfortably,_ and had been for at least an hour, in Shinji's arms. _'This is humiliating. It's the fucking Third Child, the spineless, useless wimp! He's not a man, he's a fucking sponge, a parasite!'_ Except he'd sworn never to desert her again, and pledged her a life for the one his paralysis had cost her.

He was so warm, and holding her. _'You don't need this! This is stupid! He's just using you to make himself feel better!'_ Except she was the one feeling better, and using him to keep the nightmares at bay.

He'd taken her hand unprompted and confirmed _in front of their best friends_ that he had in fact confessed his love for her that very morning. _'He's lying! He's just saying that so you'll be nice to him! He doesn't care about you, he just wants anyone who'll coddle and comfort him!_ Except he had said it was her and only her that he looked to in the end. He'd gone on after Touji, Rei, Kaworu and even Misato had been lost to him. Losing her had broken his mind.

He'd called her beautiful and kissed her. _'He thought he was dreaming! You know what he'd do if he thought you were asleep! He'd take every filthy advantage of you he could!'_ Except he hadn't. He'd been sleeping next to her for a month, and hadn't touched her at all except for their one failed attempt. He didn't even especially ogle her when she dressed.

And he'd stopped because he was hurting her. _'He doesn't want you! You're a filthy whore!'_ Except he'd had a _really_ hard time keeping his eyes off her legs and chest this morning when he thought she wasn't looking. And he'd plain _said_ he wanted her when she asked.

He smelled kind of spicy-musky, and it was getting absolutely intoxicating. _'No he doesn't! It's...It's...you're imagining it! They fucked with your brain at that clinic! He's just the fucking Third Child! He's just a man like Winthrop and Jinnai! He'll just use you and discard you when he loses interest,_ _ **just like everyone else!**_ _'_ Except no, not like them. Very much _not_ like them, in fact. She knew he'd never do anything to her that she didn't want him to, and would happily accept _anything_ she wanted to do to him. And some parts of her were getting very, _very_ interested in that idea. This time there was no cold water or question about who she was dealing with to cool her down. And she was rapidly losing the argument that she shouldn't be thinking about doing any of those things.

She'd never exactly even _had_ a sex life. She'd been just starting to think about such things when she'd headed straight into the Angel War. Her attempt to get Kaji to help her out there one buzzed night on the _Over The Rainbow_ had been gently declined by him. She'd had just _one_ kiss in her life that didn't make her want to wash her mouth out with disinfectant, which made it only sadder that she actually _had_. And her tentative hints to the Third Child had been missed when she aimed too high for his education level, or mistaken his panicked, oxygen-deprived paralysis for rejection. Learning just this morning that he'd have _enthusiastically_ responded if she'd just grabbed him instead of running out of the room was hugely frustrating. How differently would their lives have gone if there'd just been that little deviance from the world they knew?

Her 'sex life' had gone downhill from there. A despairing and nearly grief-mad Third Child jerking off over her catatonic body in the hospital before the final battle of NERV had been the _high point_ before the years that came after of being the subject of Winthrop's and Jinnai's 'attentions' _,_ attentions that were only technically not rape because of her barely, never-actually-asked-for silent acquiescence.

But now that was gone, undone in a still not-fully-processed miracle. Her body was hers and hers alone again. She could do what _she_ wanted with it. And Shinji would do whatever she wanted of him. Five years of nearly destroyed sex drive and teenage hormones was coming back at her with a vengeance. She now had available to her a large bed, privacy, and _carte blanche_ from a willing, free, and (though she couldn't think of anything that would make her admit it out loud) not entirely unattractive partner.

She had secured her place as a Pilot. She had her Mama. She had Shinji. She had the open-ended backing of people who had offered her anything she asked for. She could do _whatever she wanted_. She was _free_. The thought struck her with almost physical force. Shinji's arms around her notwithstanding, she felt like she was floating...no, _flying_. _''Jump off the edge, never worry about the fall', eh? I think I'm starting to like this.'_ She felt marvelously relaxed and yet at the same time energized. She was feeling...her eyes got wide.

She was starting to feel like she had on the beach.

 _Now_ her pulse kicked into fifth gear. _'...well, Rayana did promise.'_ some tiny portion of her mind noted absently. She was feeling like she had on the beach...and her arms were now _already_ around Shinji. So what did she want to do next? _'I can do anything I want...so what do I want?'_ she thought tensely. _'I...I want...more.'_ Decision firmed in her breast. She loosened her hands from behind Shinji and slid them and herself higher, bringing his face to a level closer to hers.

Shinji had looked down in surprise as her arms loosened and she moved higher against him. "Asuka?"

When her head was even with his she locked eyes with him from inches away. "Baka-Shinji, haven't you been listening today?" she said softly.

Shinji just looked confused. "Y-yes, Asuka!" His eyes were really a very nice dark blue, like deep, cool water just begging you to jump in on a hot day...Um! Focus!

"When someone kisses you, you're supposed to hold them!" she said more sharply.

"Um...I am?"

"And it goes the other way too," she said softly again. _'There, let's see what you make of that, baka-Shinji...and I hope you don't miss_ this _'little signal', or I'm throwing you into the lagoon for sure.'_

Shinji's eyes got a lot wider. They searched hers wildly for any sign of manipulation, a trick, finally settling to meet her gaze with intense focus. She felt his hands slide up her back. She felt one slide behind her head and press her closer. She felt his lips meet hers. She felt every nerve on her body light up.

She felt like she was _soaring_.


	17. Earning What You Deserve

**A Crown of Stars**

 **Part 30**

 **Earning What You Deserve**

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Asuka lounged on the soft couch and tried not to giggle. _'I can't believe I've just spent the last_ two hours _making out with the Third Child. Wheee! Oh God, this is better than being drunk! Wait, being drunk is pretty fun too...note to self; sample what making out while buzzed feels like_ tonight _!'_ She felt fairly dizzy already. Of course, much more of this and she was going to need to change her underwear pretty soon. She hadn't been this turned on in _years,_ maybe ever.

The two of them would probably still be going at it if their growling stomachs hadn't made themselves heard. They'd oh-so-reluctantly parted to allow Shinji to rise and cook them something to eat in the kitchen. It may not have been midday yet, but it was certainly twelve o'clock, and whatever plans there were in store for 'lunchtime', they were hungry now. Asuka idly wondered how the locals dealt with it. Were two meals before and after midday normal? One really big meal at noon? Or did being _Homo Avalonis_ mean they didn't need to eat so much period? _'And who knew you could work up such an appetite with just your mouth and hands?'_ she thought with a lazy smile. Turns out the Third Child's hands were pretty good at setting her neck and back on fire in a nice, tingling way, just tracing random patterns up and down as they kissed.

Three days ago, there'd been nothing. She'd had the prospect of one more campaign, hardly a fight, as the mere appearance of her mostly functional MP Eva would likely have frightened whatever warlords ran their petty fiefdoms in South America into submission just by coming over the hill. One more day in the sun as the mighty Evangelion Pilot, then nothing, the Dummy Plugs sure to replace her as soon as they were operational. Jinnai had ample reason to think that if the Pilots were willing to overthrow one UN Chairman, they might not be so hard to persuade to do the same to a second. If she was unlucky, Jinnai would just have her shot. If she was lucky, she'd be shuffled off to some gaudy, pointless job title that would have meant nothing at all of any meaning would be allowed to come near her for the rest of her life. Shinji would get tired of their arrangement and leave. And she'd be left alone with every filthy, mocking memory of a life that she'd sacrificed her soul to keep afloat for just a handful of years past the end of the world and the entire human race getting to see what she looked like inside.

Now... she had _everything_. A bigger, badder, wilder mecha than ever. Crowds cheering her name. Her body healed of every scar and blemish. Her purity reclaimed. Her mother restored. Her last campaign re-imagined not as a pathetic swan-song for her brief career as a Pilot, but as the mere beginning of the liberation and rebuilding of her whole world. And a boy who looked at her, swore to her, held her, and told her he loved her. A world without any shadows left that she could not erase.

 _'A world_ _ **you**_ _don't deserve.'_

Except perhaps one, it seemed. Asuka suddenly grit her teeth against the vicious wave of self-loathing that tried to crawl back up from where she'd banished it. "No! I do deserve it! It was all taken from me! It's mine! I deserve to be happy! Haven't I suffered enough?" she whispered to herself.

 _'I, I, I! Selfish bitch. The whole world revolves around you? You deserve to be happy because you've suffered? Look around! Who in your world hasn't? Most have suffered worse than you! You have seen people you knew were innocent broken on wheels in the market and all you did was keep your head down! At least the Third Child tried to talk about how that was wrong. You told him to shut up! You're the high and mighty Evangelion Pilot the UN Chairman keeps close because of that ability. Slut. Winthrop or Jinnai, you don't even care what kind of monsters you serve and spread your legs for, as long as you get your little piece of petty luxuries.'_

"Shut up shut up shut up!"

 _'Selfish, worthless bitch.'_

Asuka stood up and started for the door. "I'm going to walk around outside for a bit, Shinji. I'll be back before you're done cooking."

Shinji looked up at her in a little surprise, but just nodded. "Ok, it'll be about another ten or fifteen more minutes."

Asuka headed out without another word. She kept her silence until she was out on the sand, at least. _''That's it, Shinji. Run away again,' you sneered at him. Who's running away now, bitch? 'Oh, become one with me, Shinji! Let me hold you! Let me comfort you and be your mommy and fulfill all your emotional needs whenever you feel like it!' you mocked him. Now what are you demanding from him? Now what are you_ doing _? Is that all he means to_ you _? Your own personal Shinji doll? Hold you, love you, make you feel better... you told him he could never understand you? Bullshit! You're afraid he_ _ **would**_ _! He'd know every little thing about you! You're far more guilty of everything you've ever accused him of, you bitch!'_ "Shut up shut up shut up!"

"I didn't think I was being too loud, but I'll try to keep it down if you like," Ching drawled from the beach table.

Asuka jumped. "Oh! Um, hello, Ching." She hastily composed her face and shoved her thoughts aside. "I was... um, talking to myself. How... er, how long have you been sitting out here?"

Ching gave her an amused look. "Oh, about an hour. I was coming by to tell you some good news, and all of a sudden I got the strongest feeling I should just sit out here for a bit and not interrupt anything."

Asuka felt her cheeks heating up. "A sudden feeling?" she asked skeptically.

"No, I didn't peek in the window and see you making out with your boyfriend," Ching said with a smile.

Asuka turned fully red, and mumbled something resembling, "He is not my boyfriend! I mean... we haven't talked about it… I don't know."

Ching's eyebrows went up and she laughed. "I was _kidding_! I just got a call from the Emperor to wait outside before I even got close to knocking. He didn't say why, and I didn't ask. I assumed he had a good reason. But judging by the color you just turned, I really hit the bull's-eye. I _thought_ you sounded rather happy this morning when I called! So I take it you did have a _good_ morning?"

"Um... yes," Asuka said as she took the chair facing Ching. "Shinji woke up holding me, gave me a kiss before he said he was going to make me breakfast in bed, and offered to wash my back if he got back before I was done with the shower."

Ching stared at her. "Okay, whiskey tango foxtrot? Are you shitting me? Did you slip _him_ some mind-control aphrodisiacs or something?"

"Well, when he came back with the breakfast, _after_ I got out of the shower, I asked him if he still meant it. He said he did and he asked me if I wanted him to. I... I told him 'not yet'."

"'Not yet'? What are you waiting for? He's on the thin side, but pretty yummy. Nice firm buns for sure."

The mental image of just how nice Shinji's rear was distracted Asuka for a second. "Um, yes, but we've... never..." She took a steadying breath. "We've had our 'arrangement' for about a month. He's only tried touching me once, and it didn't... go well. I had some bad memories. Daniel helped out with the worst of them yesterday, but Shinji hadn't tried anything since that one time. I... was starting to wonder if he was even interested in me or my body anymore. This morning I finally asked him, and he said yes, he was, but he didn't want to hurt me. That he _couldn't_ hurt me, because it hurt him too. That he was sad when I was sad, happy when I was happy."

Ching's eyebrows couldn't go any higher. "Whoa. That sounds like..."

"I asked him why he could feel like that, when I'd told him I didn't love him, when I'd pushed him away every time he tried to talk to me, when I refused him when he'd _begged_ for me to help him when the whole world was crushing him into dust. I asked him why, after all that, he could hold me, call me beautiful, and kiss me. It turned out he thought he was dreaming, so he tried to make me happy in his dream. Then he said he'd do it again, now that he knew he was awake. All that, and he still wanted to make me happy. I told him every horrible thing I could think of that I'd done to him for years, every reason why he should walk away from someone like me as fast as he could... and then I asked him if he loved me."

Ching sat in rapt silence as Asuka reeled off the emotional storm of her morning until she finished. Nothing but the gentle rustling of the palm trees in the breeze sounded after she stopped. Ching couldn't stand the hanging tension, and burst out with " _And?_ What did he say?!"

Asuka blinked back threatening happy tears. "He said 'yes'."

Ching threw her hands in the air. "Halle-freaking-lujah! That's awesome! Then what happened? What did you say?"

"...I asked him why."

"Uh... beg pardon?" Ching blinked in confusion.

"I asked him why."

"Ah... what did he say?"

"That I made him feel alive. That I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. That when he holds me he doesn't care about anything else."

"Wow. Yeah, that sounds like love. So what did you tell him?"

"That it wasn't going to be easy. And I thanked him for not giving up on me. You called right after he told me how he felt. That's why I was so happy."

Ching grinned at her. "And who wouldn't be after getting a confession of love like that? Then what?"

"We went for a walk on the beach until we ran into Daniel and Rayana. He chewed Shinji out a bit for balking at fighting where innocent bystanders might get hurt, even if that lets the enemy win, and then brought out our best friends, Suzuhara and Hikari, that they'd just brought back from our world. Daniel and Rayana asked us all if we were 'in' on being part of the South America operation on our world. Suzuhara and Hikari asked for more time to think about it, but the rest of us were in."

"The good news I was coming to tell you was related to that. The medical check I went in for this morning was my final certification. I'm fully medically cleared to return to duty. But since I'm already here and still on convalescent leave, I applied to be part of the op too. I'm going with you guys," Ching said. "But wait, is that all you said to each other?"

It was Asuka's turn to stare in puzzlement. "'Is that all'? Um... I told him that when I kissed him back during the war and ran, I was wishing that he'd held me." She blushed again at the more recent memory of the use she'd put that phrase to. "And he said he wished he'd known enough about the Bible to recognize that I was kind of hinting at him when I mentioned the 'Walls of Jericho' back then, too. I gave him standing orders to hold me and make me feel better in the future when I'm sad. Oh! And he's learned German thanks to your NILS thing, which is... kind of sweet of him." She looked at Ching, who was still waiting like she was supposed to say something else.

Ching was actually starting to look a little concerned. "And then you came back here to make out for the next couple of hours?"

Asuka bristled a little. Who was she to question their 'propriety'? They were adults! "Is there something _wrong_ with what we were doing? I didn't think you'd be as prudish as our Earth about 'unmarried couples'. Hell, you gave us one bed for us yourself!"

"That's not what I'm worried about, Asuka. You two want to snog until you swallow each other's tonsils? Shag until you both run out of bodily fluids? Go right ahead. I'm all for that. But I'm concerned about something more important."

"Good, because I happen to be enjoying what we were doing. A lot. The only reason we stopped was we were getting hungry for something to eat besides each other's faces," Asuka said firmly.

"I'm worried about something I _didn't_ hear. What did you tell him?" Ching said calmly.

"About what?" Asuka asked, still slightly defensive. She felt a little odd that her friend didn't seem happier for her.

"From looking at the stuff in the file on you two, it's not hard to see you've been at the least interested in each other since practically the day you met. After years of some of the most horrible shit dumped on you two that I can imagine, you found the impetus to ask him if he loved you, and he found the courage to say yes, which I bet wasn't easy for _either_ of you. All of which is great to hear...but what did you say back to him?"

"I just told you."

Ching sighed. "That's what I was afraid of."

"What are you talking about? How is it bad that he told me he loves me?" Asuka said more sharply.

"He's told you he loves you. Have you told him anything like the same?"

"I..." Asuka froze. "...no. I haven't" _'You haven't. Because you don't. Because you don't deserve him...'_ whispered in the back of her mind.

"And if you are having such a good time with Shinji, what brought you out here muttering to yourself to 'shut up shut up shut up!'?" Ching asked carefully.

"It's... complicated," Asuka said.

"Ah, one of those."

"This isn't easy!" Asuka exclaimed in frustration.

"I'm not mocking you, Asuka. I can't even say anything simple and annoying like 'just say it!', because I understand exactly what you mean. Like I said yesterday, they can be scary and powerful words." Ching paused. "Do you want to talk about any of it? If you were having such a good time His Majesty warned me off from even knocking, it must have been something pretty unpleasant to get you walking out here in a hurry talking like that."

Asuka gave a bitter snort. "'Talk about it'? That's what he always says."

"But you don't, do you? You can't talk about a lot of it with him because it's about him? Or things you don't want him to know?"

Asuka gave her a wary look. "You sure you're not reading my mind?"

Ching stuck her tongue out at her. "They didn't give you a degree in Mathematics just because you were cute, and they didn't give me a PhD in psych just because I've got nice legs. I've got years of training in this, remember? I joined the Navy _after_ I had a few decades of practice under my belt. I'm intuitive and good at reading people, even absent any psionic assists."

"Thanks for the reminder that you people are really strange. Yes, it's stuff I don't want to talk about, especially with the Third. Yes, some of it's about him. It's... complicated because some of it is that the only person who could understand a lot of it is him, but he's also the person I least _want_ to know some of it."

"Do you trust him?"

Asuka looked at her hands. "...I'm not even sure I trust _myself_ at the moment, let alone anyone else."

"That will make talking about it or telling him anything rather... complicated, yeah," Ching said with a mordant smile. "If you're reluctant to say anything out loud, would you mind if I made some educated guesses?"

"Can I stop you?"

Ching held up one palm. "Sure, you can, but that just leaves you right where you are; arguing with yourself and running away from what you just told me was a pretty nice morning. I'm betting you'd much rather be able to go back inside and keep doing what you were doing for the last hour plus, but you won't be able to until and unless you put down whatever demon chased you out here."

"Great. Fine. 'Lay on, Macduff.'" Asuka waved at her to proceed.

"'And damned be him that first cries 'Hold, enough!''?" Ching finished the quote. "Let's hope it's not _that_ bad." She leaned back and closed her eyes. "Hmm...since it's bad enough to make you leave at least an hour of making out with a boy who's been in to you for years and just told you this morning that he loves you, it's got to be pretty bad. And it has you talking to _yourself_ , so it was something internal. You didn't sound too happy with yourself either..." She sat silently for a moment. Her eyes opened again. "You've got some part of you saying 'you're a nasty, evil person who doesn't deserve all this happiness'?"

"I'm starting to get tired of every other person on this planet knowing all of my deepest secrets," Asuka growled sourly.

Ching shrugged a little. "I will confess this is easier than it would be coming in blind since I got to see the file with all your records. And we did talk about this yesterday. I take it from your terribly cheerful reaction that I'm pretty on-target?"

"Yeah. It was a pretty nice morning. The last couple of hours... Do you know how long it's been since I kissed someone because I just _wanted_ to? I was feeling good, really good for the first time in longer than I can remember... then suddenly I'm fighting off... everything I hate about myself. I deserve this, damn it! I've fought long enough! I've been unhappy most of my life! Why shouldn't I be happy now?" Asuka rose and started pacing back and forth.

"I agree. You and Shinji have more than earned a lot of love and happiness. Your whole world was practically built to make you all miserable. You've seen the ship named after you. The Lady herself has held you and blessed you. You have no idea how many people here think of you as a hero and someone worthy of love. But that won't mean a lot unless you can convince yourself too." Ching put her chin on her fist and thought. "You may not trust yourself right now, but... he tells you he loves you, you sleep next to him, you've fought next to him, and you are ready to keep on doing both. Do you trust _him_?"

Asuka stopped pacing and stared at the horizon. "As much as I trust anyone at all right now, yeah."

"Then trust in him. _He_ knows all these things about you, and loves you anyway. _He_ thinks you're worthy. If you don't trust your own judgment right now, have faith in his."

Asuka sighed. "I don't know if that will work. Shinji...he can be a spineless jellyfish a lot of the time. When he decides something is important he can be incredibly stubborn to the point of death on it, but I don't know if I can rely on this being one of them."

"He said those incredibly scary and powerful words right to you this morning. After all the things I know you two have been through, I'd say that's a pretty good sign he's decided _you_ are important to him."

"Maybe." Asuka sounded less than confident. "He's sure given me a lot of power over him. Swearing to never desert me, owing me a life, telling me that I make him feel alive, that he doesn't want to be apart from me...'

"Mmm..." Ching grunted.

Asuka looked at her. "What? That was not a good noise. What else is wrong now?"

"Have faith in at least this; Shinji does love you. Of that I have no doubt. But...I think that besides that love, another reason he's so ready to give so much power over him away to you is...well, while Shinji doesn't actively hate himself the way you are struggling with, he does have an abysmally low sense of self-worth. He thinks he's nothing. I think that's something that was keeping him from ever telling you before; he'd never felt worthy of _you_. Now that he's confessed, he still may have little regard for himself, so he'll rely on you."

"Well that's just great! If we're both so reliant on the other to hold it together, how are we still going to be able to stand up straight at all?" Asuka complained.

"Do what you said yesterday: Push back."

"What?"

"A binary relationship is all about the bonds between you, about being there for each other, and covering, reinforcing, and supporting each other's weaknesses and soft spots. Pushing back isn't about pushing the other _away_ , it's about not being afraid to push _in_ to them, about letting them into your defenses and letting them help build you up from within. That's why trust is such a big piece of any relationship. You're letting them inside, and they're letting you inside them. You cover each other, build each other up, make each other stronger, all based on the _fact_ that when you do so, you _know_ , you know at a deep, _deep_ level, that that _one_ , your _one_ will always be there for you, always support and protect you above all else and all others. So push back, not just the things you want from him, but the good things too. Building him up builds you up too. Love depends on what you give, not what you take."

"'You get what you give, so give it all.'?" Asuka echoed as she stared at the horizon.

Ching cocked her head. "Exactly. Where did you hear that?"

"I think I may have been talking to myself. Or at least family."

Ching blinked for a second. "Um... oh, you talked to one of your analogues?"

"Yeah, or at least the daughter of one. She sent us a family photo with a note attached that had that in it," Asuka said thoughtfully. "And it also mentioned the 'push back' thing a few hours before I actually said it, but I didn't see the note until this morning. I wonder if I'm telling myself something that another 'me' found good advice."

"Sounds good to me. I really do envy you, Asuka, to be so young and have someone who feels like that for you, especially after all you've been through. You should grab on to all the happiness you can with both hands and hang in there tight. And I'm proud to get the chance to fight alongside you both in this campaign." Ching stood up. "You feel ready to go back inside now? I'm going to go out on a limb and guess the boy who told you this morning that he loves you _probably_ liked spending the last couple hours making out with you, and would like to do it some more before we take off for your world." Ching's smile shifted into a sly grin. "So tell me, is he a good kisser?"

Asuka felt her cheeks heating up again. "Um...no comment?"

"Two straight hours, hmm?"

"Don't we have important strategic meetings to get to?" Asuka started walking quickly back towards the door inside.

"Can I kiss him myself and find out?"

"No!"

"How about just a quick feel to check his buns for firmness?"

"NO!"

"You're no fun."


	18. Family Arguments & Making Up

**A Crown of Stars**

 **Chapter 18**

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Part 31  
 **Family Arguments**

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Shinji Ikari was having a good day, despite the occasional terror. Considering how most of the last six years of his life had gone, the fact that the terror was toned down to just 'occasional', involved no immediately _direct_ threats to his life, and had some really nice parts in between, today was making a bid to be named 'the best day ever' in his life.

He'd told her. She'd asked him and he'd told her. And she'd been _happy_ about it. They walked around in the sun and surf for over an hour just holding hands. He'd confirmed what he'd said in front of some of his old friends, back from nothing. And then they'd come back to their beach house and... and... wow.

He now had some idea of why kids in his class had been so fond of going out on dates all the time, and knew why that couple he'd seen in the movie theater during one of his 'running away' periods had shown no interest in the movie. He'd found a much, much more interesting way to kill two hours.

He'd been somewhat saddened to see Ching follow Asuka back in from her walk. He'd had happy hopes of resuming where they'd left off after they'd had something to eat. But he'd been happily surprised when a determined-looking Asuka had simply marched into the kitchen, grabbed him by the shirtfront, and pulled him into a thorough kiss in front of Ching. She stuck her tongue out at Ching right afterward, which had only made Ching giggle. Shinji was puzzled, but decided he didn't feel like worrying about it right then. He didn't feel like worrying about _anything_.

But he knew he should be worrying about something. He tried to suppress the smile that kept breaking out on his face and focus his mind on the upcoming meeting with Rei. Rei... he'd always felt that sense of connection with her, that odd longing. He'd thought it was the closest he'd know to romantic love back then. Now, it was reforming as another piece building into the... the family? He had his mother back. His father too, albeit a bit provisionally. He had his friends, foster mother, and the man who'd been more of a father to him than his own flesh and blood back then. He even had, though he'd only barely dared think it today, a girlfriend. And now they were about to go meet his sister.

Daniel, Rayana, and his mother had arrived while they'd still been eating their pre-noon meal with Ching, and said they'd be going to their Earth as soon as they were done. Their lunchtime planning session was being punted to later, to give Touji and Horaki-san time to think.  
Shinji tugged at his fresh white shirt. Asuka had donned her close imitation of her old yellow sun dress. They stood on the beach just outside their house, hands joined, waiting for Daniel and Rayana to finish some quiet conversation they'd suddenly begun as they all walked outdoors. Their discussion, whatever it was, quickly concluded with an embrace and a farewell kiss, and Rayana vanished.

"Rayana won't be coming with us on this trip. One chapter of her followers has sent out a call for emergency help in a far foreign worldline, so she's gone to aid them," Daniel explained as he joined them. "You all as ready as you're going to be?"

Yui nodded. "Let's go find my daughter."

The black portal flared open in front of them once again, and they stepped through. Shinji blinked as they exited the portal into a grassy field in starlit blackness, not the familiar interior of their shoreside tent. The terrain that he could make out in the dimness held little resemblance to the area near old Marseille that Jinnai's UN fleet had been assembling off of.

"Where are we?" Asuka asked, having reached the same conclusion.

"Fifty kilometers north-northwest of what's left of Buenos Aires. The UN fleet is supposed to be heading there, so we're going to set up our intervention force's base camp here. I figured this was a little better than turning your tent into a transit terminal, and trying to contact Ayanami-san is as good from this location as any other," Daniel said.

"How are we going to do that, exactly?" Yui asked. She looked up at the red Ring of Souls arcing across the sky. "Fly up and see her?"

Daniel shook his head. "She contacted Shinji on the ground through his dreams. We won't need to go up to the physical location of the Ring to get in touch with her. I'll reach out to her from down here on a less physical plane, and bring you three along."

"How? From what you've shown me, Rei is some kind of god now. How are we going to get a hold of her?" Yui asked.

"Fortunately, I'm an old hand at talking to such. Come up from time to time in my job. Everyone join hands, please. It will make it easier to keep you in the link."

Shinji took his mother's hand, and Asuka took Daniel's. They stood watching Daniel, waiting for something to happen. Daniel closed his eyes, and the world... went misty. Eerie fog seemed to fill every space around them. Nothing else seemed to have... wait. Shinji narrowed his eyes and looked at their party more closely. Asuka was still in her yellow dress... but now it _was_ the old dress, down to the bows on her shoulders and band of blue velvet at her throat. She was younger, back to fourteen again. He looked down at himself. Yeah, himself too. His mother had gained a white lab coat. Daniel... Shinji blinked. Daniel looked the same... but odd, like he was a 3D image receding into the distance, but at the same time right in front of them.

"Alright, you can break the circle here, it won't affect the one in our physical bodies. That will stay until we return. And we should see Ayanami-san... there." Daniel pointed into the mist behind Shinji.

Shinji turned... and there she was. Exactly as she had been before in his dream-visions, student uniform and all. "Rei..." he said softly.

"Hello, Ikari. It is good to see you again. Dr. Ikari," she nodded politely to his mother. Whatever faint warmth there was in her voice when she spoke to him faded. Her tone chilled to utter flatness. "Pilot Sohryu."

"Hello to you too, Wondergirl," Asuka said slightly sarcastically. Shinji felt her grip on his hand tighten. "Been a while."

Rei's eyes took in their handclasp without visible expression for a moment, then returned to Shinji's face. "I have been... worried, Ikari. You have vanished from my awareness several times in the last few hours. And now you return with your mother somehow retrieved from her Evangelion." She looked behind him at Daniel. "Who are you? You are... I do not know you." For the first time Shinji could recall since the time he'd asked her to smile, Rei looked confused.

 _'He's... um, 'not from around here', Rei,'_ Shinji thought. _'You should know every soul on Earth, and you don't know him. No wonder you look confused.'_

"My name is Daniel, Ayanami-san. I'm... a friend of the family, as it were. I've been helping your fellow Pilots with some problems. My lady wife helped Shinji regain his mother from Eva Unit-01. And it is their joint concern for you that brings us here now."

Rei looked between Shinji and Yui. "Joint concern?" she asked without inflection.

"Rei... I...you... you're..." Shinji couldn't even think of how else to say it. "...my sister."

Rei looked at him, still expressionless. "I do not understand."

Yui stepped up next to him. "Rei, I think you are my daughter. Gendo used my DNA as half of the basis for your body. You are Shinji's half-sister by blood. You are family."

Rei just looked back at her. "That is... I do not understand why you think this knowledge will change anything for me. I no longer have nor require a body."

"I am adept and experienced at solving such dilemmas, Ayanami-san. I can provide a body as you need," Daniel said.

"I am the guardian of the many souls in the Ring. I cannot leave that station. However much I may care to." Rei looked directly at Shinji.

Daniel spread his hands. "It may take further exploration, Ayanami-san, but I believe I can assist you in shepherding the remaining souls in the Ring back into corporeal existence. The large number of people makes it impractical to do all at once, but once we stabilize and rebuild this world a bit, we can return humanity to its original state and free you from the requirement of maintaining your place as gatekeeper and framework of the Ring."

"And then I might return to a body like I possessed before?" Rei continued to stare at Shinji, her gaze gaining maybe a flicker of interest. Asuka's eyes started to narrow.

"I believe we can accomplish that, or at least a body very close to what you once had. We might have to see about how your return to flesh and blood might risk the chance of a disaster like the Third Impact again, but I'm sure it will not prove insuperable. Another issue we wanted to ask you about though; is the same possible for Shinji's brief fiend Nagisa-san? Does he still exist as a separable entity within you?"

Rei's unblinking look finally left Shinji and shifted to Daniel. She said nothing for a moment, then her eyes shifted right back. Nagisa Kaworu stepped out of the mists behind her to stand next to Rei, the same easy smile on his face that he had so often worn for the few days Shinji had known him. "I am here. We are both here. The process of Instrumentality has bound us together, but possibly not inextricably. Hello, Shinji. I told you death and life were the same to me. Perhaps you will trust what I say a bit more next time?" He smiled.

Shinji's gaze had finally escaped Rei's eerie stare to lock on Kaworu's face. His stomach churned. He felt thrilled to again see the one person in his life who had offered him affection while asking nothing in return, and been his only friend when his whole world had been going to pieces. He felt like falling down and begging forgiveness of another good person his actions had hurt or killed. And he felt again the boiling despair and hatred that had filled him to learn his friend was a liar, a traitor, and his enemy. "Trust? I did trust you. Then you tried to end the world and kill everyone I know. Then I had to destroy my own heart and kill you."

Kaworu's smile never faltered. "I am sorry that it had to come to that, Shinji. We cannot escape who we are. I could not forever resist the Call in my blood to unite with Father. I did find joy in my time with you. Joy enough that in the end I could not accept that completing my mission would cost you your existence. I do not regret having met you, even after that. I was and am happy that I could at least make the choice to let you go on living. And now we are together again." He nodded at Daniel. "I appreciate your kind offer, but I do not think our two souls can coexist on the same world at the same time. Our nature will drive us to either expel or overcome the other as long as we are on the same world."

"Let me do some exploring of options, Nagisa-san. What you say may be true now, but I might be able to learn how that imperative was built into your nature from your progenitors and possibly how to remove that compulsion from you," Daniel said with a matching smile.

Kaworu shook his head. "Our progenitors sent us from their world over four billion years ago. They are likely long vanished."

"I didn't say it would be _easy_ , just that I could do it. Life and death are the same to you? Time is just another axis of travel to me. Four billion years ago isn't the impossibly distant past, it's just a long distance to go."

Kaworu and Rei looked surprised. They both looked at Shinji again. "My, my, Shinji, where did you find this person? It would be nice to be able to listen to music again. Experiencing it through the mass of all humanity's memories is not the same as listening with my own ears. And it would be nice to see you find love." He looked at Shinji and Asuka's still linked hands. "It is already beautiful to see its beginning."

"I also would like to be with you again." Rei said calmly. "I was ready to wait as long as it took to see you again, Ikari. I would like it if that was soon." Her eyes were still locked on Shinji.

It was starting to really annoy Asuka. "Stop looking at him like that, Wondergirl," she growled.

For the first time Rei looked at her. "Why?" Her question was perfectly cool. And ice cold.

Asuka bristled. "He's not yours," she said, heat growing in her voice.

"Neither is he yours. You have never treated him with care. I can see the light of your souls. Ikari is opening, and he points toward you. It is beautiful to see. But you are still closed. You do not care for him like I will."

"You ' _will'_ , huh? I don't think so. He told me he loves me. _Me!"_ She looked at Shinji for a moment and he reveled in the warmth of the smile she gave him. Her eyes shone...

Yui's eyebrows rose as she heard this piece of news. "Shinji?" she began to ask.

Rei didn't _look_ like she was getting angry... much. The faintest furrow appeared between her eyebrows. Her voice hardened just the slightest bit, and somehow got still colder. "You have always been cruel to him. You hurt him with your hands and with your words every day in class. You have always abused him for your own needs and fears. He begged you for the slightest bit of help or care during Instrumentality and you rejected him out of your own pride and fear of pain. Your heartless rejection almost dissolved humanity's individuality forever. _His_ courage restored it. You have never been kind to him, ever. A month ago Ikari told me you hated him. And even now your soul is still closed to him. I can see it clearly. You do not deserve him."

Shinji felt Asuka jerk like she'd been struck at the end of Rei's indictment. "How _dare_ you say something like that? You know nothing about what I feel!" Asuka yelled back at her.

"I can see your soul, and I have seen all of your mind. You cannot lie to me. You do not love him." Shinji had never seen anyone convey so much venom and dislike without so much as a raised voice or sharp tone. Rei's cool, almost detached way of speaking was stabbing Asuka deeper than any knife ever could.

"You _shut_ the _fuck_ _ **up**_ _,_ Wondergirl! He loves me! He's mine! You hear me? You are _not_ going to take him from me!" Asuka hissed, more viciously than he'd ever heard from her before. Her free hand was starting to curl into claws and he felt her trembling on the edge of swinging at Rei.

Rei betrayed no sign of fear of any strike. "He is not yours. I will not let you hurt him. That is all you have ever done to him."

Shinji raised his free hand and tried to stop the two girls. "Rei, please stop! She asked me. I told her that I love her. I meant it." Rei flicked her eyes to him for a second, but returned to staring at Asuka, who squeezed Shinji's hand in gratitude.

"Do pardon the interruption, ladies," Daniel slid between them. "But this is not a productive line of discussion right now. Please calm yourselves." He faced Rei. "Ayanami-san, you can rest your fears, please. Shinji is in good hands that care about him. While he is in my world, nothing will harm him. We will return tomorrow morning to begin the stabilization and rebuilding of this Earth. I will investigate what we would need to do to allow the Ring of Souls to be emptied and you and Nagisa-san given the chance to enjoy life in human bodies again, for as long as you care to. Shinji and Asuka are together right now and both of them are satisfied with how their arrangement is progressing lately. Please give them the chance to explore that themselves."

Rei stared her thousand-meter stare at him. "I do not approve of how Pilot Sohryu treats him. She will only harm him. That is all she has ever done to him. And you take him away from where I can see them. Who are you?"

"A friend, if you will let me be. We will return tomorrow."

Rei's not-a-glare returned to Asuka. "I do not like how you treat him, Pilot Sohryu. And I will not accept you holding him for yourself, but remaining closed to him. Nor will I tolerate you or this person taking him away."

"I don't care what you think," Asuka snarled back at her. "I'm happier now than I've been since you and fucking Commander Ikari blew up the world. I've gone through more shit in the last four years than any person should have to face in their whole lives, while you played Gott-in-Heaven here. You don't get to decide my life."

"I will do whatever I can to keep him near and to protect him, Pilot Sohryu, even from your selfishness," Rei said coolly. "Until you convince me that you will no longer hurt him."

Asuka got redder. She opened her mouth to launch into a new attack on Rei, but this time Yui interceded. "Both of you, stop it! Rei, I am Shinji's mother, just like I am yours. You can trust that I will look after him and not let anyone harm him. Sohryu-san, you and I will talk about this later. But right now both of you need to stop fighting!"

"Indeed, this isn't getting us anywhere," Daniel added. "I think we'll break this up for now and pick up again tomorrow. We will come back in the morning. Hopefully you both will be a little cooler then." He eyed Asuka and Rei.

"I do not want you to take him where I cannot see him," Rei said.

"It is just for the night, Ayanami-san. No harm will come to them on my world. And we will return with my soldiers tomorrow to begin rebuilding this world. I aim to help everyone here, you and Nagisa-san included. This world has seen a lot of death and misfortune. I hope to undo much of it."

"It is difficult to trust someone I do not know who takes Ikari away where I cannot see him. I can see you, and your soul is not normal. Much of your light is hidden. Why? Why are you here?" Rei said.

"I do this because I care about you all and I can. I hide much of myself because most of your friends are not ready to see all of me. My soul is not normal because I am very old, and it has a lot of scars," Daniel said placatingly. "Shinji and Asuka have trusted me so far. I hope their trust in me will be enough of a validation of my intentions for you."

Rei stared at him silently for a long time. "I promise nothing. For now, I will watch. If I am family, I will have even more reason to care for Ikari's well being."

Daniel sighed. "I hope you will accept what we're saying when you see us return in the morning, Ayanami-san. Until then, goodnight. To you too, Nagisa-san. Try to convince Ayanami-san of the value of trust, if you can," he said with a sad smile.

Kaworu nodded, still smiling. Rei gave one last flat stare at Asuka as they and the mists faded away.

They were once again holding hands in a circle in the darkness. Daniel let go and rubbed his forehead. "Well, that could have gone better."

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Part 32  
 **Making Up For Uncertainty**

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They stepped out of the portal back to Avalon to encounter a somewhat surprised Lieutenant Leibshott. "You're back rather quickly, Your Majesty. That was less than an hour."

"Our discussion with Ayanami-san could have gone more smoothly, Lieutenant. There were some touchy issues that arose." He frowned. "And that portal was harder to open than it should have been. I think Ayanami-san was trying to stop us from leaving." He sighed. "Would you accompany Dr. Ikari back to her cabin, if you please? I think our two young friends need some time alone together." At Yui's protesting sound he turned to her and added, "Please, Dr. Ikari. There things they need to talk about that I doubt they'll feel comfortable saying in front of one of their mothers. I'll be along in a bit to talk with you too." Yui did not look happy, but nodded. Lieutenant Leibshott stepped next to her, and murmured into her interface band. Electric blue sparkles surrounded them and they vanished.

Daniel turned back to the two Pilots. They were still holding hands, but Shinji had a troubled look on his face. Asuka's was drifting towards a similar expression as her anger faded now that the target was no longer around and consciousness of just what had been said was starting to seep in. Her head snapped around to shoot an almost frightened look at Shinji.

Before Asuka could say anything, Shinji raised his head and looked at her, his face nearly blank. "Is what Rei said true, Asuka?" he asked, his voice almost hollow.

Asuka paled. "I... I..." She looked almost lost. "I don't _know_!"

"You don't _know_?"

Her grip on his hand was shaking.

Daniel broke in gently. "Shinji, if you'd been asked that question two months ago, would you have been able to answer it any more clearly?"

"I don't... maybe... but this isn't the same! Two months ago I hadn't just had her tell me what I told her this morning! And... and Rei said she was looking at the 'light of our souls'! That we couldn't hide or lie!" Shinji voice was wavering between pain, confusion, and anger.

"And in two months things have changed. Shinji, look at her. Does she look happy, or does she look hurt, lost, and upset?"

"What does that have to do-"

"Don't you have standing orders for this sort of situation?" Daniel hinted.

Shinji froze and really looked at her. Asuka locked her eyes back on his with an almost pleading look.

"And didn't you two say something about promises earlier?" he went on.

Slowly, Shinji brought his other hand up and pulled Asuka into an embrace. His eyes closed as he felt her arms wrap around him and cling to him like a life preserver. She shivered against him and whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know, I'm sorry," desperately into his shoulder over and over. Even in his confusion and the terrifying spectre of his fragile feelings being betrayed once again, it still felt so good to hold her. _'I don't want to stop this. Am I betraying_ _ **myself**_ _by doing this? She's holding on so tight, like she_ _ **needs**_ _me. Isn't that what I've wanted?'_

As if to echo his thoughts, Asuka's whispers had trickled to a stop before she said softly but clearly, "I don't know, Shinji. But I do know that right now, I need this. I need you and I don't want you to go. Please." Shinji squeezed her tighter almost without thinking. Her shaking slowly subsided.

"Do you regret anything you said this morning, Shinji? Would you take any of it back?" Daniel said.

Shinji pulled his head back far enough to look Asuka in the face. "No," he said. "I don't, and no I wouldn't. I meant it."

"Thank you," Asuka said quietly.

"Good," Daniel said. "Let's get in out of the sun. This is the kind of talk I think you'll want to do sitting down comfortably." He held the door open for them to file inside. Neither one moved, or showed much indication of wanting to let go of the other. "...orrrr we could keep standing out here for a while."

Daniel eyed them half-grin for a moment, then said, "Hey, Shinji. I bet you've wanted to do this for a while; just pick her up and carry her in here. That way you don't have to let go of each other."

 _'Why not? Today's been weird enough.'_ Shinji dipped far enough to put one of his arms behind Asuka's knees and hefted her up with a grunt of effort. After a second, the weight of her in his arms seemed to get easier to lift. He carefully carried her into the beach house.

Shinji maneuvered himself into one corner of the couch so he could lower himself down in such a way that Asuka could stay in his lap with her arms still latched tightly around him and her back slightly braced against the armrest of the couch. Daniel took a seat facing them across the cocktail table. No one moved or spoke for a moment, Asuka not relaxing her clasp on him at all, just holding on and seeming to draw strength from the grip.

"I'm sure I don't need to tell you that the most prominent facet of Asuka's personality is her fierce, indomitable will, do I, Shinji?" Daniel said. Shinji nodded. "You two are a lot alike in ways. You were both hurt badly and deeply when you were very young, practically abandoned by your fathers after the loss of your mothers. In some ways her case was worse; you just had to watch your mother vanish, while she had to endure months of the slow torture of watching her mother succumb to madness ending in suicide. You reacted by drawing away from the world to avoid further pain. Asuka responded by focusing her will on herself, _telling_ herself what she would feel; 'I am not sad. I will not cry. I am not afraid. I do not need mommy or daddy. I will live alone. I will be the best, to _make_ people look at me. I am not lonely. I will _never_ cry.' She kept on doing this in the aftermath of the Third Impact, even as badly hurting as she was, as things got worse and you were afraid to reach out to her; 'I don't need him. I am not lonely. I am not in pain. I am not afraid. I am doing what I have to in order to survive. I don't care. I don't hurt.' This may not have been healthy, but it kept her going."

"But now I show up and turn every sure thing in her life upside-down in the space of a few days. Something about you that always infuriated her is the way you always were so passive about things, just letting the world happen to you. Right now that passivity is letting you accept the things that are happening more easily than she has. Asuka's very sense of self has always been an _active_ construct of her will. But things are happening _to_ her now, fast and strong, faster than she can easily adapt to. It is badly cracking the constructed mask she has made the shield for her heart for so long, and this is both frightening and confusing for her. The events of the last few days and especially _your_ actions and words are a big part of that."

Shinji's head rose from staring at Asuka's face for the first time since they'd sat down. "Me?"

Daniel gave him a small nod. "Asuka has been alone for a long time, just like you. Three years of forced physical proximity to men like Winthrop and Jinnai only increased her emotional isolation. In the last couple of days you've promised her things...that she has very much wanted to hear for years…her whole life. But the very strength of that desire and the potential for pain also scares her. And while I am sure your statements of feeling are true, they are happening _to_ her, not _by_ her, yet still affecting her deeply. She cannot simply _tell_ herself how she feels anymore. She is losing her tight hold on the anchors of her life, and you, who was a key part of the familiar and stable in her life right now, has also suddenly become one of the biggest and most potent changes. She is highly uncertain of herself, her feelings, and where she is at all. So what Ayanami-san said is true, at least to that extent. She is still very closed up, and not sure of anything, particularly of how she feels about you after this morning. After all, she's only had a handful of hours to even think about it. So remember to consider Ayanami-san's accusations in that light."

"And as for how serious he is, Asuka, I'd like you to keep in mind something my wife told him yesterday that Shinji didn't like to hear very much; that he's a lot like his father in a key way. They both have made the decision that the entire rest of the world isn't as important to them as one particular woman and that life isn't worth living without her. Now," he said, leaning forward, "we again come to one of the ultimate questions; what do you want, Asuka?"

Asuka twitched faintly at the redirection of attention to her. "I... want to stay right here for a while. Then... I don't know." A tiny, twisted smile hesitantly crept onto her face. "Maybe slap Wondergirl in her stupid face again."

"Then may come dinner with your friends and family, later this evening at least," Daniel said. "And tomorrow, we'll watch the first parts of the Imperial Army division start deploying to your world. Beyond that, nothing is required of you. I _want_ you two to be happy, but that is hardly a demand. What about you, Shinji? What do you want?"

 _'I want to go back to this morning. It was much nicer,'_ he thought. Out loud he said, "I want... I want Asuka to be happy. I want Rei to be happy. I want all my friends to be happy."

"What about yourself? Don't you count?"

He shook his head. "If they're happy, I'll be too."

"You think they don't feel the same, Shinji?" Daniel replied. "When you are happy, they feel better too. You think it makes Asuka happy when you act all mopey?"

"I guess not," Shinji said quietly.

"No more guessing Shinji. Uncertainty is what's tearing her up right now, and you as well. Asuka was very angry and accused you of never loving anyone seriously during Instrumentality. Do you think you not being serious would be a good thing right now?"

Asuka's grip squeezed him tighter. "No, it wouldn't," he admitted.

"So if you want to help Asuka and yourself right now, you need to be very serious about it, like you were this morning." He shifted his eyes down to the occupant of Shinji's lap. "Asuka, do you feel better yet?"

"A little."

"Only a little? Tsk, Shinji. You are not fulfilling your orders to make her feel better. I think you need to step it up a notch."

"How?"

Daniel flinched slightly at something and put a hand to the side of his head. "Ow. Alright, before half my children jump in with suggestions, I'm going to head them off with at least one of my own; You need to stand right up, put your right hand on your hip, your left hand in the air, and start signing the 'I'm A Little Teapot' song while Asuka throws pies at you and I play the accordion."

Shinji stared at him. Asuka's head came up off Shinji's chest and joined in. "What," they said flatly in stereo.

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Well, hooray, your ears are still working, even if your brains are running a little behind. That was a joke, kids, although I bet it would probably get Asuka to laugh at you. Come on, Shinji. How did you make her feel better this morning?"

"I held her like this."

"And...?"

"Um." Shinji turned a little red. So did Asuka. She did turn her head to face him, though, a hopeful look dawning on her face.

Daniel stood up and started for the door. "I'm going to leave you two alone to ah, 'talk' for a while. Two last things, Shinji. One; in her whole life, there have been exactly four people Asuka has kissed. Only one of them was because she just _wanted_ to. And two; consider the word 'yet'. Asuka? Just remember who you are. I'll see you in a couple hours." He closed the door behind him.

A more hopeful look grew on Shinji's face too. _'Because she just wanted to?'_ "Is what _he_ said true, Asuka?"

"Baka." She slid one hand behind his head and pulled him closer. "You're supposed to be making me feel better. Orders." Just before their lips touched again, she whispered very softly, "And yes."

**********************  
"Aah...ahh...Ok, that's it, I'm done. You win. Just bury me here."

"Woohoo! Yes! Seventeen to six, plus a submission! Misato wins! Victory dance, victory dance! BH, beer me!"

"How the Hell can you still _move_? I had no idea you could get _more_ insatiable after college. BH, a glass of orange juice and an IV drip, please."

"Um...wow. I mean...wow. That was...Um...C-c-c...I mean, H-Hikari?"

"Mmmm, yes, Su-...Touji?"

"Can...can we do that some more?"

"MMmmm, that sounds like a _very_ nice idea."

"Wait, weren't we supposed to be doing something?"

"I can't remember. Now c'mere."


	19. Plans, Battles, & Knowing What You Want

**A Crown of Stars**

 **Chapter 19**

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Part 33  
 **Plans & Battles **

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Two and a half hours later, Asuka came up for air. She broke their kiss, but didn't pull her face away or open her eyes. "Thank you, Shinji. I think I feel a bit better now."

"Yeah, me too," he replied just as softly.

 _'Not as good as I'm feeling, I'd bet. If I don't stop us now, I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to keep my hands outside your clothes, Ikari.'_ Out loud, she said, "He was right. I've always been able to just tell myself what to feel, what to think. Now, I don't know, I'm sorry Shinji."

"We're both in unexplored territory, Asuka. You don't... have to tell me anything. What we're doing right now is more than I could have done anything but dream about a week ago."

She cracked her eyes open a slit to peek at him. "Dream about, hmm?"

"Ahh... let me put it this way; there were a few nights in Boston where I _didn't_ fall asleep thinking of you."

"Pervert. What happened to 'I know that ship has sailed'?" she asked a little archly.

"I'd just kind of given up hoping. Not thinking."

"How come you never tried to contact me or anything? Three years and all I ever heard was third-hand."

Shinji shrugged. "I _did_ try. Every day, right after you left, and at least a couple times a week later on. They'd never let me use any of the long-range communication systems, my emails never got a reply, and it's not like there's a reliable postal service anymore. I tried sending letters and stuff, but…" He shrugged helplessly.

 _'And I never got a thing. Another little link in my chains, Winthrop? I spent three years damning Shinji every other night for something that wasn't his fault.'_ "Mm... nothing ever got through."

"Did you try to reach me?" Shinji asked cautiously.

"Not... a lot. I thought it was... I didn't want to hear from you, because I didn't know it was Winthrop's orders keeping you in Boston. I thought it was you, so I was pissed at you for... leaving me." Asuka winced internally. _'Great, I just managed to sound petty, bitchy, and stupid, all in one shot. Good job, Sohryu.'_

"'Asuka's mad at me, all's right with the world,'" Shinji joked. "That should be my personal motto."

"Baka." Asuka said gently. "I... I'm sorry for blaming you for that, alright?"

Shinji just shrugged again. "You didn't know. And being angry at Winthrop probably wouldn't have been healthy. I'm kind of glad that I drew your blame, if it helped keep you safer."

"You are such a martyr-wannabe, Third. You're not allowed to get yourself killed doing anything stupid, remember?" She poked him in the chest. "Just for that, it's your turn to apologize for something again. Try not to give me a heart attack like last time."

Shinji looked thoughtful for a minute, then hesitantly grinned. "I'm sorry I didn't pick up on your hints back then. We could have been doing this a lot sooner."

Asuka couldn't stop her grin in response. "See, that's much better. And that's what you get for being a baka; you miss out on the hotness." She luxuriantly stretched out and arched her back in his lap, making sure her chest went right past his face. Shinji's eyes were helplessly dragged along. _'Oh yes, this is fun. You are_ _ **mine**_ _, Third Child. You can blow it out your ass, Wondergirl.'_ She almost jumped when she felt Shinji's hand run along under the arch of her spine. _'Oh, so you_ can _learn, Third. How nice.'_ She shivered happily.

Another attempted boil of _'You don't deserve this'_ was easier to push down now that it had the First Child's face associated with it. But it was enough to bring Asuka down from considering spending another hour in hedonistic enjoyment and back to thinking about the more serious topics that had landed them sitting on the couch. "I'm sorry I don't know yet, Shinji. You 'wanted to try with me' to see if you could be happy? Well, I... want to... find out... um..." _'God damn it, Sohryu, if you pussy out on this, I will jump out of your skull and kill you myself!' 'Wait, you're my own brain, how does that even work?' 'Shut up! I'll find a way! Now keep going!'_ "...what... the answer is to the question. That you asked me. Earlier." Suddenly it was very _hard_ to look him in the eye. _'No! No it isn't! I am Asuka Langley Sohryu! I am not afraid of anything! ...except maybe this. No! I am not wimping out in front of Shinji! If he can do this, I can!'_ She forced her head up.

Shinji was looking at her with a combination of surprise and ...apprehension? He swallowed nervously, but met her gaze, and said, "Me too."

Asuka laid her head back down on his shoulder. "Say it again," she asked quietly. "Please."

He smiled. "I love you, Asuka."

"Good."

They both might have happily sat there for a good deal longer, but both their interface bands started to buzz. Asuka frowned and tapped hers. "Hello?"

"Good afternoon, Pilots," Rayana's voice greeted them. "Are you two done 'talking' enough to be ready for the campaign planning meeting yet? We're just waiting for you."

Asuka grumbled at the interruption of the nicest afternoon she'd had in too long, but said, "Yes, I suppose. Where do we need to go?"

"Misato and Kaji's cabin. Sit tight, we'll have you here in a moment."

"Wait, what? Hold on a s-" The world went electric blue and fuzzy again. "-econd! We're not... scheiße."

She was still sitting in Shinji's lap on the couch, but now it was the couch in Misato and Kaji's cabin. They, Touji & Hikari, and Daniel & Rayana were in the other couches and seats around the cocktail table, watching them appear. Even the final member of Shinji's old Stooges, Kensuke, had somehow joined in. Silence reigned for a moment as their friends took in their rather surprising seating arrangement. Then Misato started laughing, Kensuke's jaw dropped, and Touji & Hikari turned red.

Asuka went even redder as she rapidly made sure her clothes were still decently arranged, scooted out of Shinji's lap, and onto the couch to sit next to him. "A little more warning would have been nice!" she grated at the Empress.

Rayana had a small, unrepentant smile. "I asked if you were ready, and you said 'yes'."

"It would have been nicer to know we were about to be in public! What if we'd bee- shutting up now." Asuka tried not to turn completely as red as her hair.

"Nicer maybe, but not nearly as funny," Daniel chuckled. "Don't worry. To be fair, next time we'll do it to Touji and Hikari."

The named pair blushed in stereo and Kensuke's head snapped around to them, jaw still on the floor. "Not you too!" he bleated. He noticed for the first time that they were quietly holding hands between them on their couch. He looked around and noticed that he was the only single person in the room beside Lieutenant Leibshott. "Oh, man... if I stay here two days am I going to end up with a girl next to me too? ...wait, that doesn't sound like a bad deal." He looked at the curvy Lieutenant and smiled hopefully.

Ching snorted. "Not me, kid. You're a few hundred years too early to try for me. And I'm worried you might start leg-humping my mecha." She turned to Shinji. "Your friend here volunteered to join the campaign as a mecha pilot before the Emperor had even finished the sentence. Then he started drooling once he found out what he'd be piloting."

Asuka barked a laugh. "Ha! You haven't changed at all, geek."

Kensuke's enthusiasm was undiminished by Asuka's sarcasm. "They're going to give me my own mecha! An Imperial Army _M-269 Black Knight Mk. VII_! Sixty meters of mecha-awesome! I think I've died and gone to Heaven!"

"Yes, yes, I've already got my own mecha. It's an Imperial Navy _StarStrider_. Much bigger," Asuka mercilessly informed the Stooge. "And it's red, of course."

Kensuke turned a hurt look on Daniel. "Sorry, Aida-kun. She's the combat-experienced Pilot here. And if you're in on this campaign, she and Shinji are going to be your joint commanders as well," he said. "Don't worry, this is going to be a mostly Army affair, so there will be whole squadrons of _Black Knight_ s for you to fall in with."

Kensuke looked shocked. "The Red Demon is going to be my commander? Oh no..."

Asuka's smile grew vicious. "And I will rule with an iron fist! No mercy for slacking perverts!" she crowed.

"'All will love me, and despair', Asuka?" Rayana raised an eyebrow. "Or are you going for a more blood-soaked-barbarian-queen vibe?"

Daniel gave Rayana a quelling look as he interrupted the spiraling argument. "In either case, Second Lieutenant Aida has already accepted a commission on the Imperial Army. Rather alarmingly quickly, in fact. He's had the same quick brief-in that your other friends got earlier. Fill him in on the rest as you care to. We'd like to give you all a briefing on the overall campaign plan the 791st Independent Division plans shop has worked up. They're the unit that will be under your control. The first units will start setting up camp on your Earth tomorrow morning. In a few days, you all will head over to get acquainted and start on the more detailed work for the first moves, as well as get you two," he pointed to Shinji and Asuka, "inserted back in to your fleet that was about to depart Marseille. The time it takes your fleet to cross the Atlantic will give the 791st plenty of opportunity to have a good chunk of South America already under control by the time you two 'publicly' land. You won't be missing out, though. We're setting up a quick covert transport line so you two can still be a part of it while you're still 'officially' at sea."

He paused and tapped his interface band. Another cloud of sparks lit up behind him and became the form of a short, red-skinned humanoid in a dark green uniform. "This is Senior Colonel of the Blue Istvaaz Mu-Bulegtia'nshok, the 791st Division's Chief of Plans. He'll be giving you the overview of what there is planned so far." The officer nodded politely. "Proceed, Colonel, if you please."

"Yes, Your Majesty." He touched his wrist, and a detailed map of the River Plate region sprang to life on the table. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Our base of operations will be here, fifty kilometers north-northwest of the remains of Buenos Aires..."

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The briefing took hours. Asuka and Misato took it all in easily, but when Kaji noted Shinji, Hikari, and Touji struggling to keep up, he wisely asked for and got digital tablets handed to everyone for note-taking and individual explanation sidebars. They needed them; recon reports, suggested approaches for gaining control of what few population centers still existed, assessments of various warlords' forces, and more bombarded them. Misato and Asuka drank it in, one by training and experience, the other by native intelligence. The rest kept up as best they could, but knew who would be the ones with the knowledge to call the plays. Even Ryoji shook his head at how easily Misato absorbed the torrent of information. He'd always been more on the intelligence and espionage side than main force combat, and this was definitely Misato's field.

Extensive equipment in non-lethal gear was covered. Sonic stunners, sleep- and paralysis-inducing chemical agents, hypnotic and psionic immobilizers, an entire array of items to provide alternatives to the division's even wider selection of energy and kinetic weapons. But the combination of non-lethal gear and shows of force built into the plan made Daniel's promise to aim for a 'Nobody Dies' scenario more possible than Asuka would have thought. Even her _Red Whirlwind_ could carry a large-scale sonic stunner or neural-induction-flechette anti-personnel cannon as a rifle-pod.

 _'Well, that ought to make Shinji happier,'_ Asuka thought as she finally laid her tablet aside at the end. Colonel Mu-Bulegtia'nshok had wrapped up his briefing and departed with a short bow to the party. _'And I won't have to worry about restraining the urge to punch him in the head in the middle of a battle again.'_ They wouldn't fight without a couple of familiar faces along with them, either; both Kensuke and Touji had signed on as Pilots, and Hikari as well, though in a support capacity rather than as a combatant. Touji had been less reluctant once the non-lethal tactics planned had been laid out for him. He'd fight for his friends, but he was almost as hesitant to kill as Shinji.

Asuka should have expected the next attack. Almost as soon as the Colonel had departed, an evil grin had started to grow on Misato's face. Their former guardian never missed a chance to stir up this variety of trouble when the three of them had all lived together, when relations between her and Shinji had never been even half as good as they were now. And now that there _was…_ something, it was just fuel for the fire. "Ne, Asuka, so what _were_ you and Shin-chan up to just before Rayana called?"

Asuka rapidly fought her blush as much as she could and rallied her counterattack. "Oh, not much. Nothing near what I'm sure you two were up to. Nice new hairstyle."

Misato's hair was certainly not in its usually sleek and smooth style. It was considerably wilder, and looked like she'd hastily brushed it back into shape with her fingers after falling out of bed. "Er, when you're older..." Misato's rebuttal ran headfirst into the new reality. Her former charges _were_ older. Her favorite counter no longer had any bite. Asuka's sneer let her newly engaged opponent know she'd scented the weakness.

"Ladies, please! Wait!" Daniel interrupted. He reached behind the couch he and Rayana were sitting on and retrieved a large bowl of popcorn. He placed it in his lap and Rayana took a handful. "Alright, continue."

Asuka dove right back at it. "Yes, we _are_ older, Misato. Shinji and I have been sleeping together for a month now. He made me breakfast in bed this morning. It was very nice. I got out of the shower before he could help wash my back, though he did offer. Has Kaji-san done something similar for you today?"

Misato's eyes widened at this. She glanced at Kaji for a moment. "Ah, no, he hasn't." She faced Asuka again and tried again. "But we've been very busy enjoying the benefits of being properly engaged and back together. There's eight years of missing out to catch up on! I'm just worried you're going to set a bad example for your friends, who are still so much younger." Misato smiled after that sally.

Asuka snorted dismissively. "Who, geek-Stooge with no girlfriend?" Asuka ignored Kensuke's hurt "Hey!" "Or jock-Stooge and the Class Representative, who's more proper than that? And Ching isn't younger than I am."

"Ooh, powerful counter by Germany! And she scored some bonus points off the new kid too!" Daniel mock-muttered to Rayana.

Hikari spoke up. "I know we're still just kids now compared to you and Shinji, I mean, you're four years older, sleeping in the same bed, and he offers to wash your back in the shower?! That's so... so... adult!"

Asuka smirked triumphantly. "Yeah, well, it took us a while to get things settled, but..."

Hikari kept going. "And I couldn't let you get _that_ far ahead, no matter what. So after you all left I tied Touji up and for the last few hours rode him like he's my little pony. Three times. Did you ever think he'd be a screamer?"

Asuka's jaw dropped further than Kensuke's had when they arrived. So did Misato's, Ryoji's, and Shinji's. Daniel and Rayana had more popcorn. Ching just raised an eyebrow and softly said, "Really? Fast work, Horaki-san." Touji's face flared almost incandescent and couldn't look up from his shoes.

Asuka tried to get her mouth to close. "Hi-...Hi-...Hikari?!"

Hikari let her hang for a minute, then grinned. "Gotcha." She broke up laughing.

"And that's a solid hit and a game point for Horaki! Payback! Japan's second team is back in the game! Team Katsuragi's early attack ran into stiff resistance, but maybe they'll have better luck in the next round," Rayana commented from the sidelines.

"Ne, Shinji-kun, so it looks like you and Asuka-chan are a bit closer than you were just yesterday?" Kaji asked with a smile. "Breakfast in bed, offering to wash her back? Seems you didn't need my advice after all."

"Um, yes," Shinji mumbled into his lap. "We... talked. It was a good morning." He shyly smiled at Asuka.

"Yeah, it was pretty nice." Asuka rolled her eyes. "Wondergirl was a giant bitch and tried to ruin it, though."

"You talked to Rei-chan? Where? What happened?" Misato asked.

"We took Dr. Ikari, Shinji, and Asuka to make contact with her a few hours ago, feel her out about retrieving humanity from the Ring, and tell her that Dr. Ikari considered her a daughter, among other things. It... didn't go as well as we could have hoped. She ah... objected to how Asuka had treated Shinji in the past, and such," Daniel said delicately.

"Blue-haired _bitch_ said I didn't deserve him!" Asuka growled. "That all I'd do was hurt him! That _she'd_ take care of him. Over my dead body!" She possessively grabbed on to Shinji's arm. _'He's mine! My Shi...fuck. I still can't even think it to myself, let alone say it out loud. You're pathetic, Sohryu. ...He's still mine. You can't take him, Wondergirl. I don't care what you say about my being 'closed up'.'_

"Nagisa-san was also there. He seemed in a bit better mood. We asked him to try to convince Ayanami-san to play nice. We'll try again tomorrow. We're going to need their help if we're to get everyone out of the Ring of Souls smoothly," Daniel continued. "In any case, we've got your respective families retrieved from the Ring individually or resurrected in the case of your parents. They're all being settled in on Second Chance, and I'd bet you'd like to get a chance to visit before tonight."

Touji, Hikari, and Kensuke sat up excitedly. Misato, her father already returned to her last night, kept her cool enough to ask, "What happens tonight?"

Rayana smiled. "You all get to dress up fancy again. 2200, you are all invited to the 791st Division Departure Ball, and your commissioning ceremonies. Your new dress uniforms, if you'd like them over other formal wear, will be at your cabins. This is officially a social occasion, so it's your choice for whatever you think flatters you more."

"In the meantime, say hello to your families, and welcome back from the undiscovered country all your once lost relatives. Lieutenant Leibshott will take you all to the site on Second Chance where you can link up with them," Daniel said, waving her forward.

"All aboard, next flight leaving immediately," Ching quipped. The three youngest guests eagerly crowded over to her. Misato and Kaji were still seated. "They picked up your mother from just before the Second Impact hit, Major. Don't you think you should introduce your intended to her?"

Misato blinked. "Mom?" She sprang to her feet, and hauled her fiancé upright as well. "Let's go!" She dragged him over to the group and waited impatiently as Ching spoke into her interface band. A mass of sparks and they were gone.

"Considering he may have been the worst dad out of your whole group, we've left your father alone for now, Asuka," Daniel said. "Let us know what you want done later."

"And when the group includes Ikari Gendo, that's saying something," Rayana said. "Gendo was at least a bad man trying to do good, just really badly. Pieter Langley had no such excuse. I mean, cheating on your mom in the next room with the doctor? Being married to her by your mother's funeral? Abandoning you after that? Say the word, and I'll smite the piss out of him."

 _'Oh yes, my wonderful and supportive father, who ditched Mama before she was even gone, and me before she was two weeks in the ground. He can rot in Hell in the cell next to Shinji's father. They can swap 'cheating on your child's mother' tips.'_ "He can stay wherever the Hell he is now. He'll get all the care from me that he gave my mother and I," she said rather bitterly.

"Fair enough," Daniel said. "On another parental front, we held off Dr. Ikari earlier with the promise you'd talk to her later, once you two had some time alone. Feel up to knocking that out now?"

' _That oh-so-lovely awkward chat with my might-possibly-be-my-boyfriend's mother, sure, that'd be just dandy!'_ Asuka sighed. "Not really, but I doubt I'll feel better anytime soon, so let's get it over with. Let's go." She grasped Shinji's had firmly. _'And I really don't want to even try it without baka-Shinji with me.'_

Asuka stood up and took one step before her brain caught up with her last thought. She stopped dead. _'Wait, what the_ _ **fuck**_ _did I just think?'_

Shinji stopped beside her. "Asuka?" He looked at her shocked expression. "What is it?"

 _'Flurgen. Scheiße, what do I say?'_ Asuka scrabbled for something. "You're coming with me, right?" _'Close enough.'_

Shinji looked at her a little funny. "Of course. Where else would I go?"

Asuka just jerked brief nod. "Right." She faced their hosts again. "Ready when you are."

Daniel put the popcorn bowl down on the table and stood up with Rayana. "Don't look quite so tense, Asuka. This _probably_ won't be the worst 'meet the parents' moment we've seen, and we've seen some weird ones."

"Most of them didn't involve a crazy father that tried to end the world, I bet," Shinji muttered.

"You're not the first one for that, either." Rayana snapped her fingers, and the world jumped around them.

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Part 34  
 **Knowing What You Want** **  
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They were out on a beach again, in front of another cabin like their own. Rayana pointed them toward the umbrella-covered table nearby, while Daniel headed inside. "Have a seat. We'll bring your mother out. I think it's best if your father doesn't make an appearance just right now. Your mother has sort of placed him under 'house arrest'."

"That's fine," Shinji said, low and angry.

"Hmm... I'm not going to argue too hard for you to forgive you father in any way, Shinji. I'm very much with you on this. But my husband would, so I'll play devil's advocate in his stead for a moment," Rayana said. "In worlds where he never lost your mother, Ikari Gendo was a pretty good father. He turned all his calculating, secret-planning ways to looking after you and your sisters. _Your_ father was convinced that no one could love him and that he would only hurt you, so he sent you as far from him as he could. He wasn't _trying_ to hurt you. He's just a mess as a human being."

"He managed to hurt me plenty anyhow," Shinji coldly retorted. "He'll have to do better than _good intentions_ after everything he did to us."

Rayana shrugged. "Like I said, you'll get no argument from me. I'm still in favor of setting him aflame and letting him burn until he learns better behavior. My spoony love would insist on the effort, though. Good afternoon, Doctor Ikari."

Yui Ikari sat down at the table with them. "Good afternoon, Your Majesty. Hello, Shinji, Asuka." She tapped her fingers on the table for a moment. "Ah... from what I can remember of my brief part of Instrumentality, you two weren't exactly getting along very well. Then this morning I hear you say Shinji told you he loves you, and you seemed pretty happy about it." She looked at Asuka calmly, but with great force behind it. "His father made quite a mess of raising him, or not, really. And I know that by the Third Impact he was very unhappy. I can't imagine life on Earth after that was easy. So I want to know, as his mother, just what are you doing with my son?"

Asuka met her eyes without flinching, but Shinji could feel her hand shaking a little in their handclasp below the level of the tabletop. "Shinji and I have been on our own for a long time, Dr. Ikari. We both have learned not to look for or want other people close to us. Our personal business is our own."

"And it's my son and my daughter that are integral parts of it. Or are you going to claim that I have no involvement in my own family's affairs?"

 _'So much for a politely worded 'Don't ask','_ Asuka thought. _'Fine. She wants to know?'_ "Then if you insist... I don't know."

"You don't _know_?"

"Is _every_ _flurgen person_ I tell going to say that?" Asuka asked, irritated. "Yes! I don't know! We've known each other for years, and not known anything about each other at the same time! We've been apart for years, and constantly on each other's minds! I've straight said to him that I didn't love him a month ago. And yet this morning _I_ asked _him_ if he loved me, and he said yes, damn it! And I'm not sure of anything anymore, but if that blue-haired bi-..." Asuka stopped herself and cleared her throat. "If the First Child thinks she's going to declare that I don't deserve Shinji and _she'll_ take him away, she's got another thing coming. I don't know what Shinji and I are now, but it's _our_ right to find out on our own. Not hers, yours, or _anyone_ else's."

Yui sat back, eyes widened by the fierceness of Asuka's speech. "Well..." she said eventually, "You seem very sure about something you don't know, young lady."

Asuka's grip on Shinji's hand was tight, but her poker face showed nothing. "You are a scientist, Doctor Ikari. Do you ever know the results of an experiment before you try it? You do the experiment even if you don't, _especially_ if you don't, because that's the only way to find out. I don't know what we are, but I do know I want to find out. No one's taking him from me. Until he and I are _both_ satisfied with the answer we find, no one else gets to butt in."

Yui looked at her son. "Shinji?"

Shinji was silent a long time. Asuka found her own heart pounding, trying to guess what he'd say, hanging on it as much as Yui was. "What you saw in Instrumentality... was not us at our best, mother. Both of us had been pushed to, and past, our breaking point back then. I desperately needed Asuka to give me some sign that I wasn't alone... and she was just as much afraid that I'd just hurt her because she believed that I was only turning to her out of my own need and I'd abandon her as soon as those needs were eased, that I'd hurt her because I was just using her, not because I wanted her. I don't want to hurt her at all, and I want to stay beside her always and help her. I told her I loved her because she asked me and I meant it, mother. I don't know where we go from this either, but I'm going with her, wherever it is." He looked his free hand, curled loosely on the table. "I nearly wiped out everything during Instrumentality when I thought that Asuka had rejected me. She was the only person who could have understood what I'd gone through, because she'd gone through so much of it too, sometimes with me... and if she couldn't accept me, who could? Why go on existing at all? ...But... I still wanted to try, to find happiness. I want to try with her, more than anyone else in the world. I can't remember when I've been happier since I told her this morning. And now she wants me to stay with her? That's more than I could have hoped for even just a little while ago. She doesn't know? 'Doubt is the origin of wisdom', Descartes said. I'm willing to trust her. You should too."

Asuka stared at Shinji with as much surprise as Yui. _'Where the Hell did that come from, Shinji?'_ they unknowingly thought in concert.

Yui looked thoughtful for a long moment, then turned to Asuka again. "Be careful. Be true. And you'll know when you know. I did." She stood up. "I think I need to go talk to your father again, Shinji. I'll see you both tonight." With that, she walked back inside.

 _'Well, that was a little less nerve-wracking than I expected.'_ She looked at Shinji. _'And more revelatory...You really do always look at me. At just me.'_ She felt a tap on her shoulder. Daniel and Rayana had returned from the short walk away they'd retreated to when Yui had come out.

"Could I borrow you for a moment, Asuka?" he asked. "There are a couple things I'd like to talk to you about by yourself."

"And I've got a word or two for you, Shinji," Rayana said. "It should only take a few minutes."

Asuka looked at Shinji, who shrugged. Asuka stood up and followed Daniel down the shore, leaving Rayana to sit down across from Shinji. They walked just a hundred meters down the beach and halted under a leaning palm tree.

"We've thrown a lot at you in a very short period of time, Asuka, and you had an eventful morning. How are you feeling?" Daniel asked.

She shook her head. "I really don't know. Better than I did a week ago, at least. It still feels unreal. My mother is alive. My friends too... and Shinji..." She didn't know how to even end that sentence.

"Loves you. Never doubt that, Asuka. You may have honestly worried he was turning to you in the past merely as a last-resort source of comfort, but he really does care for you. You weren't his last resort, Asuka, you were his _foundation_. He reaches out to you because you're _you_ , the one he cares about more than anyone else. It's even why he tried to strangle you on that beach."

Asuka gave him a funny look. "Odd way to show he cares."

Daniel looked aside at her. "You of all people should know how deep it bites when the person you love most rejects you. You hurt him almost more than his mind could stand, there, and he wasn't in good mental shape to start with. But you can count on his love now, Asuka. He's told you. His heart is freed from the prison it was locked in for his whole life. You have it now. Take care of it."

"And I'm already getting 'the talk' from his mother. Like he's my boyfriend or something." She gave a weak laugh.

Daniel gave a stronger one. "If you want to see his face light up, just call him that where he can hear it. To him or to others, it won't matter. Just watch, he'll practically glow, I bet."

"He may have a heart attack at the sudden switch from 'Baka-Shinji', or the thousand other horrible things I've called him before."

"Yes, you've hurt him in the past. And he still comes back. He always will. He could no more stop loving you than he could give up breathing. And now you have the power to make him feel even better than the worst of the bad you ever hit him with."

"I... want to. Why do I want to?" Asuka looked at him in confusion. "I'm still so angry with him for what he did and didn't do back then, but still…I've never wanted to make someone else feel better like this before, to make someone else happy. Not since... Mama."

"Why do you think your mother would hold you? It's hardly unusual to want to make those you care for feel happier. He didn't say to you 'I want to help you somehow and be with you forever' just to seek comfort for himself. He said it because he cared for you and wanted to make you feel better."

Asuka looked at the sand for a few steps. "That's... another thing that's hard to deal with. I keep feeling like it's too good to be true, like I can't deserve something that feels that good so easily. Or it's some kind of trick. Or I get worried that he's in love with the mask I always tried to project and not the real me."

Daniel shook his head. "Who, the brave, vibrant, indomitable genius he knew? He knows the real you more than anyone else. Or at least can feel the things he doesn't fully understand are in there. He knows you have pains inside you try to hide from everyone. He wants to help you, to take away those pains, or at least bear them together. Don't worry about what 'Asuka' he's in love with. The answer is still 'yes'. You can make yourself into that mask. Free will is the ne plus ultra in my realm. You can be who you want to be. And you have amazing will, Asuka. Just defeat your doubts and remember who you are; the girl who even death can't stop. I didn't choose the motto for your ship idly. The past defines you but does not determine you. Put it aside and _decide_ who you are. Act as you would want to be. Or to put it a more vernacular way; fake it 'til you make it."

Asuka's mouth twisted in a wry smile. "Right. I've got the 'unlovable neurotic bitch' thing down, now I just need to wish myself into being the 'hot ace pilot' again and I'm set."

"Don't forget 'dashing commander' and 'passionate lover' while you're at it," Daniel added with a smile. "Whatever you want to be. We will help you make it happen. My soldiers will be under your and Shinji's direction starting tomorrow. Knowing you two, most of the initiative will be from you, but Shinji's there to balance you. Trust in him. He'll back you in anything. If he has a bad feeling about something, don't just dismiss it."

"Why are you talking like you're not going to be there?"

"I'll be in and out. No fear, you're never alone. You'll have solid troops with you, and your friends beside you. You'll have a co-Pilot that loves and trusts you, a more powerful war machine than anything else on the planet, and us at your back. A force that marches under the banner of Avalon is invincible. But that's for tomorrow. Tonight, we eat, drink, and be merry."

Asuka snorted. "That doesn't sound like the most optimistic way to phrase that."

"We die, we die. We live, we live. Live every day like it was the last, and you will have few regrets. And death works for me, remember? No one dies around here without my permission. But that's not what you need to worry about tonight. The 791st Division Ball is going to be something you've never had to face before; a formal dance where you two are the center of attention."

"Great, nothing to worry about. I'm sure the Third is a fabulous dancer," Asuka said sarcastically.

"He might surprise you. He has before, after all. No one will begrudge you the dancing, no matter how it goes. But I mean your commissionings. Normally, to be commissioned as Imperial Army officers, that includes swearing an oath of service to myself and the Crown. I'm not going to require that of you, Shinji, or your friends. I've just handed these commissions to you out of the blue, so I can't in good conscience compel you to swear to receive them. I won't say no if you do want to, though. It will win the approval of the unit, for sure. My personal trust in you will more than satisfy the legal end of things, either way. It's up to you."

"Are these permanent oaths, or for a specific term?"

"Indefinite, usually, but we can set a term if you like." He raised an eyebrow. "Six months, perhaps?"

Asuka thought it over for a moment, then laughed. "Ha! Sounds right. But you're just going to loan me an army on my word as bond? I met you not even three days ago."

"You may have met me about three Earth-days ago, but I've known Asuka Langley Sohryu for cenmills. I trust you. And I trust beyond reason to get results beyond hope. A wise lady told me that once."

"Trust... I've had little reason for trust and hope in my world." Asuka sounded more depressed than bitter, for a change. "That's a big part of why all this seems so unreal, I think. This much good news just never happens to me, not without a huge catch." _'I get named an Eva Pilot, and find my mother's body. I defeat the entire Mass Production series in less than four minutes, then they get right back up anyway. I survive the end of the world, then I go through Hell for the next four years.'_

"Trust Shinji. Trust your friends. Trust yourself."

Asuka tilted her head. "Not going to put yourself on that list?"

Daniel shrugged. "That's up to you. I'm not the kind of man or god who's going to _make_ you trust me. That's what the other side does."

"The other side?"

Daniel waved it aside. "I'll tell you after you come back from rebuilding your world if you want. It's too much to go into now, and it's just depressing. Tonight is your last chance for a party before a long mission, so have fun. It'll be the prom you and Shinji never got to have, if you like."

Asuka looked somewhat dubious. "...you want me to take Shinji to the prom? When did I walk into a high school drama show?" _'And no, that idea did not just scare me. It did not. Shut up.'_

Daniel smiled. "Look at it this way, it's a chance to wear a fancier dress than you've probably ever gotten a real excuse for, take out for public viewing a boy who's declared he loves you, and melt his brain with your outfit, looks, and moves, all in front of a huge crowd."

"Ok, that sounds more like it."

"Oh, one last thing I wanted to show you, might come in handy if a close fight comes up in your mission..."


	20. Philosophy, Women, & Knowing Who You Are

**A Crown of Stars**

 **Chapter 20**

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Part 35  
 **Philosophy & Understanding Women... Oh, Who Are You Kidding?**

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The Empress just looked at Shinji for a moment, head tilted to one side. "A philosopher, hmm?" she said eventually. "Did you cover more than just the nature of mind and consciousness, or was that your sole focus? I can see the interest in that field, given the strangeness of Instrumentality."

"Um, that was where I put most of my studies, yes." Shinji was glad for the decidedly academic topic. Today's combined several hours of intense 'talking' with Asuka after years of miserable, celibate isolation had his hormones on fire, and keeping his mind on philosophy would help keep his mind _off_ the Empress's extravagant... features. Mostly. "Um, we did get into a survey of the major classic schools, but mostly on the nature of consciousness and the soul."

"Did you ever get into Nietzsche? And I'm up here, Shinji."

He jerked his eyes back up. _'I wasn't! Um... crap, are her breasts magnetic? This is as bad as Misato and her shower towels & short-shorts!'_ "Um! I mean, some, not very much. Just a survey of his work, the outlines, really, and a few key quotes."

"A pity. He was quite mad from syphilis by the end, but interesting work before that. A quote you might want to bear in mind: "Whom hateth woman most?-Thus spake the iron to the loadstone: "I hate thee most, because thou attractest, but art too weak to draw unto thee."" A part of why you used to drive Asuka so mad back in the Angel War was that you attracted her, but you'd never push back at her. That's why she'd push _at_ you so much. She really wanted you to push back, to react, to _look at her_. If you're going to love her, Shinji, don't half-ass it. Don't make her feel like you're just using her to make yourself feel better. Make her feel like she's the world to you. It will come back the same way."

Shinji felt his mental tires screech at the sudden conversational swerve. "I..."

"You know why she was so mad at you during Instrumentality about that little incident in her hospital room?"

Shinji grimaced and looked down at the table. My, the wood grain was fascinating. He sighed. That little incident had been one of his lowest moments, in every sense. And Instrumentality had shown it to all of mankind; his classmates, strangers, and worst of all, Asuka. Rayana waited him out. "Because I was just using her to make myself feel better?" he hazarded.

"That, the whole 'consent' thing, ...and that you never asked her..."

Shinji winced again.

"...if she wanted to join in."

Shinji jerked his head back up and gave her a very confused and disbelieving look.

"I believe my husband has mentioned the various times she a little-too-subtly tried to get you to come to her? I already mentioned she was attracted to you. And then you just whip it out and jerk off over her without so much as a 'by-your-leave'? Shinji, she felt not just rejected but _insulted._ To her eyes, you deliberately ignored her every tease, hint, and offer, and then when you had the chance, you brought out the idea of sexual pleasure that _used_ her in a way that seemed to pointedly exclude her having any part in it! It certainly seemed to justify her feeling that you were always just using her for your own neediness, and never would care for her. You lived with her for months on end, she ran around wearing nothing but a towel sometimes, and your other roommate was _Misato_ , but you never so much as made a pass at her? You barely even looked at her, no matter what she wore. And then you use her like a blow-up doll to get yourself off? Of course she was hurt!"

"But... but... but... s-she always was yelling at me for even trying to look at her!" Shinji protested. "'Baka-Shinji, the total hentai'!"

"News flash, Shinji; Women do not always say out loud what you're supposed to hear. In fact, sometimes quite the opposite. Sometimes what they say is just so they can claim to have said it, and what they mean they won't say out loud."  
Shinji stared at her for a minute, then sank his head into his hands. "Women are crazy. I'm dead. What am I supposed to do, develop super-psychic powers so I know what the Hell she means?"

"Mmm, that's one solution, but I think this time we're going to go with 'you get some advice from a very thoroughly female fertility goddess, and keep doing what you've been doing lately' for your case," Rayana said amusedly. "Keep being forthright and honest with Asuka, and listen with more than just your ears. Remember what Ayanami-san asked you in the middle of all that strangeness? 'Did you try to understand, Ikari?'"

Shinji's head came up from his hands, but he gave her a less than happy look. "Yes, I did. And if you know that, you know what came from that."

"And your protest was that Asuka never told you anything, and that made it impossible to understand."

"It did! How am I supposed to know anything if she doesn't mean what she says, and doesn't say what she means?!" Shinji complained.

"As I said, listen with more than just your ears. Pay attention to _how_ she says something, not just what. Watch her body language, think about _why_ she says or does things, and notice what she _doesn't_ talk about. For example; when she says 'I don't want to talk about it' for a given topic, what does that say to you?"

"Um, 'I don't want to talk about it'?"

The Empress winced and put her hand against her face. "You are _such_ a male, Shinji. No, that does not mean strictly what the words say. It more commonly means 'this is a very sensitive and _important_ topic to me, so if you are going to ask about it, be careful and honest when you do, but preferably not just right now, as I am emotionally tense from even thinking about it'."

Shinji blinked at her. "...And I'm supposed to figure that all out from 'I don't want to talk about it'?"

"Welcome to dealing with the women in your life, Shinji. Pay attention, there will be a test later. We call it 'Real Life'," the Empress said slightly sarcastically. "Don't feel too bad. There are rewards and benefits to persevering and paying close attention. Such as unbounded love, limitless happiness, and most powerfully, absolute trust."

"Trust," Shinji echoed woodenly. "My trust has been abused before, and I've just gotten hurt. About the only person I trust at all now is Asuka." He sighed again. "I guess that's a good thing, right?"

"The best, Shinji. Light years beyond simple attraction, warm fuzzy feelings of being cared for, and all the other pieces, by far the most important and powerful part of 'love' is trust," Rayana said with utter conviction. "You know something of how powerful it can be. Do you think you and Asuka would fight with such close and smooth synchronization without it? The trust of a battle-friend is different from that for a lover, but not so far as all that. And when you are so lucky as to have both, as it sounds you might be feeling your way towards, you have the best of both worlds. You should look up the Sacred Band of Thebes sometime, for example. You trust Asuka and I think she trusts you. Hold on to that, and much will grow from it." She waved down the beach where Shinji could see Daniel and Asuka talking. "If Daniel were to come running back here screaming and swinging a sword at my head, I wouldn't even think, I'd _know_ he had a good reason for it. I trust him enough to never worry about him intentionally harming me without _very_ good reason."

"If Asuka came running back here screaming and waving a sword at me, I think that would just count as 'Thursday' for me," Shinji said. "It seems like the best I could do, some days."

"Maybe in the past, but what about the last couple of days? Specifically, today? Anger doesn't seem to have been Asuka's emotion of the day. Something much nicer instead, really. Things change in life, Shinji. Just listen with more than your ears, pay attention to more than just what is said out loud," Rayana gave him a sly smile. "And the next time you think about bringing out 'Little Shinji', you might want to make sure Asuka is involved. A girl likes to feel that her boy appreciates her beauty, you know." She laughed. "You had _better_ be ready the next time 'washing her back' comes up, in case she says 'yes, now get to it!'."

Shinji squirmed. "I'll... I'll _try_. It's... scary. We've... not had the best of luck on that front."

Rayana's voice was gentle. "I know. That's why I wanted to talk to you about trust and sex, Shinji. Nearly everything about sex has been up until now badly tainted and desecrated for Asuka, so much so that even when it was you, she couldn't stand someone touching her. But things have changed, both from our help, and your words. So the next time, it won't be something she is forced to do with someone she hates or fears. Next time, it will be with someone she knows loves her and that she _wants_ to have touch her."

 _'Right. It will only be something I've dreamed about for years with the girl I've been in love with since the day we met after I've failed her in every way possible and ended the world. A girl who has had sex hundreds of times, all of them practically rape, except how they didn't exactly happen. And I've never had sex with anyone or anything but Mrs. Rosie Palms. No pressure. What could go wrong?'_

 _'...I am so dead.'_

Rayana dipped her head to catch his lowered eyes. "Hey, none of that! I know that look. You're already convinced you'll fail, or it will be a disaster, or you'll make her cry again, aren't you?"

Shinji sadly nodded.

Rayana blew a raspberry at him. "Will not. Things are different than they were before. Did she have any objections to what you two have been doing so far, or did she seem rather pleased?"

Shinji felt his face starting to redden. "Ah, I think she liked it." _'_ _ **I**_ _sure did. I think that was the most fun I've ever had, and I am really looking forward to more of it.'_

"And did she ever say 'Stop! I am tired of this and you're doing it wrong!', hmm?"

"Um, no."

"If we hadn't called you two for that meeting, do you think you'd still be there right now, going at it full speed?"

 _'Please?'_ he thought hopefully. "Um... maybe?"

Rayana rolled her eyes. "One more thing, Shinji. Confidence is _sexy_. No more 'maybe'. Next time Asuka suggests, hints, asks for, or knowing her, _demands_ your attentions of this nature, are you going to say 'um, maybe?'"

"Um, may-.." Shinji stopped himself before his reflexive answer could sound any more foolish. "No. I mean yes. I mean..." He took a steadying breath. "I'm going to do whatever makes her happy."

"Good boy. You're going to give her a firm and definite 'yes!' Remember, girls have a sex drive too. Asuka's going to have some strong wants and desires. When that girl puts her mind to something, she pushes _hard_. So be ready. If and when Asuka decides she wants more from you than a kiss, it's probably going to be pretty intense. Don't panic, don't freeze, and trust her. You think kissing is fun? Sex with someone you love is going to melt your _brain_. Enjoy yourself, make sure she's enjoying herself, and you'll be fine, I promise." Rayana's smile turned impish. "Just start gentle and stay gentle until she says 'harder!' If you need, I have some helpful pamphlets. Here, let me show you some..."

Shinji's eyes got wider and wider as Rayana brought out some alarmingly colorful and detailed pamphlets. His brain just flatly refused to process half of what his ears rapidly tried to forget they'd heard before terminal embarrassment set in.

"...then run your fingers up her..." "...it'll stretch, don't worry..." "...never too slippery..." "...whatever you do, don't sneeze at this point..." "...if this gives you the hiccups, that's normal..." "...until you both pass out. Any questions, Shinji?"

Shinji felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up into crystal blue eyes. "Hey, Thir-... Shinji. We're done. How about you?" Asuka glanced at the bewildering array of papers on the table. "What have you been talking about?"

"I... she..." Shinji gave up in total confusion about how to say _anything_ about their topic of discussion without sounding perverted, nuts, or both. "Um... philosophy, listening, and trust. And s-stuff."

Asuka's eyes narrowed a bit. "So why do you look like you just got caught sneaking out of the girl's locker room? Not that you'd ever have the guts to try something like that." She didn't sound very angry or suspicious, just a little wary of the fact his perfectly innocent answer was paired with stuttering and fire-engine-red blushing.

"We discussed the things he listed, and how that all relates to sex, young lady. And poor innocent Shinji was just a _tad_ bit embarrassed and overwhelmed by my helpful pamphlets and _slightly_ silly advice. I told you not to panic, Shinji. Most of the things I just said were in fun," Rayana commented. She glanced at Shinji, one eyebrow raised. "You do realize I was messing with you about the trampoline, I hope? You were so cute and innocent, I just wanted to see how far I could go before you caught on that I was playing with you," Rayana said with a broad smile. "You've got a true innocent here, Asuka. Careful breaking him in. Hmm, would you like some of my helpful pamphlets?"

Shinji frantically shook his head. Asuka looked a little more closely at the ones spread out on the table. "Wait, there are way too many legs in that picture..."

"Just the right number for three people," Rayana corrected.

"...Three?" Asuka sounded astonished, from disgust or interest Shinji couldn't tell.

"I wanted to be prepared for any questions you might have. After all, there was that one worldline where you, Shinji, and Rei-chan were in a very _enthusiastic_ threesome," Rayana said cheerfully. "You spent most nights together playing 'who can wear out Shinji first?' Shinji never got much sleep, but never seemed to complain."

Asuka's expression now matched Shinji's of a few minutes prior. "Sex with... _Wondergirl?!_ But... the fuck... I've never... she's his _sister!_ "

"The protection of ignorance; none of you knew. No one ever bothered to tell Rei-chan about her heritage. And she only shares twenty-five percent of Shinji's genome anyhow. You'd be surprised how little being related slows down the 'shippers sometimes... in any case, it had positive effects."

Asuka stared at her like she'd just sprouted antlers. "What _possible_ positive effects could there be to me in a threesome with that _bitch_?"

"It sure made Rei-chan like being human more. In particular, she loved you both very much. When Commander Ikari tried to get her to set off the Third Impact, she told him to go copulate with himself, then flew to help you two fight SEELE's forces. Fighting together, you three beat them all easily. Averted the Third Impact entirely. The three of you were very happy together for a long time afterward."

"I still don't think even saving the world is worth having to touch the First Child." Asuka shook herself. "Ick."

"Infinite worlds, Asuka. Everything that can happen does somewhere, in all the myriad ways," Rayana said calmly. "Since we're done here, shall we drop you back at your cabin so you can enjoy a couple more hours to rest or 'talk' before tonight's ball?"

"Yes." Shinji and Asuka looked at each other. They'd spoken in stereo again. And they both sounded pretty eager to get away.

Rayana smiled again. "You two are just precious. Have fun. We'll see you at 2100 or so. Ja ne!" She lightly snapped her fingers, and they vanished.

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Part 36  
 **Knowing Who You Are** **  
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They were back in their cabin's living room, just as suddenly as they'd been removed from it hours ago. Shinji was again sitting in the corner of the couch, with Asuka now standing next to him. Shinji looked up at Asuka as she tugged on his hand to get him to rise. "Come on, Shinji, stand up."

Shinji rose, but asked "Why?" as he did.

Asuka pulled him after her towards the hallway to the bedrooms. Shinji gulped.

"Because I really want something better to wash out my brain after the disgusting idea of sex with _her_ polluted it. And we just had 'the talk' from yours, so I want to..." Asuka slowed her quick walk to barely a shuffle. "...to introduce you to... my mother."

Shinji gulped harder. "O-okay."

Donna Sriyana looked up from her book and smiled at them as they entered Kyoko's room. "Good afternoon, Asuka. Your mother rests and heals well." Her smile grew a small fraction when she sighted their handclasp. "You look happier than yesterday, inside and out."

 _''Inside and out'?'_ Shinji wondered.

The priestess's eyes drifted to Shinji. "And is this young man the Shinji you spoke of yesterday?"

 _'Asuka talked about me? I wonder how many times 'baka' was used in that conversation?'_ Shinji nervously bowed "Um, hello, ma'am. I am Shinji Ikari, yes."

"Don't 'ma'am' her, baka, she's a priestess. Call her 'Donna' or Mother," Asuka muttered to him as she gently elbowed him.

"Ow. Um, Mother."

"Gently, Asuka dear. Boys are slow learners, and easily breakable. I sense you want to talk to your mother about something important, so I'll leave you alone." As she stepped around them to leave, she lightly placed her hand on Shinji's shoulder. "And you be gentle with her, young man. She depends on you," she said quietly, her voice pitched just loud enough for his ears. She vanished down the hall.

Asuka had missed the priestess's parting comment to him, settling into the chair next to the bed that Mother Sriyana had just vacated. "Hello, Mama. I'd like to introduce you to Shinji. He's the one I told you about earlier. The one who...loves me."

Shinji pulled another chair closer to sit next to Asuka. He looked at Kyoko's face, once again struck by the resemblance to Asuka's familiar features he could see there. He looked at Asuka's face again and his jaw dropped.

Asuka was _crying_. She was still smiling and wasn't making the sound of even a single sniffle, but to two trails of tears traced their way down her cheeks as she held her mother's hand. Shinji had never seen Asuka cry without trying to hide it in the entire time he'd known her, outside of her sleep. Now she was not making even the slightest such attempt, just holding her mother's hand, smiling, and talking happily to her, telling her mother how they'd volunteered for the campaign to rebuild their world, how they were going to be commissioned as officers at a ball tonight, how they were going to be dancing in front of everyone, how Shinji was a pretty good kisser...

Shinji's ears sent an urgent alert that he should stop staring at the tender spectacle of a smiling, teary Asuka and pay attention to those last few bits. _'Wait, what? Dancing? And what was that last one?'_ "Asuka, wait, don't tell her that kind of thing!" Shinji blushed brightly.

Asuka turned to look at him, her smile shifting to a grin. "Why not, Shinji? Mama's not going to hold it against you. And I tell Mama everything." Her free hand shot out to grab his collar and pull him into a thorough kiss. She released him slowly. "Mm, and why shouldn't I tell her that? She's going to be seeing more than a little of it when she wakes up in a few days. I don't feel like stopping doing something that makes me feel that good no matter who we're in front of; Mama, our weird hosts, Misato and Kaji, Wondergirl, _anybody_." She snorted. "Maybe _especially_ her. What's the matter, Third? Not enjoying it? You're not ashamed to be seen kissing the hottest Pilot on Earth, are you?"

"N-no, Asuka! I'm really, really enjoying it! I don't want to stop...um."

She laughed. "Dummkopf pervertieren! Get a few naughty ideas from talking to Rayana? Did you sneak a few of those pamphlets home?"

Shinji tried not to turn any redder. "We did talk about things _besides_ sex, you know."

"I'm sure you did, but watching you get so embarrassed is funny. Like what?"

"How to ...listen to girls, sort of. How girls don't always say out loud what they mean you to hear."

"Oh?" Asuka's smile had dimmed a little from the almost predatory peak it had just hit, but didn't go away. Somehow Shinji still felt almost as nervous. "Like what, oh great philosopher baka-Shinji?"

"Like when you say 'I don't want to talk about it', you can mean 'this is important, so I do want to talk about it, but not right now'," he ventured cautiously. "So when you said it the night we arrived, it was too much for you to talk about then." _'And do I dare do it now?_ _I mean, it was_ _ **us**_ _, right? So shouldn't I know? Rayana wouldn't have mentioned it if there wasn't a reason, right?'_ "Do you want to now?"

Asuka's smile did fade out now, and a serious look replaced it. She looked back at her mother. "…No, not really. But Daniel and I just talked about trust and …doubt. And choosing who you are. So…" Asuka took a deep breath. "I saw… She was wearing a ring. The other me."

"The 'you' from when we came? A ri-" His brain caught up. _'A ring. She was wearing a ring. She was holding hands with, kissing, and very close to 'me'. And, let's not forget,_ _ **pregnant**_ _. A ring. With me. Ergo, at some point in the next six months….Oh Gods…' '_ Did he ask you? Or did _you_ ask _him_?' suddenly made terrifying sense. _'_ _ **Oh Gods**_ _…what's the_ _ **answer**_ _to that?!'_ Shinji stared at Asuka wide-eyed.

She just nodded. "Now do you see why I said that? And all she did when I saw it was look at …her 'you' and _wink_. I think I was screwing with _myself_." She shook her head to clear it. "And right now, I'm not going to worry about it. The future will take care of itself. Six months from now I'll worry about it. For now, I'm with Mama, you've told me…and we're about to ride out to save our world with an army on our side…I'm happier than I've been in too long. And I choose to stay that way." She looked at Shinji again. "What else did you talk about, perv?" Her smile was back. "How to listen to girls when they say 'harder!'?"

 _'Rayana lied! Women **do** have psychic powers!'_ "Um...um…yes? H-how did you know that? Wait, she told you what we talked about!"

"Yeah, but it's fun watching your turn red as a tomato when I ask you about sex," Asuka grinned. "You are way too easy, Third. Gimme details."

 _'I was right, she is trying to kill me by terminal embarrassment.'_ "You…you're just teasing me again." He turned away, getting ready to stand up and leave.

Asuka's hand grabbed his and pulled him back down. She looked him straight in the eye with a dead serious expression this time. "Not this time, Shinji. I can't say 'not anymore', because it's still too much fun, but this time I'm serious. I want to know what she told you because…because Daniel reminded me I am the one who decides who I am. That I choose how to be who I am every moment. I am tired of being alone, of being afraid of feeling good, of hating everything in my life and still fearing to change any of it. He keeps asking us what we want? I want my life back. Fuck Wondergirl, fuck Winthrop, fuck the whole Third Impact, and fuck the Angels too. I'm reclaiming my life from all of them. I don't know what _we_ are yet, Shinji, but _I_ am going to decide what I feel, not the scars they left in me. I am Asuka Langley Sohryu, and _I_ choose my fate."

Shinji was doing his best impersonation of a deer in the high-beams of a Mack truck, pinned to his chair by the force of Asuka's rant. Not that he had any intention of moving an inch now. _'This…is the girl I fell for. Welcome back, Asuka.'_

She stared far past Shinji for a moment. "I know who I am," she whispered. She focused back in on him. "And when I want to know what Rayana talked to you about sex, it's not _just_ because you are fun to watch squirming in embarrassment. It's also because…I might want to know it too." The laser-focus look was back, but a lot less hostile than he was used to. It was even more intimidating now, though.

He swallowed again. "S-she talked about…um, you. A-and how I need to listen with more than my ears, and pay attention to you."

Her right eyebrow rose. "Go on."

"How I was…sort of insulting you and hurting you when I would ignore you, not even look at you when you were…being sexy, even when it was to tease me. How when I ignored you for so long when you were _trying_ to get my attention, then…did that in the hospital, it was like I was _pointedly_ using you for my own pleasure, but refusing to give you the same. She told me I was hurting you without even meaning to by kind of throwing your sexuality back in your face." Asuka's look wasn't darkening or getting angry, but it was distinctly more tense. He pushed on. "And that if I was going to love you, I'd better not 'half-ass it' and I should make it really clear I appreciate your hotness and what you mean to me and…and… when you decide you want more than a kiss, you're probably going to come at me with the same fierceness you do with everything you set your mind to. So the next time 'washing your back' comes up I better be ready when you say 'get to it'. That I better be ready to push back, but not to be afraid, because I trust you." Shinji held his breath. _'Please don't explode, please don't explode…'_

But Asuka just held that sharp focus right at him. "Damn right you better be ready, Third. Didn't I tell you, if you wanna love me, you better be ready to push back? I won't accept a half-ass boyfriend, you understand me? You better put as much into this as I will."

Shinji's ears insisted over the stubborn objections of his brain that yes, that _was_ exactly what Asuka had just said. His brain objected again that Asuka couldn't possibly have said what the ears had reported she'd just said, ergo, he must be dreaming again. This was an even better dream than this morning. _'Then again, the last time I thought I was dreaming something this nice, I was just a little wrong. But it still ended up really good in the end. Therefore, I'm going to run with it as far as I can. …oh, crap. What do I_ _ **say**_ _?'_ "I… will. I always will."

"Good," Asuka said firmly, but a smile spread back across her face to match the one Shinji could feel on his own. She squeezed his hand and her mother's and looked back down at her mother's face. "Because I've got everything I want now, and I am going to keep it."


	21. Clothes & The First Time In Years

**A Crown of Stars**

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Part 37  
 **Clothes**

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They sat silently with Kyoko for a long while, Asuka never releasing her grip on either person. Eventually, she let go of her mother's hand and stood. "Come on, Shinji. We've only got a few hours to get ready for this ball, so we'd better get started."

He stood with her and let himself be pulled along by her hand. "'Only a few hours'? How long does it take to put on a set of clothes?" he said, very puzzled.

Asuka sighed and rolled her eyes. "You are _such_ a boy, Third Child. A formal dress ball, hundreds of people there, and you'd just show up with an outfit you threw on? You have no idea what you are talking about, I can see." She sniffed. "I'm sure _you_ can just put on the uniforms they're supposed to have sent… us. Oh, they're already here."

Asuka trailed off as she pulled Shinji into their bedroom and sighted the two sets of dark green uniforms already there, standing by the foot of their bed on a pair of basic mannequins, one male, one female , making easy to see whose was whose. Small gold-embroidered black nametapes on the right breast confirmed it. Asuka peered closer at her uniform. There was already a set of small campaign ribbons on hers, and a gold pendant of a lion with a couple of short spears in its flank pawing at the air hung around the uniform's neck on a scarlet ribbon. Shinji looked at his. His had a similar set, but at the top line had only one gold and one or two silver stars on each of the two ribbons there, where Asuka had two gold and two sliver on the first.

"Huh. Our own uniforms, and I have no idea what these ribbons mea-" He brushed his fingers across the ribbons and suddenly the knowledge of exactly what they meant was there in his head. _'Ikari Shinji, Evangelion (Mecha) Pilot. Seven Angel kills, six assists. Four Purple Hearts. 2015 Angel War, 2020 UN Revolution Campaign medals. Evangelion Pilot Badge, Third Impact Survivor Badge, Lifesaving Medal…'_ He yanked his hand back like the ribbons had bit him. It was like someone reading off his record in his head. "Wow… Asuka, try touching your ribbons."

She looked at him, shrugged, and touched her hand to her own. She stiffened and her eyes glazed over for a moment. She shook her head as she pulled her hand away. "That's… weird. But handy. Heh, Twelve kills, six assists, and the Wounded Lion for going down still fighting. Looks like I beat you, Third Child."

"Twelve?"

"Three Angel kills, nine Mass Production Evas. Looks like you and I split credit for the two MPs in the coup and a couple of the Angels. See, if you gotten off your ass and come help me in that battle, you might have gotten an assist or two. I'd still have slaughtered all of SEELE's Evas myself, of course," Asuka said haughtily. "You'd better step up next time, or I'll leave you even further in the dust."

Long acquaintance with her allowed Shinji to all too easily hear the note of bitterness in her voice that still underscored any thinking of that long ago battle. And now he was sworn to make up that debt however he could. "Jawohl, my darling. I promised, remember? Every battle from now on, I'm there."

"Good. I'm still probably going to wear a dress, but let's see how we look in these. Ah, they're already tailored, I think. Excellent." Asuka reached up behind her back and unzipped her dress. She was bent over facing away from him and down to her underwear before she noticed Shinji's red-faced paralysis. Her eyes flicked downward for a second to confirm her guess. "Something on your mind, Third?" she said amusedly.

 _'Stop staring at her ass, stop staring at her ass… oh gods it's soooo nice.'_ "Um…. um… yes?"

Asuka looked slightly surprised. She straightened up from pulling her socks off and turned to face him, hands on her hips in a pose that had never failed to drive him nuts in the past. "Oh?" she asked lightly. "Feeling brave after that talk?" Her eyes narrowed a hair. "Show me," she challenged him.

 _'I think this is the point where 'be honest' and 'appreciate her hotness' are going to combine to get me killed if I'm wrong here,'_ Shinji thought. _'Oh well, at least I'll go out in memorable style.'_ He squared his shoulders. "I was looking at your… your ass. It's… really hot."

Asuka took a couple steps toward him, stopping with her just centimeters in front of him. "And?"

"'And?'" he managed to echo with his voice rising only halfway to a squeak. "You asked what was on my mind. That was it."

"Oh?" she purred. "Nothing else? No plans? Not going to do anything? Not going to …push?"

 _'Oh gods,_ _ **please**_ _don't let me screw this up!'_ Shinji closed the remaining space between them to put his hands around Asuka's waist and pull her to him. Asuka's expression didn't flicker, but he could see the pulse at her throat speed up. "Well, I did think…" ' _Well, she didn't kill me for it this morning.'_ "…that you might want to take a shower before dressing for the ball …and wash your back."

Asuka stared right back into his eyes for a moment that Shinji steadfastly assured himself only _felt_ like eternity. "Yes, that might be a good idea … Start the water, …Shinji."

He turned and headed into the bathroom. His feet and hands were fortunately working pretty well under automatic control, which was great news, since his brain was now entirely occupied with a steady loop of, "Holy shit! This is happening! Holy shit!". He turned on the shower and set it to moderately warm. He stood there for a minute trying to think of what he should do next, besides his growing impulse to pinch the Hell out of his arm to really, _really_ ensure that he wasn't dreaming. He was so lost in his furiously, futilely spinning thoughts that he almost jumped a foot in the air when he felt a hand hesitantly touch his shoulder. He spun in place.

Asuka looked back at him with a mix of slight sarcasm and partly-hidden nervousness. "You planning to get in that shower with all your clothes on, Third? I'm not undressing you for you."

Shinji was completely unable to stop his eyes from yo-yoing down and back up her body. Yup, she was naked. Gloriously, stunningly naked, that perfect body that had been in so many of his dreams, and yes, a few shameful memories, now totally on display. He'd seen her body before; comatose in a hospital gown, drowning herself in her bathtub in Berlin, most nights they'd gone to sleep next to each other over the last month, or even their one disastrous try at sex. This wasn't like any of those times. This was something as different as it could get. She wasn't avoiding his gaze and he wasn't invading. She was right in front of him, looking right back at him, hands on her hips again.

A frantically active part of his brain finally got through with the message that he'd been staring at her in silence for almost thirty seconds. "Um! Yes! Right, clothes!" He shrugged out of his shirt and pants in record time. His hands froze for a second as he got to his boxers. He usually slept in them, so he'd hardly been as naked in front of Asuka as much as she had been in front of him. _'Another signal I missed?'_ flitted through his mind. And he wouldn't just be naked in a moment; he'd be rather obviously showing off his 'interest' as well. And he was a lot more 'interested' than he'd been during their awkward attempt at sex. He got a grip on his nerves and slid his boxers off.

His head came back up to not meet Asuka's eyes. She was still looking down at _him_. This time Shinji got to be on the other end of the awkward pause before Asuka blinked and snapped her head back up. "Ah! Er… I… never um, looked before. I didn't want to see, so I hadn't ever… you're… um… a bit more than… the other two. A _lot_ more… um… let's get in the shower, baka!" She turned him around and pushed him towards the shower door.

"I'm what?" Shinji got out before he was inside, facing the spray from the multiple showerheads.

"Never mind," Asuka said, getting directly under the spray from the largest showerhead and wetting herself down thoroughly. She pointed towards a shelf at the back of the stall with an array of soaps and shampoos on it. "Grab the cream body wash and the scrub mitts."

She gathered her hair into her hand and pulled it over her right shoulder to offer him unimpeded access to the silky smooth skin of her back all the way down to the swell of her perfect, smooth- _FOCUS, Ikari!_

He squirted some of the body wash into the mitts and rubbed them together to work up a lather. He tried to keep his hands from shaking too badly as he gingerly reached out and placed his mitt-covered hands on her back. She jumped a little at his touch too, but began to relax as he slowly, slowly began to rub his hands in circles across her back.

"Mm… harder," was all she said. He pressed a little more firmly.

"Asuka?" He asked after a few minutes, his hands ever so slowly and carefully starting to drift lower and wider.

"Mm?" she replied vaguely, starting to arch a bit into his strokes.

"I'm not dreaming, am I?"

She turned her head to glance at him over her left shoulder. "You have dreams like this before, Third?"

"A couple of times a month, when it wasn't nightmares about… things you can probably guess. I didn't like either kind."

Her left eyebrow rose skeptically. "You _didn't_ like having dreams about a hot, naked redhead showering with you?"

"Because I always woke up alone."

"I didn't. It wasn't better." He could feel her back tense up a bit under his hands. She shook herself and turned around to face him. "No. I'm not going to start thinking of that. We're done with that. I… you really spent that much time dreaming of me?"

Shinji nodded. "I did like those dreams when I had them. It was just the loss of you over and over every time I woke up that I hated. Some of those dreams were… nice." He looked to the side. He wanted to stare at his usual spot on the floor in front of him, but that would have been a different field of view right now.

Asuka's hand came up to his cheek and pushed his head back around to face her. "Shinji, look at me. I want you to look at me. You always have."

"It's… different now."

"Yes. It's better." The shower kept smoothly spraying them, washing the last of the soap off Asuka's back. "You told me this morning you thought I was beautiful, Shinji. Don't you find me attractive anymore?" She flicked her eyes down again at the prominent evidence and smirked.

He nodded. "More than anyone else in the world."

"Then don't turn your eyes away. You were doing pretty good at pushing back to ask me in here. Don't wimp out now. If I was going to kill you, I'd have already done it." She tilted her head a little. "What else was in your dreams, perv?" she said with a small smile.

"You're going to laugh."

"Try me, Third."

"It wasn't as perverted as you'd think." Shinji pulled off the scrub mitts and placed them back on the shelf, then stunned Asuka as he slid his arms around her back and pulled her close against him. They both shivered at the sensations. "It had parts like this…" He moved his face lower to seek her lips. "…but it was more about being close… less about the sex…" He halted _just_ before making contact. "…more about loving you." He met her lips.

Asuka's moan into his kiss would probably have surprised Shinji more…if he hadn't dreamed this already, and if wasn't already echoing it himself. What did surprise him was that all the pleasure of nearly five cumulative hours of intensely kissing Asuka so far today was completely blown away by a single kiss.

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Part 38  
 **The First Time In Years**

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' _Ok, whatever's in the water here that's making him act like this, I want him drinking at_ _ **least**_ _a gallon a day,'_ was Asuka's only semi-coherent thought. _'I don't know where the old Third Child went, but he can stay gone. Oh Gott, his hands…'_

Shinji's hands were indeed busy, once again tracing lines of fire up and down her back, and starting to venture elsewhere. They felt almost good enough to overwhelm her all by themselves, and likely would have, if that set of sensations hadn't been in competition with the ones generated by his equally burning lips and tongue, or the all new ones coming from her breasts and groin as she and Shinji pressed together increasingly firmly. Her blood was practically fizzing. She could feel his rampant 'interest' pressing against her stomach. She wrapped her own hands around his lower back and pulled him even closer. One of his legs slid between hers, and her motion ground her groin very firmly against his thigh. And just like that, Asuka Langley Sohryu went off like an atom bomb.

Her head snapped back and broke the so far uninterrupted kiss, which was for the best; her throaty moans were suddenly replaced by a howl that rose to a near scream. Shinji's hands around her back sharply tightened, which was also good, as right on the heels of her howl her legs gave out and only Shinji's grip saved her from sliding limply to the floor. He did stumble forward to pin her up against the wall with his body weight. She was muzzily grateful for the save, and actually rather enjoyed being firmly pressed against the wall with his body up against hers once her mental fuses reset about a minute later. She just kind of rested in his arms for another couple of minutes, not feeling at _all_ interested or capable of moving just yet. "Mein Gott…" she mumbled. _'Oh holy_ _ **fuck**_ _, that was good… How long has it been?'_

"Asuka, are you alright?" Shinji asked.

 _'Am I alright?'_ She managed a weak laugh. "Alright? Heh… I'm better than 'alright', Shinji. Mein _Gott_ , it's been _years_..."

"Years?"

"You think I _ever_ got off with Winthrop? Or Jinnai? They weren't attractive even under the best circumstances, much less the ones I was in! They kind of killed sex at all for me. I haven't had an honest-to-Gott climax since my room in Misato's apartment!" Asuka slowly raised her head off Shinji's shoulder.

"Um… you didn't…" Shinji began.

"I was by myself, baka. Girls do it too, you know." _'Every fucking night, in fact. And back then I was fantasizing about Kaji ...and you.'_ she didn't say out loud. ' _Fuck, Shinji, if you only knew how many times I thought about just sneaking across the hall one night and rocking your world, making you mine…'_ "This… was better." A little strength was flowing back into her limbs. "And you are going to be doing that _again_ , Third. Multiple times. That… That's an order."

"I think I like those kind of orders, Asuka," Shinji said with a small smile. His arms kept her held closely against him. Asuka vaguely noted with a little pleasure that he indeed had very little spare fat on him, and what mass he did have was fairly taut muscle.

"Mmm, good, because you're going to be getting them a lot," Asuka purred. She put her left hand on his lower back again and pulled him hard against her. "C'mere." She grabbed the back of his head with her right and yanked him down into another scorching kiss.

They stayed like that for a long time, Asuka positively wallowing in a kaleidoscope of sensual pleasure, feeling herself pressed up against the wall by Shinji, her nipples hard as drill bits, boring into his chest. She was grinding herself against his leg again, rapidly climbing to that sweet, sweet peak once more… when the house system beeped at them.

"Scheduled reminder," the cool voice of the system said in German. "The time is now 1930. The 791st Independent Division Ball is scheduled to begin in two point five hours."

"Oh Gott _damn_ it!" Asuka growled. "We… _nggg_ … don't have _time_ for this." Her body steadfastly ignored her mouth, and if anything ground against Shinji faster and harder. "We've… _Gott, yes_... have to get dressed!"

"We have to stop? Should I…" Shinji shifted his weight back and prepared to pull away.

Asuka's arms clamped down like steel. "Oh no no no… don't stop, don't you dare stop, Shinji. I'm close. I'm close. I'm close! Oh Gott, I'm so close! I'mmmmmmyyyyYEEESSSSS!" Asuka finished in a yell and slumped in his arms again. She pulled herself together slowly. "Whew. Okay… _now_ we can get dressed. Once I can move."

She could feel Shinji shake in frustration. ' _Okay, no, I'm not that big of a bitch. Not this time. Not after what you just did for me, Shinji.'_ Her hand left his lower back and traced a line along his hip around to his front.

Shinji jumped as he felt her hand wrap around him. "Ah! Asuka…"

"Shh…you got me off, twice. My turn." She tightened her grip just ever so slightly and started to move her hand. _'Mmm, quite a nice handful.'_

Shinji's hands on her back dug in harder. "Oh, Asuka… I'm…I! AAAAH!" He slumped forward against her, his forehead resting against the wall over her shoulder. "Oh gods," he panted. "I've never… that was… Thank you, Asuka."

"Isn't it better when you let _me_ do it, instead of just looking at me, hmm? Are we learning yet, Third Child?" Asuka said, her voice still a husky purr.

"I think," Shinji panted back, "You are right. And… I think I need to sit down now."

Now it was her turn to hold him up. "No time for lying around," _'Or more playtime, more's the pity. Damn it, I feel so good if you had any clothes on right now, Third, I'd be tearing them off you. Instead we've got to put some on. It's not fair._ '"We've got to get dressed and ready to walk out of here. We… we can play later." _'Don't argue with me, Shinji. I don't think I could really argue that we_ _ **shouldn't**_ _keep going very hard right now. …and maybe I shouldn't think 'very hard' right now. Damn it.'_

Much to her simultaneous relief and disappointment, Shinji just nodded. "Right."

Asuka pushed against his chest and turned him around. "You go get started. I'm going to wash my hair as fast as I can. And I'm pretty sure if I don't get you out of this shower right now, our resolve isn't going to hold up. Scoot."

Shinji got out and pulled on the purple robe hanging next to her crimson one. "Aww, I can't even stand here and watch?" he mock-complained. His German had the cutest weird accent.

"Get moving, perv." _'But don't you stop looking at me. Don't you ever stop, baka-Shinji.'_

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Asuka got out of the shower and followed Shinji into the bedroom faster than she thought she could, but it still took her a while. A request to the house for a hair dryer had gotten her a wand to be waved over her hair that took it from dripping wet to just damp enough to be styled in a single pass. Rapid but careful hairstyling and makeup application occupied her before she managed to get done with the bathroom end of preparations. She found Shinji still wrapped in his robe, staring at his uniform. He sighed and started to take it off the mannequin.

"You'll look good in it," she said.

He sat on the bed and started putting on the socks that had been in the shoes at the mannequin's feet. "I'm still not very comfortable with the idea of being a soldier. I never liked being a Pilot. But just like back then, it's something I have to do. To protect my friends. To make up for my past sins." He shrugged and pulled the undershirt on over his head. "And I've got more to protect now. I promised I'd be there beside you."

Asuka walked to her wardrobe, opened it, and began to rifle through the dresses inside. It kept her back to Shinji. "That's right. You swore," she said, keeping her voice carefully steady. "You're going to stay with me until I release you. You owe me."

"And I love you. I go where you go."

Asuka's hand froze in its search for a dress. She pulled out the red silk full length backless gown and stepped back to see how it looked against her in the mirror built into the inside of the wardrobe door. Liking the look, she hung it on a hook on the other door as a possibility. "Then it's a good thing you're already going with me."

"Yeah. Lucky me," Shinji said softly and smiled just a little. Asuka quickly shifted her eyes away from the mirror before he could see her watching, and pulled out another dress.

"Asuka?"

"Hmm?" she replied vaguely, holding the new, forest green dress up against herself in the mirror.

"Hikari was kidding, right?"

 _'Oh Gott I hope so.'_ "...yes. Yes she was." Asuka knew she didn't sound as sure as her words implied. _'And even if she wasn't, I'm…._ _ **we're**_ _catching up pretty fast.'_

A few more minutes of searching and sampling produced nothing that Asuka liked more than the first red silk gown, so she peeled off her robe and tossed it on the bed. A quick glance in the mirror showed Shinji's back to her, taking the coat and trousers of the uniform off the bed and putting them on. She quickly pulled open her underwear drawer for a white garter belt and stockings that would go with the dress and pulled them on before Shinji could see. _'A little surprise for you later, Shinji,'_ she thought with a smile. That shower still had her happily glowing a bit.

She slid the dress on and snapped the choker portion that held the top up closed around her neck. A pair of elbow-length gloves in matching red and a pair of stilettos that gave her enough extra inches to almost match heights with Shinji completed the outfit. Asuka thought it over for a second as she looked at her reflection. _'No, not quite complete,'_ she decided. She walked over to her uniform and removed the Wounded Lion medal from around the mannequin's neck. She placed it around her own, letting the heavy gold lion rest on her chest just above her bust.

"Do you like that one?" Shinji asked from behind her.

"According to what that little flash informed me, the Wounded Lion is awarded for valor above and beyond the call of duty in last stands, usually _posthumously_. I earned this the hard way, and it's a military ball, so I'm going to wear…" She turned around. "…it?" she finished in surprise. _'Oh…very nice, Third.'_

The close-fitting dark green with gold and black trim looked very good on Shinji. He even seemed to be standing up straighter. That was the only explanation Asuka could think of for why he seemed taller. His father's broad shoulders were starting to show in him, too. He looked good enough to eat. "Not bad, baka-Shinji. Not bad," she told him. "You look good enough to be seen in public with."

Shinji looked at her with much brighter eyes. "You look… really good, Asuka," his soft tone saying far more than his words.

"Of course I do," she replied confidently. She told the small voice that wanted to cheer because it was _him_ saying it to keep it down. The voice that just marveled, _'He really looks at me,'_ was not nearly as easy to subdue anymore. So she didn't.

The house beeped at them again. "Apologies for the intrusion, guests. You have an incoming call from Senior Marshal of the White His Imperial Highness Lord Sir Lucas Verfico nó O'Brien. Would you like to take it in here as audio-only?"

"Put him through, BH," Asuka said, still admiring Shinji's new look.

"Good evening, Pilots. Their Majesties have charged me with ensuring you both make it to the 791st Independent Division Ball in proper style and show. Are you both finished preparing for the event?"

"Yes we are, Lord Verfico," Asuka said.

"Most excellent. My vehicle will be outside your cabin momentarily to pick you up and transport you to the 791st Division Headquarters complex at Fort Schelbert. Just step outside, and we'll be right with you."

Shinji held out his hand. "Darf ich bitten?"

"Bitte," Asuka said with a smile, and took his hand.

.

* * *

.

Part 39  
 **To The Ball**

.

* * *

.  
Lord Verfico proved to be shorter than he'd looked in the video call Ching had made on their first night on Avalon, but just as weathered looking, and a charming gentleman. He'd warmly greeted them after the large, heavily armed aircraft bigger than a NERV Command Truck had lightly settled onto the beach outside their cabin, and ushered them aboard. Shinji seemed slightly apprehensive at Lord Verfico's blithe statement that he was piloting the "Company Command Dropship" while standing behind the pilot's seat, talking to them without even looking forward.

Lord Verfico noted his nervousness and laughed softly. "Relax, Pilot Ikari. I was born a very long time ago as a combat flight AI. There's not a military vehicle or ship in the multiverse I can't fly with my eyes closed."

"You were 'born' an AI?" Asuka asked curiously from her comfortable seat behind the command stations. "How does that work?"

"Just as it sounds, young miss. The Emperor created me long ago, before the founding of the Empire as a combat assistant computer for his Veritech fighter, to allow him to conduct other tasks while I flew it or operated the weapons. He created me and gave me awareness, and I am one of his oldest children. Much later on after he had learned how, he also gave me a soul and later a flesh and blood body for when I cared to use one, such as tonight. It would hardly be proper for Their Majesties to attend a unit Ball and their Privy Secretary not be there as well. But to reassure Pilot Ikari, I have been flying more kinds of combat aircraft than you can imagine for longer than you'd believe. Piloting this old runabout of mine is no more difficult for me than drinking tea might be for you." His hand gestured at the impressive array of ribbons on his own dark green breast. "I earned all of these flight medals the hard way. I can claim without any exaggeration to be one of the best pilots in the Empire. Don't worry at all."

Asuka raised an eyebrow at him. "You're a son of your Emperor, and you're playing chauffeur for us? Should we be calling you 'Prince Lucas' or such?"

"If you must. I'm not a Prince Of The Blood, as the Empress is not my mother …biologically, she just reminded me. I technically didn't even _have_ blood when I was born. Nor am I one of the Bastard Princes, as I do not technically have a mother at all. We crafted children of the Emperor are known as the Blood-Forged. While technically princes and princesses, we mostly prefer titles we've earned as a better mark of our existence. We are who we are by our own hands, not by circumstance of birth. I am a Senior Marshal of the White by virtue of combat experience and duration of service, and Lord Privy Secretary because I am good at it and it pleases Their Majesties to have me serve as such. As for my being a mere chauffeur tonight? We all serve 'at the pleasure of the Crown', as the old cant goes. And I enjoy the chance to fly some of my father's friends to a party. The privileges of being an old constructed intelligence, Pilot Sohryu; a part of my awareness is still at home in the Imperial Residence, overseeing housekeeping, while the rest of me gets to enjoy a gala ball with my friends and sovereign." He laughed gently. "And should you two be accepting commissions as Imperial Army officers tonight, you'll be addressing me as 'sir' in official circumstances and 'm'lord' in social ones. I may be inactive at the moment, but I am still far senior to a pair of brand new First Lieutenants of the Green."

"You're going to have to explain the green and white thing," Asuka said. "Seniority system?"

Lord Verfico nodded. "Any officer rank in our services goes from Green to White, with Violet, Red, and Blue as intermediate grades. You'll be Green, the most junior. Stay in service a few years, and you'll be promoted to Violet, and so on."

Shinji finally spoke up, a slightly puzzled look on his face. "A few years to go up one grade? How long does it take to get promoted to an actual higher rank?"

"Mmm, a decade or two, if you're in a very active unit, or if you're a hot-shot hero like you two were. I've seen your records, you two would have made rank quickly given what your war was like."

Shinji blinked. "A decade or two? But… that's… How _old_ are you?"

Asuka interrupted before Lord Verfico could answer. "Don't ask, Third. You don't want to know."

"Uh…"

Lord Verfico smiled. "'Old enough to know better' is the joke my father always gives when the exact answer would cause confusion. But to answer the question behind your question, young sir, we live a long time in the Empire. You enlist for five hundred years to earn your Citizenship, and a few decades from time to time to maintain it. Thus, years between promotions is not a big problem. You two would be granted yours on request if you desired, as you've both already literally given your lives to save your world. And you both have volunteered to go back to save it again and rebuild it. You have my admiration and thanks."

"Ah, your thanks?" Shinji asked.

"It's a big infinity out there, Pilot Ikari. Avalon never turns down allies in the fight for all that is right; we need all the friends we can find."

"Um… you're welcome," Shinji mumbled.

Asuka rolled her eyes. _'Okay, so the old Third Child isn't totally gone. We'll have to work on that. Push back, baka-Shinji. I will not stand for you being a wimp. Not anymore. If you're going to be the one by my side in every fight from here until I release you, you're damn well going to be more than the wuss who turns into mush when someone thanks you. 'The Great, Invincible Shinji-sama' may have been almost as big a joke as you were, but I'm going to make it real. I won't have anything less by my side. You've always been a good Pilot, Shinji. I'm going to make you into a_ _ **hero**_ _.'_

A faint glow appeared on the horizon in the forward viewscreen. "Fort Schelbert," Lord Verfico said. "We'll be there in a few moments. Ready to make your big entrance, Pilots?"

Asuka stood up. The glow was rapidly growing into a huge fortress complex below them. She noticed Shinji's right hand doing his nervous rhythmic-clench thing. _'At least he's treating this as a battle. Better your combat persona than a doormat tonight, Third. I plan to show you off.'_ The dropship flared into a vertical landing after what would have been a dizzyingly swift and sharp dive towards the landing pad outside the lit-up great hall at the center of the base if Asuka hadn't already seen stranger things like yesterday's transit disc in action. The ramp at the back of the dropship silently lowered to reveal they were already lined up with a red carpet leading right to the large double doors.

Asuka took Shinji's hand to stop the clenching. "Showtime," she said quietly. "Let's go, Shinji."

He just nodded and fell into step with her. When they reached the foot of the ramp, Lord Verfico was waiting for them. Asuka blinked and looked behind her. The dropship was empty. How…?

"Side door, and I move quickly," Lord Verfico smiled when she turned her head back to him. "Follow me. Officially, since you are still technically civilians right now, you're attending as my guests, and I'm here as an Imperial Army officer. Oh, just a moment, Pilot Ikari," He reached out to touch Shinji's ribbons and hooked his finger behind them. He pressed a tiny dot on the back of the rack and Shinji's uniform changed; the gold and black trim grew bigger and more elaborate, and the ribbons expanded into full medals. "There's a button on the back of the rack for swapping between simple and full formal dress modes, Pilot Ikari. Handy, no?" He stepped off down the carpet, the Pilots in tow, sweeping past a mass of people in formal wear and uniforms flanking the red carpet who eagerly peered at the new arrivals. Asuka noted with slight amusement the same red-carpet standard of flickering camera flashes could be found on Avalon as on Earth.

Lord Verfico handed a tiny card to the Colour-Sergeant at the door to the ballroom, and waited. The sergeant stepped inside and to one side of the doors and announced them to the moderate crowd of uniforms, gowns, and more exotic finery within. "Senior Marshal of the White His Imperial Highness Blood-Forged Prince Lord Sir Lucas Verfico nó O'Brien, and the Division Guests of Honor, Evangelion Pilots Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Sohryu!" A good part of the crowd turned to watch and applaud as they walked through the door.

"And Certified School Crossing Guard, thank you very much!" muttered Lord Verfico as they entered.

"I thought you were here as an Army officer?" Asuka muttered back.

"I am, but since Their Majesties are going to be attending too, they're required to announce at least some of my civil titles as well. I held out for just the top couple. At my age, the titles can pile up. Have you ever seen Their Majesties hit someone with their full array? Father loves that joke."

"I think they did it to another copy of the Third Child and I yesterday. Poor dummy looked like he was going to pass out," Asuka said, looking around at the cavernous hall. The dance floor had to be the size of a half dozen Olympic swimming pools put together. She could feel Shinji's tight grip on her hand. He'd never liked big crowds of people except as a place to disappear into. "Where are we supposed to sit?"

He nodded towards a set of large tables on a small stage at the far side of the dance floor. "You'll be up at the high table with Their Majesties and I, but for now, it's just mingle and chat time. Part of the reason you're here tonight is to get a chance to meet the officers of the 791st command staff and subordinate units before things kick off tomorrow." He gestured ahead of them at a cluster of people gathered around someone or something too short to see from outside the circle. "Such as her."

The circle parted enough for the two Pilots to see the focus point of the group was a short, petite red-headed woman with a chest full of a ridiculous array of medals, including a Wounded Lion around her neck like Asuka's, save that hers had three small diamonds under the lion's belly. She was finishing off some speech to her assembled listeners with a schoolgirlish giggle that was somehow oddly frightening coming from her.

"That is Senior Colonel of the White Dame Moira Dufault, Baroness Waltham, commander of the 791st's lead infantry unit, the 2873rd Heavy Infantry Regiment. She'll be your primary heavy power armor unit commander. Amazingly fierce woman. Some people say battle-crazy, after she killed a krogan that irritated her _,_ but I think she's just… flamboyant. An old friend of Their Majesties."

"What's a krogan?" Shinji said.

"About five hundred pounds of muscle, armor, and bloodlust. Warrior species from a rather interesting worldline we've run into in the last millennium. They have three spines, redundant organs, et cetera. She got the 'battle-crazy' reputation after she killed it with her teeth."

"Her _teeth_? Was she handcuffed or something?" Shinji asked in disbelief.

"No, just angry. He'd demanded a mighty human warrior for some honor challenge, and made disparaging remarks about her height when she showed up. She got upset. On the upside, between her and Commander Shepherd, krogans now consider red-haired human women to be incredibly deadly by default. They're very popular."

Shinji looked more confused than ever. "Why does your Empire have so many terrifying red-headed women running around?"

"What's the matter, Third? I find that a perfectly sensible way to run a country. I approve," Asuka grinned. "Why does her Wounded Lion have the diamonds?"

"Multiple awards."

Asuka stopped and looked at him. "How do you get _multiple awards_ of a medal you get for _dying_ in a _last stand_?"

Lord Verfico gave her a half-smile. "The same way you did, miss; she got better. Death never keeps her for long. She's an old friend of the Lady, who will hardly let her spirit be lost."

"You people are really, _really_ strange."


	22. Guests Of Honor, Drinks & Dancing

**A Crown of Stars**

 **.**

* * *

 **Part 40**  
 **Guests Of Honor**

 **.**

Asuka refused to let go of Shinji's hand for the next hour's parade of introductions. She told herself it was to force the terminally-averse-to-new-faces Third Child to man up and stand with her to get to know the startling array of Lieutenant Colonels, Colonels, Brigadiers they were introduced to. It had nothing to do with any impulse that decidedly did not like the idea of him being out of her sight. Better than half of them were visibly not _Homo Sapiens_. A few weren't even humanoid. All spoke perfectly good Japanese to them, even the Major that was a one hundred fifty centimeter tall insect. Asuka and Shinji shared a very confused look after shaking…hands... with that one.

Even the mildly familiar was strange. They were approached by a slightly tired looking woman who was an exact twin of Rayana, but had shorter hair, and was wearing a more formal rendition of Mother Sriyana's priestess robes with more white and pale green, and some green and gold knotted braid loops at the right shoulder. Lord Verfico introduced her to them as Predes Anna Shimegami Henderson. She greeted them in good German, but Asuka could hear a distinct British accent in it.

She quickly cleared up their initial confusion, but introduced some more. "No, I'm not Rayana. I'm her analogue from a world where her life substantially diverged from the one that produced her." She tapped a finger on a gruesome scar on her neck just under her left ear. "The Empress never had to have a bout of lycanthropy, or get shot by a silver bullet, for example. I took it as a learning experience; a reminder to bloody _duck._ You can't heal other people when you're too busy healing yourself. I work at her Centre for Covert Multi-Dimensional Operations." She gave them an approving look. "So you're the pair that my other self has been talking about so much the last few days. You two look to be doing well together."

"You're in the Army too? A Chaplain?" Asuka asked. _'And what the fuck was that about lycanthropy? These people are_ weird _!'_

Predes Anna shook her head. "Healer Adept. Magical and medical specialization. I'll be with the medical sections. I'm doing a decade to keep my Citizenship current. It's my first chance to get away from having to deal with the Centre's operatives and that lunatic Sam in two hundred years.  
You both seem like nice kids, but I'd just as soon not have to see you professionally if possible. No offense, but an 'easy' campaign like this is supposed to be my vacation. And now I get to spend my 'vacation' with you, or in the same operational area."

"Going with an army to invade South America and rebuild our world is a 'vacation'?"

Anna pointed to a couple more people in the crowd with Wounded Lions around their necks. "See the medal a few of them have, a seven-pointed star imperfectly surrounded by three ellipses? That's the Joint Service Medal – Centre. When the Centre needs heavy help in the guns and boots department, they call the Imperial Army. We don't call unless things are bad. Too many blokes earn their Lion with us. This operation of yours looks to be a tad simpler than some of our nasty ones. A relatively simple stabilize and rebuild campaign like this will be hopefully much calmer. I've seen too many bad ones in my seventy millennia. Give my best to the Empress when you see her next." She held her palm up to them, quietly blessed them in the name of the Lady as Lover, and left them.

As the priestess walked away from them, Shinji spoke up. "Asuka, I want to ask you a question."

Asuka looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "So spit it out, Third."

He hesitated. "Well, you said I didn't want to know."

 _'Oh, that. Well, better now than some comically awkward future moment.'_ "Try not to freak out." Asuka took a deep breath. "Ching told me yesterday that she was envious of me, for meeting you when we were so young. She said she's 'waited centuries' and not been lucky enough to have met anyone that…feels for her the way you do for me."

Shinji stared at her. " _Centuries?_ How old is she?"

"Four hundred thirty-two." Shinji's eyes got wider. "She'll be four thirty-three in five months," Asuka added with morbid amusement.

"She's _four hundred thirty-two_ and she's a _Lieutenant_?"

"She did say she had a few decades of practice as a psychiatrist before she joined up. But see why they don't mind years between ranks?"

Shinji rubbed his forehead. "And Lord Verfico is a Senior Marshal…how long would that take?" he asked weakly.

"A long damn time is my guess," Asuka said. She thought for a moment. "Given what Ching told me next about Daniel's age, I can make a fair guess as to Lord Verfico's."

"Do I want to know?" Shinji sighed. "You did warn me. Alright, hit me."

Asuka grinned, and punched him in the shoulder.

"Ow! Hey!" He rubbed at the injury.

"Oh, don't be a baby, Third." She grinned and gave him a quick kiss to remove the sting. "You just gave me a straight line, and I had to use it. It took your mind off the strangeness of their crazy long lives, didn't it? Alright, Lord Verfico is probably at least four hundred thousand years old, given that Ching said Daniel is 452,388 years old if my math is right, which of course it is."

"Gleep," was Shinji's insightful response. He stared into the distance without making further comment.

"Ooh, they've got champagne," Asuka said as she snagged a flute off a passing waiter's tray. "You want any, Shinji?"

"Guh."

Asuka rolled her eyes. _'Well, this usually works in those old movies, and I've always wanted to try it.'_ She put down the champagne flute on a nearby table, grabbed Shinji by both sides of his head, then pulled his face down to hers and did her best to suck out his tonsils.

A few seconds of that, and Shinji's hands came up behind her back to hold her to him. It was a good bit longer before Asuka slowly pulled back from the kiss. "Feel better now?" she asked.

"If I say no, do I get another one?" Shinji asked with a small smile.

Asuka was still debating whether to reward him for having the guts to ask or chastise him for pushing his luck when her response was cut off by a polite cough behind her.

Asuka turned to give the speaker, an Imperial Army Captain, a mild glare. He was probably apologetic, but his blue, plated face made it hard to tell.

"Pardon me, Pilots. Didn't mean to interrupt you. I'm sorry to bother you in the middle of a happy moment. I wanted to introduce myself before tomorrow morning. I'm Junior Captain of the Red John Farthe-M'tenga. I command the 17th Division Headquarters Support Company, and I'll be your company commander for this campaign. You'll fall under my company for chain of command and administration purposes, and to support you and your friends' mecha. We're attached to Division HQ, so you'll have easy access to the Division Commander for operational guidance and such." He indicated the ordinary looking human in uniform behind him. "Senior Sergeant First Class Bir will meet you tomorrow at the base site and be your base crew platoon sergeant. His crew will take care of your mecha and keep you in touch with the rest of the unit."

The tall man with the red crew-cut nodded politely to them. "A pleasure to meet you, Pilots. We'll be ready to meet you as soon as you come through tomorrow morning."

The Captain spoke up again. "Apologies for the interruption. We'll see you in the morning, Pilots." They both gave a half-bow and left.

"That…that guy was blue," Shinji said.

"Yes, yes he was, Third. Still less weird than the one that was a giant insect.'

A hand tapped Asuka on the shoulder. "Hey, I've got wings. Don't I get a little weirdness badge too?"

Asuka spun around. "Ching!"

The _StarStrider_ pilot sparkled in her space-black Navy dress uniform with its own impressive set of medals as she gave her friend a hug. "Wow, I leave for a few hours, and you go wild! Look at you! You look like a million bucks!" She stepped back and gave Shinji a wicked smirk. "And you look pretty happy too, Shinji. You two have an evening as good as your morning, mmm?"

Shinji blinked at her for a second, then went bright red. Ching laughed. "He's just so _cute_ , Asuka! What did you do to him?"

Asuka was less red than Shinji was at least. She hoped so, anyhow. "We _did_ have a good evening, yes. He, ahem, washed my back, since he didn't get the chance this morning."

Ching's grin got even bigger. "I think I'll withhold my high-fiving you and getting any further into the details until it looks less like Shinji's going to have a meltdown." She nodded at the retreating backs of the two departing soldiers. "Who were the two that had you marveling at that guy's blueness?"

"The commander for our assigned support company and the sergeant who's going to be our base crew, they said," Asuka replied. She squeezed Shinji's hand to try to help him recover from the blush.

"Really? Hmm, I guess that means I'll see them again tomorrow. Good. The tall one has a really nice backside. I'd like to see more of it."

"You just have a dirty mind, Ching."

Ching gave her a mock-pout. "Hey, _I'm_ the one who's single right now. I get to look. Besides, it's a plain crime _not_ to look at prime beefcake like that. Woof!"

"Prime beefcake? Where?" Misato eagerly looked around as she joined them. She then leapt a good six inches in the air as her fiancé pinched her.

"Right behind you, Misato. You're not as single anymore, remember?" Ryoji Kaji teased her. "But if you still want to window shop, that's okay."

Misato looked surprised. "Really?"

Kaji shrugged. "Sure."

"Ooh, my boy is too nice! Point me towards the beef-"

"I'll be right over here talking to that stunning blonde with the big-"

Misato spun right back around and latched onto Kaji's arm. "On second thought, I think we should keep our eyes on who were talking to at the table. Oh, hello, Horaki-chan, Suzuhara-kun!"

The Eva Pilots' former classmates joined the group. Asuka blinked in surprise. Suzuhara was wearing a dark green Imperial Army cadet's uniform just like Shinji, but had just a single row of three ribbons on his. _'A Purple Heart, 2015 Angel War Campaign ribbon, and the Eva Pilot's Badge. Well, I guess he gets all three from his one technical mission,'_ Asuka noted. But it was her friend Hikari who was the stunner. Her habitual pig-tails and student uniform look was gone, replaced with an elegant black cheongsam with a dragon coiled around her body picked out in silver embroidery, and her hair was now styled into a slightly longer than shoulder length cut with a fringe above her eyes, set off by thin lighter brown highlights throughout. "Wow, Hikari. You look good. And Suzuhara almost looks like a civilized person worthy of hanging out with you, instead of an overgrown monkey in a track suit."

Suzuhara ignored the barbs from Asuka save for a dirty look and focused on his friend. "Yo, Shinji. Lookin' pretty good in the uniform too, huh? You seen Kensuke yet?"

"Come to think of it, no," Shinji said. He looked to Ching. "Did you see him anywhere?"

She nodded. "Yes, about five minutes ago he was um…'geeking out' when we ran into some officers from one of the _Black Knight_ regiments. When he found out they were all combat veterans piloting the same mecha he was going to get, he kind of went nuts and started bugging them with questions." Ching snorted. "If he thinks a _Black Knight_ is hot stuff, he's going to shit himself when he sees _your_ new ride, Asuka."

Asuka smiled, envisioning the looks of awe and shock on the military-otaku Stooge's face when she showed him what her mecha could do tomorrow. She was about to share her happy thought with Ching when Lord Verfico appeared at her elbow. "Please follow me, everyone. They're about to start seating everyone for the dinner, and it's time to make our way to the head table."

The group fell in behind him as they started to move towards the large table on the stage across the dance floor. Lord Verfico tapped Aida on the shoulder as they passed his circle and he fell in at the trail end of their group. The constant background noise of the crowd began to fade as the population of the ballroom spotted their party crossing the dance floor heading for the stage, and took that as the signal to begin heading to their own tables. Aware they were very much on public display, Asuka threaded her arm through Shinji's and threw her shoulders back. If people were watching, then she was going to _strut_. She saw Hikari do the same with Touji out of the corner of her eye, and heard an ironic snort from Ching as she was left to be paired with Aida. "Don't get any funny ideas, kid," she warned him, but allowed him to take her arm anyway.

They mounted the stage and found name cards at each seat. Shinji and Asuka found themselves to the right of the seat marked for Daniel, but he was not in evidence, nor Rayana. Before they could sit, a tall man with Caucasian features but coal-black skin and canary yellow eyes shook their hands and introduced himself. "Good evening, Pilots, friends. I am Major General of the Red Sir Connor O'Farrell nó O'Brien, the 791st Division Commander. This is my senior wife, Lady Daria de Beckwith." He indicated the slender brunette standing behind the seat next to his, who gave them a smile and a wave. "I look forward to a smooth, if challenging, operation for us. I don't think we've ever attempted a continental-scale Nobody Dies scenario. Ought to be interesting in the attempt, at least."

Asuka found herself at a loss for words. The pure ink-black skin and yellow eyes of the man was the final straw of weirdness for the night. She and Shinji mechanically shook his hand and just stared.

"What, have I got something in my hair?" he asked after a moment's awkward pause.

"I think they're hitting their strangeness saturation for the evening, dear. They are from a rather baseline Earth, after all. I doubt they've seen anyone like you before," Lady Daria commented.

"What, your world doesn't have any dragons? How boring!" he exclaimed.

"You're….a dragon?" Asuka was starting to get the same stunned look that Touji, Hikari, and most of the others had.

Sir Connor quirked his lips. "No, I'm a platypus that's really good at shapeshifting," he said dryly. "Of course I'm a dragon. Black skin, yellow eyes, dragon-shaped aura? I'm shapeshifted down to human form because my natural body would take up most of the dance floor, and I'd look silly trying to fit into my dress uniform."

Shinji started to pull out Asuka's chair for her, but a headshake from Lord Verfico stopped him. "Don't take your seats just yet. You'll just have to get back up in a second if you do," he quietly told them.

"Why?" Asuka asked, just before the first blast of brass instruments sounded.

"Because They are arriving," he nodded towards the main doors to the hall.

"General and Lady O'Farrell, Ladies and Gentlemen; Their Majesties, the Emperor and Empress of Avalon!" a herald shouted from across the room. Accompanied by the triumphal notes of what Asuka guessed was their national anthem or such, the large double doors at the end of the hall swung wide, and Daniel and Rayana walked in.

Asuka shook her head for a second. No, her odd hosts and new friends Daniel and Rayana didn't walk in, the _Emperor_ and _Empress_ did. Their eclectic array of outfits from the last few days had been replaced by two circlets of silvery metal and gems on their brows, and opposite, complimentary sets of armor on their bodies; His silver and black, Hers black and silver. They even felt different to look at; their hosts' casual, welcoming expressions were likewise replaced by cool, imperious masks and an aura of authority. For the first time, Asuka was really conscious that her hosts were also Heads of State. Who'd offered her and Shinji a blank check of total support, come to think of it. _''An Army at your back, and gods on your side', I told myself. I should have asked for a pony while I was at it.'_

Reaching the stage, the couple paused at the leading edge and turned to face the crowd. In unison, the crowd bowed to their sovereigns, as did the others on the stage around them. Asuka and her friends followed suit after a beat of confusion. They'd never had to consider that part before when their hosts had come in. The Emperor held out the Empress's chair for her, then seated himself.

"Take! Seats!" barked the Division Command Sergeant Major from the far side of their table. There was an extended rustle throughout the room as everyone sat down.

Sir Connor stood with his glass of wine in hand. "Ladies and Gentlemen…to the Lord and Lady!"

"To the Lord and Lady!" the crowd chorused.

Dinner began.

.

* * *

.

"That's pretty close to the exact truth, Shinji. Before I started travelling, I would have called myself a firm believer in physicalist monism, even a functionalist. But like you said, things like the Third Impact really put a whole new spin on the mind-body question. Empirical confirmation of the soul as an entity that is not necessarily tied to the body really changed the parameters of the debate on your world, didn't it?"

Shinji nodded in agreement to Daniel's question. After living through many of Asuka's tirades on the pitiful state of his mathematical knowledge or Doctor Akagi's old lectures on how Evangelions worked, he was quietly enjoying the experience of being the one _without_ the blank look for a change. Misato and his former classmates were looking totally at sea. Kaji-san was keeping up by virtue of a few college philosophy courses. Asuka was much the same, bolstered by her formidable intelligence, though she had shot Shinji _quite_ a look when their hosts had turned the dinner conversation to his field. But for once _he_ was holding his own on an advanced topic, and his friends were struggling to keep up.

"Confirmation of the existence of the soul certainly shook the philosophical and theological worlds. For me it certainly made war even more unpleasant than it had already been. When you know that any person you kill is a unique soul snuffed out, it becomes very hard to even contemplate fighting and killing," Shinji replied. He looked at Asuka. "That's why I hated the idea so much, Asuka. I couldn't ever get that out of my mind."

Asuka grimaced. "But like he said this morning, Shinji, sometimes refusing to do it is the worse option."

"I know…I'll be glad when we don't have to be soldiers anymore. I'd rather just study and play music for you."

Asuka smiled at that more gently than Shinji would have believed a week ago as she swirled the wine in her glass. "Maybe someday in the future, Shinji, but for now it's the season of the sword. Winthrop and Jinnai aren't the kind of people I want running the world that you, me, our families, or our friends will have to live in."

"Hmm, as far as his distaste for killing, he sounds like he might be a good candidate for a course in Shield Theory, Sire," Sir Connor observed.

"Shield Theory?" Asuka asked.

"Mmm, we don't exactly have anything like political parties here in the Empire, but we do have two broad philosophical schools that people subscribe to," Daniel said. "Sword and Shield; Sword followers are all about taking apart bad people, Shield followers about protecting the good. More a matter of approach, really. Shield Theory is a full practical and theoretical course that takes a few subjective years that…well… students learn multiple ways of defending against attacks on physical, mental, magical, and spiritual planes using deflection, shielding, wards, judo and aikido-style diversion techniques for physical and conversational confrontations, et cetera. Advanced students then move on to ways and theory on how to prevent opponents from attacking in the first place; temporal interrupts, quick mute spells, hypnotic blocks on attack initiation, direct physical induction blocks on key impulse neurons, pax effectors, and so on. Graduates are expected to have learned methods of operation in full-magic, low-magic, non-magic, full or non-psionic, or purely non-corporeal environments that make it almost impossible to for another entity to initiate any attack that can actually contact them. Think of it as a defensive martial art that also includes philosophical and mental approaches to the same end. If you have to fight, but don't like to kill, Shield Theory would be right up your alley, Shinji. I get the feeling Asuka might be more interested in the inverse course, Weapon Theory."

Asuka perked up. "That sounds like philosophy more my speed. Tell me more."

Rayana took up her request. "Just like it sounds; the inverse course. You learn hundreds of different weapons and how to use them. Then you start learning the philosophy behind how, when, and why to do damage to your opponents. With the higher level stuff you start moving past needing actual material weapons to do the damage, and into direct energy and spatial manipulation. The goal is to make you realize that there is really only one weapon; Will. By definition, a Weapon Theory graduate cannot be disarmed."

"Yeah, that is _definitely_ more 'me'. Sign me up!" Asuka declared.

"Maybe later, Asuka. The course takes at a minimum a sidereal year, several years subjective time, most of it compressed in rapid-feed mental simulations and such. It's not something you're going to toss off between here and the beginning of your mission," Rayana said.

"Speaking of the mission, if everyone's done with the meal, then it's about time to start the official part of tonight's program," Daniel put in. When everyone had nodded, he waved a hand towards Sir Connor. "Take it away, General."

Sir Connor dipped his head and stood up. He began to speak in the same complex tongue they'd heard from Doctor Metelya during their visit to the clinic. Shinji looked at his friends who looked back with matching confusion. Rayana noticed their puzzlement and whispered a few words into the air. Suddenly Sir Connor's words were understandable Japanese. "-nd now, Your Majesties, Ladies and Gentlemen, comrades and guests, we are about to begin tonight's commissioning ceremony." He spoke at just a conversational volume level, but somehow his words reached the farthest corners of the vast hall, and an attentive silence quickly spread through the crowd. "Colonel Hus, the invocation, please."

At the next table over another officer stood up, his dark green uniform including complicated blue and white knotted braid loops at the right shoulder. His equally quiet words also were easily audible despite the distance. "Please bow your heads and pray with me."

 _'Lord and Lady with us  
To watch over us  
And stand beside us  
As we fight for the right,  
Without question or pause  
Willing to march into Hell,  
For a Heavenly cause  
Be with us this hour  
From the first brightness of the sun  
To the last dying of the light  
Until the day we all rise up  
So mote it be.'_

"So mote it be," the crowd echoed softly. Colonel Hus sat down, and Sir Connor spoke again. "Tomorrow we will begin deploying to an Earth that has seen a lot of damage and cataclysmic events in the last twenty subjective years. In just the last month, there has been a coup against a brutal United Nations Secretary-General, a coup that largely succeeded thanks to the actions and choices of the two Evangelion Pilots that are here with us tonight as our Guests of Honor. Pilot Sohryu, Pilot Ikari, could you please rise and take a bow?"

Shinji stood up and managed a rather self-conscious bow. Asuka, he noted, stood almost regally and gave a curtsey that was far more pleasant to watch. The wave of applause still made him blush.

"These two veteran Pilots and their friends will be joining us as special advisors to the command staff and other capacities. Tomorrow we will ride out with them to begin the stabilization and rebuilding of their world. To that end, they have accepted six month appointments as Auxiliary Officers in the Imperial Army, at the rank of Junior First Lieutenants of the Green." He looked at the group of former NERV members and friends at the table. "Would those of you swearing in to accept your commissions tonight please rise and form a line at the front of the stage, please?"

Shinji and the others shuffled around the table to form a line as directed, facing the audience. "About! Face!" the Division CSM barked again. Asuka, Misato, and Kaji pivoted around smoothly, Shinji and the others more raggedly.

Daniel was already standing in front of them when they had all turned, Rayana half a step behind him to the left. "Raise your right hands and repeat after me," he said calmly.

Shinji raised his right hand. _'This is certainly a bit more formal than Misato-san handing me an ID card and Father yelling at me to 'get in the damn robot!''_

Daniel began, halting every sentence or two to allow Shinji and the others to echo. "I, Shinji Ikari, do solemnly swear to serve, support, and defend the Crown of Avalon against all enemies for not less than six months; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter; and that I will obey the orders of the Crown and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Imperial Code of Military Justice. So help me..." Gott, Buddha, Lord, Kami, and Tek were cited from their group as the individual deities of choice.

That last one got Kensuke a funny look from Touji. "What? I liked that book," he muttered defensively.

"Congratulations, Lieutenants, and welcome to the service of the Crown," Daniel said more naturally. "Do remember to give a coin to the first enlisted member who salutes you. Now, as Guests of Honor, you may have the first dance."

Shinji was mostly sure his legs were still there, since he hadn't fallen to the floor. But all of a sudden everything below his neck was completely numb. "Who? _Us?_ " he squeaked.

"Yes, _you_ , Lieutenant Ikari," Daniel said. "This ball _is_ in honor of the mission on your world we're about to start and you are the Guests of Honor, after all. If you're feeling a bit nervous, here." He produced a small tumbler from behind his back. "Drink this. There's a small Charm of Courage on it. It'll give you a little boost for a bit, get you over that first wave of nerves."

Shinji debated for a second, then grabbed the glass and downed the clear liquid. It burned its way down his throat and immediately warmed his stomach. He felt his nervousness fade as he recalled his analogue-daughter's advice from yesterday. He knew he could handle this. _'And haven't I had a dream or two like this? Running on dreams has worked out better than I'd have thought today. Might as well keep going.'_

He took Asuka's hand. "May I have this dance, my love?"

She looked at him warily. "Do you have any idea what the Hell you're doing, Third?"

"Trust me."

The laser-focus look was back again, with another long, silent pause. Shinji faced it without trouble this time. He really did know what he was doing. He was dreaming. That liquid courage sure helped.

"Alright." Asuka gently took his hand and they walked off the low edge of the stage and out onto the dance floor. The lights in the hall dimmed and spotlight's beam fell on them as they reached the center.

Shinji placed his free hand on Asuka's waist and held their joined hands off to the side. "Ready?" he asked her as the first stirrings of a waltz began to fill the hall.

"Me? I _know_ how to dance, Third. I taught you everything you know when we were synch training," Asuka retorted. "And I don't recall teaching you a waltz. What do you think _you're_ doing?"

He smiled. "What am I doing? I'm _dreaming_. Let's just say that learning how to speak German isn't the only NILS course I took yesterday. Shall we dance?" Shinji gently took the lead and they stepped off right on the beat into a swirling dance.

.

* * *

.

Misato watched her two former charges move to the center of the dance floor, led by a confidently striding Third Child, and begin a perfectly performed waltz. She walked closer to Daniel. "Ah, …sir? Just what the Hell did you give him?"

"Exactly what I said, Lieutenant Katsuragi; there was indeed a Charm of Courage on that glass."

Misato looked at the dancing couple again. "Wow. That's what a little courage can do?"

"Of course," the Emperor continued, "In about five minutes the Charm will wear off. Right about then the rest of that 'liquid courage' will kick in."

Misato slowly turned her head back to him. "You didn't…"

He grinned. "Well, I had to put the Charm on _something_. The 100 proof Nenya Argentum Grande rum in the glass was the perfect carrier."

Misato tried not to laugh as she looked at the dancing pair again. "Oh, this is going to be wonderful. He's not a Lieutenant thirty seconds and you're already screwing with him?"

"Welcome to the Imperial Army, Lieutenant Katsuragi. 'If you can't take the joke, you shouldn't have signed up', as we say." He shrugged. "It's one glass, and if he's really still flying high from the Charm when it wears off, he may not even notice the transition. Some people really do benefit from a little liquor to keep down the nerves. If we can keep his mind off his own insecurities, his love for that girl will keep him rolling hot all evening. And it's about time you collect your fiancé and get out there too. Off with you." He shooed them away. Misato grabbed Ryoji's hand with a grin and pulled him along.

Newly-minted Lieutenant Suzuhara was sweating nervously as he gave his new commander-in-chief a good imitation of a deer in headlights. "I…I don't know _how_ to dance!" he stuttered, near panic.

The Empress chuckled. "Neither did my husband, the night we met. Just do what he did."

Touji shifted his panicky stare to her. "What did he do?"

The Emperor snorted. "I faked it. It's amazing what a snappy uniform and remembering not to look down will accomplish."

"Don't let him fool you," the Empress murmured, sidling up to her husband to wrap an arm around his waist, surprisingly silent for being in full armor. "This one needed a boot to the backside from a Chaplain's Assistant to ask me to dance that night."

"Hey, I'm sure Lieutenant Suzuhara will agree with me when I say 'talking to pretty girls is scary!'" Daniel protested. Touji nodded frantically.

"Touji?" Hikari said quietly from behind him. He whirled in place to stare at her, still sweating furiously. "I know how to dance. Just follow my lead."

Touji looked at her for a minute, the swallowed. "O-okay," he stuttered again. Hikari's face lit up as she took his hand and led him out onto the dance floor.

Kensuke Aida gave Ching a hopeful look. She rolled her eyes, and took his hand. "Never say I never did you any favors, kid," she told him, taking his hand. He nodded, beaming.

She held his arm up in the air and shouted to the crowd, "Hey! Ladies! He's _single_! And needs a dance partner!"

Several voices eagerly called back in response from the far side of the dance floor. Aida gulped, but didn't totally lose his smile.

.

* * *

.

Part 41  
 **Drinks & Dancing**

.

* * *

.

Shinji was still feeling pretty good. His feet smoothly found their way through the steps of the dance almost without having even to think of it, he thrilled at the way Asuka swung and swayed with him, and he could have sworn his hands on her hip and clasped with hers were tingling. The one of hers that was lightly laid on his shoulder sure felt like it was made of electricity, the way it had his head buzzing. He just kept feeling better and better, dizzy and floating. This was a very nice dream.

Asuka's eyes had never left his, the laser-like focus never drifting. He wasn't finding it intimidating anymore. Now it was just a wonderful, endless chance to lose himself in her eyes. He'd always loved the crystal shade of blue that her eyes were, deep as an endless sky...

After long minutes of them twirling across the floor, more and more couples and some trios had joined the dance. She hadn't said anything since they started dancing, and while her eyes had never shifted from his, a pensive look had grown on her face.

"Who are you?" she asked suddenly, her eyes continuing to search his.

"What?"

"Who _are_ you? The Third Child that was my roommate in Misato's apartment would have retreated to his room, put in his SDAT, and curled into his shell for hours if someone had told him to take me out on a public dance floor like this. The Third I knew a month ago would have already apologized a dozen times and gotten me hugely pissed off doing or saying something idiotic by now. The Shinji Ikari I woke up next to this morning admitted to staring at my ass, blew my mind in the shower _twice_ , and now just asked me 'May I have this dance, my love?' in German he didn't even _know_ yesterday! I've remembered who _I_ am now. But who are _you_? If you are going to be watching my back in every fight from here until I release you, I want to know who the Hell it is I'm… talking to."

"Who am I? I thought philosophical musings were my department," he joked quietly.

"I'm serious, Shinji!"

"I know, Asuka. I'm sorry." He paused to try to collect his thoughts. "I…don't quite know. You know I've never been good at expressing myself in words."

Asuka snorted. "Do tell, Third."

"I'm…yours. That much I'm very sure of. The rest…I'm still figuring out. Everything I used to blame myself for, all the deaths I held myself responsible for, all the fears I had….right now we're _undoing_ them all. I still feel the guilt, but at least the consequences are being healed…and with that, maybe I can forgive myself some of it, too. So I'm Shinji Ikari, the clean slate. I want my friends and…my family to be happy. I want to love you and make you happy. I want to give you everything. Everything about me is yours."

"Don't."

Shinji's brow furrowed. "What?"

"Don't… just give yourself away to me like that. Don't let yourself be defined by events. That's what you've done all the time, Shinji. You… react. You let the world tell you who you are. You're ready to give all of yourself away to me? Don't. I don't want you to give so much of yourself away to me that there's no one left to push _back_ at me. You want to be my… my boyfriend, then be that, not my appendage. You want to make me and everyone else happy? _Decide_ who you are, then make the world change to be what you want from it. I want you to do those things _because_ you're the kind of man who does them.

Shinji hesitated slightly, uncertain. "So I want to be the man who can make that all happen, whoever that is."

Asuka held him with a very serious look. "And is that man Shinji Ikari?"

Shinji managed to bite down on saying _'Is that what you want?'_ , getting the idea that would be exactly proving the point Asuka had just said not to. _'She just told me to decide myself who I am. So is that who I want to be? Who am I right now?'_ He smiled at her and sighed happily. "I love you, Asuka."

Her serious expression flickered to a slightly warmer one for a second, but came back. "And I like hearing that, but don't think that gets you out of answering my question."

"I don't think that. I just wanted to say that because I'm feeling better right now that I think I ever have before. I'm dancing with the girl I'm in love with, who I've finally had the guts to _tell_ that to, my friends are around us, and you just asked me a deep, important philosophical question like 'who are you?' in complete seriousness and want a serious answer. This has been the best day of my life."

Asuka colored a bit. "You're getting better at the sweet talk, Third. Now answer me."

"Who am I? I am Shinji Ikari. I am the man who is going to make you happy and stand by you, because that's who I want to be."

Asuka held his eyes for a few more seconds, then slid her hand from his shoulder to the back of his head to pull him down for a short, soft kiss. "Good."

.

* * *

.

After a long, wonderful time on the dance floor, a pause in the music and their own thirst finally drove them back to their table for something to drink. Shinji had found a second small glass at his place, and had gone with that. Asuka had finished her wine and asked for some of what he was having from a literally hovering waiter bot. They'd just clinked glasses in a silent, shared toast when Shinji looked up to find his mother sitting down next to them. "Mother!"

"Hello, Shinji. You both looked wonderful out there. I'm sorry I couldn't be here for the dinner and earlier, but we watched your commissioning on the screen in our cabin." Yui Ikari's pleased maternal smile faded. "I've been talking to your father, and he hasn't been taking it well, but he did want me to tell you both that he will find a way to make amends."

The pleasant buzz in Shinji's head was not enough to keep his face and his mood from darkening somewhat at this. "And my answer hasn't changed from yesterday, mother. I'll forgive him if and when Asuka does. You can probably add Rei to that, if she still even thinks about it."

"I know. I think he understands a bit now about how badly he hurt you both. After we talked this afternoon, I explained to him that Sohryu-san is to you what I am to him. He…he just sat staring at the wall for an hour after that. He wouldn't respond to me at all. Then Rayana just _stared_ at him until he looked up at her and started crying. Rayana said…'neither madness nor death are allowed to you as an escape, Commander, until your sins are redeemed.' After that, he just said that he'd find some way to begin _trying_ to atone."

Asuka snorted. "He's going to have to come up with something pretty impressive to make up for planning to end the world and stepping all over Shinji's entire life in pursuit of that. And as for me and Wondergirl? Good luck there too. I don't know if my existence ever even registered as more than background noise in his mind. I wasn't his end-the-world doll or your soul in Eva Unit-01, so I might as well have been furniture to him, like every other person in the world. Shinji and I could have been lovers, blood enemies, or about to start a _hockey team_ back then, and I'm not sure he would have noticed, or cared if he did." Suddenly a nasty grin dawned on Asuka's face. "Ooh, there's an evil idea… ne, Shinji, how about we forgive your dad after he gets to go through everything we had to?"

Shinji looked warily puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, all the stuff we had to suffer because of him, he gets too. First he gets abandoned by everyone for ten years, then gets his arm broken and an energy spike through his right eye and out the back of his head, blown up, stabbed through the chest with two electric tentacles, shot in the chest with a terawatt laser, chewed on by a giant fish, pile-drivered headfirst into the dirt twice, blown up again, dunked into a volcano, splashed with acid, smashed from orbit, stuffed into a sensory deprivation tank for a night, choked, gets his arms and head ripped off, dissolved into LCL for a month, mind-raped, stabbed in the neck and chest, and then disemboweled by nine winged monsters with spears! Oh, and a spear through the head, too."

Picturing the morbidly funny spectacle in his head of his father getting put through all the tortures they had been through in their Evas actually got Shinji to laugh. "Sounds like a good start!" He took another drink. "Should we make him wear a leotard and learn a synchronized dance routine with Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki, too?"

Yui looked saddened at the litany of terrors her son and his fellow Pilot had suffered through, but carried on. "I'd like you to at least come see him some time in the next few days, both of you. He's more aware of how much he did to you both, and the idea of losing me not by the separation of death but by you and I both rejecting him has very thoroughly got his attention. I think Rayana was right in at least that respect about you both, Shinji. Your father's personal vision of Hell is life without me, and I think you'd feel something like the same way if you two were separated."

Shinji suppressed the spike of terror that shot through him on hearing that, and shared a very unhappy look with Asuka at even the spectre of the idea. Their hands quickly sought each other and linked tightly together. "Won't happen," Shinji said.

"Not going to happen," Asuka said almost simultaneously. "He's sworn."

Yui smiled a little at that. "But I'm sure that gives you some idea of how the loss would feel. He treated you all horribly, but he's still the man who fell in love with me. Don't punish him forever, Shinji."

"I'll think about it, mother. But not tonight. Today's been a very good day, and I don't want to bring down the mood now worrying about father. I've got happier things to focus on tonight." He smiled as he rubbed the back of Asuka's hand.

"Fair enough. I'm going to get back to keeping an eye on your father. I don't want to leave him alone for too long in his state. Goodnight." Yui rose along with Shinji, gave him a hug, and left.

Shinji took another sip of his drink. "Hmm…maybe I should have some of this before I try talking to my father. A little extra courage couldn't hurt."

Asuka snorted. "Easy on the liquid courage, Third. I want you functional later." She looked at him with her head cocked slightly. "I never would have figured you for a rum guy, Third."

Shinji blinked at her. "What are you talking about?"

She gestured at his half-full glass with her own. "Your drink. That's some pretty smooth rum we're having."

Shinji looked at his glass in surprise. "Is that what this is? Daniel just said it had a 'charm of courage' on it."

Asuka looked at him like he was joking. "Are you seriously telling me you didn't recognize that as alcohol as soon as you tasted it? That's like your third glass already, baka-Shinji. Be careful. I don't want you falling asleep on me later. I have a serious question I want to ask you."

Shinji's head was buzzing a little more. "It's… my head is buzzing and I feel kind of floaty."

Asuka nodded. "Yup. It's hitting you. You didn't notice?"

"I've never been drunk before."

Now Asuka looked surprised. "Seriously? Never?"

Shinji shook his head a little carefully. "Seriously. Never had the desire or interest before. And in Boston… well, what they had mostly went to Winthrop's troops."

"Wow… You really didn't notice how your head was getting kind of fuzzy?"

"I… just thought it was being with you, and having an awesome night," Shinji said with a slight flush.

Asuka snorted. "Being around me makes you feel like you're drunk?"

"I feel like I'm floating, my head is buzzing, and I want to kiss you? Yeah, that's pretty much the usual. Just more and… stuff."

" _In vino veritas_ , Third? I make you drunk, huh? Heh." Asuka's look at her glass turned pensive. "It… it was never hard to get in Berlin. Winthrop and Jinnai always had it around. I… it helped me stay… numb, sometimes."

Shinji scooted his chair closer so he could put an arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry."

Asuka shook her head. "I'm not going to let the past rule me. It…it's different now. I'm enjoying the buzz in a different way, Shinji. Misato said something about it back when, something like how being drunk with friends is a whole different deal. She was right." Asuka suddenly smiled at him. "And I was thinking earlier how I felt kind of drunk when we were making out, and how I wanted to try it when I actually _was_ drunk, to see what it was like. So c'mere, you." She grabbed the front of his uniform and pulled him to her.

The buzzing in Shinji's head kicked into high gear and he had no idea how long they remained lip-locked before Misato's sitting down in Kaji's lap at her spot at the table broke into his awareness. It was still a long moment before he and Asuka separated to look at them. Misato's ear-to-ear grin made Shinji flush, but he couldn't stop his own grin in response.

"Well, well, well. Feeling frisky, Asuka?" Misato laughed at her.

Asuka stuck her tongue out at her. "Just the results of the fine upbringing your example provided us, oh sterling guardian."

Misato waved her be-ringed left hand at her. "You haven't followed my fine example all the way yet."

"I think we'll do better than waiting eight years and a break-up," Asuka shot back.

"I hope so," Misato said, turning more serious. "Kaji and I got scared, and let that drive us apart for too damn long. And then I lost him, just when we'd come back together. We let our fears get in the way of our happiness. Don't make that mistake."

"We've already done that, too, Misato," Asuka said as she pulled her glass closer for another sip. "We had a bad few years that you missed out on. We're making up for lost time too."

Misato determinedly put a smile back on. "At least we've found a nice place to do it in. Daniel already promised me a never-ending supply of Yebisu for our campaign. And they'll cover the bill for whatever kind of wedding reception we want."

"Which is good, since I haven't gotten paid in a few years on account of being slightly dead. I don't think I could pay for much of a ceremony right now," Kaji put in, which earned him a poke in the temple from his fiancée.

"None of that anymore, you. Remember, you get killed again, and I bring you back to life so I can kill you myself. And Rayana said they can really do that kind of thing around here, so _watch it,_ mister!" Misato took some of the impact out of her threat by finishing it up with a long kiss.

"Same goes for you, Third. You're not allowed to get killed. You're mine now," Asuka said before dragging him in likewise.

Misato heard her comment and laughed as she pulled away from her man. "Sounding kind of possessive, Asuka. Thinking about staking a claim?"

Asuka's eyes stayed locked on Shinji's. "Maybe I am," she said softly. "Maybe I am."

Shinji swallowed, and reached for more 'courage'. _'That is somehow terrifying and wonderful at the same time. Yet… there's no one else I'd rather hear that from more than Asuka.'_

A darker shadow flitted across Asuka's face for a moment, but she likewise grabbed her glass and finished the remainder at a single gulp. She held the cool glass against her forehead for a moment, then stood up and pulled Shinji's hand along. "Come on, Third Child. They've switched from waltzes to slow dances. I feel like some more dancing."


	23. Courage, Shonichi

Warning, slightly lemon ahead.

 **A Crown of Stars**

 **.**

* * *

 **.**

 **Part 42**  
 **Courage**

* * *

 **.**

It was most of an hour later before fatigue and thirst again returned them to their table. This time their hosts were waiting before the young Pilots sat down. The Emperor waved Shinji aside before he could do more than pull out Asuka's chair for her. She gave them a questioning look, to which Daniel said, "Sorry, Asuka. I need to talk to Shinji for a few minutes. Boy talk."

Asuka rolled her eyes at this a little, but waved a slightly tired acknowledgement and brightened up as Ching sat down on her other side. Daniel gestured for Shinji to follow him a bit down the stage to the next table, currently empty but for the Division Command Sergeant Major, who smartly nodded and vacated the table for them as they approached. Shinji eagerly accepted a glass of ice water from Daniel as they sat. He had never imagined he could work up such a thirst just dancing.

"Did you ever see the old Disney animated film 'Dumbo', Shinji?"

Shinji shook his head. What a strange question. He had to leave Asuka for film study now?

Daniel sighed. "Kids these days, just no classical education. Ah well, telling you 'there is no magic feather' won't have the same impact, then. Anyhow, after seeing how much a little 'liquid courage' helped you out, I thought it would be a good point to share with you the 'secret' to beating fear without having to check the proof on the bottle."

"The 'secret' to beating fear'?" Shinji echoed doubtfully. "Does that come in a pill instead of a bottle?"

Daniel gave a short chuckle at Shinji's sardonic counter. "Good to see you're feeling better enough to joke back at me. You're going to need all the snark you can find over the next few months to keep yourself and Asuka mentally together, I'm sure. Hell, snarky commentary is one of your subtle strengths in quite a few worlds, you might as well run with it here if you've got it. I use an entire Empire to cover my end. Whatever strength you can find, son, you use it. So. You want to know the secret of how to beat your fears?"

"I don't know, have an entire Empire at your beck and call, maybe? That's got to help. What have you got to be afraid of if you've got ships the size of small planets on standby and an Army you can loan out on a few days' notice?" Shinji said.

"That just makes doing things easy. It doesn't make the fear go away."

Shinji looked at him, frowning. "You've got an Army, a Navy, wings, magic, you can raise the dead, travel through time, and you expect me to believe you're _scared_ of something?"

"I'm always afraid, Shinji. I've just learned the secret; it doesn't matter."

"'It doesn't matter'? You're always afraid? Afraid of what?"

"I'm sure you ran across Sir Francis Bacon at some point in studying philosophy, yes?"

Shinji nodded. "Of course."

"And did you ever run across one of his more quoted lines, on families?" Daniel asked

Shinji shook his head. "I may have, but I can't remember it right now."

"'He that hath wife and children hath given hostages to fortune, for they are impediments to great enterprises, either of virtue or mischief.' I'd disagree with the rest of his argument, that family men are hindered by having such from doing truly great things. I find that having a family, especially one as large as mine, gives all the greater need to make the universe better for them. Eh, but my arguments with Sir Francis can wait."

Daniel took a sip from his own glass. "I'm sure you've figured out by now that I'm quite old. And in that time I've had many children. Hundreds the old fashioned way; nearly as many adopted, created, found, and other gatherings. And I'm old enough that they have had children of their own, and so on for many generations. There are by this point quintillions on quintillions of my direct descendants at loose in the omniverse. And that's not even counting the almost uncountable numbers of Subjects and Citizens that are my children in spirit. I cannot be everywhere at once, outside of Avalon itself. So I live with the constant worry that somewhere, at some time I _will_ fail them. I know that it can and will happen because it has before."

"You've failed?" Shinji was slightly surprised. "All the power you've got that I've seen, your own Army and Navy and I don't know what else, and it's still not enough? How….if you're trying to tell me not to be afraid, you seem to be going about it badly. This isn't exactly filling me with courage to hear that I could be as powerful as you and it still wouldn't save the people I care about. What good is it if all it means is you get to fail bigger?"

"Because my children make me proud enough to weep. Ask some of my people about the _CGS Ibthan's Dragonfly_ sometime, or cases like that. You already know the 'secret', Shinji. I'm just walking you through the logic to let you understand it. You ran away once, after the 13th Angel, because you didn't want to have to face Piloting anymore, because it hurt the people around you, yes?"

Shinji looked away. "Yes. I did. It didn't work. Asuka and Rei stayed and fought the 14th Angel, and it tore them both apart. My pride and cowardice, but they paid the cost."

"But you came back. You saved everyone just in time. Weren't you afraid?"

Shinji's eyes burned into his. "Of course I was! Afraid I'd screw up again! Afraid I'd fail! I was practically screaming the entire time, and then I was absorbed by Eva Unit-01 when I couldn't finish the Angel fast enough! If it hadn't been for mother…" Shinji looked down at his hands wrapped tightly around his glass.

"So you've learned running away is no good. The world keeps going without your permission anyhow, and running just leaves those you care for vulnerable to the threats you refuse to face. You could have died or failed at any point, yes. But you still came back," Daniel said equably.

"I had no choice!"

"Yes, you did. You were afraid, but did it anyway."

"Yes!"

Daniel just stared at him. Shinji calmed his heaving breaths and stared back. "What? _That's it?_ That's your 'secret'?!"

Daniel raised an eyebrow. "You were expecting some sort of mystic wisdom from beyond the boundaries of time and space?"

"I was hoping for a bit more than 'do it anyway'!"

"Consider the motto of all my forces; Illic Non Est Quod Timor. 'There is no such thing as fear.' There's a lot of complexity in that simple statement, Shinji. Be afraid all you want. As long as it doesn't stop you, you can make it not matter. It's not that I'm not afraid; it's that I don't _mind_ being afraid. Courage isn't the _absence_ of fear; it's the _disregard_ of it. I fear that every time one of my people goes out there to face danger, it will be the time I can't help them when they need me. They know it too. They do it anyway. So do I. So did you. It's not being unafraid, it's feeling the fear and letting it fall aside and you choosing what to do regardless. Courage is an act of will, Shinji. You know how to do it. You've done it before. And now you've got more reason than ever before to do it again."

"You mean Asuka."

"I do, and not just the way you might think. There's more to courage than just on the battlefield. You two look pretty happy together tonight. But deep inside she's still afraid. I think sooner than you might expect, she's going to ask you for something serious, something scary, and you better be ready."

"Serious and scary like what?"

"Serious and scary like this morning. That kind. She needs…she needs love, essentially, Shinji. Badly. She's been putting up a harsh front for most of her life to hide an almost desperate wish for someone to love her."

"I do! She knows that now!" Shinji said firmly. "I've told her!"

"Words are powerful, it's true, but she's going to need proof beyond words. Hearing it and _knowing_ it are different things. She's going to need to _know_. So I think very soon she's going to ask you, maybe not with words, for something that proves it to her on a deep level, a level of belief. Don't let fear cripple you when that happens. The reward is more than worth the risk."

Shinji looked over at their table, watching Asuka laugh with Ching and Hikari at something. "I…I know. I want…I want to give her everything. Anything she needs, anything she wants."

"So when she asks, just push the fear aside and be there for her. Everything else will be easy."

"'There is no such thing as fear', huh?" Shinji muttered. "Guess it's time for me to get something better than 'I mustn't run away'."

Daniel stood up. "Whatever you want as a personal motto, Shinji. Remember that we are who we choose to be. Just keep in your head that the reward is worth more than the fear, and you'll be alright. Now let's get back to our ladies before they start plotting mayhem on us for keeping them waiting."

.

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Part 43  
 **初日** **\- Shonichi**

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Several hours later..

The door to the beach cabin banged open from Asuka's kick and rebounded against the wall fast enough she gave it a hip check as she pulled Shinji along by the hand after her through the door. Their progress was slower than it might have been thanks to the fact that Shinji was only slightly more steady on his feet by this point than she was. Ergo, there was a certain amount of sideways involved in every step forward as they stumbled and giggled their way across the living room and towards the hallway to the bedrooms. Neither one of them noticed the small smile on Mother Sriyana's face as she silently bowed and exited as they passed her in the hall, nor really registered her presence at all.

It was just as well that the ridiculously oversized bed in their room was also nicely soft, as their joint and parallel landing definitely left something to be desired in terms of gracefulness. Shinji congratulated himself for only landing partly off the bed and face-first. He considered it a rather neat bit of navigation considering how steadily his head felt like it was spinning and the way the floor kept sliding about under his legs. He rolled himself onto his side so he could open his eyes again. Asuka was even more fun to look at tonight than she usually was; with relatively infrequent exceptions, she'd spent much of the remainder of the evening _smiling._ And not even anything like the usual sarcastic, bitter, or biting grins she had sometimes worn in the month since their reunion, but a real, _happy_ smile. The kind that had flickered across her face on all too rare occasions back in the good days of living in Misato's apartment, before things had begun their terrible slide into madness and death. He'd loved seeing that look on her face, even as he'd always damned himself back then for never doing much to bring it out. The other, crueler smiles she had were aimed at him too often to make him feel confident enough to dare searching after the brighter kind.

The kind of smile she wore now, or at least as far as he could tell. She had likewise landed mostly face-first on the mattress, though she evidently found it very amusing, as she kept giggling until she also rolled onto her back and caught him staring at her.

"Noooo shooezz on the bed, Baka-Shinnnnji!" she slurred at him, and raised one of her legs as she rolled onto her back to demonstrate she'd kicked off her red stilettos by wiggling her toes at him. He only peripherally noted the wiggling digits, though. The long, _long_ , perfectly formed leg that was revealed as her motion caused her dress to ride up and pile around her hips was far more attractive to his attention. The sheer white stocking encasing the leg hid the silky smooth skin he knew lay underneath, but was also nice to look at, so he did. He spent long enough running his eyes up and down the arch of her leg that Asuka started laughing at him.

"You have the _stupidest_ look on your face right now, Shinji. Can't take your eyes off my luscious legs?" She brought her leg back down as she rolled towards him, wrapping it around him and hooking him closer. "But you're looking at me. You're always looking at me. Why didn't you do that back then?" Asuka hiccupped. "I always worried you were looking at that shtupid blue-haired bitch. Acting so perfect. Who tha' fuck does she think she is, telling me I can't have you? Yer mine. You said so. I'm tha' one who gets to dance with you. I'm tha' one who gets to have you in my bed. Mine. Mmm… in my bed, in my shower, anywhere I want you. Mine. Yer mine. …aren't you?"

Shinji managed a wobbly nod, rubbing his face against the blanket. "I'm yours in the shower, bed, and stuff. Wait, you can't dance in a shower. Can you?"

Asuka released her leg from around him and sat up, giving him a serious look. "You are still funshkshion… _functioning_ , right, Third Child? I'm supposed to ask you something."

Shinji struggled upright and fought with his uniform jacket for a minute. "Yes. I am. Preefectly fin," he said carefully, nodding in agreement with himself. "You can ask nee manything."

Asuka stood up and carefully removed her Wounded Lion and hung it back around the neck of the mannequin still wearing her unused uniform before removing her gloves and continuing with undoing the choker and zipper of her dress. Shinji happily stared at her as the red silk dress slid down her body to puddle at her feet. The sight of the stunning redhead in white lace undergarments, a garter belt, and thigh-high stockings was enough to freeze him in place from raw beauty alone. Add in the unwavering stare she was directing _right at him_ and it utterly removed any power he had to do anything but drink in the sight of her. After a while he did have to remind himself to breathe, though.

"Yer lookin' at me again, Shinji."

Shinji was nearly betrayed by too-deep reflexes. He broke his gaze away from her and mumbled, "I'm sorr-.." _'Oh shit… aaaand I'm too buzzed to help. You're on your own, buddy,'_ his brain unhelpfully observed, a second too late. _'Well, a fat lot of good you are, thanks,'_ he thought at himself.

He was saved by the unexpected agency of Asuka grabbing his head with her hands and dragging him back to look at her. "Don't you _ever_ dare say you're sorry for looking at me, Shinji. I want you to look at me. Always. Not her, not anyone else. You look at me. Please."

Before he could even try nodding in stunned agreement, she looked aside herself. "I want to ask you something, Shinji. And I want you to answer me honestly. I…I've been thinking about it all night, so don't get the idea that it's just something that… that's the drinks talking, ok?" She took a deep breath and let her hands fall away from his head to grasp his hands. She hauled him up off the bed. "Get undressed. I want us both lying down comfortably when I ask you this."

Even stone sober Shinji would have hardly been inclined to argue with a command from Asuka, especially one like that. As he was currently by his best count at least four sheets to the wind, he was even less likely to question it. As quickly as he could he stripped out of his shirt and pants, tossing them to the floor on the far side of the bed. He wobbled to an uncertain stop when he got down to his boxers. _'Crap crap crap… do I… how far… oh, fuck it, roll the dice for once in your life, Ikari. It's worked out so far today. All the rules are out the window and you're down the rabbit hole. If this is another Instrumentality-induced dreamworld, I'm starting to lose any care if it's not real. If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up anymore.'_ He steeled himself and slid the last of his clothing off. _''There is no such thing as fear', he says. Please don't let me fuck this up!'_

Turning back to face Asuka, he was suddenly gripped by terror that he'd overestimated his hand. Asuka was still standing in her white lace underwear, no expression on her face as she watched him. She didn't even overtly seem to react to his nudity, merely smoothly waving him towards the bed. He lay down and tried not to self-consciously cover himself with his hands.

"Relax, Third. I've seen it, remember?" Asuka said softly as she lay down next to him. She laid her head down exactly even with his and just looked at him for a long silent moment. "Shinji… I want to ask you… to make me another promise."

"Anything, Asuka."

"No, not 'Anything, Asuka'. I want you to think about this, and I want an answer more serious than anything you've ever said before," she firmly cut him off. "I… _need_ to be able to trust your answer on this more than any other one."

Shinji fought the urge to panic as he feverishly tried to marshal his thoughts on what she might be asking that could be so serious. The way his thoughts were wobbling around like a not-so-precision drill team made entirely of Jello soldiers was not helping. "I will, Asuka. What do you want me to promise that's more serious that owing you a life and watching your back until I do?"

Asuka tried to hold her eyes on his, wavered, then looked past him over his head. "I want you to… I want you to…" She pinched her eyes closed and locked them back on his when she opened them again. "Can you _promise_ me you'll always be there, Shinji? Promise me you'll _never_ leave me again?"

Shinji managed not to jerk as his whole body froze in place. Even his 'I've never been this drunk before'-muddled thought processes were aware enough to sound every alarm bell in his head at _that_ question. Asuka wasn't just asking for reassurance of his physical presence by her in the future. She was asking for far, _far_ more.

 _'Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods'_

Shinji tried to get a grip on himself. She… she wanted him to promise to stay with her. To never leave her. Wasn't that what he'd always wanted to give her? Hadn't he already made that offer during the strangeness of Instrumentality, an offer she'd rejected back then? But now she was asking him. She'd surrendered to his being around her for the foreseeable future a month ago, but in a defeated, resigned way. A foreseeable future that they'd both sensed the fragility and tenuousness of. He'd spent the next month desperately trying to find a way closer to her, terrified that she'd get tired of his presence as nothing more than a painful reminder of better times. _'O! Him she stores, to show what wealth she had… In days long since, before these last so bad.'_ flitted through his head.

"I… 'I want to help you somehow, and stay with you forever', I said once," he said slowly. "I've made this offer before, Asuka."

She winced and her eyes dropped away from his again, but fought their way back after a moment. "Yes, you did. And I ripped your heart out and then you tried to strangle me. I'm… sorry. I was… I didn't need to… hurt you like that. You…"

"I'd just let you die because I was in a damn-near suicidal self-pitying funk that Misato died trying to snap me out of. You… I owe you more an apology than you owe me."

She didn't seem to hear him. "And I… I'm sorry! I'm sorry I hurt you so fucking much every time I open my stupid fucking mouth and I'm tired of it hurting all the damn time and having to drink myself numb every week so I don't try putting Winthrop's gun in my mouth or running a hot bath and grabbing a razor and waking up fucking screaming every goddamn night… and… and… it doesn't _hurt_ when you hold me. You make it stop hurting. I want you… I don't want you to ever go! Promise me, Shinji! _Please!_ " She sat partway up and grabbed him by the shoulder, her grip desperately tight.

Shinji hardly felt it as he tried to swallow through a suddenly dry throat. _'I make it stop hurting?'_ "Asuka. I… I'm… I owe you a life. And I just said tonight I want to be the one who makes you happy and stands by you. I promise I won't ever leave you until you make me go, and if that's forever, then that's what I'm going to do. I love you. I'm yours."

Asuka eyes just burned into his almost feverishly for a long minute. She slowly nodded, released his shoulder, and sat all the way up. "Then… I want you to do something for me, Shinji." She turned away from him to face the wall. Shinji had just long enough to wonder if she was about to leave or something before Asuka pulled her hair up over her left shoulder. She looked back over her right shoulder and said very softly, "I want you to take my bra off."

A roaring sound overtook the buzzing in Shinji's head, followed by the sound of his pulse, which rose to a sound like rapid thunder, drowning out all thought. _'She's not asking me to_ _ **just**_ _remove her bra, oh gods…'_ And he wanted to answer a resounding 'yes!' to the silent, implied question; _are you willing to try again?_

He raised shaking hands to fumble with the hooks at the middle of the strap. He suddenly had all the manual dexterity of a half-blind tipsy sloth; it took him more than three tries to undo all three hooks. The straps fell away and down her arms. Asuka raised her arms enough to let the now loosened bra slip off her hands and onto the floor. She kept facing the wall for a second, then swiveled her legs and body around to face him again.

"Now… I want you to… take my… my panties off too."

The half-blind sloth had a few more drinks and his dexterity dropped a few more notches. _'Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods Oh Gods'_ was all his brain was contributing to the moment. His hands trembled like he'd abruptly contracted palsy as they hesitantly, carefully traced a trail up her legs toward the fine white lace edge of Asuka's panties. His fingers carefully hooked around the top edge and tugged them slowly down again. The lace caught for the barest second on her toes, to slightly bounce against Shinji's hands as it sprang free.

Asuka was down to just the garter belt and stockings, and he to nothing but his skin. He was worried for an instant that the alcohol and terror flashing through him would combine to prevent him from 'rising to the occasion', but a matching nanosecond check confirmed that he was in _absolutely_ no danger on that front. Quite the contrary, he could probably have used it as a flagpole or a harpoon right now.

He spared a moment to stare at the scrap of white lace dangling from his fingers before he dropped it off the edge of the bed behind him. As soon as he'd finally let it go, Asuka pushed sharply against his shoulder to knock him back down flat to the bed again. He lay slightly stunned on the soft mattress looking up at her. She looked right back down at him for a second, before she swung her leg high over him again to come back down on the other side, leaving her straddling him. Shinji's head spun and he bit down on a moan as he felt her incredible, fiery heat press against his shaft. He'd _never_ been this aroused, not desperately staring at her in the Geofront hospital, not sadly fantasizing in his Boston exile, not during their pathetic, disastrous attempt at sex a couple of weeks ago, not even earlier that day in the shower together. Right now, Asuka Langley Sohryu owned him, mind, body, and soul. He'd do anything for her at this point, _anything_ that would make her happy. _'Oh gods, please don't let me fuck this up! That's all that matters! I don't care anymore what happens to me! Let her be happy,_ _ **please**_ _!'_

"Shinji…" Asuka raised herself up with a flex of her thighs as her hand grabbed hold of him and held him in position at her entrance. "You are mine. Always."

"Always, Asuka. I always _have_ been."

Her eyes glistened, just a hint. "Thank you," she whispered. Asuka's legs relaxed their tension, and she lowered herself down onto him.

And there was light. And it was good.

* * *

.

Author's Note: In the Word doc, it took _200 pages_ to reach this point, of them willingly going to bed together. They were poor, damaged kids...


	24. Everyone Can See It, Dragonfly

**A Crown of Stars**

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 **Part 44**  
 **Everyone Can See It** **  
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Asuka didn't want to open her eyes. She was warm, comfortable, and had been having some _really_ nice dreams all night long. When was the last time she'd had a dream involving sex that she'd _liked_? …wait, she didn't _have_ those kind of dreams. She hadn't had a _good_ sex dream since before the Third Impact, and even that one had involved the Third Child too. She just had her constant bodyguard of nightmares… except for yesterday night. She hadn't had any dreams then. So where had a dream of all-night marathon sex come fro-…

Asuka's eyes snapped completely open. _'_ _Oh. Oh Gott. That wasn't a dream.'_

Her head was lying on Shinji's shoulder and she was still wrapped around him like he was a body pillow. Pre-dawn light was just beginning to filter in through the windows, so the room was not overly bright as yet. But there was already more than enough light to see Shinji's sleeping face, just inches away from hers. He looked completely at peace. She, on the other hand, felt… almost dizzy.

 _'_ _Holy fucking tap-dancing Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, that was no Gottdamned dream. I really did just spend all night riding Shinji Ikari like he was the Tokyo-3 subway system,'_ she marveled, halfway between disbelief and a growing urge to start giggling madly. _'_ _He's mine, he's mine, he's mine, all mine! I claimed him, he's mine, go fuck_ _ **yourself**_ _, Wondergirl, he's mine now, always and forever! And I feel… fucking_ _ **amazing.**_ _I thought your first time was supposed to hurt, not be ridiculously multi-orgasmic. Scheiße, and Hikari was joking about_ _ **Touji**_ _being a screamer! I'm lucky Ching's cabin is a good kilometer away and my mother's in a coma, or_ _ **everyone**_ _would know what we were up to last night… although, come to think of it, I'm not sure I care who knows about… us. I'm happy. The rest of the world can go to Hell, I've got…'_ she looked at Shinji's sleeping face again. _'…_ _mine.'_

She squeezed her arms around him and happily burrowed her face into his shoulder. The squeeze and motion roused him from sleep and he slowly blinked his eyes open. When his gaze finally cleared enough to focus, he instantly locked eyes with Asuka and his eyes likewise widened completely. "Um… good morning?" he hesitantly asked.

 _'_ _He looks like he's afraid I'm going to bite him. Hmm… what an excellent idea.'_ She raised herself up on her arm a little and teased at his neck with her tongue before closing in to nip and suck at his throat. Shinji's rapidly increasing pant suddenly swerved into a startled squeak as she applied her teeth, not pulling away until she was certain she'd left a nice, distinct mark well above where his shirt collar could possibly cover. "Good morning to you too, Shinji. No, that wasn't a dream. If it was, boy, are you a giant perv. Ravaging a poor innocent girl all night long like that…"

"'Poor innocent girl', huh? I think I recall somebody else doing most of the ravaging," he replied, a hesitant smile growing across his face.

"Base lies and slander," Asuka said lightly. She flicked him in the nose and sat up to stretch. She was slightly surprised she didn't feel sore or overstretched at all, her body just kind of faintly humming with energy. She gave Shinji a crooked look as she noticed him staring rapturously at her arching stretch. "Lech. Come on, we're supposed to be starting our little adventure today. No lying in bed all morning shamelessly staring at my tits, Third."

He smiled back for a moment, but Asuka could almost hear the onset of his perpetual self-doubt as the smile dimmed to his more common pensive introspection. "Asuka, last night…"

Asuka held his mouth shut with her hand. "Don't. Don't even start. No more doubts. I had _fun_ , Shinji, both at the ball and after we got back here. You have any idea how long it's been since I had fun? I _liked_ last night. Or did you miss the part where I was screaming at you for 'more! more!' in five languages? I want to keep on doing that. If you want to stay in my bed," _'_ _And mmmm do I like the sound of that…'_ "Then don't be afraid of it. There is no such thing as fear, not for us, not anymore. I plan to take control of my life and live it at full speed. And I nn-" _'_ _need?'_ "Ahem, I _want_ you there with me. You're mine now, remember? You're going to have to learn how to run to keep up with me. You promised." _'_ _Damn it, Third, don't you backslide now, not after last night. Yesterday may have been the 'best day of your life', but it wasn't that bed… I mean_ _ **bad**_ _for me, either. Keep pushing, damn it!'_

Shinji blushed at the specific reminder of some of what they'd done last night. Asuka had been demanding more out of him in every language she knew, ending with extremely loud and urgent German. Good thing he'd learned that yesterday, although it would have been pretty hard for anyone to mistake Asuka's intent when she was shrieking ' **Mehr! Härter! Ja! Ja!** ' at the top of her lungs while doing her best to pound him through the bottom of the mattress. "I… right!" He rubbed the back of his head as he fumbled for what to say. "I… really liked last night too. And I promised… but…"

"No, no buts. Damn it, Shinji, you were a man last night. You took me out on the dance floor and were everything you should have been years ago. Don't fold up now. Do I have to get you drunk for you to grow a pair? Hell, that worked as a coping mechanism for Misato." Asuka suddenly grimaced. _'_ _Oh, fuck, why the Hell did I just say that? But if I start saying 'I'm sorry' all the damn time, I'll just sound like him. Think fast, Sohryu... crap, nothing else for it.'_ "I'm… I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry." She sighed. "I said this wasn't going to be easy, didn't I?"

Shinji gave her a weird little smile. "Yes, you did. Asuka, since the day we met, have you ever seen a day when I _wasn't_ besieged by doubt? It's kind of what I do. Another reason I went for philosophy; doubt is a helpful bonus there." He looked her up and down, deliberately. "And you don't have to get me drunk. Last night was… not something I want to lose. And when it also means I get to wake up to mornings like this? I'm going to learn to keep up with you one way or another. I've got the great example of how messed up my father became when he lost my mother as an object lesson on what I _don't_ want to become. I'm not going to lose you for anything."

Asuka threw a few more gratuitously esthetic stretches at him, enjoying the attention. "You keep bringing up philosophy, and I'm going to make you learn tensor calculus and number theory, see if I don't." She looked at him thoughtfully. "Hmm… you don't want to lose me, and end up like your father… You want to make that happen, you might want to take up some of what he gave you. If you're going to be like him, take the good parts."

Shinji gave her a look of shock and disgust. "What are you talking about? Why the Hell would I want to be slightest bit like _him_?"

"You're going to grow up with at least part of you being a lot like where you came from. My father was an ass. I choose not to be like him. My mother was a genius. I get it from her, but I make it part of me. You… you can say your father was a lot of things, but knowing all the years of incredible focus and will it had to take to do it… you can't say he ever seemed _afraid_. Your father had iron will, your mother was a genius almost as good as mine… you don't get to choose your parents, Shinji, but you can own your own life. Take what you've inherited and make it your own. You _can_ do it, Shinji. You'd better, to keep up with me." _'_ _If I have to drag you kicking and screaming, you're coming with me from now on, Shinji. You're mine. I'm_ _ **not**_ _letting you go.'_ She kept the pleading current of that thought far, far down. Not that there was one. No. There wasn't.

She grabbed the edge of the sheet and whipped it off him. "Now hop up, Third Child. We've got places to go and worlds to save. There's an army waiting for us to lead it, glory to be won, and Mama to see before we go anywhere." She gave him a fierce grin. "And I'm not starting any of it without a well-washed back."

His smile returned as he visibly banished thoughts of similarities between himself and his despised parent. "Can't have that, no. No time for breakfast in bed today, either. Guess I'll just have to make your back really clean to make up for it." He followed her into the bathroom.

"That's the spirit, Third. Begin as you mean to go on. We've got an army at our back, gods on our side, and nothing is going to stand in our way." She pushed him into the shower stall ahead of her. "Now get me wet," she said with a half-grin.

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* * *

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Asuka pulled the napkin from her uniform collar and tossed it onto her emptied plate and swallowed the last of her toast as she looked at her interface band. "Almost eight o'clock. Maybe we need to call for a lift?"

Shinji collected her plate and put it in the sink with his own. "We could, but I thought they were supposed to get us around now anyway." He looked at the ceiling as he rubbed the back of his head. "I think. My memory's a little fuzzy by that point in the evening. I think I'd had at least five glasses of 'courage' by then."

"Didn't affect your dancing, fortunately. Well, you call and see if we're supposed to get a ride. I'm going to see Mama again." Asuka rose and headed towards the hallway, but hadn't gotten more than a few steps when there was a knock at their door. "Or not. That's probably our ride. Leave the dishes, Third. The invisible cleaning staff will get it, I'm sure." She opened the door, revealing a tall, blonde young man smiling politely at her. He wore a dark green Imperial Army uniform like hers, but surprisingly had even fewer ribbons. After the ball last night, Asuka half-expected to see nearly everyone with a good hand's-width of ribbons and medals on their breast. This young man had just a couple, and a small pair of green-rimmed gold bars on his uniform collar.

He gave her a brief salute. Asuka automatically returned it, absently grateful for years of military-related training that made it a reflex. "Good morning, ma'am. I'm Junior Second Lieutenant of the Green Thaddeus O'Brien, Imperial Army General Staff. My great-grandfather has tasked me to conduct you to the mission site whenever you are ready."

Asuka gave him a faintly suspicious look. "You people always seem to turn up at our door exactly at the right moment. You're not just loitering outside waiting for your cue or something, are you?"

The new Lieutenant looked a little confused. "Ah, no, ma'am. My great-grandfather just said to show up no earlier than this time to escort you. He was pretty specific, but didn't mention why."

Asuka's eyes narrowed further. "Did he now? Your great-grandfather, I assume, is a certain Emperor?"

"Yes, ma'am, he is."

"Your great-grandfather is the Lord of the whole Empire, and you're a Lieutenant so junior even I outrank you?" Asuka said with mild amusement.

"I only just started my term of service, ma'am. Even a Prince Of The Blood doesn't start except at the bottom, and has to serve to earn his Citizenship. And I'd be a very poor reflection on the Family if I didn't. That's why I'm assigned to the General Staff as an unattached aide, which is a more dignified title than 'gopher', if the same in essence. It's a good place to see a variety of situations and learn the ropes. And why I'm here today, as well. I'm a low-level gopher who's also good enough in my powers to serve as an unassisted courier for a pair of new Auxiliary Officers with a meeting to catch and a campaign to start." He smiled. "Plus I've got a couple of dispatches to courier to His Majesty for the IAGS. So at your pleasure, ma'am, we can depart. You'll have to step outside, though. My control's not quite good enough yet to be reliably used indoors in a building this small."

Asuka looked back over her shoulder. Shinji nodded from just behind her. She turned back to their new guest. "Let's head out, then. Time for us to save our world."

Lieutenant O'Brien nodded and led them a short distance out onto the beach. He stopped, raised his hand chest high out in front of him, and closed his eyes. After a brief silence, another pitch-black portal slowly irised open in front of them. He stepped to the side and waved for them to precede him through.

They emerged on the other side into the mist and nighttime cool of the Pampas. Asuka instantly picked out the welcome and pleasing silhouette of her wonderful new toy in the still dark sky. _Red Whirlwind_ wore a faint coat of dew, indicating it had been waiting for her a little while. Asuka looked closer, noting a handful of figures working around the feet of the immense mecha at some mysterious support machinery. She could see a little less clearly the much smaller shapes of two other mecha in the distance behind hers. _'_ _Jock-Stooge and Geek-Stooge's mechas, maybe? Bah, mine's still far bigger and better, and those two cherries aren't going to do more than make me look even better when they start stumbling around,'_ she thought dismissively.

"Greetings, Starfighter! You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada! Are you ready to begin?" Daniel said cheerily from behind them.

Shinji and Asuka turned and looked at him in complete confusion. "What?" they said in perfect unison.

"Never saw that one either? Kids these days, no classical education, I swear…" Daniel sighed and shook his head at them. "Good morning, Lieutenants. You're the last to arrive of your gang. Sergeant Bir already has your support section and gear up and running. He's got your whole 'pit crew' here and ready to rock before anyone else in the entire 791st Division has even set up the commander's coffee maker. I think he's trying to impress us." He looked down from the glistening red _StarStrider_ to examine the two young Pilots more closely, a grin growing on his face. "And you two seem like you passed a very pleasant night. Get _any_ sleep?"

They blinked at him for a moment before it hit them. Shinji turned the same color as Asuka's mecha. Ching, standing behind and to Daniel's right, grinned and started coughing to cover her laugh at Shinji's sudden flush.

 _'_ _Oh Gott, is it written all over my face or something?'_ Asuka wondered as she struggled to keep her face from going as red as Shinji's. She blinked in surprise again, at herself this time. As much as she was trying not to blush as red as her fellow Pilot, she found herself at the same time wearing a defiant _grin_ right back at Daniel and Ching. She was embarrassed, yes, but she was also feeling the urge to trumpet the news to everyone. _'_ _He's mine! I claimed him! And it was_ _ **great!**_ _'_ Asuka lifted her chin in a faint imitation of her old arrogant Prima Donna Pilot attitude and met his look. "Ah, yes, we did get some sleep. It was a very nice night. A most entertaining ball."

"And there was a pretty good party at Fort Schelbert, too," Ching quietly snarked as Daniel chuckled and excused himself to talk to their escort. Ching cocked her head as she regarded the two of them. "So, should I give you that high five now, miss conquering heroine? Or did he make you ask nicely? Oh, and how was he?" she added with a wicked grin.

"Ching!" Asuka squawked at her, but subsided. "Are we that obvious?" she asked more quietly.

"Well, His Majesty knows because it happened on Avalon, and therefore he knows about it. And what he said and your reactions made it easy for me to figure it out. Congratulations, by the way. You both look so damn happy I'm envious all over again. You two both needed last night, I think. You're practically _glowing_ , and giving off a cloud of very specific pheromones so powerful I'm practically getting a contact high from standing downwind of you. Every Imperial here is going to be able to tell because of things like that. There's also the hundred subtle cues of posture, facial expression, and body language that tell say, trained psychiatrists, for example, that things between you two are different from yesterday." Ching's smile curled up on one side. "Like the fact you two haven't let go of each other since you arrived." She gestured at their hands.

Asuka looked down, registering for the first time that she and Shinji were tightly holding hands. When had they done that? She also found herself curiously unwilling to let go, but eventually forced herself to. She didn't want to give too much away to Misato and their friends until she'd decided how much she _wanted_ to tell, and how.

Daniel rejoined them, trailed by the young Lieutenant. "I'm going to have to pop back to the Empire for a little while. The General Staff has a situation that requires my particular attention and power. Let me link you up with your support crew before I head off, so you can get set up for your insertion back to the UN fleet and the means for slipping away undetected between now and their arrival in the area in a couple of months."

They fell in behind him as they headed towards the structure that had been raised near the base of _Red Whirlwind_. It would have looked like a decently sized aircraft hangar if it hadn't been so far overshadowed by the 80 meter tall mecha. Inside they found dozens of Imperial Army soldiers working at setting up more indecipherable machinery and huge cases of unknown supplies, some moving the shipping-container-sized boxes around by themselves with the help of man-sized power armor they wore.

They approached a small command pit centered around a waist-high table, the top of which was entirely one large display screen, at the moment showing a diagram of the UN fleet at anchor in and around Marseille's harbor. Looking up as they approached, Asuka was distantly amused to watch Sergeant Bir's eyes widen and him snap to the most rigid position of attention she'd ever seen. "Sir!"

"Carry on, Sergeant. Your Pilots have arrived, and I'm putting them in your hands for the moment. I've got to drop back to Avalon for a short while, so until I get back or the rest of the Division staff arrives, Lieutenant Sohryu is in command, with Lieutenant Ikari as her second." He gave Ching a slightly apologetic nod. "You outrank them and you're more senior, Lieutenant Leibshott, but this is their operation."

Ching shrugged, not at all discommoded. "This is an Army show, sir. I'm here as a volunteer, friend, and doc, not as a naval officer. And it's your Empire. You could put a purple-arsed baboon in command, and I'd just salute."

"Duly noted; I'll make sure your next commanding officer is an unusually colored simian, just for you,' he dryly replied. "Sergeant Bir, brief the Pilots on their transport pad setup, and get them situated. We've only got a bit more than two hours before someone will likely come looking for them, so they'll have to be in their tent before that. We've got a whole world to rescue without casualties to the fullest extent possible, per Lieutenant Ikari's wishes. Thereafter, give them all the support they need for their mission."

"We'll have them briefed and in place with time to spare, sir!"

Daniel regarded him with some amusement before asking, "Sergeant, if I ordered you to relax, would the paradox make you spontaneously combust?"

"Only if you ordered me to, sir!" Sergeant Bir responded in the same rigidly energetic tone, but a faint smile at least snuck its way onto his face.

"Lieutenant Leibshott, if Sergeant Bir does catch fire, do please put him out."

"Aye aye, sir. I'll stand by to hose him down thoroughly," Ching said brightly.

Daniel raised an eyebrow at this, but held his commentary to, "You haven't been at sea _that_ long, Lieutenant."

He shook his head. "Anyhow, Lieutenant Sohryu, Lieutenant Ikari, you have command until relieved. I've got to go back to settle this peculiar situation, but I'll see you as soon as I can return." He looked up at the ceiling with a slightly troubled expression. "And I'll try to figure out what Ayanami-san is doing. She's been very …deliberately blank all morning, and she doesn't feel very happy with us to me right now. Something's not right."

Asuka waved her hand. "Wondergirl's in a snit because she doesn't like me and Shinji being together. So what? I'm happy, Shinji's happy, and if she doesn't like that she can deal with it."

"Hmm, careful, Lieutenant Sohryu. Ayanami-san may be personally not happy with you, but when she's pretty much a local god, that can have bigger effects than just a tiff with your boyfriend's sister," Daniel said as he stared at the display table, a gesture shifting it to a map of the River Plate Estuary. "The rest of the Division elements should begin arriving soon. Sergeant Bir will show you what you need to get re-inserted to the UN fleet before anyone notices you've gone wandering. I'll be back as soon as I can. Someone needs a smiting, and I'm the one who needs to administer it. Lieutenant O'Brien? Let's get back."

The young officer nodded, and a portal opened behind him out in the more open area of the hangar, away from the more crowded command pit. The Emperor and his great-grandson stepped into the brilliant gold light just as another shadow stepped back out of it.

.

* * *

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Part 45  
 **Dragonfly**

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* * *

.

When the portal snapped closed, a gold-furred felinoid in a khaki Marine uniform blinked several times before darting a glance back over his shoulder. "Hey, was that just…"

"Yes, that was our Lord and sovereign you just passed, and didn't even salute. Tisk tisk, jarhead. Now, what are you doing in my nice clean command post, Marine?" Sergeant Bir deadpanned at him.

"Great, that's going to look good… Corporal Vasraith, _HMS Saragarhi_ Marine Detachment, Sergeant. I'm looking for Flight Lieutenant Leibshott. Senior Fleet Captain Singh sent me as a courier for her leave packet and a message for her."

Ching stuck her hand up. "Right here, Corporal. You've found me. What's the Skipper got for me? You going to be my personal Marine detail while I'm away?"

Asuka's attention was pulled away by a tap on her shoulder. She turned around to see one of the more hideous things she'd ever seen, and that was a tall order given her last few years; a positively _beaming_ Kensuke Aida in uniform, giving her a sharp salute so firm he was nearly vibrating.

"Junior Second Lieutenant of the Green Aida reporting for duty, commander!" he nearly squealed at her.

"Oh for Gott's sake…number one, we're indoors, you don't have to salute, idiot. Number two… just… stop." Asuka felt a bizarre headache starting. "Or I'll have you court-martialed for being a Stooge."

"I'm finally a mecha pilot! I'm living my greatest dream! How can I contain myself?" he said with undaunted cheer. He finally dropped the salute.

"It ain't all it's cracked up to be, Kensuke. You'll learn that pretty fast. I just hope not the way I did. C'mon, you remember how much it sucked for Shinji when we saw him in the Entry Plug, right?" Touji chimed in from behind him, Hikari following close behind as they walked up.

"My _Black Knight_ has a giant plasma cannon! Your argument is invalid!"

Asuka fought down the urge to hit herself in the face until he disappeared. "Shinji, please find a way to cool geek-Stooge down before I take _der Roter Wirbelsturm_ out and step on him?"

"Yes, Asuka," he said with a small smile. Shinji took Kensuke by the shoulder and led him away from Asuka, Touji trailing them.

Asuka's incipient headache faded a little as she took in the site of her former Class Representative and close friend in a dark green uniform like her own. "I know you're not going to be a Pilot, Hikari, but have you figured out what you are going to be doing on this mission?"

Hikari nodded. "I'm a pretty good cook, so I can help out there, and Ching...er, I mean Lieutenant Leibshott has offered to teach me as a nurse on the medical side. I figure we'll have some chance to do more good than fighting for the people on our Earth that way. I'm still having a hard time coming to grips with how horrible it's been since…um…"

"Since the end of the world and everything that came after. I understand, Hikari." _'_ _Though I doubt you ever will. Not that I'll hold that against you. I wouldn't want anyone I know to have to live through what Shinji and I did.'_ Asuka pushed away a torrent of unpleasant memories with a well-worn flicker of will. No more of that. Time to fight back.

"Well, yesterday afternoon, after I had…" Hikari paused to blush. "Um… introduced Touji to my father and… I still can't believe I can even say this now, to my mother, Lieutenant Leibshott had me sit in one of those NILS chairs, and taught me a basic nursing course. I mentioned how Touji had been injured, and she suggested it as something I could do besides Piloting like you and the boys. It's really weird to have all that knowledge in my head like I just dumped a book in there, but I think I could do it."

"I am very sure you can, Lieutenant Horaki. You've got the perfect combination of iron authority and compassion that makes a good bedside manner for a nurse," Ching said as she rejoined them. "You'll do great."

Hikari stared in amazement at the six-limbed felinoid Marine following Ching. The Imperial Navy Pilot took advantage of Hikari's distraction to lean closer to Asuka. "Have you told her?" she quietly asked. When Asuka shook her head, Ching added, "You might want to before she sees you two together and figures it out. She's pretty observant about such things, if I recall right."

"I know," Asuka hissed back. _'_ _But I think I'll prepare the ground a bit before I charge right in.'_ "Hey, Hikari, you and Joc-…ah, Suzuhara looked pretty cozy when you left the ball last night together. Have a _fun_ evening?" she ever-so-sweetly inquired of her friend.

Hikari blushed again, and put a hand over her mouth to try to hide her smile. "Um… yes, we did. We went back to our cabin and… umm… talked a lot."

"'Talked', hmm?" Asuka said with an evil smirk. "Touji a persuasive 'talker'?" _'_ _You 'talked', huh? I guess that means I_ _ **sang opera**_ _! Ha!'_

"Asukaaaaa!" Hikari wailed. "You are being mean… and why are you _smiling_ like that?"

' _Uh oh. Caught.'_ Asuka shot a look at Ching, who had gone admirably stone-faced, but a plain 'told-you-so' vibe came off her new friend. "Uh, no reason."

Hikari looked at her sharply for a few seconds. "What is it? Did you discover Ikari-kun is a screamer too?" she joked.

 _'_ _Not as much as_ _ **I**_ _am!'_ Asuka couldn't stop her laugh, nor her huge grin that now burst across her face. _'_ _He's mine! Oh_ _ **Gott**_ , _can't wait for tonight, and we get to do it again! And again, and_ _ **every**_ _night for as long as I_ _ **want**_ _. Mine!'_

Hikari's eyes went completely wide. "OHMIGOD! Asuka did you-?!" Only Asuka's desperately fast hand clamped over Hikari's mouth halted further extremely loud squeals from pouring out of her friend's mouth.

 _'_ _I can keep my thoughts a secret from Winthrop and Jinnai for years, yet can't keep Hikari from figuring out Shinji and I are actually sleeping together in more than just the literal sense for even five minutes. Some poker face I've got.'_ "Hikari, I do _not_ want the whole world to know until I know what I want to say about it," Asuka tried to turn her best threatening growl on her friend, but she kept running into her own broad smile. "Yes, Shinji and I… did a little more than 'talk'. I asked him to promise me something. He did. And then… we did."

"Yhhn dhhnd?!" Hikari's eyes were still incredibly wide. Asuka carefully removed her hand. Hikari took the hint, and dropped her voice to a whisper. "Um…" She turned a brilliant red. "W… what was it like?"

 _'_ _The best night of my life.'_ "It was… everything you could imagine. I might owe Misato an apology for calling her disgusting for spending a whole week that way with Kaji-san in college." Asuka looked at Hikari more squarely. "So you and your Stooge haven't actually done more than 'talk'?"

"No!" Hikari couldn't meet Asuka's eyes anymore, and instead intensely studied her feet. "We... we've... we… um, 'talked' a lot last night, but we've never…I mean… I kept my panties on…" she finally mumbled. "We're not as adult as you and Ikari-kun… even if now you've got me _thinking_ about it! Would you have done this at our age?"

 _'_ _Knowing what I know now? In a red hot minute. Hell, I even tried to get his attention back then!'_ "Yes. Yes, I would. Knowing how he looks at me…we were both too tangled up in our own scars back then." Asuka shook her head ruefully. "Hell, who knows what it might have changed if we had?"

"Why didn't you? I could tell you… you both were interested in each other, at least."

 _'_ _Because we're both only slightly less terrified of opening up and being that close to someone now than we were four years ago? Because now we've already lived through Hell, madness, and the end of the world and thereby had our priorities reset? Because…' "_ It was in the middle of a war. We…" _'_ _I tried. He missed it because he's a dense baka who can't pick up on anything less subtle than a brick to the head. And I'm… I'm…'_ "I don't want to talk about it right now."

Hikari backed off a step to look at her. "You're still happy about it, right?" she asked softly.

She backed off another step in surprise as Asuka hit her with an absolutely _blinding_ smile. "He loves me, Hikari. He _loves_ me. Every part of him is mine." Asuka blinked and looked around the command pit. "Let's go find them."

Hikari smiled herself. "Missing him already?" she asked with just a hint of teasing in her voice.

 _'_ _Yes.'_ "No, I just want to make sure those other two numbskulls haven't gotten him into more trouble. He always does when he's out of my sight. Come on." She tugged Hikari after her. She vaguely sensed Ching, Sergeant Bir, and the new Marine fall in behind her as they headed for the main door of the building.

Waiting there were her former guardians, and newly betrothed couple, Misato and Kaji. Asuka tried to school her face back from the huge smile Hikari's last question had sent it into. She didn't want to give things away that easily, especially to the woman she suspected would tease her the most mercilessly over it. She had mostly succeeded by the time Misato noticed their approach and turned around.

Asuka did grudgingly admit in the privacy of her head that Misato did look _almost_ as good in the dark green uniform as she did. And Kaji-san of course looked quite yummy, no matter what, even if he was now 'off the market'. She was of mixed feelings as she spotted their tight handclasp; jealousy of Misato for having what she'd once wanted, envy that they could so easily do that in public, and a small but growing current of glee that _she_ could do that now too, if she could find the courage to overcome her embarrassment in doing something like that in front of her friends and the public at large.

Going with her usual choice of tactics, Asuka went on the offensive. "Such _shameful_ little displays of public affection will _not_ be tolerated under my command, Lieutenant Katsuragi, Lieutenant Kaji! _'_ _Not unless_ _ **I**_ _get to do them first, damn it.'_ "Compose yourselves!"

Misato gave her a raised eyebrow. "'Your' command, Asuka?"

"Afraid so, Lieutenant Katsuragi," Ching put in from behind Asuka. "From His Majesty's lips directly; Lieutenant Sohryu is in charge until relieved by Himself or the Division command staff arrive. Even I'm just an attachment. _She's_ the chief for here and now."

Misato looked rather nonplussed at having her former ward's authority over her confirmed, but released her fiancé's hand and came to attention with a precise salute. "Alright then, _Lieutenant Sohryu_ , your orders?" She kept all but the faintest trace of ironic mockery out of her voice.

Asuka returned the salute and ignored the half-mocking question. "We're looking for the Stooges. Seen them recently?"

Misato pointed towards the closer of the two _Black Knight_ s parked beyond _Red Whirlwind_. The three Stooges were visible in the floodlights at the foot of the mecha, and even at this distance, Asuka could hear Kensuke excitedly describing his new mecha to Shinji. Asuka's smile broke free again, this time with a flavoring of schadenfreude. She could more than sympathize with the look of glazed anguish he wore as Kensuke expounded on his mecha's abilities at great length, even as she was glad it kept it from being aimed at her, and kept Kensuke occupied far away. But if she wanted to rescue Shinji and get him back next to her like he was supposed to be, she'd have to get within range herself.

"Careful, sister. You're smiling hard enough to give the game away," Ching said softly from just behind Asuka's shoulder, her voice amused despite her cautioning words. "I love seeing you this happy, but you'll have to play it a little cooler if you don't want her to catch on that you and Shinji are something more to each other than you were yesterday."

"I know," Asuka muttered back as they started to walk towards the boys. "But it's hard. I'm feeling fucking _great_." _'_ _I'm too happy to stop for the first time in too long. I don't_ _ **want**_ _to stop feeling like this,'_ Asuka realized.

The feeling only got stronger when their party got closer. Shinji caught sight of her approaching over Kensuke's shoulder, and positively lit up, a huge smile that looked almost goofy on the Third Child's face bursting out. Asuka couldn't stop herself from answering with one of her own. She was vaguely aware she probably looked funny to the group of people who'd known the far different Asuka of the Angel War. She didn't care. His hand came up to meet hers as she got within arm's reach. She couldn't tell who'd made the first move. She just wrapped her fingers around his and they glowed at each other for a timeless instant.

"What happened to 'no shameful little displays of public affection', oh mighty commander?" Misato asked archly.

 _'_ _You know what, Misato? Fuck you. You're going to rub being happy with Kaji in my face? Have a little of your own medicine.'_ Asuka used her grip on Shinji's hand to draw him into a close embrace and wrapped her other hand around the back of his head to pull him into a deep, intense kiss. Shinji's eyes widened at the first tug on his hand, but very quickly and enthusiastically threw himself into matching her. Asuka could hear gasps of shock from her friends behind her, and smiled into the kiss. She let worrying about their reaction fade for a long moment, just enjoying herself, before she slowly pulled away.

She whirled around to face the still stunned group with a triumphant smirk on her face. "Because you were doing it _wrong_ , Lieutenant Katsuragi! _That's_ how we do public displays of affection in this unit! No tiny, shame _ful_ hand-holding around here! I want to see big, shame _less_ , sincere expressions of how we feel! There is no such thing as fear in my company!"

The blazing gold light from a portal opening a few dozen meters behind them washed over the still dark field and finally snapped the crowd out of its shock. Lieutenant O'Brien stepped back out and called to the group when he spotted them, "The first mecha regiments are moving out, Lieutenant Sohryu! The 315th Heavy Mechanized is coming in now! Heads up!" He pointed into the air. About a hundred meters into the sky, another, much larger portal flared open and the silver gleam of the chest of a _Black Knight_ began to slowly edge its way through.

Misato grinned as their eyes returned to ground level. "Looks like your reign of terror will be over soon, Asuka. Such a shame, I think I liked your new policy on public displays of affection." She grabbed her fiancé and gave him a kiss as thorough as the one she'd just watched Asuka give Shinji. "Mmm. So, 'how you feel', eh? Between last night and now, you seem to feel pretty good about Shin-chan all of a sudden. What's going on with you two?" Misato's eyes suddenly narrowed. "Wait, have you..?"

Asuka grin got even bigger. "How do I feel? I feel better than I have in years. I feel," she reached back to take his hand again. "Like Shinji is _mine_ , until I say he can go. I'm claiming him! Until I say otherwise, Shinji is mine and mine _alone!_ "

The air went taut and shook without a sound. A strange, electric snap ran through everyone's head, gone before it could be fully perceived. Asuka watched Lieutenant O'Brien collapse to his knees, clutching at his head with his face twisting in pain. Sergeant Bir, behind Misato, was barely in better shape, his hands likewise clamped on either side of his head as he let out a anguished, "GNngg! Ah!" and struggled to stay upright. Beside Asuka, Ching put her own hands to her head and swayed badly. "Ungh… Wha… what was… ow…"

There was simultaneously a tremendous CRACK and rumble like thunder in the air over their heads and seconds later a chunk of shallow-curved metal the size of a garage door slammed to the earth near them, every line on the inside of the slice glowing orange-red with heat. Asuka didn't jump too badly at the impact; it was too much like things she'd seen before involving chunks of Angel or buildings in her past battles. But she knew instantly something was very much not right. That was the front two meters of the _Black Knight_ that had been coming through the portal. _'_ _Where is the rest of it?!'_

Senior Sergeant First Class Bir was the first to recover, shaking his head like a punch-drunk boxer, but coming back upright and holding his head. He looked at the red-hot and smoking chunk of mecha and Lieutenant O'Brien struggling back to his feet with blood dripping from his nose. "Fuck," he said flatly.

Asuka blinked away a small headache of her own. "What just happened?" She pointed at the sizzling piece of _Black Knight_. "I'm betting that's not supposed to have happened, so what does it mean?"

Sergeant Bir gave Asuka a very weary look. "It means I think you just got promoted, ma'am." He brought his wristband up to his mouth and touched a button. "MilNetCom, come in… MilNetCom, come in…" He paused, the comm's silence stretching for most of a minute. "Shit... Break, break, break, this is Panther Seven to all Imperial units; Dragonfly. I say again, Dragonfly. All leadership elements conduct a count, equipment check, and skill listing for the commander and send it to this push ASAP."

Asuka heard Ching hiss a curse behind her, then begin trying to raise other call signs on her own wristband. She focused on Sergeant Bir. "What do you mean? What is 'Dragonfly'?"

Sergeant Bir ran his hand through is close-cropped red hair. "Code Dragonfly means we're cut off, ma'am. The portal home just slammed shut hard and fast enough to cut a _Black Knight_ in half, I can't raise Avalon on our comms, and whatever that little wave was, it just cut all of us from mental and spiritual contact with Avalon as well. I can't feel the Empire anymore, just everyone right here. That portal wasn't closed by our people, and since it hasn't reopened already, we have to assume it _can't_. We're cut off, and I have no clue how long that will last."

He braced to attention. "And in accordance with His Majesty's last instructions from His own lips, you are in command until relieved, Lieutenant. Orders, ma'am?"

Asuka stared at him in shock. " _Scheiße!"_

 _._

* * *

 _._

A/N: Things just got a little more complicated, didn't they?


	25. Though I Be The Lone Survivor

**A Crown of Stars**

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* * *

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 **Part 46**  
 **"...Though I Be The Lone Survivor"**

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.

"-and I don't want anyone to disturb us until dinner!" Asuka shouted as she slammed and locked the door to the former 'owner's cabin' suite on the commandeered cargo ship that now served as a transport for their mostly-restored Mass Production Eva Unit.

Shinji dumped the last armload of their baggage on the deck near the slightly-larger-than-Double bunk at the rear of the room and massaged his arms. Their arrival back in their beachside tent following Asuka's 'assumption of command' after they had been cut-off had been rapid; Sergeant Bir had shown them how to work the dedicated transport pad that could flicker the two of them back to the South American base site and the suite of acoustic and holographic spoofing gear to fake their presence when they were gone, then packed them off before they could be missed at the fleet assembly site. The transport pad had been disguised to look like a thick, rubber-backed rug about the size of a bathmat, so they could leave it in plain sight in their cabin. Sergeant Bir had promised he, Misato, and their other Pilots would continue to try to re-establish contact with Avalon, or failing that, come up with a new plan by the time Shinji and Asuka could get away once they had some privacy in their cabin several hours later.

Shinji had just enough time to turn around before he was nearly tackled onto the bunk by a flying Eva Pilot. Asuka wrapped her arms around him and clung fiercely tight. "Wha-?" Shinji blurted in surprise.

"I just know this is going to go to Hell somehow. It always does. Something good happens, and then the world shits all over us again. You and I meet, then spend years missing each other's signals. We're beating the Angels easily, coming together as a team, and then your asshole father springs the Dummy Plug system on us. We survive the Third Impact, then get a world of thugs, rapists, and warlords. And now we finally… talk to each other, and then this… I just know something more is going to go wrong here, because this world hates us," Asuka said wearily into his chest.

"This world may be against us, Asuka, but I think we've already survived the worst it can do to us. What could beat the Third Impact and the last four years? At least now we've got allies, and our friends back."

Asuka buried her face into his shirt some more. "I want to burn the last twenty-four hours in to my mind. I was happier than I've ever been, Shinji. I want to hold on to that, against whatever is coming next."

His arms wrapped themselves around her back and held her close. "I'm happy too, Asuka. I meant everything I said yesterday; I'm yours. I'll be whatever you need me to be. I'm no good at doing anything for myself, but I can do things that surprise even me when it's not for me. You need me by you, to be with you and take on the world with you? I promised I would. I need you right back. I'm going to use you to push _myself_ forward. I can do anything if it's for you. You are my fire, Asuka. You give me the heat and light I need to be more than an ember."

She pulled her face out far enough to give him a faint smile."I'm your fire, huh? Did you learn that word from Ching too?"

Shinji shook his head. "What word?"

"An Avaloni word she mentioned the night we arrived; _fieron._ Means 'the fires that drive you', she said. The burn that motivates you when good sense tells you to stop or give up. So I'm yours, now?"

He nodded. "I like that. I guess you are. I'm going to use you to make me more like the man who can stand by you. I'm nothing, Asuka. But I can use you to make me into someone better. The reward ...my friends safe, the world without people like Jinnai or my father in charge, being with you… is everything I've ever wanted.

Asuka's eyes snapped with as bit of anger, matched in her voice. "Don't you ever say you're 'nothing', Shinji. You're…" She shook her head to flick a thought away. "…you're not 'nothing' to me. You have to stay with me from now on. I won't stand for a 'nothing' boyfriend, remember? Or a… a lover. So you aren't allowed to be 'nothing'. I am who I am by choice. If you say you are 'nothing', you are choosing such and then you will be. Choose better. I want you with me. You are _going_ to be with me. You promised me you weren't going anywhere. So you better be more than 'nothing'."

"I better be a better man, or you'll 'better' me upside the head until I am?" Shinji asked with a small smile.

"If that motivates you, Third Child, yes." She pulled him along with her as she stepped backwards onto the disguised transport pad. "Now let's get back to our company of lost souls and find out what they've come up with." Standing close to each other, purely in order to both fit on the small pad at once, of course, Asuka tapped a button on her wristband, and the cabin was empty.

 **.**

* * *

 **.**

They appeared on the matching dedicated pad in the hangar from that morning, but this time there was no bustle of activity around the mecha or people moving cargo about to lighten the atmosphere. A quick look around revealed a crowd around the command pit near them, some of them already expectantly looking over at them, waving for them to join. Shinji and Asuka walked to the side of the map table as the crowd parted to allow their nominal commander and XO to the center of the ring.

Sergeant Bir looked up from staring at the map of South America displayed on the table to nod greetings to them. Ching, Misato, and the rest of their friends were spread around the inner ring around the table as well, matching grim expressions on everyone's faces. Sergeant Bir shook his head sadly and met Asuka and Shinji's gaze.

"Ma'am, I think our carefully crafted operational plan got completely defenestrated by this morning's event. We've been completely unable to make any kind of contact with the Empire or other friendly forces outside this worldline. We're a fragmentary unit not prepared for separate ops, cut off, out of contact with the Empire, no idea how long it will be before relief or reinforcements can reach us, trapped on an entire planet of warlords, madmen, and starving masses of desperate people, with one working _StarStrider_ trainer mecha, two _Black Knight_ s, one hundred fifty seven personnel, all of which are equipped with mostly non-lethal gear, and two junior officers with serious combat scars and personal issues in command. The only reason I won't say 'we're fucked' is that implies we might enjoy any part of this. I don't see any reasonable alternatives to this plan we've developed in the last couple of hours."

He pressed a virtual button on the map table and the view zoomed in to a much closer map showing their base's location. A red arrow traced a path from their base deep into the Amazon Basin. "We'll abandon the base site here and retreat as far into the Amazon interior as we can manage, then dig in. We can cannibalize the powerplant in the _StarStrider_ to give us an energy supply that we should be able to stretch out for years, and that will give us the juice to build a deep bunker we can fort up in. Hopefully, no one will notice us at all, and we can do our best impression of a pack of door-mice and hide out for years if need be while we wait for rescue."

Shinji grimaced, but found it hard to argue with the distasteful necessity. He stared at the map, trying to come up any other ideas. He drew a blank and looked up at Misato. The former NERV Operations Officer was one of the sharpest military minds he knew. Surely she had some more palatable alternative to mind. But no, Misato was covering her face with her hands and her shoulders were shaking. Was she crying?

Misato suddenly slumped onto the table and started pounding it with her hand, laughing hysterically. "I can't hold it! _Bwhahahaahaha!_ Oh God, the look on your faces! Hahahaha!"

Asuka glared death at her. "Misato, this isn't very fucking funny. What the Hell are you laughing at?"

"You! I can't believe you're buying this! Hahahaha!"

Shinji looked from Sergeant Bir to Lieutenant O'Brien and the others around the table. All were suddenly grinning and laughing, his classmates less so than the Imperials, but still far from saddened. Ching was absolutely smirking at Asuka's consternation. "That's _not_ the plan? What is, then?" he asked.

Sergeant Bir grinned like a wolf. "'Provide any and all support they need to assist my friends in toppling Jinnai, reestablishing peace and security, and rebuilding their world', He said. I'm a soldier of the Empire and a TrueBorn of Avalon. His Majesty gave me a mission, sir, and I _will_ complete it. Unprepared, inadequate, cut-off unit? One hundred fifty thousand of them versus one hundred fifty seven of us? No plan, no backup, or support from home? That's no excuse! What have we got to worry about? Afraid? There is no such thing as fear. The impossible is just another challenge. And if you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have joined the Army! Heh." He chuckled darkly. "They're never going to see us coming."

Asuka blinked at him. "You intend to continue a mission planned out for thousands of soldiers and your Empire on call, and take on all the warlords of South America _and_ the UN forces with one hundred fifty seven soldiers?!"

Sergeant Bir nodded. "I do."

Corporal Vasraith pointedly coughed "Ooh-rah!".

Bir rolled his eyes. "Correction, I plan to do it with one hundred fifty five _soldiers_ , one squid, and one noisy jarhead. We're going to successfully complete our mission, and not only that, we're going to do our damndest to uphold the 'Nobody Dies' restriction stipulated by Lieutenant Ikari while we're at it."

Asuka shook her head. "That's even more impossible. You're all crazy."

The shark-like grin spread even wider on Sergeant Bir's face. "No, we're _Avaloni!_ Retreat and hide in the jungles? Ha! This is the Imperial Army!"

Shinji shook his head in disbelief. "How? We don't have even one hundredth of what we were planned for, so how can we do this? In fact, what _do_ we have?"

"One _StarStrider_ trainer with non-lethal gear. Two _Black Knight Mk. VII_ s with non-lethal gear and one plasma cannon. Four Pilots, one Ops Officer, one nurse, one spy, one Navy Flight Lieutenant, one Prince Of The Blood, one jarhead, and me. A technical support platoon for the mecha, three dozen strong, gives us a good technological base for making friends around here. A signal platoon, fourteen strong, that can do computer and communication network infiltration and subversion. A medical platoon, capable of running up to a Class II MASH, also very good for winning friends and influencing people. Supply platoon, three dozen strong. Psi Ops platoon, one dozen operators. They're going to be key to our plans. A Scout platoon, two dozen Scouts in light power armor, our only other actual frontline combat section. And a hardboiled egg, honk. We might also have a partridge in a pear tree in one of the boxes of supplies, I'll have to check. We obviously can't do the broad program of 'shock and awe' we were templated for that Lieutenant Katsuragi showed us, so _force majeure_ is out. We're going to have to go with far more subtle techniques like extensive use of hypnosis, targeting key leaders with psionics, smaller piece-by-piece taking of territory, and getting a good portion of the local population actively on our side."

"Not very much for taking on the whole world with," Asuka noted.

"Could be worse, ma'am." Sergeant Bir replied. "If this was an Imperial Ranger First Class Final Certification Exam, the Ranger would be expected to do what we're aiming for by _themselves_ , with absolutely no beginning support. They usually start tied-up naked in the middle of a desert or something, in fact. This kind of situation is what they do regularly, albeit with the Empire on call for assistance. We're starting off a little better. And as you demonstrated during that coup you and Lieutenant Ikari headlined, it doesn't matter if the UN has 150,000 troops on paper if they can only bring a small portion to bear at once, and we've got mecha support on hand that far outstrips what you had to work with."

He tapped a few more buttons on the map table, and the view swept in to a closer shot of Buenos Aires. "We've worked up a couple of approaches while you've been setting the scene for everyone to think you're aboard the UN fleet, but they all start with Buenos Aires. The question for you and Lieutenant Ikari, ma'am, is what sort of approach you want to go with for at least the initial movements; stealthy, aliens, or angels."

"...You're going to have to explain that part, Sergeant," Asuka said after a puzzled pause.

At Sergeant Bir's nod, Ching spoke up. "We're going to pick up the whole operation here and fly it to the city, but how we go in is one of those three choices. We can go in hiding the mecha and the noticeably not- _Homo Sapiens_ soldiers, and not let anyone know this is a force from outside this world until later. That's 'stealthy'. 'Aliens' is we go in publically, show off the mecha and the more exotic looking soldiers, and tell everyone up front this is an Imperial Army unit and what that means. 'Angels' is a bit of the same, but we lead with Lieutenant O'Brien, myself, and the rest of the _Homo Avalonis_ soldiers who can show off their wings and convince the locals that we're 'agents of Heaven' or something. That way is likely easier for swaying people in the immediate term, but may have drawbacks later on when we have to explain we're not working for the Christian God or such. Although it still might be a good way to take down some of the more ugly warlords even if we don't go with it as a main strategy."

"Again, you people are strange, and now I'm having to turn into one of you. These are not the sorts of tactical decisions I was expecting to have to make," Asuka said dryly.

Sergeant Bir smiled again. "Welcome to the Imperial Army, ma'am. And if you think this is weird, wait until we tell you about the rock concert."

Shinji and Asuka shared a look, then returned to Sergeant Bir. "Rock concert?" they asked in confused unison. Misato started laughing again.

 **.**

* * *

 **.**

Part 47  
 **Bienvenido A La Reina Del Plata**

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* * *

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Eventually Misato managed to stop snickering, and a half-hour of briefing led Asuka to select stealth as the program for their immediate plan at least as far as their insertion to Buenos Aires went. Sergeant Bir snapped out some orders, and the company's soldiers fanned out to prepare the building for movement. They had only a few more hours of darkness to move into their target site before dawn would make stealth much more tricky. Shinji shook his head in amazement again. They were literally picking up stakes and moving on; using the gravity manipulation capabilities of their three mecha, they were going to simply pile everyone into their hangar building and lift it into the air for the flight to Buenos Aires.

Shinji and Asuka's part was to pilot _der Roter Wirbelsturm_ when they were ready to move, so he found himself standing with Asuka by the foot of the mecha with little to do until then. Not that this bothered the Third Child much; it gave him the chance to stand next to the immense red mecha holding Asuka's hand and standing close enough to feel her warmth in the pre-dawn chill. He glanced downward at their hands and gave a small smile. Unthinkable a week before, holding her hand now felt as good and as natural as breathing. And almost as painful and difficult to stop for very long. They _both_ seemed to draw strength from the constant grip.

"Guess I may have been overstating it a bit about 'personal issues' in that joke briefing, the way you two are looking. I don't think I've seen non-Imperials as close as you two in a long time."

Shinji jumped slightly at Sergeant Bir's comment as he walked up behind them. Sergeant Bir's approach had been almost silent. He hadn't any hint of his presence until he'd spoken. He felt a little less embarrassed when he felt Asuka jump too. The tall NCO gave a half-nod of apology. "Sorry if I startled you. We're almost ready for you to start your _StarStrider_ up."

It stuck Shinji that the three of them were alone for the first time since the portal had snapped shut. Time to ask a couple questions that had been nagging at his mind since the briefing of their rather ambitious new plan had been laid out. "Sergeant Bir, can we really do this? One hundred fifty seven of us against the world? And keeping up my request for no one getting killed, no less? Aren't we taking a pretty gigantic risk in all this?"

Bir shrugged. "The Emperor protects, sir. Imperial Rangers take on worse missions all the time and are expected to accomplish the impossible regularly. We're the Imperial Army. We don't believe in anything like an 'impossible mission'. A lot of Rangers get their start with us. We can take on almost any force this Earth can throw at us with high expectations of success. Keeping to a non-lethal protocol makes it tougher, but we're not exclusively about laying waste to the landscape. In a crisis, we can revert some of our systems to direct damage modes, and in true extremis we can pull some variation of the retreat-and-bunker program we outlined earlier. But from the briefing notes on the original plan, it looks like this world needs our help. Warlords, brutes, and madmen running things, public medieval torture for 'subversives' in the capital of the UN, and the new boss was ready to use N2 mines to blow up a city block by block rather than lose a coup? We can't sit back and passively wait for rescue with something like that in front of us, and not even _try_ to help. Not us."

"I'd have thought you'd all be more cautious, given how long you seem to live," Shinji wondered at him. "The moral risk so far overshadows the physical that you have to act?"

Sergeant Bir gave him a level look. "You even need to ask, Lieutenant? 'Only the soul matters, in the end. All else is dross,' the Lord says, and I am a faithful TrueBorn of Avalon. The Emperor faces that fire every day. How can I, one of his children, do any less? And I thought you felt the same way, that the moral costs are at least as high as the physical? Why else would you have us aiming for a 'Nobody Dies' scenario?"

Shinji acknowledged the point with a nod. "I do feel that way. It's just kind of new to me to see a whole nation that feels the same way. We haven't seen anything like that on our world for a long time, even more so after the Third Impact. An entire country that devoted to helping the downtrodden rather than ruling them like barbarian chieftains is really strange for us. After the Second Impact, most countries were pretty ruthless in the name of maintaining stability."

Sergeant Bir gave him a wry smile. "Well, one of the Founders, His Grace Grand Duke John Henry Drake, once said 'sometimes we're less a nation than a really big militant Holy Order', and he was only half-joking. The Lord founded us with a mission, and we have never lost sight of that. Do right. Uphold justice. Protect the good and punish the wicked. Bring the light and fight for the right until the day we all rise up. To turn away and hide when we can help isn't just a negative moral choice for us, it's practically apostasy. So we will hold on to our faith, and trust in the Lord and Lady, and do our damnedest to do what they have taught us is right."

"And you just wake up on Second Chance or one of those other moons if you die here, right?" Asuka asked. "Your gods restore you and you can go right back at it. That's how Ching… I mean, Lieutenant Leibshott made it sound when she explained it to me."

"Ehh… usually, yes, ma'am. Not now, though. 'Dragonfly' means we're cut-off, totally. Even spiritual avenues are blocked. Our souls can't reach home right now. There's some chance if we are killed on this world we'll end up in whatever the local afterlife is, but it's not a good one. We're too different. We die here, we probably die in truth."

Shinji took a deeper breath and heard Asuka's matching gasp. "But you're not going to change anything about what we're about to start here, are you?" he asked. "That's what you meant by all that. Even true death of your souls won't sway you from doing what your faith demands."

Sergeant Bir just solemnly nodded. "When we win the glory will be all the greater for the odds we overcame. And whether we win or we fall, we will never be forgotten by the Empire. If we are to be the only light in a world of darkness, then it's time to shine." He raised his left wrist to his mouth and keyed the unit broadcast. "Saddle up, Avaloni! We've got a world to save! Lord and Lady with us! _Numquam Soli!_ "

From around them Shinji could hear various soldiers' responses, led by a shouted unit response; " _Never Alone!_ " "I'll quit when the Emperor does." "...though I be the lone survivor." "Anybody got a copy of the _Anabasis_?" "As long as I can see the light..."

Sergeant Bir nodded at them again. "Start her up, ma'am. Time to ride out and chastise the evildoer. And in honor of our mission, I've found a nice classical piece to play over the unit push as we start off…"

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"Don Barceló! Don Barceló! There's something you… oh! I'm sorry if I interrupted, sir."

The current ruler of what remained of Argentina's capital city turned away from the weeping wreck of a human being still chained to the rack against the wall of his office. The man known to the people of the people of Argentina as Don Barceló, once of the Dominican Replublic's nastier prisons, and after the chaos following the Third Impact lord of Buenos Aires, waved a dismissive hand at his aide's apology. "It is nothing, Juan, I was done with this one. Now she knows better than to be insolent or slow when I give her an order. Get one of the nurses in here to patch her up and then throw her in the harem so that she might provide an educational example to the others. We'll throw her out later if she expires. Now, what was so important you came running in here?" He carefully placed the bloodied knife back in its rack with its mates and wiped his hands on a towel.

The aide tore his eyes away from the bleeding woman and blinked, trying to regain his train of thought. Even years of service as Don Barceló's assistant proved unable to fully desensitize him to what he'd just seen his boss doing. The woman had had a nose and both breasts intact when she'd arrived at the Casa Rosada, the former Presidential Palace last week as part of the latest 'tribute' from the countryside, for one.

"Ah, there's something strange going on in the city around the Monumental Stadium, Don Barceló. And none of the patrols we've sent to investigate are answering their phones or radios."

The Don's eyebrows rose. "Really? It has been a while since anyone has tried anything so foolish as attacking my men. Perhaps we've got some new friends out from the sea looking to make trouble, no?"

Juan Garcia fidgeted nervously. "This… we don't know why the patrols have not been coming back, sir. But this is something more than just someone ambushing them. This is something… I don't even know what to tell you. Look out the window towards the Belgrano district. You should be able to see it from here." He walked over to the north-facing window and pulled aside the thick drapery.

"Eh, what are you babbling about?" the Don rumbled, trailing after him to peer out the window. He followed his aide's pointing finger towards the huge football stadium up the coast from the Casa Rosada. The stadium itself was obscured by tall buildings in the way, but he could see something in the air over where it must be to the northwest. "They have something ne- ...Name of God, what _is_ that?"

Over the distant mass of the Estadio Monumental Antonio Vespucio Liberti, suspended somehow in the air, hung a huge red billboard, facing them flat-on. No, wait, it was rotating… the next side slowly came into view. Four sides spun slowly in the air over the stadium, each at least one hundred meters on a side. 'Coming Friday! Open Rock Concert! Free Food & Drink For All! Free Medical Clinic On Site! Bring Everyone!' it proclaimed in letters that had to be tens of meters high, with a running countdown timer at the bottom.

"How long has that been there? How the Hell is it floating like that? What is going on in my city?!" the Don quickly raised his voice to a shout. "Get my personal guards ready! And the ready company of the Militia! I'm going down there to settle this myself!"

"Yes, Don," Juan bobbled nervously, and scooted out of the office. Don Barceló hated things that disrupted his little kingdom. When it was one of the infrequent uprisings by the peasantry or attacks by rival gangs, the Don took out his frustrations on their enemies and prisoners afterward. When there was no such targets to be had, or he was just bored, he relieved his tensions on people closer to hand. Juan Garcia had survived three years as Don Barceló's aide by making sure he was never the closest candidate for such when the mood took the Don. Being efficient at his job was another good survival method. He had the Don's personal troops ready to move in less than ten minutes.

The Don spared him the merest flicker of a glance as he swept past still strapping on his favorite machine pistols and vaulted onto the hood of his armored HMMWV and up into the .50 cal gunner's spot. "Let's go!" he yelled at the driver, and the ten other armored cars of his guards began to roll.

Garcia took a breath in relief as the last truck left the plaza and headed north. He'd been slightly worried the Don would shoot the messenger of this strange news. He'd done it before. Wiping the nervous sweat off his brow, Garcia turned to head back upstairs and clean up the Don's leavings before he returned. The woman might even still be alive. What had been her name again?

 **.**

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Sergei Andropov wiped his sweating brow again and muttered a few more curses in Russian. He hated the heat in this fucking city. He hated this city, the madman's polyglot buffet of languages the rag-wrapped mass of people that filled it spoke, and the wretches that spoke it. He missed Russia. He missed _winter_ , God damn it. Cool, snowy winter, not this constant sodden tropical heat this damned city was always awash in. He missed speaking proper Russian, and speaking it to a properly beautiful Russian girl. He hadn't found more than a handful of former Russian Army men in his entire four years in Buenos Aires, but even their few faces were a welcome addition to his group of Don Barceló's Militia. Being able to talk to them reminded him at least a little of home. It kept the homesickness at bay a bit, and was one of the nice parts of being a platoon leader in the Militia.

His ears perked up as he heard the steady growl of a car's engine approaching the checkpoint his platoon was manning this morning. His eyes widened a bit as the amazingly clean and shiny Cadillac convertible purred towards the checkpoint with a complement of pretty women inside, not a man or a gun in sight. A nasty smile spread across his face. There were some other nice parts to being a Militia leader, too. He waved at the car to halt at the checkpoint and brought his AK-47 around to easy reach on his chest as he got ready to exercise one of those privileges right now.

His eyes narrowed a bit as the car came closer. There was a large sign fixed to the trunk of the car, advertising a 'FREE CONCERT'. The sign was, amazingly, in Russian. Did one of these women speak Russian? Was one of them _from_ the Motherland? That would be a rare treat. He hadn't seen a true Russian beauty in years. The driver had such wonderful blonde hair… she looked like a girl he'd known back in Chelyabinsk!

The car slowed to a halt right beside him. The stunning blonde in the driver's seat blinked impossible blue eyes right at him. "Good morning, officer. How can we help you fine men this lovely day?" She did speak Russian! Perfectly! And her voice was like music.

His intent rapidly shifted from 'inviting' her into the checkpoint shack with a half raised rifle to hesitantly asking, "H-hello, miss. I'm Sergei. What is your name?"

"Hello, Sergei," the woman said in perfect Russian. "I'm Ekaterina. We're going around the city telling everyone about the free concert we're putting on this Friday. We've got a sneak preview for all Militia members going on right now if you'd like to see what we're all about. Would you like to follow us back?"

Sergei could feel another prickle of sweat forming on his brow, but didn't want to even blink long enough to wipe it away. That would take away precious seconds from looking at Ekaterina and drowning in her eyes. Her Russian was even accented just like his, a faint rural tinge far from Moscow's standard. Wait, follow her back? Back where? "Follow you?" he mumbled.

"Yes, back to the Monumental Stadium. We've got all the free drinks and entertainments you could want, and if you boys come with us now, you get a sneak preview of what we have to offer; we've got a fleet coming in from Europe in two months, and there will be lots of room for anyone who wants a ride back when they go. Would you like to see the Motherland again, Sergei, to go home?" Her question was almost softly pleading.

Homesickness flared like a blast of heat in him. He swallowed. Go with her… er, them? Home? Yes, home sounded good. "Yes, let's go with you," his mouth numbly echoed. His head was buzzing. He looked around at his men. Several of them were likewise crowded around the car, talking to the other occupants. Most had a similarly unfocused look on their faces, matching his own. For some reason this failed to bother him. "Everybody mount up! We're following them to the Stadium." His men vaguely nodded, and they all began clambering into the checkpoint's motley collection of jeeps, pickup trucks, and his own HMMWV.

As his own vehicle rumbled to life and began to move out, Sergei briefly cast an eye at the radio mounted between the front seats. Should he report this in to his commanders? He dismissed it from his thoughts after only a moment. No, they didn't need to be disturbed by this. If it turned out to be nothing, they'd be upset at even mentioning it. Yes, he'd just see what it was first. And if there truly was a boat home to the Motherland in this somewhere, maybe he'd never have to report in at all. Home… so far away, he'd never thought he'd ever see it again… yes, home sounded good. Follow the pretty girl, Sergei… yes.

 **.**

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Senior Lance Corporal Wong looked back over the trunk of the Cadillac and nodded with approval. All four vehicles at the checkpoint were falling into line behind them, heading for the stadium. He turned back to the driver. "Good job, Ektheria. Looks like they all took the bait."

The Psi platoon Junior Private First Class at the wheel shrugged her shoulders and brushed one hand back through her long silver-white hair. "Between the pheromone cloud and the combined psi field we're putting out, I think I could have said I was Gorgoth the Devourer here to eat his soul, and he'd still have happily followed us back. Hitting him with the subsonics and pushing his homesickness and horny-lizard-brain buttons just made it simple. They were so bowled over, they didn't even notice most of us weren't _Homo Sapiens_ or female." She shook herself. "How many more of these patrols do we have to sweep up? The inside of that guy's head was _disgusting_."

Wong flicked his eyes over the map his interface band was projecting on the back of the seat in front of him. "Looks like this is the last one for our sector. Scout platoon has picked out a few more in other parts of the city, but they're not our problem. We get this band of thugs back to the stadium and let the rest of the company neuter them, and we've taken care of most of the local warlord's mobile forces in the city."

"Good. You don't want to know what that guy was thinking when he thought he saw just a carload of 'cute, defenseless girls' pulling up. Ick. I'll be glad when they're not in any shape to cause trouble anymore."

Sergeant Qwi!Tanak clacked her beak and ruffed out her crest in agreement. "We can probably guess, Private. Good job concealing us anyhow. The idea of some of them perving on me is halfway between funny and disgusting on its own. I lay eggs, for Lady's sake! Now floor it. The sooner we get these guys back to base, the sooner we can have lunch, and I'm starving."

"Roger, sarge." The Cadillac's V8 roared as she stomped on the gas. The militia trucks obligingly sped up to follow.


	26. Party At The Stadium

**A Crown of Stars**

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 **Part 48**  
 **Party At The Stadium**

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Shinji wiped away the sweat the morning sun was already spawning on his forehead and shook his head. He didn't know why Sergeant Bir had called the first song they'd taken off to 'classical'. German heavy metal hardly fit his definition of 'classical', especially a song called 'Engel'. Asuka had certainly gotten into it, though, headbanging along to the pounding beat. When he'd commented on the choice of music and requested real classical, they'd put on Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries' for their final approach to the battered cityscape of Buenos Aires.

"Gott knows I don't want to be an angel…" Asuka sang quietly next to him, still carrying the tune. "Heh. I like Sergeant Bir's choice of music. And properly German, too. Pity the band didn't survive the Second Impact on our world. I'd never heard of them before." She looked up at the enormous, slowly rotating holographic billboard hanging over the bulk of the Estadio Monumental Antonio Vespucio Liberti. "And it's pretty nice the way that holographic sign hides the mecha inside the stadium. I can't wait to properly impress the locals with _Red Whirlwind_ 's public debut flight."

The Imperial force had made the athletic fields and sports complex around the slightly dilapidated Argentine national stadium their new base. The lack of power, scattered garbage, and general air of abandonment made it clear that there hadn't been any other residents or sporting events at the costal complex since the Third Impact. No one had objected to or even seemingly noticed their midday arrival, thanks to the mecha's combined active holo-camouflage making them appear as nothing more than a shimmer in the air. One of the open fields near the stadium easily served as a new plot for their hangar, and they parked the mecha inside the walls of the stadium.

Now, after a few hours work had rendered at least a few of the buildings habitable again, they'd dispatched teams of soldiers out into the city designed to lure the local warlord's militia into their reach. Like flies to flypaper, it hadn't taken long before there was a growing motley collection of trucks, jeeps, and former military vehicles clustered around the stadium complex, and a likewise growing crowd of glassy-eyed militiamen being carefully relieved of their weapons and guided into a cordoned off section of the stands inside the stadium. Plentiful drugged food and drink kept them passive and easily suggestible. All Shinji and Asuka had had to do for the last couple of hours was stand by and watch their 'pit crew' conceal their mecha inside the stadium and listen to occasional status reports relayed through Ching.

Said Imperial Lieutenant walked over to them once more with another report. "Heads up, sir and ma'am. The king rat seems to have finally noticed all his men have suddenly become ardent football fans who don't answer their radios. Or maybe they finally noticed our subtle little ad campaign here. A convoy of military vehicles just left the Casa Rosada and are headed this way. ETA is fifteen minutes. Time for you two to get out of sight. Your Pilot suits stand out a bit, and we don't want anything too odd to distract him from Lieutenant Katsuragi's little routine."

"What about you, Ching? You're still in uniform. Isn't that going to look a little odd to him?" Asuka replied.

Ching smiled. She'd shown them another tiny stud on the underside of their uniform's collar that shifted it from 'low-grade dress uniform' to 'field' setting. The ribbons vanished, the rank insignia became smaller and subdued, and a lot more pockets appeared on now smeary camouflage fabric. Ching's Navy uniform wasn't quite the same as the rest of the Army ones, but it was still very noticeably a uniform in a place where it would surely stand out from the urban ruins and grubbily dressed people around them. "No worries, ma'am. I found some native disguise for my too lovely self to hide in. Check it out."

She unfurled a dingy bundle that she'd had under her arm, revealing a dirty, striped poncho and mashed up broadbrimmed hat. She pulled the poncho on over her head and added the hat. "Ta da! Thus I will just blend into the background, catching any of this lot who still have their wits about them. How do I look?"

"Like an extra from a bad Western," Asuka drawled. She shook her head. "Come on, Third. Let's find a spot we can watch from out of sight." She grabbed his hand and started to lead him up the ramp of the car park behind them. "The second floor of this thing ought to do it."

 _'_ _Four years after the end of the world, and somehow I'm still getting pulled along by Asuka while we're both wearing what are pretty much plugsuits,'_ Shinji mused. _'_ _Of course, there are some nice differences.'_ His eyes drifted downward. He'd always quietly enjoyed how Asuka looked in a plugsuit. Four more years of growing up had only made the view even nicer. A view that now sparked memories of last night and oh gods tonight they'd-

A view that suddenly got much closer as he walked right into the back of her when she stopped.

"Ow! Watch it, Third!"

"I'm sorr-"

"I bet I could fling you off this spot hard enough to hit the roof of that truck, Third Child. What gives?"

"Um… I wasn't watching where I was going?"

"….you were staring at my ass again, weren't you?"

"…yes?"

She smirked wickedly at him. "Good. But eyes up, we're on a mission. Playtime later." Asuka looked at her interface band. "Or… what the Hell, we've got at least five minutes before anything happens. C'mere." She grabbed his shoulders and yanked him into another intense kiss.

Shinji was all too happy to fall into the embrace, snaking his arms around her almost as fast as she did around him. They stumbled back a couple of steps before fetching up against one of the concrete roof pillars next to the low barrier overlooking the space between the car park and the stadium. Asuka's body felt warm and solid against him, pressed up against the pillar. He felt her right leg come up to wrap around his hip and pull him against her tighter.

It felt to him like only moments, but it had to have been a good bit more before a slightly awkward cough snapped the two of them out of their trance and got them to look around. Sergeant Bir stood a short distance away regarding them with some amusement. "We have got to stop meeting like this, Lieutenants. You two may start thinking of me as some terrible crimp on your relationship, or worse, a buzzkill. I really am sorry to interrupt."

Asuka sighed in annoyance. "Sergeant Bir, if I'm in command of this unit now, can I order you to go the Hell away and come back later?"

"Technically, yes, ma'am, but right now I think I should warn you that the local jefe's convoy is about to pull into our front yard, and you should probably put your game face on. Lieutenant _Katsuragi_ is the one who's supposed to be distracting them, not you."

Asuka just had time to nod before the deep rumble of multiple military-grade diesel engines could be heard approaching around the bend of the stadium. Asuka took a half-step back further into shadow and pulled Shinji by his arm with her. The column of heavily armed HMMWVs, guns pointing in all directions, screeched to a halt just below their position. A large, shaved-bald man with an extensive array of scars and tattoos quickly jumped out of the turret of the lead vehicle. He stood on the hood of the HMMWV and fired a burst from his sub-machine gun into the air as two-dozen equally heavily armed men piled out of the vehicles and took up a perimeter around him, glaring at everyone nearby, weapons raised and ready.

"I am Don Juan Ruiz de la Cruz Barceló, and this is my city!" he shouted. "Who the **fuck** are you people, and _what the fuck is that thing?!_ " he added, pointing to the holographic billboard silently rotating over the stadium. Shinji spared a moment's thought to be glad their interface bands could do on-the-fly translation of his Spanish and pipe the understanding of what was being said into their ears. The effect was a bit like hearing a running UN-style second voice translating everything for him. He still didn't know how he was supposed to _speak_ Spanish, but he could hear just fine.

The barrel of Don Barceló's gun sweeping back and forth in front of him stopped suddenly as he spotted a familiar face slouched in the shade of the stadium entryway. "Andropov, you fucking idiot! What the hell are you doing here?! Where are your men?!"

The blond Russian militiaman wobblingly stood up and sloppily saluted Don Barceló with his cup, managing to only spill a little in the process. "Hellllooo, Don, sir," he slurred in barely recognizable Spanish. "Theses nice ladies invited us to their party. My mens are inside having some drinks. They've got good stuff!" Sergei's sloppy grin went perfectly well with his agreeable nodding at his own cheerful announcement. His smile vanished as Don Barceló leapt down from the hood of the HMMWV, rapidly strode over to right in front of him, and then pistol-whipped him across the face with his gun. Sergei staggered back a couple of steps and dropped his drink. He brought his hands up to his now bleeding nose and looked at the Don in some confusion. "You hit me," he said in tones of drunken bewilderment.

"Of course I hit you, you stupid little shit! Do you think I'm a fucking psychic?!"

"Whuh...?"

"Do you think I'm a goddamn psychic?! Half my fucking men think it's time for a fucking _fiesta_ down at the football stadium, and _nobody reports it?!_ " He pointed at the floating billboard again. "And what the hell is that thing?! 'Free concert'?! Who the fuck is behind all this?!"

"That would be _me_ , Don Barceló," said a sultry voice in Japanese-accented Spanish from further in the darkened entryway behind them. Misato Katsuragi, wearing a tight chocolate-colored silk dress that would have gotten her arrested in some of the more polite parts of Tokyo 3, stepped from the shadows of the stadium's entryway into the daylight.

Shinji's hand tightened on Asuka's. This was the part of the plan he did not like. Misato-san had to put herself in a fair amount of danger to get close enough for what she was supposed to do. Sergeant Bir and the other Imperials had assured him they had plenty of contingency plans in case anything violent happened, but Shinji couldn't help feeling fairly apprehensive at someone he cared about being that close to a strange tattooed man who thought a burst of sub-machine gun fire was a good conversation starter. He had to bite down on a shout when the barrel Don Barceló's sub-machine gun swung around to point at her face. His lunge forward to grab the barrier was arrested by Asuka's firm grip. She muttered in his ear, "Don't move, baka! You'll blow this whole thing! She knows what she's doing." Shinji would have felt more reassured if he hadn't heard her immediately mutter, "I hope."

Misato's eyes widened a bit as the gun snapped towards her, but she betrayed no other signs of fear. "My name is Misato, Don Barceló," she said smoothly. "But you can call me whatever you want. We are part of a new group in town and we wanted to announce ourselves with a big splash. If you will follow me, I'll take you inside and show you everything."

"'Come into my parlour, said the spider to the fly'," Asuka muttered just loud enough for Shinji to hear. Misato made a half-turn away as if to lead him into the stadium entryway, but Don Barceló's other hand snapped out to grab her around the upper arm. He yanked her up against his body and pushed the muzzle of his gun up under her chin. Misato gave out an uncharacteristic squeal of distress and looked nervously down at the gun carefully without moving her head, her left hand flailing limply at the side of his neck.

"I don't think so, bitch," Don Barceló growled. "For some reason, I do not trust strange women who-..." the Don began, but trailed off to silence.

There was a brief, still pause where no one moved. Shinji watched Misato breathe a sigh of relief and turn her head towards Sergei, suddenly ignoring the gun still pressed underneath her chin. "Sergei, be a good boy and go back inside with the others and get another drink," Misato ordered him gently. Her head turned back as Sergei nodded his head agreeably and stumbled his way back inside the stadium. "Don Barceló? Lower your weapon and take your hand off my arm." Misato's hand stayed on the side of his neck, as if she was gently caressing it. The Don silently complied with her instructions. Misato gave a small nod and started to smile. "Good. Now that we're all friends here, listen carefully..." she said quietly, her fingers idly stroking the small, pulsing indicator light on the casing of the Imperial pacifier she'd carefully placed on his neck right below his ear.

Shinji sighed in relief and made himself relax his worried grip on Asuka's hand a bit. A flicker of motion out of the corner of his eye made him turn to see Sergeant Bir lowering the sleek pistol Shinji hadn't even seen him raise. Sergeant Bir noticed his look and tapped the pistol as he re-holstered it on his hip. "I told you we wouldn't let anything happen, Lieutenant. She's got the pacifier on him now. He'll follow whatever instructions she gives him and is no longer even capable of harming her."

They watched for a moment as Misato gave Don Barceló some specific instructions. When she finished, he turned and ordered his men to dismount, leave a minimum guard, and go inside to join the fiesta. A few of the more alert-looking guards gave him strange looks, but even they relaxed as he wrapped one arm around Misato's shoulders and smiled broadly. Misato gamely kept up the act, smiling and nodding right along with him. Shrugging his acceptance to his boss's odd orders, the commander of Don Barceló's guard company left a handful of guards with the vehicles as the rest trooped inside the stadium entranceway.

"Lieutenant Katsuragi and the Psi platoon will have them drugged up and handled in no time. A few 'free beers' offered by scantily dressed women will take care of those leftover guards. And on the off chance any of them are paranoid enough to turn those down, we'll congratulate them on their smarts and just nail them with the stunners," he continued. He raised his interface band and spoke into it. "Lieutenant Kaji, that's your cue, sir. Get your team in motion to the Casa Rosada and inform them of the change in city management."

Shinji couldn't hear Kaji's reply, but it satisfied Sergeant Bir. "We'll have a QRF on standby if you need backup, but there shouldn't be anything there your group can't handle, particularly Lieutenant O'Brien. Good hunting. Panther Seven out." He looked back up at Shinji and Asuka as he lowered his hand. "Once they've got ex-Don Barceló's command center, such as it is, occupied, that should put us in effective control of the city. Scout sections and some of the Support Platoon troops are taking control of the radio station and other city utility nodes, as much as are left. We're already tapped into the city power mains here, but they're dead. Doesn't look like there are any functioning power plants still feeding the city. Judging from the radiation scan we got when we passed the Atucha Nuclear Power Station on our way in, both reactor complexes fried themselves with a meltdown shortly after your Third Impact event. Pity, a working nuclear plant would have given us a power supply that could have simplified things here a lot. I'd rather not have to sideline one of our three mecha to use it as a power source, but that's an option. Maybe we can get one going out of some of our spare parts stockpile. Unfortunately, we didn't bring in a full spare engine for a _StarStrider_."

"Or an S2 Engine like they're using to power Berlin since we tore apart that Mass Production Eva during the coup," Asuka said. "Too bad we don't have one here. Maybe we can recycle the one in our MP Eva that's coming with the UN fleet. But that won't arrive for two months."

 _'An S2 Engine... wait...'_ Shinji thought. "What about the one in Eva Unit-01?"

Asuka and Sergeant Bir looked at him. "Eva Unit-01?" Sergeant Bir asked.

"Evangelion Unit-01. But you left it floating... Hell, I don't know where in deep space. Wherever it was that you recovered your mother that morning, Shinji," Asuka said.

"Rayana brought it back with us when we first ah... teleported, I guess, back from someplace past Mars. She said she was just going to leave it parked at the L4 point until we figured out what to do with it. It should still be there," Shinji said.

"And my _Red Whirlwind_ is more than capable of a little trip to deep orbit like that," Asuka replied, eyes narrowing in thought. "We could go retrieve Eva Unit-01 and bring it right back here. Then we could tap it's S2 Engine right here, correct, Sergeant?"

Bir nodded. "Yes, ma'am. The Support platoon shouldn't have much trouble getting some sort of patch set up to connect it to the city grid."

Asuka grinned triumphantly. "Well what are we waiting for, then? Come on, Shinji! Let's get into _Red Whirlwind_ and go grab your old clunker! We'll have the lights on in this city in no time!"

Shinji shrugged. "Better than just standing around here until Kaji and his team report back, I guess." _'_ _And that means we'll be alone in Red Whirlwind for hours. Spending time alone with Asuka is rapidly becoming my favorite thing anyway. Oh gods, I can't wait for tonight.'_ A grin threatened to take over his face again as Asuka grabbed his hand and led the way towards the ramp down.

 **.**

* * *

 **.**

Part 49  
 **It's Not Going To Be That Easy**

Shinji Ikari considered himself a relatively reasonable man, after all he'd been through. He tried to look at all the reasons why things happened, and find the core truth of any conflict he found himself faced with. Given the mind-breaking events he'd been central to already in his short life, he sometimes considered it rather an achievement that he wasn't locked in a rubber room and arguing with invisible rabbits already. He tried to maintain a 'there is a reasonable explanation for this' approach to everything he faced.

None of which really helped when he once again found himself piloting a _giant robot_ … _again_ …with his _girlfriend_ … correction, his **_lover_** , and heading into _outer space_ to recover his _previous_ giant robot so its _infinite power supply_ could be used to power an entire city back on Earth.

Some days Shinji was rather amazed he wasn't wearing a custom straightjacket.

Adding to today's weirdness, on top of all the aforementioned strangeness he was already engaged in, his as-of-yesterday-after- _years_ -of-longing lover was apparently trying to give him a _brainjob_.

The first time Shinji had been in _Red Whirlwind_ , Asuka had seemingly been flirting with him via the mecha's AI through the mental link. Her thoughts had felt red, spiky, and hot. Now he was no longer flailing in confusion, theoretically trained up on how to operate the mecha they rode in, and his sense of Asuka through the mental link was much more clear. And no less confusing.

Asuka was… _stroking_ him? Her mental impression kept warmly pulsing against Shinji over and over, undulating like an endless sea… or her supple body last night. He had distinct visual flashes of that image amidst the impressions of back-and-forth movement. It was… distractingly arousing. He tried to shake his head, to clear out the impression, but it just returned stronger than before. He clutched at the control grips and eyed Asuka's face through the comm window. The display was so sharp it was like looking though a gap in the air right into her face.

He tried to focus against the sensual, pulsating images that kept flooding at him across the link. "Asuka, what the heck are you doing?"

"Who, me, Shinji? I'm not doing anything. Just blasting into space in my unstoppable giant death robot with my boy toy. Just another day for the mighty and awesome Asuka Langley Sohryu." She grinned smugly.

 _'_ _I've been demoted from 'boyfriend' and 'lover' to 'boy toy'?'_ he thought. _'_ _Come on, Asuka. I'm not going to take a drop back like that sitting down. Alright, time for me to 'push back' again, I guess.'_ "Okay, fine. Take this…" He started to press back, carefully visualizing giving Asuka a slow, thorough back massage, fingers running up and down her back as lightly as possible.

Asuka jumped in the window, then her eyes slitted. She gave a very catlike purr. "Ooh, very nice, Shinji. So you can learn…"

"I'm not a complete baka, you know. I do pay attention sometimes. You know, like when a certain redhead actually _tells_ me something about what she's thinking."

"Yes, you are. Completely Baka-Shinji. You're a totally spineless marshmallow unless you're in an Eva. Or my new toy, it seems. Then all of a sudden you're a cocky jerk who's a lot more confident."

"We're both such different people in the cockpit, aren't we?" he asked, keeping up the push,

"Ummm?" Asuka vaguely responded, her eyes losing focus and her mental impression easing back, receiving and riding his push rather than sending into his.

He let a small smile creep onto his face. "I'm more assertive and confident, doing the one thing I know how to do well besides playing the cello. You're in your element, doing what you've trained for your whole life. We're both more…whole than we are on the ground. A weird statement on us, don't you think?"

"Mmmm… Stuff the psychoanalysis and keep doing what you're doing, Third. Mmm… Gott, yessss…" Her eyes started to close in pleasure.

Asuka's death glare at the flashing and beeping message alert was an impressive example even amongst the many he'd seen. Asuka's finger stabbed at the 'acknowledge' button like she was trying to kill it. "WHAT?!"

"Asuka? Ah… er… sorry, did I interrupt something?" Ching said from a new comm window.

"Ching! You… Gott damn it, you have shitty timing." Asuka buried her frustration and got a grip on herself. "What is it?" she bit out.

"Sergeant Bir just mentioned your trip to me, and I had a suggestion I think you should try out since you're up there already. Could you two kick in the jump drive on Red Whirlwind and head out-system for a few light-years? Try to contact the Empire once you're out that far, see if you can get through whatever is blocking us here."

He knew he shouldn't do it. But it was too much fun, and he was feeling a bit fired up from last night. Shinji sent a pulse through the link, the feeling of Asuka sinking on to him that first time.

Asuka's eyes went wide and her face red as she choked a reply back at Ching. "R-right! We'll… we'll do that. R-right away." He could feel her mingled arousal and annoyance through the link. He could almost hear the 'what are you, stupid?!' and indignant promise of revenge from Asuka. He smiled, adding in images of her bouncing on top of him last night.

Ching nodded. "Good. Let us know as soon as you get through if it works. Panther 5 out." Her window winked shut.

Asuka turned her glare on Shinji. "Gott damn it, Shinji! That wasn't funny! I'm trying to get rid of her and you almost made me c…." Asuka coughed in embarrassment. "Ahem, lose my composure."

Shinji smirked back at her. "Sorry. Next time I'll try harder. Can't have an 'almost' success on our record, can we?"

"I will get you for this."

"Promise?" His smirk faded as he thought over Ching's request. "You want to do that first? I think it will be easier to pick up Eva Unit-01 on the way back rather than try hauling it along."

Asuka looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded in agreement. "Yeah, let's try that first. Bringing the jump drive online. I'm aiming us just up and out of the plane of the system to just a couple of light-years out. Then we'll stop and try the comms."

"Roger. Ready when you are."

Shinji could hear the massive engines behind him spinning up, a nearly ultrasonic whine growing louder and louder. Asuka swung the nose of the _StarStrider_ around until Luna hung in his lower left field of view, with the blood-colored Ring of Souls arcing at an angle across the sky. She brushed the controls for the jump drive with her fingers and waited for the moon to shoot away from their sight as they were suddenly elsewhere.

And waited.

Asuka frowned in the comm window. She pressed the controls again more firmly, but the moon stayed right where it was and the halo of distortion from the drive his NILS training course on the mecha told him to expect did not materialize.

"Why isn't the jump drive engaging?" He asked her after a moment.

"I don't know. I'm doing everything right. Maybe we're too close to Earth's gravity well, though that shouldn't affect it… hmm. I'll move us out a bit on the regular drives and we'll try again." She tilted the flight stick in her right hand forward and shoved the throttle control joystick in her left all the way up. Luna quickly zoomed closer.

They were just past lunar orbit when they were both suddenly thrown briefly forward against their body harnesses before the inertial damper kicked in. Something had abruptly slammed them to a complete halt. Something octagonal that turned the forward view brightly orange.

Shinji's eyes widened and he gasped. "An AT-Field! How…?"

Asuka's eye's narrowed just as sharply. "I don't kn-…. ** _Wondergirl_** _,_ " she suddenly growled, her voice filled with loathing.

"What?"

"Who else could it be, Shinji? Who's the only entity left in this world who could do it? And who also has already demonstrated she's a _stupid fucking tight-assed little bitch who doesn't like me?_ "

Asuka swung the controls around again more viciously, trying to push through the AT-Field in their path. She revved _Red Whirlwind_ 's engines up higher and higher, pressing the mecha forward as strongly as she could, sliding them all around the limit of their advance. She got nowhere. The AT-Field blocking them was too strong for their own shields to erode to any useful extent. The immense orange octagons blocked them from getting any farther from Earth. Asuka snarled again in frustration and rage.

" _Gott damn you, you snotty fucking blue-haired prig!_ I say Shinji's mine, and you decide you're going to pass judgment on us all like a fucking half-assed tin-pot god? You just can't accept that this is what we _want_? You don't get to rule my life _you gigantic raging bitch_! Shinji's free to choose whoever he wants! You're just pissed _it wasn't_ _ **you**_ _!_ " she screamed at the throbbing orange glow.

 _'_ _Rei, why are you doing this?'_ Shinji thought. ' _Asuka's probably right about this being you, but why?'_ Realizing Asuka's verbal tirade likely wasn't going to stop anytime soon unless he made her, he decided to try giving her something else to focus on. "Asuka, stop."

"-gonna grab that Lance and shove it up your _ass_!" Asuka finally registered his voice and her eyes snapped back to his in the comm window. "What?! Why, Third?"

"I don't think you yelling at her is going to work. Let me try."

"Fucking _bitch_. Fine, go for it." Asuka ground out. She settled back into her harness and glared death at the glowing octagons.

 _'_ _Great. Now if only I had some idea of what to say, or confidence that she can hear me at all.'_ "Rei, are you there? Can you hear me?"

His only answer was silence. The AT-Field faded out, but only because they were no longer pressing forward against it. They hung in space, drifting slowly backwards from their last rebound.

"Rei, don't do this. We're trying to help people. I can do something to save lives! Don't stop us because you're angry at me or Asuka! Please!"

He tried every comm channel the system had, even the external speakers, likely useless in the vacuum. Nothing got a response. After several minutes of fruitless effort, Asuka stopped him.

"This is pointless, Shinji. It's pretty obvious Wonderbitch isn't listening. Fine. Let's go collect Eva Unit-01 and get back down where we can do some good. _She's_ not going to help us." The acid bitterness in her voice could have cut steel. She twisted the flight stick around.

 _'_ _Is she right? Are you doing this because of us, Rei? Trying to 'protect me' from Asuka?'_ The faint red sparkle of the Ring of Souls offered no answer as _Red Whirlwind_ swung back towards the L4 point.

 **.**

* * *

 **.**

There was one more unpleasant surprise waiting for them when they arrived at the L4 point. Collecting Eva Unit-01 was simple. Asuka shifted the _StarStrider_ back to humanoid mode and gathered the smaller Evangelion into their arms, cradling it in _Red Whirlwind'_ s arms like a child. But when Asuka reached out to grasp the slowly spinning Lance of Longinus, another angry orange octagon barrier sprang up before they could touch it. Asuka snarled another round of curses at Ayanami, and turned them back Earthwards.

With Eva Unit-01 acquired, they'd slowly descended on contra-gravity to gently place it in a giant throne-like seat in one end of the stadium. Asuka carefully guided their mecha back to its parking spot at the other end of the stadium, shut it down, and rapidly slid out the hatch on its back. She practically flew down the temporary gantry their pit crew had set up, and had reached the ground almost before Shinji could even pull himself out of his own hatch. Once on the ground, Asuka threw her half-helmet at the foot of _Red Whirlwind_ and resumed swearing at Ayanami with increasing inventiveness, pacing back and forth. When Shinji finally caught up with her she whirled on him, her eyes blazing with fury that was all too familiar from many previous encounters with Asuka's wrath.

"GRAAAH! The next time I get my hands on her, I'm going to belt her so hard they'll have to call it the _Fourth_ Impact! Who does that uptight bitch think she is?!" she shouted at him and the world in general.

 _'_ _At least this time it's not aimed at me,'_ Shinji tried to console himself. But now came the harder part: defusing the still exploding Sohryu. And he knew his track record on that was poor at best. Ok, so he was about zero for three hundred, but there was always next time, right? _'_ _Which would be right now. Great.'_ He squared his shoulders and prepared to stick his foot in his mouth.

"Asuka-"

"No. Don't even start, Third. I'm already _apocalyptically_ pissed at _her._ Don't even try to 'help' here, or I'm going to end up adding you to the target list. You _always_ manage to say _exactly_ the wrong thing. So just don't," she said, her voice suddenly icily calm.

Shinji tried to think fast. He was more than certain 'I'm sorry' would get him killed. And just about anything else he usually said to her when Asuka was in a mood like this was just the wrong thing, like she said… but he still _had_ to say something. It had just better be the _right_ thing this time.

"Asuka," he began. When her eyes narrowed dangerously, he hurriedly pressed on. "I'm with you."

She didn't rip his head off, but she didn't relax her fierce stare either. "Explain. Rapidly."

"I chose this. I chose this and I'm not giving it up." He carefully reached out and took Asuka's hand, which she allowed. "Yesterday was the best day I've ever had. We talked, really talked, we danced, w-we…" He blushed. "We did the other stuff… I'm not giving up on that. Rei will have to accept that this is what I want. I still feel something for her, but…if she's doing this because she's mad at you, she's wrong. This is my choice too, and I refuse to give it up."

Asuka gripped his hand back and appeared to calm down a shade from her boiling fury. "Pretty smooth, Baka-Shinji. Who are you and what having you done with the Third Child?"

"All that philosophy and logic is good for something, you know," he said, smiling slightly. The smile dropped away as he went on. "And she's not just affecting us with this. She's affecting everyone on the whole planet by being upset with us. That's just not right. So if you want to be mad at Rei, I'm not going to tell you you're wrong. I'm with you." The smile came back, stronger. "I'm yours until you say I can go, remember?"

Asuka colored a bit, this time not from anger. She looked away. "Baka."

She turned and started towards the tunnel off the field, pulling him along by their linked hands. "Let's go report this to the others. Come on."

 **.**

* * *

 **.**

"…so we headed back here. The pit crew is swarming over Eva Unit-01 right now, so they should be able to get it hooked up and producing power for us in short order. If the people in NERV-Berlin can hack it, I'm sure your people can figure it out."

Sergeant Bir and Lieutenant Leibshott wore matching flat expressions as Asuka finished her report, but nodded. Sergeant Bir ran a hand over his crew cut and rubbed the back of his head. "Well, we can try sending _Red Whirlwind_ back up tomorrow with just Lieutenant Leibshott at the stick. If it really is just about you and Ikari, maybe the Lieutenant alone can get through. Though judging by how hard and fast the portal was cut off here this morning, and what the Lieutenant remembers the Emperor saying about her apparently trying to prevent you from leaving that first time, I don't think we should get our hopes up. We've already had Lieutenant O'Brien try a few times to open a portal from this side. No joy. He says he can't even get any purchase at all. He had no luck on the mental or spiritual lines either, even just to get a message through. And if a Prince Of The Blood can't get even a crack from our end, we're down to either the Empire breaking through from their side or Ayanami dropping whatever this block is she's thrown up." Asuka was unsurprised at this point that he spoke perfectly fluent German. He looked at both of the Pilots and Ching. "I don't suppose any of you have a good idea what might get her to do that, or exactly why she's doing this in the first place?"

Asuka snorted. "Wondergirl is a sad, jealous bitch who can't stand seeing Shinji and I together."

Sergeant Bir raised an eyebrow at this. So did Ching. "Do tell," she said.

"When we had that little meeting yesterday, she was practically undressing him with her eyes. I told her to knock it off. _She_ said Shinji wasn't mine and that I didn't deserve him. That _she'd_ treat him better! Like Hell! I told her he was mine, that he loved me, but she…" Asuka broke off. _''_ _You do not love him. ..._ _I will not let you hurt him. That is all you have ever done to him_. _''_ She clenched her fists and tried not to grind her teeth. _'_ _Damn you, Wondergirl. I don't_ _ **know**_ _, Gott damn it! This just happened all of a sudden! Three days ago I hated him for all the times he'd failed me, but still wanted him to stay with me. Now… I don't know!'_ A nasty scrap of darkness deep in the back whispered _'_ _She's right. You don't deserve him. Worthless…'_

"Lieutenant Sohryu? Are you all right?" Ching asked.

Asuka shook herself. "I'm… fine. She said she would not tolerate Shinji and I together, or Shinji being taken where she couldn't see him. She was going to 'protect him', even from me, she said.

Sergeant Bir sighed and looked over at Ching. "Family squabbles are ever so much fun when one party has god-like powers." He looked back at the Pilots. "She's the one that was the trigger for the 'Third Impact' event, controlled Instrumentality, et cetera, correct?"

Shinji blinked. "Yes. How did you know?"

Bir nodded towards Ching. "Lieutenant Leibshott has been filling me in on the recent history of your world, with some help from Lieutenant Katsuragi. She's taken pains to stress that she was only telling me what was operationally necessary, and was keeping back sensitive details that pertained to you two for both professional and personal reasons." He threw a wry look at Misato, who was pretending to study the map on the battle table's display. "Although Lieutenant Katsuragi was only too happy to offer her own observations and speculations on that front at times. Some of them were very exotic and creative."

Asuka glared at Misato, who gave her a cheerful and unrepentant smile. "I wonder if I can get Kaji to spank you for that."

"Oooh, promise?" Misato cackled in response.

Asuka rolled her eyes. "Ignore everything she said. Beer-soaked crazy talk, all of it, I'd bet."

"I'm shocked! You mean you and the First Child _weren't_ sleepover buddies and pen-pals?" Ching asked with a smile.

"And I'm sure the part about you both flashing the penguin was completely unintentional, no matter what Lieutenant Katsuragi says," Sergeant Bir said.

Asuka met Shinji's equally nonplussed look for a second, and then turned back to Sergeant Bir. "Ahem… er, yeah, total nonsense."

"Don't worry, Lieutenant. I kept her from getting too silly," Ching added. "Sergeant Bir is tracking on the Angels, the players involved, and the relevant parts of the Third Impact. Your personal business I kept out of it as much as possible." She looked down at her interface band. "In any case, it's getting on time for you two to be back aboard your ship so you can be seen for the evening. You should head off for the night, and we'll see you back here right after breakfast tomorrow."

Asuka gave Misato one last dirty look before nodding to Ching. "Right. I think I've had about enough crazy for one day as it is. You've got the watch until then, Lieutenant Leibshott?" At Ching's nod, Asuka took Shinji's hand again and started to lead him towards the transport pad. "We'll see you guys tomorrow. Goodnight." She tapped her band and they were elsewhere.


	27. Kung Fu Flirting Redux - Judge & Jury

**A Crown of Stars**

 **.**

* * *

 **.**

 **Part 50**  
 **Kung-Fu Flirting Redux**

* * *

.

Even once they were alone in their cabin aboard ship, Asuka could not relax. She'd been snappish and curt to the few crew of the ship they'd seen when they picked up dinner trays, and even after the poor meal could not sit still. Her anger at Ayanami kept her practically bouncing off the walls. She ended up pacing back and forth in the limited space until Shinji had looked up from a virtual book on his interface band to ask if she'd like him to play something on his cello for her.

She'd almost leapt on the offer, and now tried to cool her jangling nerves by lying on the bed as he played a nice Beethoven piece for her. She did feel calmer listening to the smooth, somber notes of his playing. His music always soothed her. Peaceful memories of lying in her bed in Misato's apartment listening to him play had been one of the few pleasant things she'd held to her heart to comfort herself with in the darkest days of her time as Winthrop's plaything, though even now she could hardly think of anything that would make her actually tell Shinji that. Somehow, even after what they'd already said to each other, sharing the fact that memories of him had been her lifeline in her worst days still felt like exposing too much of a vulnerability. And even at the moments it didn't, all the unresolved and unforgiven anger she still held towards the Third Child would come rushing in to swamp any thinking that she might.

When he reached the end of the piece, Shinji paused and looked up at her to see if she wanted more. Asuka did feel calmer, but the line of thought she'd been following wouldn't let go. She knew this was something they'd have to face, and letting it fester would just taint what happiness she might have enjoyed until she did. She didn't want to just throw something like this out between them after the great day they'd had yesterday, but the day had already been brought down from the sunny start it had had when they were cut off from the Empire by Wonderbitch. She gave herself a mental shake, and decided it might as well be now. She rolled onto her side and looked Shinji right in the eye.

"I still hate you, you know," she said quietly, almost emotionlessly.

Shinji jerked his head back in surprise. But after a few seconds of shocked silence, his expression changed to sad understanding. He just nodded at her.

"You're mine and I want you right next to me… but I'm still so angry you weren't there too many times before, that you didn't have the guts to do this years ago. You confuse me, Th- Shinji. One minute you're a spineless wimp that makes me sick to be around, then you tell me… you love me… but there's still so much to forgive."

"I know," he said just as quietly.

"'I know'?" Asuka said after a minute dragged on with nothing further from him. "That's all?"

"What do you want me to say, Asuka? I know all too well how much pain I caused you too many times. My paralysis cost you your life. I…" His eyes dropped away from hers for a moment, but came back after a visible struggle. "You want me to protest? Claim its unfair? Yell at you that you've done just as much to me? I'm well aware of my sins."

 _'_ _Yes, damn it. Fight back at me, Shinji! Don't be a Gott damn doormat! Push back at me! Look at me!'_ "Haven't I? Done as much?"

"You didn't decide to end the world, Asuka. I did."

"And then you pulled back. And are you going to try and tell me with a straight face that I didn't contribute to your choosing that at first? I'm the one who said 'No' when you asked… begged for help."

He stared at her with that oddly intense look again. It made her wonder if she'd said something that would finally bring out the Pilot Ikari who she saw through the comm window, the cocky and determined Evangelion Pilot who hammered Zeruel into submission, who rode unafraid with her into Gaghiel's jaws, who caught and held the plunging Sahaquiel by himself until she and Ayanami helped kill it. That she'd finally be face-to-face in the flesh with the boy who'd leapt into a volcano without a moment's hesitation to save her, instead of forever seeing him only on the other side of a comm screen into a Entry Plug. She really wanted to finally meet him…

He had that same steady gaze as he looked at her now, even as his voice had a note of confusion. "Asuka… are you… trying to take some of the blame for what came next?" He looked at her like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

 _'_ _Am I? What the Hell_ am _I asking here?_ _ **Why**_ _the Hell am I asking this?'_ "You can't tell me what I said wasn't the straw that broke the camel's back, can you? You… Why don't you hate me back? I hurt you more than anyone. Why don't you hate me?"

"You touched my face."

She just stared at him. Neither of them liked to bring up the memory of that blood-colored beach. As her vicious, panicked reaction in their first judo match had shown them both, the scars from that awakening still lingered raw and fresh, even years later. So why…?

After a second he went on, seeing she was still looking for him to explain. "You touched my face… Yes, it hurt so much it pretty much broke my mind when you said that. I was in the middle of _choking you to death_ , nothing left in me but rage and pain… and you touched my face. One little caress. You… Asuka, no one, _no one_ had ever acknowledged my pain like that before. You… understood. And showed that you felt it. At my lowest point… I… don't think I could ever hate you again after that, no matter what." His look softened a little, a tiny smile forming. "Plus there's the part where you're the stunningly beautiful, incredibly brilliant, amazing girl of my dreams that I'm in love with…"

"Baka. Of course I am." Asuka tried to preen like she used to, but found her heart wasn't in it. It was different, knowing he utterly truly _meant_ it. Now hearing something like that was almost terrifying.

"You break me open, Asuka. Nobody gets at me like you. I… I charged at the 12th Angel because you challenged me. I don't think I'd have managed half of the things I did fighting the Angels without you pushing me. I can be angry with you for hurting me, but I can't hate you. You challenge me…. you make me move. I threw in with the coup because of you, because of what the world I was responsible for was doing to you. You practically had to beat me over the head to get me to do it, but you got me to fight in Berlin because you reminded me I owed you a life. You got me to finally tell you how I felt about you. I asked you to dance because you made me _want_ to. You tell me I can't be nothing because you won't have it… and that works. I'd probably still be sitting on that beach if not for you."

 _'_ _And you, Third Child, keep doing things like this. You used to be so easy to is not what I expected. I just wanted to remind you and myself that there's still a lot of blood and problems between us. Instead I got… this.'_ Asuka noticed for the first time her breath was heaving and her heart was pounding. She couldn't tell if she wanted to throw a punch at him or drag him down onto the bed and rip his clothes off. She was furious at him, furious at Wondergirl, she wanted him, she wanted to apologize to him, she wanted to cling to him and demand love and reassurance. The net result of all the swirling emotions left her paralyzed on the bed, watching him.

His right hand was starting to do his pre-battle rhythmic clenching, and she could almost sense the nervousness increasing in him, but he still kept that steady look on her. "I… want to apologize… for balking during the fight in Berlin. I almost made the same mistake again, letting my own selfishness dump the burden of my choices on others. I don't want to risk hurting civilians, so I was ready to give up and let a war go on that would hurt even more, but as long as it wasn't _directly_ on my hands, it was ok…" He sighed. "I never liked being a Pilot, Asuka. I truly hated it after what happened to Touji. And then there was the Third Impact… I don't like hurting people, Asuka, and I hate even the thought of killing. I had too much innocent blood on my hands already. I didn't want more. But you were right. Putting my personal conscience above what it would cost… especially that it would cost you… you knocked me out of it. It was the fact it would hurt you that tipped it. Thank you."

 _'_ _Selfish mistakes, Shinji? I almost made you end the world because I didn't believe you really wanted to reach out to me. Then I gave myself to Winthrop to save my own neck and damn yours. I almost killed myself because I couldn't stand the pain of watching my mother die_ _ **again**_ _and the endless strain of waiting for the day BABYKA decided I was a threat to security and shot me. If I'd succeeded, I'd never have seen Mama again. You stopped me.'_ But aloud she only growled, "If we hadn't been soaking in LCL, I'd have knocked it out of you directly, Third." She tried to sound flippant. "You're going to be right next to me from now on, so you'd be risking me again. Don't do that again. But don't worry. I'm always willing to beat some sense into your thick head."

"Even I get a hint eventually. Especially when you hit me over the head with it."

She smirked at him. "Or throw you across a judo mat?"

"That worked too. I think I just kind of sat there for about an hour before I could even move."

"Aww, did I break something?"

"Just my brain." He looked out the tiny porthole over her head in the wall above the bed at the full moon. "And now Ayanami is breaking my heart."

Her face twisted back into a scowl. "Good job, Third. You were doing so well in getting my mind _off_ Wonderbitch."

"I'm sorry. It's just… there was a time when knowing Ayanami cared about me this much would have made me happy. It would have been something I welcomed. Now… I don't know whether to be angry at her for putting us all in danger or sad that she just doesn't understand. I wonder if she even can," he said sadly.

Asuka rolled her eyes a bit. "Well she damn well better _learn._ We need to talk her into stopping this shit and soon, because I just claimed you and I'm not just giving you up on _her_ say-so. You're mine." _'_ _Don't love him… don't deserve him…'_ echoed Ayanami's voice in her head.

She shook her head once, sharply, then re-locked eyes with Shinji. He was still looking at her that way… She'd never had this Shinji in front of her in person before. Maybe it was time to take a chance herself. Years of reflexive fear keeping anyone from knowing what she was really thinking warred with the desire broken loose by the last couple of day's shocks to tell Shinji things she'd had on her mind for years, and lost. _'_ _Come on, Sohryu. Take the chance for once in your life!'_ She cleared her throat nervously.

"I… after you came back from being stuck inside Eva Unit-01 for a month, I saw you and Wondergirl at the train station. You were talking with her, looking at her, and… you looked happy. I… I thought I'd… 'lost' you to her. I think… I think that's where it started to go bad for me. It made me depressed, my synch rate started to drop, which made me feel worse, which accelerated it… a nice little vicious feedback cycle. And then even she passed my synch rate…. _Gott_ , I hated her then. Surpassing me at Piloting, the thing that defined my life… taking you away from me… I didn't even realize how much I _wanted_ you until then… That's why I told her to stop looking at you like that. I couldn't stand the idea of it all happening _again_. You're mine. Not hers."

Shinji looked at her with more than a little surprise, like the notion that she'd wanted him back then was almost too foreign to contemplate. Unable to say anything to that, he answered instead about Ayanami. "I'd always felt a connection with her. She was someone who I… I wasn't scared to talk to. You… I remember that conversation at the train station, it was right after I left the hospital. You know what I was talking to Rei about?"

"What?"

"You."

Asuka blinked.

Shinji continued. "I was asking her about you, where you were. I… you were there when I woke up after coming out of the 12th Angel, even if you were sort of hiding in the hallway. It made me laugh." He smiled softly. "I was wondering why I didn't see you this time, after I'd been gone so much longer. I… wanted to see you."

Asuka winced internally, then lashed out. "Gott damn it, Third! Why didn't you say something?! " she barked at him.

Shinji responded to her anger by heating up a little himself. "Why didn't _you_?! I was scared to say anything to you, Asuka! You were so damn _alive_ , so beautiful, it scared me to try even talking to you beyond plain day-to-day stuff!" He broke off, and looked away. "Asuka, you are the most beautiful girl I've ever met. I was afraid to touch you, talk to you, because I always felt like everything we said to each other had so much more _weight_ than talking to anyone else that it was like a mine field. I was so attracted to you, but I had no idea what to do about it! It almost _hurt_ to look at you, live with you every day, and not have you. When you kissed me, I was scared! I wanted more so bad I froze because I was scared of doing anything that might stop it!"

His anger blew itself out as quickly as it had arisen. His eyes lost the steady look and started to dart away from hers. "You were a fireball of confidence and energy, and I was nothing, nobody, just Baka-Shinji."

 _'_ _No, damn it. Not now.'_ Asuka could see his eyes starting to drop away, the forceful Pilot Ikari fading back into the doormat 'Baka-Shinji', and hated it. She finally had the Ikari she'd wanted to meet in front of her. She wasn't going to let him slip away. She could hardly deny that having _this_ Shinji within arm's reach was at least as much a part of what was making her heart pound as the anger was.

He turned away to place his cello in its case. When he turned back around she grabbed his hand hard enough to make his eyes widen again. "No. I told you none of that, Ikari. You're not 'nothing' to me, and I'm not… perfect." _'_ _Worthless…'_ She ignored the voice and pushed on. "I want you, _this_ you, right here. The Shinji who jumped into Mount Asama to save me, not the wimp who folded up when I was fighting for my life. I want the Shinji who wants me, who loves me, and can say it to my face. If I'm going to be in command of this forlorn hope while we take on the whole world, I'm going to need you to be a damn _hero_ , the one I know you can be at the most irritating of times. _That's_ why you annoy me so much, Third. I _know_ you can be. I've seen you do it! You were everything I could want last night. That's why it _pisses_ me off when you don't! So you'd better be everything I've _seen_ you be, or I'm going to _make you_ into a hero!"

Shinji would have taken a step back, but her ironclad grip on his hand didn't loosen a hair. He settled for a wide-eyed stare at her panting lips and heaving chest. It took a moment before he could tear his eyes away from that last distracting location and meet her gaze again. "'Make me into a hero'?" he asked, his voice hovering between indignation at her accusation and curiosity. He tried to pull his hand away, but her hand only tightened. His eyes narrowed. "Do I get any say in this?" he asked, anger rising a bit in his tone. His pulling suddenly became a jerk, and he spun her around until her arm was pulled up behind her. "I don't even get to decide who _I_ am?"

Asuka tried to suppress the sharp grin that curled her lips for a moment, then abandoned the effort. _'_ _If you can find the spine to push back against me that much, so much the better, Shinji.'_ She swung her legs up and used the close wall of their small cabin as a springboard to launch herself over his shoulder, breaking free of his grip in the process. She kicked at the back of his knee to drop him, but he'd already begun to turn and dodged the blow. They both brought their hands up into guard positions.

She licked her lips and grinned. _'_ _Yes yes yes yes!'_ "You said you wanted to be the man who could stand beside me, Third Child. I choose that Shinji too. So I'm going to help _push._ I'm the Great Asuka Langley Sohryu, and I won't accept anything but the best! So if I want my _boyfriend_ to be a hero…" Asuka surprised him by quickly moving inside his guard as they circled around each other, grabbing his left wrist with her right hand. "He's damn well _going_ to be!" She suddenly yanked on his hand and rolled him around on her hip as she pivoted, throwing him onto the bed. He landed with a thump, blinking in surprise as she followed it up with a leap that landed her astride him.

She lightly grabbed the sides of his head and lowered her face to within inches of his, staring hard into his eyes. And for once, he was staring back at her just as hard, his eyes blazing at her like burning pieces of deep ocean. She grinned wider. "And that goes _double_ for my lover, Shin- _chan_. You think you've got the guts to fight me, you go right ahead and try. By all means, _push back._ Now shut up and kiss me." She shivered as she felt his hands come up to grip her waist and dig in, almost as much from the fire in his look. _'_ _Oh, it is_ so _nice to finally get to meet you, Shinji Ikari.'_ Their lips met, and her worries and fears fled for the night.

 **.**

* * *

 **.**

Part 51  
 **Judge & Jury**

+++++++++++++++++++

Asuka didn't want to get up. She was warm, _almost_ satiated, relaxed, had had nothing but pleasant dreams, and was wrapped around someone who loved her. She was happy. And thanks to the past several years of her life, she had the inescapable feeling that once she opened her eyes, something was going to happen that day that would rob her of just as much happiness as she was now feeling. Since she was feeling fucking _great_ , she knew that meant somehow today would be terrible. She felt the persistent darkness deep inside her welling up again. The universe didn't want her to be happy.

Drowsy anger bubbled up within her in response. _'_ _Well,_ _fuck the universe, then. Especially Wondergirl. I'm going to be happy just to spite_ her _, if nothing else. And if the nights are all like the last two, I think I've got a good base for that.'_ Last night had been even more fun than the one before; this time they'd both been sober, fully aware of what they were doing from the moment they started, and eager. Even the awkward nervousness Asuka had been half-fearing would come had been washed away at her excitement at finally being face-to-face with the Shinji she'd seen for so long only in a combat situation. He'd met her aggressively, almost angrily. She'd responded just as hard. It had been _wonderful._ She finished her thought with a nasty grin. _'_ _Hey, if Wondergirl is practically Gott around here now, I wonder if she_ saw _us last night? Ha! I hope she did, and got good and jealous. Up yours, First Child. I hope you were watching, and saw everything you're_ _ **never**_ _going to get. He's_ _ **mine**_ _.'_ She burrowed her face into his shoulder and smiled to herself. _'_ _Just a few more minutes.'_

Moments later, her interface band began to buzz the alarm she'd set. She grimaced. ' _No more time for lounging in bed, damn it.'_ She was already missing Avalon's much longer nights. They'd had to stop themselves enjoying each other for sleep after just _three_ measly hours! She sat up and nudged Shinji, who was already blinking his eyes open. "Come on, Third. Time to be seen, then get on back to saving the world."

"Why does saving the world always seem to involve me having to get up annoyingly early?" Shinji grumbled. He sat up beside her and swung his legs out of bed. "I can pick up the breakfast trays for both of us if you don't want to have to sit through the meal and go on ahead without me," he said as he reached for a set of pants and a shirt.

Asuka smothered a unhappy yowl from a part of her she didn't want to look at too closely which didn't like that idea at all, and merely said, "I let you out of my sight and I'm half-certain Wondergirl will try to kidnap you or beam you to the dark side of wherever she's hiding. No way. Let's just go eat in a hurry and get out of here. At this hour there shouldn't be enough people to make it truly irritating." She finished settling her A10 band into her hair. "Then we can get back to our friends and find out what new disaster today probably already has in store for us." _'_ _And you can just_ choke _on this, First Child. I didn't let dying alone in battle,_ _ **your**_ _Third Impact, or life after the end of the fucking world beat me. I'm not going to lose to_ _ **you**_ _.'_

+++

Their awakening and departure from the UN fleet were timed off of the local breakfast time, still matched to an hour ahead of Greenwich Mean Time, but that translated to an arrival between three and four in the morning at their base in Buenos Aires. Asuka knew Ching would be awake on watch, but she was still a little surprised to find her friend not just awake but waiting for them at the battle table at attention. She even gave Asuka a precise salute as they walked off the transport pad.

"Good morning, ma'am. I'm afraid we have a situation that falls on you to make the call. You're not just the commander at the moment, you see. As Auxiliary Officers and the top local officials in contact with the Empire, you're also the highest judiciary authority on this planet at this time, as far as Imperial law is concerned. So any judicial questions also fall under your survey."

"What are you talking about?" Shinji asked, puzzled.

Asuka's mind was already racing ahead. "You've come up with some sort of legal issue since this afternoon? What happened? What kind of situation could you have come up with since we left that demands us to act as judges?"

Any further questions by the two Pilots were interrupted as a bloodcurdling scream echoed through the hangar from the direction of the Monumental Stadium. Ching just nodded in the direction it had come from. "That situation."

+++

The thrashing body of the large man writhing on the floor of the cage was difficult to identify as the same person as the man who'd rolled up to their base waving a submachine gun and claiming he ruled the city, but the tattoos and scars left little doubt. And they were all too easy to see.

"Why is he naked?" Shinji asked. His face was screwed up in a mask of confusion and horror.

The former Don Barceló had not stopped screaming, thrashing, and weeping since they'd entered the stadium stands where their growing collection of prisoners were being held. The object of their inspection lay on the floor of a metal cage sitting just in front of the area holding his former soldiers. He was stripped bare, and was covered instead in copious amounts of sweat, vomit, and blood. Asuka steeled herself to look a bit closer in the wan light thrown by the glow of the still spinning holographic sign over their heads.

 _'_ _Yup, he's actually_ crying _blood.'_ "I'm going to guess he's naked because the way he's carrying on, he's already puked, shit, and pissed all over himself, and it's just easier to hose him off this way?" she asked at Ching, who nodded.

"But _why_ is he doing this? Why is he screaming?" Shinji asked.

"We let him scream both to drive home the lesson to the others, and because it lets him vent enough of the stress to avoid him going into cardiac arrest too easily," Ching said levelly. "As to why he's doing this? Well, seems he was a very bad man."

Asuka tore her eyes away from the former warlord of the city and stared at her friend. "Explain."

Ching again pulled herself to attention. "Ma'am. Lieutenant Kaji and party reported back from the Casa Rosada about an hour after you'd left. They'd finished taking control of the city apparatus, such as it was, and had started checking out the rest of Don Barceló's headquarters. And they found… his harem and dungeon, I guess you'd call it. Most of the women were in pretty bad shape. The survivors, anyway. Lieutenant Kaji asked for medical assistance as quickly as possible, so Lieutenant Horaki took most of her people from the Medical platoon over there. She came back several hours later and had a long talk with me. She was pretty shaken up by what she'd seen, but you'd be proud of her, she kept it together and did her job. They managed to save most of the ones that were still alive when they got there."

Ching's calm report had caused Shinji to slowly turn and rest his horrified gaze on her. "What?"

"He seems to have made quite a hobby of doing absolutely medieval things to women for his entertainment. There was a collection of instruments and devices in his nest that would have done the Spanish Inquisition proud. We recovered six bodies and thirty five survivors from his rooms at the Casa Rosada, along with plenty of evidence that they were far from the first victims. He's been in charge of Buenos Aires for the last three years, and it looks like he started in on this a while back," Ching said, her voice cool and professional, but Asuka could easily hear the undercurrent of razor-edged anger.

Asuka looked back at the shuddering man in the cage with new disgust. Winthrop had never been nearly that bad, but he hadn't gone out of his way to stop that sort of thing amongst his underlings either. He only intervened in their 'private amusements' if they began to threaten the UN-Warden power structure. And then there was the way he'd treated her for so long, always making it clear he'd have her shot without losing a moment's sleep if he thought she was even possibly a 'problem'. She'd also heard very, very quiet rumors of how things were in the Russian and Chinese Warden's seats of power that sounded like this. She felt no sympathy for Don Barceló. She'd been on the receiving end of people too much like him. "So what is happening to him right now, then?" she asked.

"Karma," Ching replied, some satisfaction seeping into her tone.

Asuka raised an eyebrow and gestured for her to go on.

"Standard preliminary punishment under Imperial law in cases like this. Psi platoon put him into a memory fugue state with a little aid from some past-viewing wormholes. He's now reliving every rape, torture, and murder he's ever committed, from the victim's point of view, including sensory feeds. And too bad for him, it looks like there were a lot of them. He's been going steady like this for nine hours now." She pointed to a small blinking module on the other side of his neck from the pacifier. "The pacifier is a redundant safety at this point, and the medical clip there will prevent him from passing out or dehydrating. Wouldn't want him to find any escape by those means from his just desserts."

Shinji's stare drifted mechanically back to Don Barceló. "How… how long will…"

Ching shrugged. "Hard to say exactly. He's been ruling this city for most of the time since people started drifting back from the Ring of Souls, and he seems to have indulged his 'habit' more days than he didn't. Several hundred victims, sometimes hours each… he could be like this for several weeks, months probably, if you just let it run."

Asuka nodded in grim satisfaction. _'_ _I almost wish I could bring Winthrop back so I could make him suffer this treatment.'_ She turned towards Shinji to voice the thought… and stopped.

Shinji was staring at Don Barceló like a man watching a car crash. "Months?" he asked quietly.

Ching nodded again. "Yes, sir. The end of the first run through will probably take at least that long."

Shinji's eyes widened a little more. "'First run through'? How many times are there going to be?"

"Until all the ghosts are satisfied?" Ching shrugged. "That's really up to you two, sir. He could go as long as you want him to. You two are the court here." She paused and pursed her lips slightly. "Well, technically, Lieutenant Sohryu is the commander and has final say, but I _strongly_ recommend as both your executive officer and your friend that you both be in agreement on this, considering how things between you have changed over the last couple of days."

 _'_ _Which means as much as I may be fine with leaving him like this until the sun burns out, Shinji probably won't be quite as open to the idea, so I'll have to throttle it back a bit. But there's only so much I'm willing to give on that, even for him. This man is even worse scum than Winthrop. He just doesn't have access to an N2 mine stockpile, thank Gott. So I'm going to have to push for as much as Shinji will stomach,'_ Asuka thought. Aloud she said, "I'm not unhappy with leaving him like this for the time being. He's earned every second of this. Let him have a full run through for every woman he did this to and then hang him or something. What do you think, Shinji?"

Shinji kept staring at him. "I… don't know. I don't like to hurt people, you know that…" He trailed off, sounding uncertain.

Asuka's eyes narrowed. "Shinji, as someone who until a few days ago was convinced she'd been raped hundreds of times for years on end, I am just fine with scum like this suffering every memory of pain he's inflicted on others. He's not getting anything he didn't earn. I am just fine with hurting people like the ones who hurt me. "

Shinji jerked. His right hand stopped its rhythmic clenching and balled into a fist held tremblingly tight. "I… have to go think," he said in a strangled voice.

"Fine, we'll go find some place to…"

"Alone," he said in a harsh, angry voice. Shinji suddenly sprinted off down the stairs away from her and Ching.

Hand half raised, Asuka stood frozen in shock. He was running away. Again. He was running from her… leaving her. _'_ _I… no!_ _ **NO!**_ _'_ But only a tiny, whispered "Wait…" escaped her lips.  
Ching's hand on her shoulder halted her before she could start running right after him. "Let him go, Asuka," she said gently. "I think he needs to think something over without you seeing him do it."

"What? Why?" Asuka asked plaintively.

"One of the same reasons you wanted to be alone after the 15th Angel, I think. No one likes to come to uncomfortable realizations about themselves, and even less so in front of someone they care about. I think something about what you just said struck Shinji pretty hard." She tugged Asuka in the other direction. "Come on. Let's get back to the command pit and get some coffee. I think we should talk too." She spared a last disgusted look at the thrashing prisoner. "And you stop shouting so loud. You're disturbing the commanders."

Asuka ignored him as his cries dropped from shouts and howls to a quieter but more desperate begging for the Mother of God to help him. She fell into step with Ching as she led her away from the cage. His frantic babbling, filled with indescribable pain, followed them down the concrete hall.

Asuka tried likewise to ignore the matching echo that was beginning to rise from her own heart.

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 **Author's Note:** Sorry for the long delay, everyone. Regular updates will resume, and I've nearly got the end done.


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